Doug Phillips tells us how to...

[tonamieaimee]

"How to Dupe Your Congregation for Fun and Profit"

[ladypuglover]

Wait, there wasn't anything about "How to take a Shit"! Now what do I do?? :think:

I'm looking for the crazy christain guy that tells you just how to do that. Give me a few days and you all will have a whole new level of crazy to see.

[Patsy]

How to watch movies is probably about how to discuss your world view and try to counter any bad messages in films. Which I think MOST parents do sometimes, it's a natural extension of, you know, communicating with your children :/ or PEOPLE in general.

[Sweetpea1]

My suggestion (Hi, Interns!!) for Doug is:

How to stage pictures for LOLcats

[contrary]

Plague of “Jive Talk†in Your Home

HAHAHAHA. oh dear me. that is fun stuff!

i wonder if there are classes available to teach the hearing-impaired how to Hand Jive.

[easternabeille]

Um, how to handle a social worker visit? Is this really such a problem in vision forum circles that Doug needs to write a how to for it? This sounds like something I would need to know if I was a regular on Judge Judy or something.

[demgirl]

How to Take Children Safely Through an Airport

Whaa...? :?:

[Nothing2CHere]

"How to Cultivate a Love of Meaningful Poetry with Your Children"

I was an English major. I have a feeling that my definition of "meaningful poetry" is quite different from his. Especially since in one of my very first college English classes, the professor stated that all poetry was about sex or death. Defrauding!!!

[synchroswimr]

Um, how to handle a social worker visit? Is this really such a problem in vision forum circles that Doug needs to write a how to for it? This sounds like something I would need to know if I was a regular on Judge Judy or something.

I know that several fundies I've read (Candy and some others whose names escape me at this point) have a section in their HMB for when CPS shows up. Candy historically had several posts about it. I always thought that was strange. She usually set it up as a "homeschoolers are so persecuted" thing.

[GolightlyGrrl]

This was my favorite.

Jive Talk? Gee, way to stay current, Dougie.

I actually saw a brief segment where Doug and his beard, er, I mean wife, addressed "jive talk." They claimed it is when a child uses the word "like" like, all the like, time, like you know?

Um, that's not jive talk. That is Valley Girl talk. Or to keep things more current, "Reality Show Bimbo" talk.

[VodouDoll]

Why is he so worried about a visit from CPS? If they are treating their children correctly, there is no reason for anyone to call CPS on any Christian family.

I wondered this too. Perhaps the best way to handle a visit from CPS is to make sure they never come in the first place by not beating your kids, hm? I'm dumbfounded that it's apparently just a given to these people that, the way they treat their children, the abuse authorities will be called now and then and it's no big deal, nothing to be horrified over or that could make you reexamine your parenting choices, just something to be handled with Vision Forum's advice.

[Artemis]

C'mon, if you haven't had a visit from CPS then you haven't been PERSECUTED. You don't get any Pharisee points if you haven't been PERSECUTED by CPS at least once . . .

[starfish]

I'd pay good money to see Dougie Poo "jive talk"........

[emmyfair]

Everything Dougie has listed there is so insulting to a parents intelligence ... or bloody should be. You don't drill crap into your kids, you man up and be the example you'd want your kids to follow. End of story. Nobody's perfect, do your best. can I charge for this information? There's this new outfit I'd love to buy and I'm sure the price of one of Douggies rip-offs would cover it...

[treemom]

Oh no! We had an outbreak of the Jivetalk plague last night! What to do! What to do!

[Burris]

You can have all that for the low, low price of $95! Seriously.

Here are some other FJ observations about Dougie's offering:

Yeah

Oh, yeah!

[Lily]

I think we need the following additions to the list of things Dougie is going to tell us how to do...

How to Navigate Traffic In Seattle

How to Keep Calm In The Face of Zombie Apocalypse

How to Trip Your Friend With An Orange Peel

How to Vomit Discreetly At The Dinner Table

How to Arrange A Sacrifice Party

How to Get Drool Stains Out of a Pillow

How to Blend In At A Redneck Wedding

How to Pin Your Cable Theft on Your Neighbour

How to Catch Diseases From An Alpaca

and How to Profit From Writing Completely Useless Articles

[Hane]

I think we need the following additions to the list of things Dougie is going to tell us how to do...

How to Navigate Traffic In Seattle

How to Keep Calm In The Face of Zombie Apocalypse

How to Trip Your Friend With An Orange Peel

How to Vomit Discreetly At The Dinner Table

How to Arrange A Sacrifice Party

How to Get Drool Stains Out of a Pillow

How to Blend In At A Redneck Wedding

How to Pin Your Cable Theft on Your Neighbour

How to Catch Diseases From An Alpaca

and How to Profit From Writing Completely Useless Articles

Nothing further to say here. Lily FTW!

[Patsy]

Oh, no. My kids are saying 'like'! Using it to describe actions, likenesses, and semantic relationships! It's almost as if the usage of the word has changed in the last fifty years, just as language has always been changing everywhere! Nooooo, stop the jive talk!

Seriously, as much as Dougie and co. like to think that they talk like a KJ Bible, language changes.

[Funtimental]

I got an email publicizing the Family Strategies series which led me back to Doug's blog. Have you seen that 2000+ word post on Michael Billings? It seems a little...over the top (surprise).

[Miggy]

"Jive-talk" This one better be sent to the Duggars. I've noticed Joy-Anna using some un-fundy language. I particularly enjoyed her use of "Cool Beans" in a recent episode. Where does a good fundy girl pick up an expression like that? :lol:

Here are the titles of the weekly messages:

How to Organize Your Home to Promote Family Unity - pay the housekeeper extra, she'll do it for you

How to Cultivate a Love of Reading with Your Children - read to them from birth and let them see you reading

How to Make Mealtime Meaningful-no problem there, I'm an excellent cook

How to Prepare for a Year of Home Education-hahahaha

How to Take Children Safely Through an Airport-hold their hands?

How to Involve the Whole Family in Family Worship-"get your butt out of bed, you're going to church"

How to Address the Plague of “Jive Talk†in Your Home-does that mean I have to clean up my language too?

How to Encourage Masculinity in Sons-just let them be

How to Encourage Femininity in Daughters-just let them be

How to Handle a Social Worker Visit-Is this the norm in fundie homes?

How to Wage War on Sibling Rivalry-"stop fighting. you're going to give me a nervous tic"

How to Use Household Decorations to Teach Character-too much clutter

How to Talk to Your Children about Miscarriage

How to Involve the Whole Family in Hospitality-"go make your bed, company is coming. and don't act like animals"

How to Build an Entrepreneurial Spirit in Your Children-instill in children that they have the whole world at their fingertips. let them find their own way. they may not want to be entrepreneurs. Non fundies know how to (GASP!) work with heathen co-workers (GASP!)

How to Watch a Movie As a Family-we just turn the tv on. didn't know this came with directions.

How to Cultivate a Love of Meaningful Poetry with Your Children, and Why Doing So Is Important-they may not like poetry and that's okay

How to Prepare Your Children to Listen to a Symphony-expose them to all kinds of music from birth. dance with them. they'll find what music they like best.

How to Take a Road Trip with Your Family-switch to a plane for anything over two hours

How to Select the Best Locations for Family Vacations-warm weather, ocean, that's all we need.

:clap:

Just let me fill in the missing one. How to Talk to Your Children about Miscarriage. HONESTLY. I quote a friend "Girls, the baby that was growing inside me has died. Sometimes things go wrong and babies don't grow properly or get sick and they die. Daddy & I are very sad so you might see us crying a lot in the net few weeks. Do you have any questions?"

[rock_girl]

I know this is an old post, but jive talk?

Jive talk :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:.

Never change, Doug, never change!

[Convicted Blossom]

Doug is ready to teach us all how to have a more perfect family.

Will there be a demonstration of safe airport procedure?

Social Worker Visit? The reason being ... ?

How to Use Household Decorations to Teach Character -- why that's just in time for the Christmas season!

[Minerva]

Doug Phillips is a tool, and I can't stop thinking about this song thanks to this thread:

aZglqkCRNt8

Yup. Did I mention that Doug Phillips is a tool?

[Claddagh]

How to Cultivate a Love of Reading with Your Children We were given plenty of books to read growing up.

How to Make Mealtime Meaningful Common phrase at home: "Eat it or go into the kitchen and make your own dinner!"

How to Involve the Whole Family in Family Worship I was informed I was not to ask the pastor again if Mary's and Joseph's last name was Christ. Mom and dad thought it was funny, the pastor did not.

How to Encourage Masculinity in Sons Baby brother playing with dolls and dress up with me would not go over well...

How to Encourage Femininity in Daughters Playing with trucks and trying to build the best paper air plane ever would not go over well...

How to Wage War on Sibling Rivalry Mom: "If you two are going to kill each other do it outside!"

How to Use Household Decorations to Teach Character I'll bite, how exactly does it teach character?

How to Talk to Your Children about Miscarriage I hope you'd be honest!

How to Watch a Movie As a Family Put DVD in, press play, watch. Rinse, lather, repeat.

How to Take a Road Trip with Your Family Dad gave me a hideous Christmas wreath and encouraged me to tear it apart. It was only later I learned that he hated it and yes, I destroyed it much to his satisfaction.