I was at a fundie lite wedding today!

[Jana814]

I work at a catering hall, and the wedding I did today was very orthodox jewish. Women with long sleeves and headcoverings, men and women (including married couples) separated on the dance floor and at dinner, and several young women with young children.

BUT... THE BRIDE WAS ASIAN!

Which is a shocker considering how much Orthodox Jews complain about interfaith marriage. So the bride must have converted and got a wedding where she couldn't even dance with her own husband.

Wow!! That's interesting. Could u tell if the bride's family was their.

[GeoBQn]

I work at a catering hall, and the wedding I did today was very orthodox jewish. Women with long sleeves and headcoverings, men and women (including married couples) separated on the dance floor and at dinner, and several young women with young children.

BUT... THE BRIDE WAS ASIAN!

Which is a shocker considering how much Orthodox Jews complain about interfaith marriage. So the bride must have converted and got a wedding where she couldn't even dance with her own husband.

And as I said in the other thread where you brought this up, maybe the bride was adopted. I was just at a bat mitzvah where the celebrant was biracial--white and African-American. Judaism is not a race.

[louisa05]

I've only been to two dry weddings, and they were Mormon affairs. No dancing. Cake and punch and judgmental speeches from older men. Thankfully, most of my childhood friends are Catholic, and Catholic weddings tend to be the opposite of dry.

At our Catholic wedding reception, guests were greeted at the door of the reception with brandy shots.

[salsa]

Oh, man. I've been there too. Sorry you had to suffer through that. I held onto my faith, but have swung way more liberal in the aftermath. And I couldn't unload my frumptacularly modest dress anywhere, for any price, after the divorce. I had to donate that sucker to Goodwill, where it probably still hangs as we speak. Big internet (((hug))) to you, kindred-spirit stranger.

Are you kidding? That thing was bought by a nice frugal fundy helpmeet shopping at a thrift store a minute after it was tagged and hung up. She then went home and blogged about finding such a nice dress for so little money that she just had to celebrate by making cinnamon rolls.

[morfydd]

1) Many years ago my mom and I went to a distant cousin's wedding. He and his fiancee were Navy, but for some reason got married at our local Army base's chapel. Our first clue that this would be out of the ordinary was when, at the first musical piece noted in the program, the audience broke into lovely 4-part harmony - of a hymn we'd never heard, with no hymnals to be seen.

Then the pastor got up to speak. And speak. And speak. For longer than a standard Sunday sermon at my family's church. And then the couple exchanged their vows, which they had written themselves. I don't remember the groom's vows, but the bride talked for five minutes about how independent she had been, but that that was rebellion and she swore to submit to him. NB: She outranked him in the Navy. My mom and I were appalled... and then the audience broke into wild applause, and we were horrified.

As we walked out of the chapel, my very conservative, devoutly Presbyterian mom hissed at me: "If you ever get married: Keep it under 15 minutes and don't mention God." I took that advice. :)

2) A friend of my ex-husband* was getting married at the chapel of the very exclusive Catholic girls' school she'd attended, but their evangelical pastor was doing the actual marrying. During his sermon, he managed to: Proclaim that women's place was subservient to men's, insult the Catholic Church, and sneak in a dig against homosexuality (with my gay BIL in the wedding party somehow managing to smile through it). Oh, and they had requested that the word "obey" be removed from her vows, and he put it in and grinned at her, essentially daring her to not repeat it and make a scene. She gritted her teeth and repeated it. He was still smug about it at the reception.

Yup, my heathen marriage ended quickly. However, I think at 3 years it lasted longer than either of the ones above.

[ladyaudley]

Oh, and they had requested that the word "obey" be removed from her vows, and he put it in and grinned at her, essentially daring her to not repeat it and make a scene. She gritted her teeth and repeated it. He was still smug about it at the reception.

wow. what a dick. I'd have made a point of omitting it in my response.

[EmiGirl]

wow. what a dick. I'd have made a point of omitting it in my response.

I just told the preachers at my wedding that if the words submit or obey were said at any point I would be out the side door of the church without a thought.

[salex]

wow. what a dick. I'd have made a point of omitting it in my response.

I'd have happily skipped over it to see if he would pronouce us married or not.

Obey wasn't in my wedding, in my mother's (in 56) and I don't think in her mother's in the 30s.

[OgrePrincess]

Are you kidding? That thing was bought by a nice frugal fundy helpmeet shopping at a thrift store a minute after it was tagged and hung up. She then went home and blogged about finding such a nice dress for so little money that she just had to celebrate by making cinnamon rolls.

Then I sincerely hope the t-shirt shaped bodice enhanced her countenance and that she was able to convert the giant defrauding butt-bow into a hair accessory for the big day. :D

[Rescinded and Mended]

What's that line in the Free Jinger TOU, something to the effect of no spamming, no self promoting bullshit? I'm gonna go back and memorize that, then repeat it to every minister I know of that is being vetted to serve at any wedding or funeral services. That way, if he gets offended and refuses to do the service, we could find someone else who isn't a sanctamonious prick.

I have a friend who lives far away, but when she comes down to my state to visit her family, we try to get together. She invited her sister along on one of our shopping trips. I'd never met the sister before, but we got along well and had a great time. At the end of the day, she gave me a hug and said that if she ever got married, I would be invited to the wedding. I thought this was very sweet, but seeing as how she wasn't even dating anyone at the time, I simply thanked her and forgot all about it.

Sure enough, one year later almost to the day, I get a wedding invitation in the mail. The bride looked lovely in her mother's wedding dress, but I could not stop myself from pulling a face or two when the preacher started in about obedience and wifely submission, and how we were all worthless without God and Jesus in our lives.

I found out later that a lot of the relationship was calculated on her part. She has Multiple Sclerosis, and had read somewhere that getting pregnant would reverse the condition. She might also have been looking for a caretaker down the line, since she was pushing 30. The groom seemed nice enough, but had problems with alcohol and keeping a job. The bride also paid for most of the wedding. The last thing my friend told her sister when they were leaving for their honeymoon was to let him pay for something.

Not sure how this is going to play out. I don't think he has all of his issues under control, but my friend's sister is devoutly Catholic and believes that this is the husband God has given her (or so she says).

[chaotic life]

My mother drank the Kool-Aid but my father was a die-hard feminist (and a minister but extremely liberal). Thus, I had a fundie-lite wedding, but my father put his own brand of rebellion in it. I insisted there be no vow of obedience and my father laughed his head off, said he hadn't used that line in any wedding he'd officiated since he finished seminary.

There was no drinking and no dancing afterward. I was told that was not allowed. But, at least my father talked about how we were both stubborn and if we survived then we would make a wonderful couple together. My gown was modest but it was 1920s style that I made myself.

I did have a piñata for the kids at the wedding though. One of my bridesmaids hand carried it from where she lived in Honduras and we filled it full of candy so the kids could have a party even if it was forbidden for the adults.

DH got a bottle of champagne for the two of us for after the reception since alcohol was banned for the reception.

A lot of the strange stuff coming out in fundie weddings now was just showing up back when we married. The bizarre conclusions that fundies have taken in the last two decades is a huge part of how and why we got OUT of dodge.

[ADoyle90815]

I've been to 2 dry weddings, one was for a friend of my ex-husband who got married in a Baptist church that didn't allow alcohol, and the other was my mom's Las Vegas wedding reception because she married a Jack Mormon whose children would have been offended if there was alcohol served. It was a pool party reception, mostly for his grandchildren who I also call the Howlers as they really are that wild, but somehow managed to remain quiet during the wedding. We did have some coffee at the reception because the Mormons weren't offended by the sight of a coffee machine.

[tuckerphez]

About the orthodox jewish wedding I just posted about: I should have mentioned - yes, my first thought was that she was adopted, but then I saw her mother, father, and several other relatives were also asian, so I'm assuming she was not adopted or raised in the Jewish faith.

I could be wrong, but I'm applying Occam's razor here.

[Tish Cook]

I attended a fundie lite wedding....I think it was lite ;) 17 mentions of the woman's duty to obey the man. Every song sung had the word "blood" in it. The homily consisted of the "Man is the king of the castle, he will make decisions for and guide and use his judgement on all things pertaining to his wife's future from this day forward", as well as some pro-creating mumbo jumbo.

Reception was in the church basement, catered by the church ladies and Walmart (I didn;t even know they did this) The wedding cake was also from there and tasted like a giant twinkee. No music no dancing, but we did play bible bingo :)

It was a very odd wedding for me, but then again this was the church who's Christma Play revolved around a Heathen Hollywood tv writer who left Jesus out of his prime time Christmas special and after arguing with the network about it, and winning said argument, he left the meeting and was promptly run over by a bus driven by none other than JESUS himself. And the entire audience cheered, except me I was busy throwing up in my mouth a little but at that one .... Good times

[SamuraiKatz]

I think my friend's upcoming wedding is going to be fundie-lite whether she wants it or not. Her fiance is the son of two pastors in the Church of the Foursquare Gospel, so she feels like she has to have his father officiate the wedding (plus, it will be free.) She is trying to convince him not to do communion during the ceremony, since most of her friends are not Christian. When he found out that they were having premarital sex, and that my friend was using Mirena for birth control, he went on a 10 minute screaming rant about how she was "killing his grandchildren."

Hmm...sounds like these two need to find a justice of the peace....all said and done..no familial interference. (Honestly, if my fiancee's father freaked out like that on me, I'd seriously consider not marrying.)

[Anise]

I have been to two fundie weddings, both several years ago. The first one dragged on and on with the scripture readings and the hymns, and certainly no drinking or dancing at the reception. The bridesmaids wore little handmade jackets over their dresses for modesty.

The second one was more interesting. The groom had some Jewish heritage- but they had a canopy, and he crushed a glass, and there was orchestrated Israeli folk dancing at the reception. The weirdest part was the pastor's message: he started with a story of the bride and groom walking on the beach (and seemed literal enough, and the couple had gotten engaged at the beach), but the story got increasingly odder when he described the couple walking into a sea cave and finding Jesus.

At both weddings, it was announced that the kiss was the couples' very first.

[Rainytown]

Anybody else ever been to one?

Many, many. Here's a selection of the highlights.

Fundie lite weddings: No booze. No dancing. There's barely a garter toss. The ones I attended in the Church Years also meant that an invitation was tacked up on the church bulletin board/printed in the bulletin and everyone was invited, so typically, it was coffee, punch and cake for the reception.

The most amusing weddings happened when the fundie lite parents insisted on a church wedding for their non-believing or non-practicing children. I thought my former pastor was going to stroke out when someone's daughter walked down the aisle in an off-the-shoulder number that exposed maximum cleavage.

One of my college roommates was engaged to a guy who'd been married before. His wife left for unknown reasons. The roommate had grown up in the church. The plans were made, the invitations went out, and one of the church's board members found out her husband had been married before. Three weeks before the wedding, he said the Lord "laid it on his heart" that it would be a "sin" for her to marry a man who'd been married before in our church. The wedding was held in another local church. The board member in question is the father of a very prominent Christian recording artist. I can only hope he experiences Karma up close and personal.

The last fundie lite wedding we attended was ten years ago. It was the usual cake and punch with an extra-special twist: The bride and groom gave a sit down dinner at another location for members of their family and a few "close friends". The "also-ran" friends saw them at the cake and punch reception for less than a half an hour.

Towards the end of my fundie lite phase, altar calls during the ceremony were becoming popular.

[infooverload]

I'd have happily skipped over it to see if he would pronouce us married or not.

Obey wasn't in my wedding, in my mother's (in 56) and I don't think in her mother's in the 30s.

If obey had been in my vows I feared everyone would have started laughing, including myself. We had to pick out Bible versus which was a pain in the ass, because I didn't want it to be a submit verse.

[alchemy]

I have found myself cracking up at some weddings because the vows seemed so unlike the bride and groom. Like, this young super modern couple whose antiquated vows included stuff like "I plight thee my troth" type of language that they kept stumbling over. Or at the wedding of my extremely self-centered cousin and her equally self-centered husband in the midst of the usual "richer/poorer, sickness/health exchanges there was a vow to bring peace and justice to the world together.

The strangest wedding I ever attended was for a Jehovah's Witness co-worker.

I went with a group of my co-workers and we were seated in a corner of the hall, which was a sterile and silent place not even decorated for the wedding, and it seems a perimeter formed around us heathens and no one there would interact with us. All the men showed up carrying briefcases for some reason.

The ceremony itself was fine, very quick, and I don't recall anything remarkable being said or exchanged. I'm glad there was no sermon or proselytizing.

After the ceremony we were ushered to a dining hall to wait for dinner, while the wedding party headed off to get their photos taken. Again, we were segregated to our own area. There we no decorations other than simple bouquets on the tables. There was a big long table for the wedding party, but it was oddly set really far away from all the guest tables, you'd have to walk across several feet of wide open area to get there.

So, here we were waiting for dinner in this sparse hall and there was no music, no entertainment, and no refreshments and a bunch of other people who were looking at us like we were lepers. And we waited, and waited, and waited. We ended up passing around a tiny packet of baby cookies a co-worker found in her purse and washing it down with a cup of water we begged from the caterers working in the adjoining kitchen to tide us over.

Finally, over two hours later the wedding party showed up and we were treated to a pretty good dinner. The wedding party on the other side of the great divide looked like they were having a good time, but no one seemed to want to cross that barrier between guest and hosts. After dinner and no sign of music, drink, or other merriment being offered we decided it was time to go as we'd had our share of discomfort for the day. We asked ourselves if we should cross the line to go speak with the wedding party because it seemed like it wasn't the thing to do in this place. We finally decided we couldn't leave without giving our regards to our co-worker bride so we crossed up the the front as a group. A murmur went through the crowd as we walked up there, but the wedding party was gracious and we took our leave. Afterwards we went to a bar for a good stiff drink and all made the decision that if the co-worker bride asked us what we thought of the wedding we'd just say "you looked lovely" because the rest of it was just to weird to comment on.

[Jenny]

Several years ago, a childhood friend got married. There was no alcohol served at the reception, but there was dancing. The thing I thought was odd though was her dad stood up in church (I think this was a few weeks before the wedding) and talked about how proud he was of the bride and groom for waiting until their wedding night. It was awkward. Personally, I'm a big believer in waiting until marriage, but I certainly don't feel the need "Jenny's a virgin" shouted from the rooftops. It is not anyone's business.

[galaxy]

My parents have been to many. No dancing or alcohol at the reception, altar call during the ceremony, praise hymns in lieu of a processional, sermon mentions the wife submitting to the husband, mentions that the couple has "saved themselves for marriage," etc. They were really put off by it at first (they are Catholic and we don't really do all that stuff at the average Catholic wedding) but now they barely blink an eye. They do usually leave the reception early because with no music, no alcohol, and no dancing, what can you really do after dinner?

[louisa05]

Several years ago, a childhood friend got married. There was no alcohol served at the reception, but there was dancing. The thing I thought was odd though was her dad stood up in church (I think this was a few weeks before the wedding) and talked about how proud he was of the bride and groom for waiting until their wedding night. It was awkward. Personally, I'm a big believer in waiting until marriage, but I certainly don't feel the need "Jenny's a virgin" shouted from the rooftops. It is not anyone's business.

I have been to more than one fundy-lite wedding where the couple's virginity was proclaimed. It just seems very awkward to me. That is a personal matter and a personal choice and doesn't need announced to a few hundred people.

What all the fundy-lite weddings I've been to have had in common was a complete lack of food. One had cake and peanuts. That was it. Not even mints. And each guest got a piece of cake that was about an inch and half square--basically 2 or 3 bites. I was in that wedding. It was at 2 pm with pictures at 10:30 a.m. There was no lunch for the wedding party and we had to stand in the world's longest receiving line for an hour and a half after the hour and half long ceremony. So around 5 pm, after three hours on our feet, we got a four ounce cup of punch, a couple of bites of cake and about five peanuts. A couple of friends and I then got the hell out of there and went to the nearest fast food restaurant because we were starving.

This incident inspired me to have a full buffet and way too much cake at our wedding. No one left early because of hunger, though. Our best man also got deli sandwiches for the families and wedding party between pictures and the ceremony, too.

[Rescinded and Mended]

For what it's worth, if the headship and I hadn't eloped, I'm not sure I would have had alcohol at my wedding, either. Not because we're fundy, but because neither one of us drinks.

Although, I don't think I would have prohibited it, either...maybe just told guests they could bring it if they wanted it. Is there some sort of protocol to follow when it comes to a dry wedding with optional alcohol?

I'd want my guests to be happy, but wouldn't want to shell out for liquor if I wasn't going to drink it.

[Coconut Flan]

I have been to more than one fundy-lite wedding where the couple's virginity was proclaimed. It just seems very awkward to me. That is a personal matter and a personal choice and doesn't need announced to a few hundred people.

I think my all time favorite was the one where unexpectedly the minister launched into a full on virginity spiel while the bride was green from morning sickness. I'd been feeding her saltines just to get her ready for the ceremony. Some of these people are clueless.

[FeministShrew]

I've never been to any other kind of wedding than fundie-lite weddings in some type of Baptist church, including my own. The wedding dresses/bridesmaid dresses were never particularly modest, always some cheesy song like "Butterfly Kisses," but sometimes secular love songs. Punch, cake, peanuts & mints in the "Family Life Center" (read gym), decorated with some tissue paper stuck into lattice panels.

Never any talk of virginity, though. I'd say 2/3 of the weddings I attended featured a pregnant bride, just out of high school (sometimes still in high school). The most memorable is the wedding of my old preacher's 16 year old daughter, 7 months pregnant in a custom-made maternity wedding dress (ivory, not white!) & long veil, to her 20-something drug-dealer baby daddy. 13 years & 3 kids later, they are paid full-time co-youth pastors at the same church, because he couldn't hold down a regular job & she wanted to be a stay-at-home mommy. It's surprising they only have 3, because according to her they never used any type of birth control.

I helped in the kitchen at a wedding where the 35 yo bride's preacher dad officiated. She had several country songs picked out, but at the rehearsal he vetoed her choices & picked out Southern gospel tunes intsead. Poor woman walked down the aisle to "Jesus Hold My Hand," with her dad head-bopping & looking smug.