Mormon Divorce?

[redcurls]

Can anyone tell me about Mormon ideas/ experiences with divorce? I'm guessing divorce is a huge taboo in Mormon circles but it HAS to happen occasionally. A former friend of mine converted from staunch atheist to Mormon, got married, got pregnant, and is now divorcing, all in 10ish months. Will she still be accepted by the LDS? Can she be 'unsealed' from this guy?

[flyawaystray]

Yes, they are allowed to divorce. For that to happen, they have to have a temple divorce and also a civil one.

[Rachel333]

Divorce rates among LDS are pretty similar to the rest of the country, if I remember correctly. Women have to get unsealed if they want to marry in the temple again (and I think getting an unsealing isn't particularly easy), but men don't (celestial polygamy!).

[DarkAnts]

Yes, they are allowed to divorce. For that to happen, they have to have a temple divorce and also a civil one.

They only need a temple divorce if they were sealed in the temple. There are mormon couples that dont have access to the temple so they just have a civil one.

[silverspoons]

I live in Utah but lived a good portion of my life back east.

I have plenty of neighbors, friends and my husband's family(my husband grew up LDS)y that have gone through divorce. It is really no different then the rest of the US. Of course there can be the 2 divorces since when you get divorced via the courts you still can be sealed(married) in the temple. A temple divorce is actually harder to get then a civil divorce. I know a few people who divorced in the court but not in the temple.

Utah divorces are actually very cheap and easy. Unless it is messy (which I have only seen 2 times), you file and take a 3 hour parenting class if you have kids and in 30 days you are divorced. I actually moved back here from NY to get divorced, because in NY it was going to take over a year. I came back here and it was done in a matter of a few weeks. I always say NV is the state to get married quick and Utah is the place to get divorced fast.

Most of the time when couples divorce they will no longer go to the same ward, so the wife has support in her ward and the husband in his ward. Women tend to get a lot of support from the sisters in the ward.

I think your friend will be fine. My son has a teacher this year, she is 41 and LDS and just got married this summer (in the temple) and it was marriage #3. She had 3 kids from her former marriages. One of the other teachers in my daughters grade level, had been divorced for 3 years and married a divorcee and they have a great blended family.

I'm not LDS but my husband was a returned missionary, never married age 28 and he married me a divorcee with a kid. His family welcomed me with open arms. My husband has 13 biological siblings (and more that are adopted). Out of the 13 biological , there are 4 divorced, 2 of them remarried. My husband oldest brother got divorced (his wife just walked out after 15 years of marriage saying she felt she got married too young age 20). His brother remarried a lady with a 6 month old baby. His brother really wanted a family and it has been 14 years and he loves that kid like his own and has worked out for the best. Just take a look on ldssingles or other lds dating sites, plenty of divorced LDS women and men.

I have a few very interesting stories of LDS divorce but I think they are because of certain personalites marrying not because of the religion and the situation would have happened with or without the religion.

[Iokaste]

Can anyone tell me about Mormon ideas/ experiences with divorce? I'm guessing divorce is a huge taboo in Mormon circles but it HAS to happen occasionally. A former friend of mine converted from staunch atheist to Mormon, got married, got pregnant, and is now divorcing, all in 10ish months. Will she still be accepted by the LDS? Can she be 'unsealed' from this guy?

Ofcourse it happens, most LDS live a rather conventional modern life (except for pre-marital sex and alcohol) and unless you are familiar with their culture and traditions you could probably spend time with them/in their home without realizing that they are LDS. I've spent a fair amount of time among mormons and the assumption that there is such a thing as "mormon circles" is a little amusing, yes they share some core beliefs and might be a little more traditional/conservative, but as with any other religious group numbering more than a few families, there is a broad spectrum of LDS lifestyles all the way from homeschooling, skirts-only, purity-pledge-types, to young, urban, democrats who'd happily see their church embrace more egality.

As you probably know the LDS church has a strong emphasis and some rather peculiar teachings on family, so being a single mom might feel awkward, but if your friend has been involved with her local "ward" (parish) and has made friends or is able to reach out to people there, I'm sure she can find help and support, if anything I have always been impressed with the way LDS people take care of their own.

[lilwriter85]

As others have said it happens. There are some Mormons who aren't accepting of divorce. My uncle's ex-wife grew up in the LDS church until she was 12. Her family left after one of her uncles came out as a gay. Some relatives disowned them and they also disowned another relative who got divorce from his wife.

[Jessica]

Been there, done that. "Are people accepting?" Depends on the person. You'll either get acceptance, pity, or really snide remarks like "MY marriage was really hard in the early years too but I wanted to take my temple covenants seriously so I stuck with it" (yeah, because I didn't take my marriage/covenants seriously.... thanks).

Yes, you can be "un-sealed" from someone, but if you have kids they won't be un-sealed from either parent, no matter how much of a jerk they are. After the civil divorce, you contact your bishop and tell him you want to do what is called a sealing cancellation. You write a letter to the First Presidency of the church explaining why you want the seal to be broken. The bishop fills out a form on the computer with basic information about you (name, birthday, LDS membership record number). He also sends a letter to your ex asking if they approve of the sealing cancellation (the approval has to come in writing). When he gets your ex's letter, he sends both letters and the printed form to the stake president and the stake prez. signs it and then sends it off to the first presidency. Within a couple weeks you get a letter back saying (summarizing) "Dear so and so, as of the date on this paper your sealing has been cancelled."

[ADoyle90815]

Divorce rates among LDS couples are the same as the national average, but it's much harder to get a temple divorce, as temple weddings are believed to last for eternity as well as in this life. In plenty of cases, a Mormon man who is legally divorced from his first wife can get remarried in the temple even if his first wife is still living, so according to the church, he's practicing polygamy in the afterlife if the first temple "sealing" wasn't cancelled. Legally, someone like that is considered to be on their second marriage as the first marriage ceased to exist the moment the divorce was final. Women can get "unsealed" if they're remarrying another Mormon in the temple, especially if the first marriage ended because her ex-husband left the church. There have been plenty of stories on exmormon.org and similar sites about men who have left the church, and their Mormon wives got a divorce as a result.

[treemom]

Been there, done that. "Are people accepting?" Depends on the person. You'll either get acceptance, pity, or really snide remarks like "MY marriage was really hard in the early years too but I wanted to take my temple covenants seriously so I stuck with it" (yeah, because I didn't take my marriage/covenants seriously.... thanks).

Yes, you can be "un-sealed" from someone, but if you have kids they won't be un-sealed from either parent, no matter how much of a jerk they are. After the civil divorce, you contact your bishop and tell him you want to do what is called a sealing cancellation. You write a letter to the First Presidency of the church explaining why you want the seal to be broken. The bishop fills out a form on the computer with basic information about you (name, birthday, LDS membership record number). He also sends a letter to your ex asking if they approve of the sealing cancellation (the approval has to come in writing). When he gets your ex's letter, he sends both letters and the printed form to the stake president and the stake prez. signs it and then sends it off to the first presidency. Within a couple weeks you get a letter back saying (summarizing) "Dear so and so, as of the date on this paper your sealing has been cancelled."

So something that is sacred can be canceled with a lot of jumping through administrative hoops?

[Widget]

So something that is sacred can be canceled with a lot of jumping through administrative hoops?

It's a church that lets people undo their baptism with enough paperwork. Of course it can. :lol:

[treemom]

It's a church that lets people undo their baptism with enough paperwork. Of course it can. :lol:

I didn't know that either. Not that I think they should make leaving or divorce difficult, but when they argue it is forever and sacred and all it really is a paperwork chase well..yeah this is why I don't buy into God stuff.

[nokidsmom]

Divorce rates among LDS couples are the same as the national average, but it's much harder to get a temple divorce, as temple weddings are believed to last for eternity as well as in this life. In plenty of cases, a Mormon man who is legally divorced from his first wife can get remarried in the temple even if his first wife is still living, so according to the church, he's practicing polygamy in the afterlife if the first temple "sealing" wasn't cancelled. Legally, someone like that is considered to be on their second marriage as the first marriage ceased to exist the moment the divorce was final. Women can get "unsealed" if they're remarrying another Mormon in the temple, especially if the first marriage ended because her ex-husband left the church. There have been plenty of stories on exmormon.org and similar sites about men who have left the church, and their Mormon wives got a divorce as a result.

From reading exmormon.org, it's much easier for women to obtain the divorce if the husband left the church but if the women is the one leaving (either the church or simply the husband but both husband and wife remain in the church) it becomes more difficult. In fact I remember wer stories of women who divorced legally, could not obtain the temple divorce, and ended up leaving the church because they couldn't remarry in the temple. This affected their prospects for remarriage to another Mormon, especially if they were young, so they left, sometimes joining a different church where this was not an issue.

[nokidsmom]

I didn't know that either. Not that I think they should make leaving or divorce difficult, but when they argue it is forever and sacred and all it really is a paperwork chase well..yeah this is why I don't buy into God stuff.

Yep, I find it interesting that something that is supposed to be so sacred and eternal can be undone with a piece of paper, signed by the right people.

There was an article about the Mormon church years ago (it might have been in Time, not sure) entitled "Mormon, Inc." It's like they conduct things in a very methodical, businesslike way even when it comes to eternal stuff like being sealed.

[Jessica]

So something that is sacred can be canceled with a lot of jumping through administrative hoops?

Yep!

[Coconut Flan]

I was expecting at least a token ceremony. I don't know a presentation of the document and a prayer for healing at a minimum.

[YPestis]

Frankly, I'm kind of surprised that Mormons divorce at the same rate as the rest of society. I guess the reputation that the Mormons have for family, SAHM, larger families ect made me think they were also more conservative about divorce. In other words, Mormons would be more reluctant to divorce because the stigma is higher, and the "family-centered" church life would make it less bearable to divorce. Then again, our society is pretty large and diverse. I guess one could always leave the church if they found little support, which would make divorce more palatable than in centuries past.

[Rachel333]

Actually, does anyone know what an unsealing involves? Is it really only a change in paperwork, or do the GA's (or whoever's doing it) do some kind of unsealing prayer as well?

[emesbe]

I've never heard of any kind of ritual, prayer, whatever. It's just a whole lotta paperwork.

[lizziesmom]

Marie Osmond divorced her first husband to marry the second. Then she divorced number two to remarry number one.