Fundie parenting is narcissistic

[ILoveJellybeans]

A friend on Facebook linked to this article about children of narcissists, and reading through it, it sounds a lot like how fundies raise their children. Not surprising seeing as I am certain Michael Pearl has some form of personality disorder, with the way he speaks about other people and how he lacks the empathy necessary to not beat the shit out of a baby.

http://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress ... c-parents/

3, 4 and 6 are the ones we see often in fundie parenting.

They terrorize their children by threatening them and shaming them, not only with physical violence but with scary things such as Hell and death. They also see their siblings being beaten.

4. Isolating

A parent who abuses a child through isolation may not allow the child to engage in appropriate activities with his or her peers; may keep a baby in his or her room, not exposed to stimulation or may prevent teenagers from participating in extracurricular activities. Requiring a child to stay in his or her room from the time school lets out until the next morning, restricting eating, or forcing a child to isolation or seclusion by keeping her away from family and friends can be destructive and considered emotional abuse depending on the circumstances and severity.

•leaving a child unattended for long periods

•keeping a child away from family

•not allowing a child to have friends

•not permitting a child to interact with other children

•rewarding a child for withdrawing from social contact

•ensuring that a child looks and acts differently than peers

•isolating a child from peers or social groups

•insisting on excessive studying and/or chores

•preventing a child from participating in activities outside the home

•punishing a child for engaging in normal social experiences

Fundies do pretty much all those...

6. Exploiting

Exploitation can be considered manipulation or forced activity without regard for a child’s need for development. For instance, repeatedly asking an eight-year-old to be responsible for the family’s dinner is inappropriate. Giving a child responsibilities that are far greater than a child of that age can handle or using a child for profit is abusive.

•infants and young children expected not to cry

•anger when infant fails to meet a developmental stage

•a child expected to be ‘caregiver’ to the parent

•a child expected to take care of younger siblings

•blaming a child for misbehavior of siblings

•unreasonable responsibilities around the house

•expecting a child to support family financially

•encouraging participation in pornography

•sexually abusing child or youth

And some of these too

Theres also this one

•teaching racism and ethnic biases or bigotry.

[lizziesmom]

I don't think the last two under exploitation happen in fundie families. At least, not that we know about.

[ILoveJellybeans]

No, of course not. Not in all anyway, I guess it happens in some...but I highlighted the ones that apply. Obviously you can abuse your kid and parent them badly without sexually abusing them.

[Full enough quiver]

There's definitely emotional incest going on in some fundie families. Their obsession with sex, and all the focus on daughters pleasing daddy, and daddy keeping their purity can't be healthy. This is grooming behavior, whether it leads to actual touching or not. I think giving a child a warped view of sex is sexually abusive.

[VolgarTheViking]

There's definitely emotional incest going on in some fundie families. Their obsession with sex, and all the focus on daughters pleasing daddy, and daddy keeping their purity can't be healthy. This is grooming behavior, whether it leads to actual touching or not. I think giving a child a warped view of sex is sexually abusive.

nothing gives me the heebiee jeebiees more than this behaviour

have you ever watch a documentary called the purity pledge?

( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt4xqZdsGo0 )

thats some creepy shit

[lemonhead]

Narcissism all twisted up with religion is especially poisonous, because then the parent(s) can invoke god's blessing on the abuse. I can attest that this will well and truly fuck up your kids :(

[TrueRebel1]

I think the paradigm shift from the new parents of the late 70's-early 80's to the full-on fundie parents of the 90's and 2000's is amazing. Growing up in a family where my parents attended Gothard conventions when their first child was born, I saw that my parents did this because of extreme concern for their children's well-being. They were searching for answers to be better people than the hippie peers they were raised with. Their choices to become more and more fundie were for the sake of the kids. In the beginning of many fundie families, I do think they wanted the children's best interest.

Homeschooling, so the kids didn't have to be exposed to the horrors of public school. Selective church participation (i.e. no Sunday school) so the kids didn't have to be confused with other beliefs. Courtship, so the kids didn't have to experience heartache.

But then these choices and convictions warped into a weird power control, and yes indeed, narcissistic parenting. Soon all these choices couldn't be thrown out, because then the parents would lose control.

[formergothardite]

I think the paradigm shift from the new parents of the late 70's-early 80's to the full-on fundie parents of the 90's and 2000's is amazing. Growing up in a family where my parents attended Gothard conventions when their first child was born, I saw that my parents did this because of extreme concern for their children's well-being. They were searching for answers to be better people than the hippie peers they were raised with. Their choices to become more and more fundie were for the sake of the kids. In the beginning of many fundie families, I do think they wanted the children's best interest. Homeschooling, so the kids didn't have to be exposed to the horrors of public school. Selective church participation (i.e. no Sunday school) so the kids didn't have to be confused with other beliefs. Courtship, so the kids didn't have to experience heartache.

But then these choices and convictions warped into a weird power control, and yes indeed, narcissistic parenting. Soon all these choices couldn't be thrown out, because then the parents would lose control.

Exactly, my parents got involved with ATI because they thought it would benefit their children. They stopped, though, once they realized it wasn't helping anyone in the family. Gothard preys on worried parents. Want your children to be successful and not end up homeless and on drugs? Well he has the answer.

I think the die-hard Gothard families like the Duggars and the Bates care less about what is best for their children and more about what is best for them.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I think it's possible that extreme parenting philosophies will attract parents with pre-existing personality disorders. That's part of what makes the Pearls so dangerous. At some level, I do believe that the Pearls loved their own children - but any good bits didn't get included in TTUAC. The book itself is just about hitting kids, and pushing the belief that if you don't, you're child will grow up evil and manipulate you. Then, it's read by some parents who may be struggling, who have their own demons and need to see a child as bad. If the child is adopted, there may be no bond at all - the adoptive parents may be pre-disposed to see the child as coming from a bad/evil background, the child may be more difficult or challenging than a child that they had raised from birth, and the natural love and affection that keeps many parents from seriously harming their children isn't there. [Not all adoptive parents are like that, of course! Many are informed and caring, but I'd expect that most good adoptive parents wouldn't follow TTUAC in the first place.]