Signs you're at a fundy gathering

[JaChelle Sugar]

The 'graduation' ceremony put on by the homeschool co-op has under 5 graduates

One of the parents speeches to his graduating son begins: 'In today's feminized world....' :violin:

Rules on necklines, hem lengths, even sleeve styles basically prevent female graduates from wearing anything revealing under they're gowns and yet they are instructed to 'prayerfully consider' what to wear. Under a giant hideous gown that covers from neck to ankles and wrists, and which will never be taken off. :doh:

[scc12]

That reminds me,I need to finish my list of jokes on 'why did the fundie cross the road...'

[MrMattyMatt]

long hair, long skirts, flip flops and kool-aid

[singsingsing]

Plastered on fake smiles, women gazing in glassy-eyed adoration at their husbands, off-tune singing and the screeching of violins, creepy FLDS-like baby voices abound.

[mrs]

No dancing, no alcohol....

Is feet washing a sure sign of a Fundy wedding?

[scc12]

all the wives are either pregnant or bf'ing a newborn.in a skirt.wearing flip flops.whilst gazing adoringly at hubby with a blank stare in their eyes.when they do speak,it's using a baby voice.

meanwhile, the sister moms are chasing around the little ones using no safety precautions,and everyone is talking about the newest blessing,and what a blessing children are.the word blessing and sweet fellowshipping are heard a lot.

bleh.

and yes the horrid screechy violins are playing in the background...

[Jana814]

The husbands r not doing anything to help w/ the kids. All the women look like they need a nap cause they were up most of the night taking care of the kids.

[Dandruff]

Husband serenades wife with guitar if it's a wedding. Wide availability of tracts in case there are non-fundie 'fish' around.

[lizziesmom]

Men and women are segregated. The women speak in baby soft voices about their 'precious blessings' and the men brag about the number of notches on their bedpost, err... the number of children they have.

[ILoveJellybeans]

No drinking, no dancing, no music other than fundie kids badly playing instruments, frumpers, children outnumber adults by at least 8 to one and everyone is either pregnant or has a baby, if its a wedding, there will be mention of how the couple didnt kiss until now and will have sweet fellowship for the first time ever that night (and they call us sex obsessed?)

Or Bill Gothard would make an appearance, giving off an aura of creepiness that makes you want to hide your kids from them in case he eats them.

[ThatSnark]

All of the above, plus Bible verses on everything: napkins, celebratory cake, paper cake plates, t-shirts, plaques on the walls, EVERYTHING.

[Chowder Head]

:pink-shock: :o "Rules on necklines, hem lengths, even sleeve styles basically prevent female graduates from wearing anything revealing under they're gowns .... Under a giant hideous gown that covers from neck to ankles ... which will never be taken off. "

Just described my graduation years ago. Class of 160 or students ,,,public school, Boys had red gowns and girls had white growns. Girls could not wear pants and the dresses had to be white or cream color. Our shoes also had to be white. The guys where told to wear dress clothes. :cray-cray:

[polecat]

All the barns are properly painted.

And someone will make sure to mention that "If the barn needs painting, paint it! Haymen?"

There will be lots of "haymen"ing going on, particularly any time one of the Brothers in Christ makes an especially good point about anything ranging from Teh Gayz to the color carpet in the new sanctuary.

There will be a debate about the hymnals.

There will not be a debate about the best Bible translation. The KJV, amiright? Haymen!

There will be women looking askance at the harlot who has dared arrive in heels that are higher than the appropriate two inches.

Someone will tell her, "We're praying for you, Sister," in a lovely passive-aggressive bitch voice.

And all the people said? "Haymen!"

[lemonhead]

and yes the horrid screechy violins are playing in the background...

Yeah, pretty much, except here in Texas we had steel guitars and banjos :D

I was the only graduate from my tiny homeschool-loving church that year. And it was already abundantly clear to everyone that I had left the faith and was headed down a path of destruction and doom (i.e., going to a secular university, no plans to marry or have kids at the time, wanted a career). Talk about awkward.

I left that sherbet-punch-and-nasty-Walmart-cake reception as swiftly as I could and never looked back.

[GeoBQn]

Your options for food are egg salad, tuna salad, and ham salad.

[Coconut Flan]

If they go wild, some pimiento cheese and chicken salad will sneak in also.

[FloraKitty35]

When most of the cars have anti-abortion bumper stickers, but have pro-death penalty and NRA ones side by side.

[snuggles911]

Lots of Jello and casseroles. Punch with rainbow sherbet floating in it. Women with long skirts, long hair and ugly pumps. Men with button-down shirts and ties regardless of the weather.

Lots of paper decorations (recycled from a previous gathering). A very long-winded blessing before the meal is served always delivered by a man.

[Rachel333]

At the one homeschool graduation I attended several of the graduates had pregnant mothers. :lol: (I also had the misfortune of sitting right behind Josh and Anna and their PDA. :ew: )

[Jana814]

At the one homeschool graduation I attended several of the graduates had pregnant mothers. :lol: (I also had the misfortune of sitting right behind Josh and Anna and their PDA. :ew: )

Yick on both of those!

[nokidsmom]

Lots of talk about feminism (if it's a wedding) and condescending remarks toward "you feminists" from the pastor to any non-fundie women sitting there. The women are either pregnant or just had a baby. Bible verses thrown around everywhere. No dancing or alcohol. Non fundie women getting the evil eye from fundie women. Men very buttoned up no matter what the weather. The word "blessed" is used all the time.

[FreeJosie]

At least one of the men starts a lecture about how the majority of the guests are not serving the Lord properly and are therefore doomed to Hell.

[Ellimenopy]

Nobody's mentioned the praying!

Turning on the lights for the sanctuary? That's a pray-er!

Everybody's staring at you? Another pray-er!

Passing the collection plate? Pray-er!

Alter call? Pray-er for all the sinners who aren't at the alter.

Benediction? Another pray-er.

Took a bite of egg salad before the blessing? You're going to hell, missy.

[TrueRebel1]

While the young people play volleyball on Sunday afternoon, the older adults sit and "discuss" how traditional, modern churches are evil and wrong, and how important it is to stay away from the worldly churches and only fellowship with likeminded individuals. And how going to church defeats the purpose of being a Christian, because it somehow prevents you from actually living out your faith.

Yes, this actually happened in my presence just yesterday. :lol:

[marmalade]

At the one homeschool graduation I attended several of the graduates had pregnant mothers. :lol: (I also had the misfortune of sitting right behind Josh and Anna and their PDA. :ew: )

Before or after the wedding? I'm curious what kind of PDA would be acceptable at a homeschool graduation.