Female Body Shaming in Christian Churches

[Anise]

www.bookwormbeauty.com/2013/05/the-only ... e.html?m=1

I just ran across this blog entry and thought I'd share. It's horrifying.

And many young women responding to it elsewhere have shared similar experiences.

Just no words.

[doggie]

it is sad and pathetic. But churches are full of people not saints like they think they are. Churches are huge about trying to force conformity on every level.

[Just Not Good]

So sad. What horrific poor excuses for Christians.

[Just_Jane]

I actually teared up reading that. aside from the church based stories I can relate to it. as a teen I had very low self esteem and saw myself as ugly, fat and so on. By the time I was 12 I wore a C-cup bra. I couldn't hide my boobs because they were after all attached to my chest. Her writing on that just really hit home for me because I know what it's like to be looked at for your chest size first.

it just makes my blood boil to read that. God gave her the body that she has and it's being looked down and treated as less than because why? Women of all ages do enough body shaming on their own that they don't need any help from so called Christians at church.

[sewingmom2]

I can relate. I was a 34C in junior high, a 36D in high school and am now a 38H, age 60. I found healing in breastfeeding--really. I went from despising my boobs to treasuring them as they fed and nurtured my children for several years each. I still struggle with "dressing" them and have to spend around $100 each for appropriate bras, but I'm finally OK.

I went to mainline or Catholic churches, skipping the whole youth group culture thing, and have never been embarrassed in church by anyone. My mother struggled with my blossoming shape, though, and was pretty big into name-calling when I was a teen.

Whatever.....

[GenerationCedarchip]

Oh, that poor blogger! I had to cringe as I read that. Not everyone in church is like that, but there really is some nasty body shaming that goes on in some of fundie congregations. That whole "don't make others stumble" idea just makes me cringe when I read it. Since what makes a guy get turned on when he looks at a woman can be pretty subjective, it unleashes all kinds of crazy when women are forced to dress so as not to "tempt" the men. Back when I was in fundie, we once got a talk about how some of the guys in church found long hair way too much of a turn-on and thought it would be better if the single women put our hair up during services.

[idonthaveajname]

I could relate to this much more than I wanted to. :(

[debrand]

I nod, dazed, and climb down the platform steps, ignoring the call from the male piano player as I go. I look down to assess my clothing. Loose skirt, falling below the knee. Modesty shorts underneath that extend to mid-thigh. V-neck tee, but with two tank tops underneath it - one for length, one for cleavage coverage. My mother hands me the car keys so I can go home and change for the day. Sure enough, I'm not allowed to sing that Sunday.

This pisses me off at the mother so much. She basically betrayed her job as a parent. I'm trying not to wish violence on that mom because it would sink me to her level but this really, really angers me. Your parents should stick up for you in this situation. What a crappy parent.

[snuggles911]

I grew up in an extremely fundie Assemblies of God church where women were expected to dress very modestly. There was actually an elder who would walk around the sanctuary with a clip board and make notes if a woman's skirt was too short or if she wasn't wearing a slip.

One day, I had stepped forward to the altar for prayer and all of the sudden I felt someone wrapping a blanket around me. It was the pastor's wife. She whispered that when I lifted my arms to praise the Lord, my shirt rode up and the congregation could see my stomach. She said it with as much horror as if I'd voluntarily flashed everyone.

In fact, now that I think about it, they kept a pile of blankets near the altar so that if a woman was "slain in the spirit" and fell to the floor, they could cover it so that no one would look up her skirt. As if any God-fearing person should be looking up a woman's skirt. :angry-banghead:

[FlorenceHamilton]

I think the problem is more pervasive than that. When I was a younger physician in my 30's, it was still relatively rare to see female physicians and the common conception was that those that existed would be quite unattractive. I was a reasonably attractive woman and after having my children, I became very curvy- think Selma Hyack shape. I was regularly disciplined by the hospital where I held staff privileges for not being in dress code and for being "distracting". I was working full time and caring for three young children, so trust me when I say that comfort and practicality was my dress code. It became a real problem, to the point that the medical staff executive committee was asked to meet about Dr Flo's appearance". Honestly! On the plus side, the doctors on the executive committee thought it was absurd and voted to have the adminstrators stop paying so much attention to my appearance.

I think that the problem is Patriarchy in general.

It is amazing how much easier it is now that I am in my 50's and it is simply no longer an issue.

[AVENues]

Bookwormbeauty? Why not just "worm"? Much more accurate.

[MamaJunebug]

it is sad and pathetic. But churches are full of people not saints like they think they are. Churches are huge about trying to force conformity on every level.

Not all, doggie. Not all. I was privileged to grow up in an established denomination that focuses on scholarship as a basis for preparing oneself for the ups and downs of life. Traditions of low-key, unshowy clothing in the worship services were probably greatly influenced by the tradition of the pastors always wearing shapeless surplices over their shirts and trousers. I'm not saying that this sort of thing never happened, nor doesn't happen today, in some churches, even the ones with more tradition (like Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian, etc.), but I just find it very hard to imply that *all* churches "try...to force conformity on every level."

[Jinger Jar]

In 2011 my family spent a weekend out of town. We went to the church closest to our hotel for fulfill our Sunday obligation. Posted on an announcement board outside the front doors was a dress code for women, complete with headless pictures of women in "acceptable" and "unacceptable" attire. If that wasn't bad enough there also were pictures of fat and/or busty women in tight clothing and similarly sized women in loose clothing side-by-side, and it was clear which women were welcomed at Mass there.

I'd never seen anything like it, and I've attended Catholic churches on five continents. The only other Catholic churches with a posted dress code I've seen is at the Vatican, both that one applies to both sexes and serves as a reminder to tourists that they're also in places of worship. And the Vatican dress code to posted using drawings, not photos of actual people.

Anyway, Mass obligation or no, we left. We woman slog through enough shaming in our workaday lives; we don't need it where we go to explicitly encounter God.

[Childless]

I solve the whole problem by not going to church at all. Who needs to deal with that crap? I can stay home, sleep in, and spend the morning with my husband and my son who neither shame me nor tell me I'm a horrible sinner. Its a much better use of my time.

[auntsally28]

There is a bit of a worrying outbreak in my church of even little girls wearing three quarter length leggings under long skirts and long shorts.....why? So sad...

[MamaJunebug]

In 2011 my family spent a weekend out of town. We went to the church closest to our hotel for fulfill our Sunday obligation. Posted on an announcement board outside the front doors was a dress code for women, complete with headless pictures of women in "acceptable" and "unacceptable" attire. If that wasn't bad enough there also were pictures of fat and/or busty women in tight clothing and similarly sized women in loose clothing side-by-side, and it was clear which women were welcomed at Mass there.

I'd never seen anything like it, and I've attended Catholic churches on five continents. The only other Catholic churches with a posted dress code I've seen is at the Vatican, both that one applies to both sexes and serves as a reminder to tourists that they're also in places of worship. And the Vatican dress code to posted using drawings, not photos of actual people.

Anyway, Mass obligation or no, we left. We woman slog through enough shaming in our workaday lives; we don't need it where we go to explicitly encounter God.

I'm gobsmacked. And embarrassed for the people in that parish who went along with the idea. I'm glad you just left. The Mass obligation is one enacted by the church, not by God at least as I understand Her/Him. Good for you.

[RosyDaisy]

It just amazes me that churches (even mainstreams ones) have become places of judgment and gossip rather than places of worship and prayer.

[crassy]

I solve the whole problem by not going to church at all. Who needs to deal with that crap? I can stay home, sleep in, and spend the morning with my husband and my son who neither shame me nor tell me I'm a horrible sinner. Its a much better use of my time.

Exactly. Even if you do believe in god why would anyone want to belong to a group where this is a thing? I much prefer to be around people who build me up rather than those who want to smash me down just because I have a vagina.

[doggie]

It just amazes me that churches (even mainstreams ones) have become places of judgment and gossip rather than places of worship and prayer.

Are you sure this is a new thing?

[yewchapel]

I have never experienced this in churches I've attended - shorts, not even long shorts, and flip-flops are perfectly acceptable wear in summer for instance, and I wear jersey mini skirts with leggings and Dr Martens to Mass - but how awful for those who have. I have experienced it outside of church though, and it sucks. Unfortunately some churches have embraced the patriarchy that exists in culture in general.

[RosyDaisy]

Are you sure this is a new thing?

No, definitely not a new thing, but it has gotten much worse and now makes "Mean Girls" look like saints.

[Hane]

Bookwormbeauty? Why not just "worm"? Much more accurate.

Not sure what you mean here. Are you saying that the people in her post treated her like a worm?

[rollmeover]

That was so sad to read. In the comments there was a woman who was asked to leave because the colour blue was causing a boy "to stumble" - i mean wtf?

In our Catholic church this seems not to be an issue and certainly as a fatty with double ds i don't get any unwanted attention, but online I do see (usually) women talking about how their husbands and sons get distracted by other women/girls and i never get why they don't tell their males to focus on Jesus rather than someone else's body.

[clarinetpower]

I love that I can (and do) go to church in things that show my curvy shape, sometimes cleavage and skinny jeans and people stare and stare...

AT MY FACE.

With a smile. And a hug. And usually "I just love reading your Facebook statuses, you are so funny!" or "Thank you for the Children's Choir songs today, it was such a blessing and so joyful!"

I have found the right kind of church.

I am so sad for this woman, and so many like her.

[louisa05]

There is a bit of a worrying outbreak in my church of even little girls wearing three quarter length leggings under long skirts and long shorts.....why? So sad...

The leggings thing with skirts or shorts is a bit of a trend right now. I saw tons of girls when subbing at the 4-8 grade level doing that this spring, especially when it was spring on the calendar but too cold out for shorts. Plus, the younger ones that still have recess can climb the playground equipment while wearing a skirt without flashing everyone. Judging by some of the tops worn with them (spaghetti straps, "girl power" sort of messages, etc...)it was definitely more for the trend than a modesty game.