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Found 17 results

  1. Once_Upon_A_Fundie

    My Marriage Fuck-Up

    I've shared a little bit on this site about my history in a semi-fundamental Pentecostal religion, but I've yet to really delve into the whole story to anyone outside of my therapist. Lately it's felt like my past has been haunting me -- nightmares, anxiety, the whole nine. I am writing this out in the hopes it will help me re-center and find peace again. I grew up in the PNW in the Church of God of Cleveland, TN, a church that exploded as part of the 1960's-70's Holiness Movement. Among the rules/belief systems were things such as "no mixed swimming" (women's bodies are shameful, sinful things that tempt boys into accidentally sinning), no makeup, no jewelry, no pants, footwashing (particularly women washing men's feet as a sacrificial submission), women make babies and stay home, you speak in tongues, and salvation can be lost. The result of this highly conservative sect of Evangelicalism is paranoia. I constantly felt like I was going to accidentally "lose" my salvation and go to hell, and I lived in such anxiety I developed agoraphobia and was unable to leave my house unassisted for several years. I had some anomalies in my family that contributed to a slow burn removal of me from the church--namely the shock of my parents divorcing following my mom's affair with the pastor. In the years after the divorce, I remained in the church as both parents elected to continue attending at different locations. Despite their teen marriage failing, I was still pushed to marry at 17 (boyfriend was 20), because they "refused to pay to send me to college to fornicate." Boyfriend was a guy I'd met online from across the country. He moved to WA State from Ohio, lived in the mother-in-law suite at my mother and stepfather's house, worked for my stepfather, and was groomed into our religion. Some aspects of this remind me of Zsu and PP's control over Solomon and the Saer situation. We loved each other but felt very young and unprepared. We wanted to go to college together and have fun for a couple of years before committing to marriage, but this simply was not allowed. For the sake of still being together (the ultimatum was get married or move on), we married. That marriage was full of high highs and low lows. We had two miscarriages, ran a business my step father helped us upstart (typical fundie line-crossing), built a home four doors down from my mother and step father, and essentially lived as extensions to the family home even into our 20's. It was to the point we couldn't go out to eat without permission, because my mom was extremely jealous and angry if we did things she had not approved or was not invited to. To break away from this, we eventually upset the family balance and moved cross-country to start anew, but I think the damage was done. The older we got the more we realized we were polar opposites. If you're familiar with the MBTI, I'm an INTJ and he's an ENFP. Although this is often considered a good pairing on paper, our extremes meant that we had a lot of contentious arguments. I was a stick-in-the-mud who was afraid/anxious, and he was a very flowery boho type. As we finally "grew up" in our later 20's because of the distance from family, we simply did not grow together. He would go through periods of "rejecting" the marriage, telling me we were over or he didn't want to be in a sexual/romantic relationship, we were only friends, etc. But he consistently refused a divorce, saying I was convenient. He essentially liked the controlling aspects of my fundie upbringing, saying he thought I was a "blank slate he could turn into whatever he wanted." Over the years, I suffered what I'd call light abuse -- some pushing, some shoving, some bruises, a lot of mental/emotional/psychological degrading (e.g. grabbing my belly and saying, "if you'd just get rid of this you'd be pretty...). It got to where I felt trapped and couldn't get out. I had an affair following one of his grand speeches about "we're done and married in name only because you cook and clean." I immediately told him about said affair, hoping he'd take the chance and finally sign divorce papers. Instead he held a gun to my head (literally), and I was forced to relent and crawl back into the hole of our marriage. More time passed, more things happened (namely the death of my dad), and I grew stronger as a person. I obtained an education, landed a good job, and eventually was accepted into a fully funded PhD program in England. I hopped across the pond, with him keeping his US job and "visiting" me so he could have what he thought was the best of both worlds -- his closely guarded "single" life on the road as a consultant, and a few weeks per quarter as the seemingly devoted husband visiting his wife in England. It was my out, and after I found out he was on Tinder and Bumble and meeting up with female co-workers on weekend stints, I told him not to come back to England and started dating. This final time was different, however. I think my ex realized I'd come into my own, so-to-speak, and the dynamics changed. By this point I was well into my PhD, working for the university, had accepted an adjunct position for another school in addition and essentially "lifing" on my own. He came back and moved into a flat in the city and got into a heavy drugs/drinking/gambling/party scene. Twice he tried to reconcile, and I almost left my then-boyfriend to....and twice he slept with other girls and came back saying, "never mind, they're better. " In the end, it was me who was weak, having felt jilted by being willing to go back to him, and him ultimately choosing a 20 year old recovering drug addict/casual prostitute over me. They were engaged within six weeks. I moved on and remarried a very kind, loving man who has brought immense peace to my life, but the last few weeks I've suddenly had massive anxiety over everything that went down over the last five years. I constantly blame myself for being a "bad" wife and think I could have done more. I idealize how he treated me me, I think of only the good things, feel profoundly bad about myself for him having chosen the skinny 20 year old over his weight-struggling mid-30's wife who couldn't give him kids. I feel sad realizing he's going to have kids with this young girl who could be his daughter and build a family and be all the things we weren't. I am SO ASHAMED of myself for this, because I love my new husband and realize I'm in a better place. I was in pretty intense therapy over the divorce (at its height as much as 3X's weekly), and I honestly thought I'd kicked it forever ago. But I think finding out they're gearing up for their wedding, and that asshole has chosen to migrate to England and will be living 20 minutes from me just has me pissed off. He wasn't even living here. He stayed in the US and partied away and sunk us into debt at the end of our marriage, but now he gets to just waltz into this European life with his child bride, and it just makes me hurt and hate all at once.
  2. I can't say I'm surprised to hear this news. I think anyone under their amount of stress would have a hard time keeping a marriage alive. I am surprised that the father had an affair, though. Where did he find the time? Also, his words on the divorce felt cold, especially when he mentioned the kids. He talks about not being into entertaining Jani anymore and not relating to his son. I guess it's honest, but just sounded a little too honest. Although, if I remember correctly, there was some drama surrounding him that he admitted to shaking Jani as a baby? Not sure. Anyways, here's a link: http://starcasm.net/archives/322429
  3. And another one bites the dust! But this time I find it quite sad. Emily (Case) Brower and her quite hot (at least that's what a lot of us thaught when he and his body were discussed here a few years back) husband broke up, because he doesn't want to be married to her anymore. They have three daughters so far and Ben is currently in Iraq. Emily is close to Jean Famborough and Lauren Hope Berkompas. They all did a lot of photographing at the big VF conferences a few years back. Emily is from a small family, she only has one older brother. She was homeschooled and got engaged with Ben although it appeared they had never really talked to each other. They were 19 and 20 when they got married and she got pregnant immeadiately. They made it all look easy - being uneducated, young, newlyweds with a baby on the way. They somewhat moved away from strict fundiedom, at least when it comes to clothing and tattoos. On top of dealing with a what appears to be cheating husband, Emily's dad died last year after a short and intensive battle with cancer. You can read everything here. http://threepreciousflowers.blogspot.de/ Seems to be the year of fundie divorces.
  4. Gabriel Pearl is second child of Michael and Debi Pearl and it looks like he and his wife (Lori) separated, that is, have been separated for couple of years now. If you go on "No Greater Joy" site and clik the link "Meet the Pearls" at the bottom of the main page, you'll see that, while all of his siblings are introduced along with their spouses and children, there are just few words about Gabriel mentioning nobody but him alone. (Just go on their regular page.) It was not the case couple of years ago and the old "Meet the Pearls" link still exists and there, Gabriel is introduced along with his wife Lori and children. (Just google "Lori Pearl" and clik on the link bellow the first picture that pops up of her and Gabriel.) Further more, the remaining text is identical to the one before, apart from couple of lines about Lori, that have been cut out. Also, on his facebook page he has a post that (part of it) says: "It took a lot of prayer and an awful amount of support from my loving family to get my kids home after 2 1/2 years." (It's not private profile.) It is not a certain thing, but more of an implied situation as Pearl's choose to keep it quiet. If it is true, lets just hold this not only as an example of Gabriel's personal faliure, but as well as that of Michael and Debi Pearl, that is faliure of their ideology and their teachings. There is a certain objectivity regarding this matter - simple fact that Michael Pearl with his faith and knowledge of Bible, failed to produce a man who was able to chose his wife wisely and maintain a healthy marriage, which makes his advice about marriage and raising children, a questionable advice. I know that they are good people. At least they strive to be. I can value some of their advice, but the self-righteousness in their aproach to other people, both us, unbelivers "who live in the darkness" and fellow belivers, is unjustified. I would like to hear about your opinions and informations regarding this matter, aswell.
  5. A friend just sent me this...
  6. Good http://people.com/crime/mary-kay-letourneau-separates-from-vili-fualaau/
  7. Wow...first Billy Graham's grandson, then Scott Brown's daughter, now John Piper's son getting divorced. In Piper's case, guess what!!! It was all the woman's fault. B. Piper divorce Oh, and note well: B. Piper has tweeted all about it (except not) and he has a book about to drop. Talk about providence.
  8. HerNameIsBuffy

    Divorce - - not just a Tammy Wynette song

    There won't be anything juicy to blog because he's a good person and we all know I'm delightful...not everything is forever. He's fine, I'm fine and once the process is over I can get on with the business of living with the shame of my second failure at this marriage thing.
  9. Why do Fundies ignore where the Bible says divorce is allowable in cases of adultery? I get a little ill at FB comments telling Anna she is brave to stay blah blah I point it is acceptable for her to leave according to the Bible. Her sister divorced.
  10. starcasm.net/archives/276612 His facebook has been deleted and her facebook is still up, with lots of pictures of him and her, and well wishes from her friends. I cannot imagine a holiness pentecostal preacher divorcing his wife (they are super against divorce and remarriage) unless he had a major breakdown/crisis of faith/life change.
  11. They have reached the bottom of the fucking barrel this time. Random Reader: Lori Alexander: Cause Jesus is totally okay with a woman staying married to a child molester. What he's really worried about is women being keepers at home. Ken Alexander: source: comments from this post: lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/07/building-your-childrens-lives-upon-rock.html#idc-container
  12. Abigail writes an open letter to newly-single Gwyneth Paltrow. In summary: poverty makes marriage better and Abigail had a crappy childhood. Also, she adds "community theatre actress" to her growing resume. abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2014/03/my-open-letter-to-gwyneth-paltrow-my.html
  13. Ooh, the fundies aren’t going to like this… http://www.alternet.org/belief/surprise ... 1#bookmark
  14. redcurls

    Mormon Divorce?

    Can anyone tell me about Mormon ideas/ experiences with divorce? I'm guessing divorce is a huge taboo in Mormon circles but it HAS to happen occasionally. A former friend of mine converted from staunch atheist to Mormon, got married, got pregnant, and is now divorcing, all in 10ish months. Will she still be accepted by the LDS? Can she be 'unsealed' from this guy?
  15. Visionoyahweh

    Mrs. Limbaugh #4 Is Unhappy!

    I know this is from the Inquirer, But I had to post it! http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebri ... iage-rocks So....divorced and back on Hillbilly Heroin by the end of the summer? I'd feel sad for anybody else, but not Rush.
  16. Have you ever seen a fundie tackle the problem that Atheists(tied with Catholics) have the lowest divorce rates. Also considering that they seem to go out of their way to portray non-submissive woman as the cause of all divore and marital strife. I have never meet an atheist woman that you could boss around easily.
  17. higgledypiggledy

    Mormons, Husbands and Submission

    Well, I know that mormons sometimes come under fire here, especially since we have a couple of wack job blogs we follow with submissive mormon women. So I was FLORRED, FLOORED!!!! when I heard the update of a family from the town I grew up in. They were the visable mormons, you know the type from high school. They didn't date until they were sixteen, squeaky clean, went to religious school before school, the boys graduated school and went on missions before going to college. Well, the mom left the dad and dad was excommunicated. So I went to the source to find out what was up. I thought it might be for adultery or physical abuse or something. Well, according to ex wife and kids (they are all over 18 now I think) it was for "unrighteous dominion" which is explained to me as controlling the family and expecting them to submit to his desires without question. Yup, the guy was excommunicated for treating his wife like a doormat. So, after I picked my jaw up off the floor I had to probe. Was he physically abusive? No. Was there an affair in past? No. What made her say enough, this is wrong? The wife just finally decided enough was enough and that her marriage didn't resemble what she was taught at church and that she felt she deserved the family they preached about. She went to her leader and said "I am leaving my husband and this is why: I should never have put up with it for so long. I have been made to feel like I was a second class citizen in my home and taught by my husband that I was to defer to him in all things no matter what." So, I'm not sure exactly how the logistics work but I guess the leader opened an investigation and a panel interviewed all the kids about their life growing up, what they were taught, how they were disciplined, how the father treated the wife, what they understood the role of a wife to be etc... The wife and husband had the ability to call witnesses. It sounds a little like actually going to court but with a group of church leaders. The panel found that the husband had been manipulative and spiritually abusive in how he interpreted the role of a wife and was excommunicated. IHe was still welcome to attend church and associate with members of the congregation and was encouraged to do so but he couldn't pray, preach or teach. He was also told that to be invited back in he would need to repent, seek counseling and the forgiveness of his wife. Also, she was not expected to stay with him and the marriage "seal" was broken which as I understand it means that while she was divorcing the guy in civil court, the church extended a spiritual divorcement. Holy Cow!!!!!!! So this leaves me wondering which is more representational of mormons. The nutty blogs we follow or this case. I know there are mormons on this forum. PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE comment. I am CURIOUS?!?!? and frankly confused!?!?!?! What is your opinion folks? Are mormons into submissive wives and man as ruler or not?
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