Sex is a ministry, and your hus. doesn't care if you like it

[Koala]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/09/can-sex-simply-become-chore.html

A young woman asked me, "I just prefer to think of sex as something that is just as much for me as it is for him. I was going to venture to say that I think most men would like to know their wives enjoy sex and want it as much as they do. But the more I think about it, I'm not so sure. What do you think? Do most men want their wives to enjoy sex as much as they do? Or would most men rather feel like their wives were serving them when it comes to sex? I think I could understand both ways, so now I'm honestly curious what others would say."

She hasn't been married a long time and asks an honest question. Men have ten times the testosterone women have. The majority of men want sex a lot more than their wives. Sure, there are many times when the wives enjoy sex but having periods, PMS, childbirth, and menopause affect our libidos.

I think when a wife lovingly gives her husband sex even when she doesn't feel like it, she is meeting a powerful need that he has. Most men get married so they can have sex. It is the way God made them. Most women just do not have the drive that men have.

Do husbands care if their wives aren't enjoying it as much as they are? I doubt it as long as she isn't grumbling and complaining while having sex! If she learns the pleasure of pleasing her husband and the closeness between the two, it can be a very enjoyable experience for her.

It is all a matter of mindset for most women. I encourage young women preparing for marriage to decide to enjoy sex. Make up your mind to like it even before you have it and give it to your husband freely. If you have that mindset, it is not a chore but a way to make your husband happy and a wonderful form of ministry!

[GeoBQn]

I'm Jewish, so forgive my ignorance, but I thought the purpose of a ministry was to help people outside of your immediate family circle. (And for that matter, a family can't be a "ministry" like how the Duggars put it.)

Lori continues to be A Fucking Monster. My husband absolutely wants me to enjoy sex as much as much as he does, and any man who doesn't want that shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

[polecat]

Pretty sure my husband didn't marry me just so that he could get sex. He was already getting it. A lot.

Also, I can say with even more certainty that he would not appreciate me having sex with him just to "serve" him. A good time should be had by all is his philosophy.

Hence: Happy husband, happy wife.

[Mary C Doates]

Saw the title of this thread and knew right away that it was about yet another one of Lori's pearls of "wisdom". Getting a little stale there, Lori!

[lilwriter85]

Lori had said similar stuff before, this time it looks like she used the Duggars "we use this and that to minister" spiel.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Saw the title of this thread and knew right away that it was about yet another one of Lori's pearls of "wisdom". Getting a little stale there, Lori!

Me too.

[kpmom]

Obviously Ken does not know how to please a woman, and Lori just assumes that's true of all men.

Lori, buy Ken a book on female anatomy and find out what you're missing. If that doesn't work, buy a vibrator.

[AtroposHeart]

I think this shows Lori has a lower opinion of men than the evubl feminists here.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Do husbands care if their wives aren't enjoying it as much as they are? I doubt it as long as she isn't grumbling and complaining while having sex!

WTF??

Ken may be a fucking monster, but I can assure you that MY husband most certainly cares. If I'm into it, that turns him on. If I'm not, it kills the mood for him.

Also, not to be cruel, but what does she know about typical libido in women? She's had a slew of serious health problems for most of her married life. I'm sure that put a damper on her sex life. Not a good situation for her - but (a) she may have been able to make it better if she had been able to get some decent sex therapy and have a sympathetic husband, and (b) she is in absolutely no position to judge what a typical woman without her health issues is able to enjoy.

Looks like it's time to start giving her some more biblical quotes.....

[lizziesmom]

Methinks Lori doth protest too much. Her obsession with this subject suggests to me that she isn't all that keen on her marital obligation to ken.

[Ariel]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/09/can-sex-simply-become-chore.html

I fixed it.

Marriages would happen later and probably be healthier in the religious communities if they didn't treat sex like the prize at the bottom of the cereal box.

[rward]

WTF??

Ken may be a fucking monster, but I can assure you that MY husband most certainly cares. If I'm into it, that turns him on. If I'm not, it kills the mood for him.

Also, not to be cruel, but what does she know about typical libido in women? She's had a slew of serious health problems for most of her married life. I'm sure that put a damper on her sex life. Not a good situation for her - but (a) she may have been able to make it better if she had been able to get some decent sex therapy and have a sympathetic husband, and (b) she is in absolutely no position to judge what a typical woman without her health issues is able to enjoy.

Looks like it's time to start giving her some more biblical quotes.....

I agree with the bolded. And doctors aren't on top of that at all. They look at me like I have 3 heads when I start talking about that stuff, but it's important to me. Unfortunately, Lori wouldn't like the cure. The doctor who actually took that seriously and helped out? A Planned Parenthood OB.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I agree with the bolded. And doctors aren't on top of that at all. They look at me like I have 3 heads when I start talking about that stuff, but it's important to me. Unfortunately, Lori wouldn't like the cure. The doctor who actually took that seriously and helped out? A Planned Parenthood OB.

"Just suck it up, this is all you can expect" is a really shitty piece of marriage advice. Yes, I've had ups and downs in libido, esp. with 3 kids. I've also learned that many issues are fixable. Pain is not normal - it's a sign that something is wrong. Not everyone mentions that yeast infections are more common during pregnancy. Everyone will tell you about the advantages of breastfeeding, but they don't always mention the "vaginal atrophy" that it can cause. Feeling stressed and irritable when you have babies is normal, but not everyone mentions that much of the problem is caused by lack of sleep.

The vast majority of women are capable of experiencing sexual pleasure, IF they get good advice and treatment, and IF the have a caring and supportive partner who actually cares about their pleasure. The [crappy] 50 Shades trilogy didn't top bestseller lists because all women are frigid. If you are expected to simply have sex with no foreplay and no consideration for your feelings or mood or experience, if you don't realize that sex is painful if you are not aroused and lubricated, if you have no idea that sex is not supposed to hurt because you have no expectations and don't think that your body is yours to control, if you've had painful sex in the past and tense up because you automatically expect sex to be painful, if you won't make the smallest request for something (like some help at home and some sleep) that would help get you into the mood, if you think that reading or thinking about sexual pleasure is a sin, if you have no idea that most women don't get instantly aroused by jackhammer sex - well, you could be putting up with awful and even painful sex, without having a clue that consideration, communication and proper advice could have cleared up the problems.

[salex]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/09/can-sex-simply-become-chore.html

What a miserable live experience she must have had. I can tell you that my husband has always cared that i enjoy sex as much as he-- and would be completely unhappy if he thought I was just giving him sex. in 30+ years, we've both had a lot of changes in our sex drive, for a variety of reasons called "real life" Not to mention, has this woman never heard of female orgasms? This bit about If she learns the pleasure of pleasing her husband and the closeness between the two, it can be a very enjoyable experience for her. sounds as though she has no clue about why women might like sex for sex sake.

[Joan of Snarc]

Lie back and think of England Jesus Lori.

[mockingbird]

Saw the title of this thread and knew right away that it was about yet another one of Lori's pearls of "wisdom". Getting a little stale there, Lori!

Was about to post the same thing! She's getting too predictable :lol:

[polecat]

Oh, heeeeyyyyy, Ken weighed in!

"That's just what the apostle Paul advises, and he does not speak of enjoying or not enjoying it... "

Hahaha! But it's actually really sad.

[dairyfreelife]

Knew this was Lori and once again, Lori continues to prove she does not know anything about the human body or people beyond herself. Logic is not at all Lori's strong suit. That only like one person is agreeing with her on the approved comments is quite telling.

Oh, and Ken, Asshole Monster, has come in defend his lowly Lori Is A Monster:

Men certainly care about a wife's enjoyment with sex and want her to love it as much as he does! Unfortunately, a large disproportion of women will never love sex like a man does, nor be in the mood many times a week like most men.

Godly men are very understanding with their wives and know that the male libido and female libido are often on different planes, so we sensitively try to meet our minimum perceived needs while often wishing for more.

To Lori's point, if a wife is not enjoying sex as much as her man, this should not be an excuse to not meet his physical and emotional needs by taking 10-15 minutes on a regular basis to make love. Would he prefer that you were thrilled about the moments you were not completely in the mood... yes! But he will greatly appreciate your seeming sacrifice on his behalf if you meet his needs with joy. Often you may come too enjoy the warmth and intimacy of the moment.

Most godly men will not keep asking or pursuing by will patiently wait for his wife to get in the mood, so this is what makes Lori's wisdom so apropos. Know that your man will cherish you for your extra efforts on his behalf and decide to meet his needs, not just yours when you are in the mood. That's just what the apostle Paul advises, and he does not speak of enjoying or not enjoying it... just do it as an act of meeting each other's needs, whatever they may be.

[curlytoes79]

I guess Ken doesn't realize Lori is giving the strong impression that he can't keep his woman satisfied, so she has to talk herself into liking sex.

Maybe this isn't a problem as long as he's with Lori, but if something ever happened to her, I doubt the chicks would be breaking his door down.

[rward]

I guess Ken doesn't realize Lori is giving the strong impression that he can't keep his woman satisfied, so she has to talk herself into liking sex.

Maybe this isn't a problem as long as he's with Lori, but if something ever happened to her, I doubt the chicks would be breaking his door down.

Yeah, he has no idea how this makes him look.

Even when I was in too much pain/too tired to want sex, I wanted to want it. I remembered enjoying it and wanted that again. There's no hint of that here.

[sonja_kat]

I'm convinced that Lori Alexander (is a Monster) is terribly abused. There is no other excuse for her ramblings. When first introduced to this woman and her Unabomber-look alike-husband via FJ (thanks, folks), my thinking leaned towards some type of kink or fetish. Now I'm convinced that Lori is an abused woman with industrial grade Stockholm Syndrome. Oh well. Still a monster nonetheless.

[2xx1xy1JD]

If it only takes 10 min, maybe there's a reason she's not in the mood and not satisfied.....

He's an idiot who hasn't even bothered to read the Book he's preaching, aside from the parts that tell him that she's his submissive. I just hope that she (or at least some of her fangirls) start to catch on. A small part of me is almost afraid of making it worse for her if I get him really mad, but she's posting this stuff in public and needs to be called out on it.

[polecat]

If it only takes 10 min, maybe there's a reason she's not in the mood and not satisfied.....

He's an idiot who hasn't even bothered to read the Book he's preaching, aside from the parts that tell him that she's his submissive. I just hope that she (or at least some of her fangirls) start to catch on. A small part of me is almost afraid of making it worse for her if I get him really mad, but she's posting this stuff in public and needs to be called out on it.

One woman has called him out on him. She did it quite tactfully, imo.

I doubt he'll listen.

[Ariel]

Maybe Lori should think about the fact that if teh ebil porn were morally acceptable she wouldn't have to have so much unwanted sex.

[jenny_islander]

Oh, heeeeyyyyy, Ken weighed in!

"That's just what the apostle Paul advises, and he does not speak of enjoying or not enjoying it... "

But the same passage also assumes that women have the right to expect sex from their husbands whether or not the men are in the mood and discusses mutual agreements between spouses to shelve sex for a while.