I was at a fundie lite wedding today!

[Mela99]

So, I thought my fiance and I were going to a wedding of a friend of his from high school - he is even going to be one of our groomsmen next summer in our wedding - and lo and behold, I found myself at a genuine, handing the authority from dad to husband, encouraging a large quiver, and Jesus, Jesus, and Jesus in every other sentence. I got twitchy at the number of times the word "servant" was said. I lost count after 11.

I also had to bite my tongue at every definition of marriage as "ONE man and ONE woman".

They said their vows as the girl held her dad's hand. Not until they finished their vows did dad hand her over. That was first for me.

Other than that, it was a very nice, farm wedding. Barns and barbecue and board games. Totally dry, though. And they did pies instead of cakes.

Anybody else ever been to one?

[louisa05]

I've been to a couple. One had 20 minutes of "praise and worship" songs instead of a bridal processional. The worst one was an 18 year old bride and 20 year old groom who we suspect "courted". In late May, the groom's mother was despairing that he knew no suitable girls and would never marry. In mid-August, he was engaged. It was an early January wedding with the bride in a strapless dress and bridesmaids dressed for a prom. They had a wedding canopy because the bride saw it in a magazine and thought it looked cool. As far as I could tell, no one realized they were co-opting a Jewish tradition. The reception was truly the nicest high school prom I have ever been to, but nothing like a wedding. (And I taught high school for 16 years, so I have been to more than the normal share of proms). The best part was a very long sermon in the ceremony all about how the bride could do nothing, have no opinions and not be a complete person until right then when she was getting a man to do it for her (her father was deceased, thus no handing over). Well, that, and their very young friends sitting next to us who brought dinner from Sonic into the church with them and were munching fries and drinking sodas throughout. And that the bride was chewing gum during the ceremony.

[tralala]

Well, that, and their very young friends sitting next to us who brought dinner from Sonic into the church with them and were munching fries and drinking sodas throughout. And that the bride was chewing gum during the ceremony.

I know teens can be a bit dumb about things, but good lord, most have enough tact to not display this kind of behavior during a wedding ceremony. Good lord.

[PrincessOfSiam]

I've been a guest at lots of fundy and semi-fundy weddings. And what's worse, I was the BRIDE at my own fundy wedding. :pink-shock: We had the praise and worship time followed by my dad giving me over to my groom. My dress was extremely modest as were my bridesmaids. Our reception was dry. Our champagne toast was with sparkling cider. Our bridal dinner was potluck provided by our guests. I still find it hard to believe that was me. The marriage only survived 8 years. The cause of the failure was mostly extreme doctrinal differences that we were unable to reconcile. Ten years after my divorce I am horrified that I married a man who was the perfect fundy husband ( at least on the surface ) but who I didn't love. I did what was expected of me at the time. Oh, did I mention that I was 38 at the time. I've since a had a sort of crisis of faith. I'm not sure what I believe right now but I know that I am permanently scarred by 30+ years of indoctrination. It's a tragic lifestyle that forces people to live in absolute misery for the sake of a rigid belief system. At least it was for me. :cry:

[louisa05]

I know teens can be a bit dumb about things, but good lord, most have enough tact to not display this kind of behavior during a wedding ceremony. Good lord.

It was one of those churches with no church like decor and padded chairs rather than pews and a platform at front with screens for video and such. I assumed that they were free to bring in food and whatever during a service so a wedding seemed no different to them and it was a Friday evening wedding at dinner time with a dessert reception. Not to say it wasn't extremely tacky, but that is my guess as to why it seemed okay to them.

[tuckerphez]

This is a weird question but has anyone been to a fundie lite wedding in central new york in the past few years?

[ILoveJellybeans]

I know teens can be a bit dumb about things, but good lord, most have enough tact to not display this kind of behavior during a wedding ceremony. Good lord.

Im an atheist, and I would have more respect than to be sitting in church during a wedding eating food or chewing gum.

[polecat]

Growing up fundie, I attended tons of fundie weddings, including my sister's. I myself had a courthouse dealio. I was marrying a Lutheran heathen, so we weren't permitted to get married in church. :D

[GeoBQn]

I think my friend's upcoming wedding is going to be fundie-lite whether she wants it or not. Her fiance is the son of two pastors in the Church of the Foursquare Gospel, so she feels like she has to have his father officiate the wedding (plus, it will be free.) She is trying to convince him not to do communion during the ceremony, since most of her friends are not Christian. When he found out that they were having premarital sex, and that my friend was using Mirena for birth control, he went on a 10 minute screaming rant about how she was "killing his grandchildren."

[Black Aliss]

I've been a guest at lots of fundy and semi-fundy weddings. And what's worse, I was the BRIDE at my own fundy wedding. :pink-shock: We had the praise and worship time followed by my dad giving me over to my groom. My dress was extremely modest as were my bridesmaids. Our reception was dry. Our champagne toast was with sparkling cider. Our bridal dinner was potluck provided by our guests. I still find it hard to believe that was me. The marriage only survived 8 years. The cause of the failure was mostly extreme doctrinal differences that we were unable to reconcile. Ten years after my divorce I am horrified that I married a man who was the perfect fundy husband ( at least on the surface ) but who I didn't love. I did what was expected of me at the time. Oh, did I mention that I was 38 at the time. I've since a had a sort of crisis of faith. I'm not sure what I believe right now but I know that I am permanently scarred by 30+ years of indoctrination. It's a tragic lifestyle that forces people to live in absolute misery for the sake of a rigid belief system. At least it was for me. :cry:

(bolding mine) I'm sorry you had to go through this but your story does give me hope for Poor Sarah.

[salex]

I think my friend's upcoming wedding is going to be fundie-lite whether she wants it or not. Her fiance is the son of two pastors in the Church of the Foursquare Gospel, so she feels like she has to have his father officiate the wedding (plus, it will be free.) She is trying to convince him not to do communion during the ceremony, since most of her friends are not Christian. When he found out that they were having premarital sex, and that my friend was using Mirena for birth control, he went on a 10 minute screaming rant about how she was "killing his grandchildren."

She must want a wedding very badly not to just grab her fiancé and run off to the courthouse. Is she sure her soon to be husband is really not like his parents?

[nokidsmom]

Growing up fundie, I attended tons of fundie weddings, including my sister's. I myself had a courthouse dealio. I was marrying a Lutheran heathen, so we weren't permitted to get married in church. :D

I attended my cousin's fundie wedding where our family, mostly Lutheran, were treated as heathens. So I totally get being a Lutheran heathen. :dance:

[GeoBQn]

She must want a wedding very badly not to just grab her fiancé and run off to the courthouse. Is she sure her soon to be husband is really not like his parents?

He is very much not like his parents--who live in another state. They are pretty much just putting up with the parents until after the wedding.

[Marianne]

I was at the I was at the wedding of a traditionalist catholic cousin two years ago. It was celebrated by a priest of the SSPX (Mgr Lefebvre). So, mass before Vatican II with Gregorian chants. I loved the music, the mass was so boring. The person next to me told me several times to kneeling but i can't because of my health - osteoarthritis). I felt so stupid because of this. The sermon of the priest was. so. boring. Imagine a 50's priest in old clothes who are a fan of St Paul and St Pius x.

He explained that a woman beaten by her husband must pray and don't ask for help to "the corrupt police (or Jewish or Communist or satanic"). The woman belongs to her husband and have to talk to him with respect. Contraception is satanic and gives cancer. A family with the TV will not have priest in the family. Oh, and the best : family allowances (a sum of money that the state gives to the parent, 200 € (266 $) per child) are given by the evil satanic state, so we must give our allowances to the SSPX. So boring :roll:

The wedding meal was just delicious, but all the wedding guests were rich, millitaires and catholic. I am a music student atheist. So I stayed with the kids. The children spoke like ... anyone read Heidi ? Or The Little Princess ? It was the same thing. There was no dance, but I was happy because I can't dance :) Instead there were games: Monopoly, cards, chess, etc. ... Very fun ! At the end of marriage (midnight, oh), we prayed for the "purity" of the couple and said the rosary (boring ! )

Just one thing make me sad : in the speech at the end, the bride said, "Nobody can be happy without family, a father and a mother." Well, I have no family, I grew up in foster home and foster family, and I am very happy. I said this to the bride before leaving and she said, "but you're an atheist!" Oh, I forgot, all atheists are depressed.

Edit : Precision that the sermon of the priest shows that the ideas of the SSPX, which is separate from the official Catholic Church, not the ideas of the Roman Catholic Church.

[louisa05]

I was at the I was at the wedding of a traditionalist catholic cousin two years ago. It was celebrated by a priest of the SSPX (Mgr Lefebvre). So, mass before Vatican II with Gregorian chants. I loved the music, the mass was so boring. The person next to me told me several times to kneeling but i can't because of my health - osteoarthritis). I felt so stupid because of this. The sermon of the priest was. so. boring. Imagine a 50's priest in old clothes who are a fan of St Paul and St Pius x.

He explained that a woman beaten by her husband must pray and don't ask for help to "the corrupt police (or Jewish or Communist or satanic"). The woman belongs to her husband and have to talk to him with respect. Contraception is satanic and gives cancer. A family with the TV will not have priest in the family. Oh, and the best : family allowances (a sum of money that the state gives to the parent, 200 € (266 $) per child) are given by the evil satanic state, so we must give our allowances to the SSPX. So boring :roll:

The wedding meal was just delicious, but all the wedding guests were rich, millitaires and catholic. I am a music student atheist. So I stayed with the kids. The children spoke like ... anyone read Heidi ? Or The Little Princess ? It was the same thing. There was no dance, but I was happy because I can't dance :) Instead there were games: Monopoly, cards, chess, etc. ... Very fun ! At the end of marriage (midnight, oh), we prayed for the "purity" of the couple and said the rosary (boring ! )

Just one thing make me sad : in the speech at the end, the bride said, "Nobody can be happy without family, a father and a mother." Well, I have no family, I grew up in foster home and foster family, and I am very happy. I said this to the bride before leaving and she said, "but you're an atheist!" Oh, I forgot, all atheists are depressed.

Officially, SSPX is separated from the Catholic Church. And there are lots of questions about whether marriages performed by their priests are considered valid in terms of canon law. Some interpretations are that they are and some are that they are not. So, on official grounds, you were not at a Catholic wedding.

I feel compelled to clarify that because the stuff you relate that they said there is quite the opposite of what we were taught about marriage in our Catholic premarital workshops and the priest who married us would scream NO! to all of it. In fact, in my archdiocese, around ten years ago, there was a concerted effort to educate priests, parish and school staff about domestic abuse which included sessions on the topic that refuted what you heard at that wedding about not contacting police or leaving the situation. Parishes here still have information available about shelters and assistance particularly placed in women's restrooms at churches.

[OgrePrincess]

I've been a guest at lots of fundy and semi-fundy weddings. And what's worse, I was the BRIDE at my own fundy wedding. :pink-shock: We had the praise and worship time followed by my dad giving me over to my groom. My dress was extremely modest as were my bridesmaids. Our reception was dry. Our champagne toast was with sparkling cider. Our bridal dinner was potluck provided by our guests. I still find it hard to believe that was me. The marriage only survived 8 years. The cause of the failure was mostly extreme doctrinal differences that we were unable to reconcile. Ten years after my divorce I am horrified that I married a man who was the perfect fundy husband ( at least on the surface ) but who I didn't love. I did what was expected of me at the time. Oh, did I mention that I was 38 at the time. I've since a had a sort of crisis of faith. I'm not sure what I believe right now but I know that I am permanently scarred by 30+ years of indoctrination. It's a tragic lifestyle that forces people to live in absolute misery for the sake of a rigid belief system. At least it was for me. :cry:

Oh, man. I've been there too. Sorry you had to suffer through that. I held onto my faith, but have swung way more liberal in the aftermath. And I couldn't unload my frumptacularly modest dress anywhere, for any price, after the divorce. I had to donate that sucker to Goodwill, where it probably still hangs as we speak. Big internet (((hug))) to you, kindred-spirit stranger.

[Marianne]

Officially, SSPX is separated from the Catholic Church. And there are lots of questions about whether marriages performed by their priests are considered valid in terms of canon law. Some interpretations are that they are and some are that they are not. So, on official grounds, you were not at a Catholic wedding.

I feel compelled to clarify that because the stuff you relate that they said there is quite the opposite of what we were taught about marriage in our Catholic premarital workshops and the priest who married us would scream NO! to all of it. In fact, in my archdiocese, around ten years ago, there was a concerted effort to educate priests, parish and school staff about domestic abuse which included sessions on the topic that refuted what you heard at that wedding about not contacting police or leaving the situation. Parishes here still have information available about shelters and assistance particularly placed in women's restrooms at churches.

I'll edit my post to clarify what you are saying. Can you give me, if you have, the references of canon law on wedding celebrated by the SSPX ? Or other text that speaks about it. I am passionate by sedevacantists (because my Spanish family is next to Palmar de Troya - if you know), and I did not know it was the same thing for lefevristes. thank you very much :)

[MissBeaufort]

I was homeschooled through high school and ended up with a lot of fundie-lite friends, even though I am not at all that way myself. I attended a wedding last year where the bride was 19 and had never lived away from home, while the groom was 23 and had finished his engineering degree. At that point, he had decided- in his own words- "that it was time to find a bride". He had seen her across a room in a youth group activity and had approached her father to ask for permission to court her. The general consensus seemed to be that she had lucked out like crazy because he was young, good looking, and had a guaranteed job.

Because they were both very evangelical, there was a lot of emphasis in the wedding about being predestined for each other and remaining pure for your future spouse. There was also a lot of discussion about how she was passing from the safety of her father's house to that of her new husband.

The strangest part, hands down, was when the marriage ceremony was interrupted halfway through so the pastor could give a sermon about how marriage must be between one man and one woman, because Adam and Eve. For the same reason, one must use no contraception in marriage (he didn't explain how he made that connection).

Otherwise, though, it was quite a trendy wedding. Bride had a beautiful and stylish dress, the colours were violet and lime green. Dinner was a catered buffet with no alcohol. I ran into an old acquaintance on the buffet line, and when he asked what I was planning to do with my degree (psychology), I told him that I was hopefully planning to progress onto grad school and get a Ph.D. As I said this, an older man next to me (who I had never seen before in my life!) interrupted with "A Ph.D?" When I nodded, a little confused by his aggressive tone, he said "You know that means you'll be in school 8 or 9 years, right??"

Um... Yes. Thanks, older man I don't know. It was like he honestly expected me to go "8 YEARS?! My God, I'll have to change my plans, I should have 4 babies by then."

[lemonhead]

I was 13 years old when I went to my first wedding (I was extremely isolated and separated, homeschooled, etc., so not many opportunities for socializing outside of my in-group). The bride was the daughter of one of the founding families of our little fundy baptist church.

During the ceremony the groom's father, who officiated, proudly pointed out that the couple had never even kissed throughout their courtship. This was 25 years ago, which I believe was in the early days of the Rise of the Fundies. So I guess our church was "cutting-edge" fundy :roll:

My own fundy wedding: DH and I were married in the church my parents were attending at the time, a very conservative SBC in a very small town. So no dancing, no DJ, no alcohol. My parents pressured me to invite so many people from my fundy days whom I had hoped to never see again, and I gave in. I didn't enjoy my wedding and I regret letting others have so much say in it. If I could do it over again today, we would go to the courthouse, get married by the JP, then honeymoon and not even tell anyone until we got back 8-)

I am proud that I told the pastor in no uncertain terms that during the ceremony I would not promise to obey my DH, and that I wanted him to pronounce us "husband and wife" (rather than "man and wife"). I also refused to allow my father to say he was giving me away, because I did not belong to him.

[Dandruff]

I attended a fundie wedding many years ago. Didn't know them but went with a friend who worked with the guy. The young bride's father gave over authority, there was lots of praying, talk of Jesus, and defining of the roles of husband and wife, she of course vowed to obey while he vowed to care for her as Jesus cared for the church, and he serenaded her, off-key (I remember this clearly), with guitar. The minister went on about how especially faithful they were and of their plans to follow the Lord and go on missions. We ran into them at a few social gatherings during the next year and at each one they begged us to accept tracts from them. We reminded them each time that we weren't interested and would throw them out, they'd keep begging, we'd eventually take a few since it was the only way to get them to shut up about it, then we'd throw them out. It was as though they scored points for coercing people to take the things, even knowing they'd end up in the garbage without a glance.

[snuggles911]

My husband and I have been married for 20 years and still regret having a fundie light wedding. We plan to renew our vows for our 25th with a justice of the peace and have a non-fundie celebration afterward.

We got married in a church that does not believe in secular music, dancing, or drinking alcohol. So we were married in the morning and had a brunch reception. We would have preferred a late afternoon wedding, but didn't want to worry about our guests being bored w/o dancing or cocktails. I never considered breaking out some board games.

I wore a modest dress and worried that my pastor would say something about the scooped neckline being too low. Bridesmaids wore modest dresses and of course there was no bachelorette party.

The whole celebration was over by 2 p.m. At least we had plenty of time to enjoy our wedding night.

[keen23]

I've only been to two dry weddings, and they were Mormon affairs. No dancing. Cake and punch and judgmental speeches from older men. Thankfully, most of my childhood friends are Catholic, and Catholic weddings tend to be the opposite of dry.

[tuckerphez]

I work at a catering hall, and the wedding I did today was very orthodox jewish. Women with long sleeves and headcoverings, men and women (including married couples) separated on the dance floor and at dinner, and several young women with young children.

BUT... THE BRIDE WAS ASIAN!

Which is a shocker considering how much Orthodox Jews complain about interfaith marriage. So the bride must have converted and got a wedding where she couldn't even dance with her own husband.

[Mela99]

I've only been to two dry weddings, and they were Mormon affairs. No dancing. Cake and punch and judgmental speeches from older men. Thankfully, most of my childhood friends are Catholic, and Catholic weddings tend to be the opposite of dry.

Technically, I'm having a Catholic wedding. We're doing an open bar for beer and wine, and each of us is picking a signature cocktail. Fiance is doing a whiskey drink, and I'm doing fruit juices and prosecco.

[AnnieC 305]

Im an atheist, and I would have more respect than to be sitting in church during a wedding eating food or chewing gum.

Ditto.

The husband and I proudly had the first Pagan wedding inside an actual, active chapel on an actual, active military base. Before us all the Pagan weddings were held out-of-doors.