Doug Phillips tells us how to...

[higgledypiggledy]

Doug is ready to teach us all how to have a more perfect family.

Here are the titles of the weekly messages:

How to Organize Your Home to Promote Family Unity

How to Cultivate a Love of Reading with Your Children

How to Make Mealtime Meaningful

How to Prepare for a Year of Home Education

How to Take Children Safely Through an Airport

How to Involve the Whole Family in Family Worship

How to Address the Plague of “Jive Talk†in Your Home

How to Encourage Masculinity in Sons

How to Encourage Femininity in Daughters

How to Handle a Social Worker Visit

How to Wage War on Sibling Rivalry

How to Use Household Decorations to Teach Character

How to Talk to Your Children about Miscarriage

How to Involve the Whole Family in Hospitality

How to Build an Entrepreneurial Spirit in Your Children

How to Watch a Movie As a Family

How to Cultivate a Love of Meaningful Poetry with Your Children, and Why Doing So Is Important

How to Prepare Your Children to Listen to a Symphony

How to Take a Road Trip with Your Family

How to Select the Best Locations for Family Vacations

Oops, and I thought I knew how to watch a movie and get the gate in an airport. But how to talk to my kids about miscarriage?!?!? I don't tell them I'm pregnant until miscarriage is pretty unlikely and I guess that if I had a late miscarriage I would figure it out, not ask for Doug's advice. I don't spend a great deal of time worrying about social worker visits, let alone actually get them. I'm guessing this is a less common parenting concern amongst the less faithful than amongst Doug's audience. I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...

[Cartmann99]

How to Use Household Decorations to Teach Character

I have this sudden urge to redecorate with old beer cans and used "marital aids". :twisted:

[Sweetpea1]

Gotta watch that jive talk. 8-) 8-)

[synchroswimr]

How to Address the Plague of “Jive Talk†in Your Home

This was my favorite.

[synchroswimr]

Hi, Sweetpea! Great minds think alike! :-)

[Buzzard]

Does he think it's 1970? Wtf is "jive talk?" Is he referring to Ebonics? I don't get it...

[Koala]

Get a lot of visits from CPS do you Doug?

[Hane]

This looks like a how-to list for people so clueless they don't even know what a clue is.

[Deleted12]

Get a lot of visits from CPS do you Doug?

Exactly.

In VF circles, I bet this comes up all the time. x(

[Soldier of the One]

Looks like a rather transparent ploy to fleece the sheep again :)

I wonder if we could come up with our own FJ list of 'how to's' for Doug...

[twin2]

Oh great Dougie, I now can not get this out of my head:

Thanks a lot.

First book in the "How-to Dougie Series":

"How to Modernize Your Vocabulary"

[GenerationCedarchip]

Cultivating an entrepreneurial spirit in children? Okay - I have to admit that my first thought on this was about the girl in my class who charged a quarter for anyone who wanted to read the incest scene in Flowers in the Attic.

Probably not what Dougie had in mind! :o

[lovefromgirl]

Oh great Dougie, I now can not get this out of my head:

Thanks a lot.

First book in the "How-to Dougie Series":

"How to Modernize Your Vocabulary"

This was more what I had in mind:

[Jencendiary]

Anytime the august white patriarchs start talking about the scourge of 'jive talk' (or my father's old saw, "Black Culture" - as if there were one monolithic culture, and that was that.) I can't help but be reminded of Black Acting School from the movie Hollywood Shuffle. You know, where otherwise middle-class black actors are instructed in how to 'be black' for film audiences?

http://youtu.be/xKX4LktBI5o

[deelaem]

Wait, there wasn't anything about "How to take a Shit"! Now what do I do?? :think:

[Buzzard]

Cultivating an entrepreneurial spirit in children? Okay - I have to admit that my first thought on this was about the girl in my class who charged a quarter for anyone who wanted to read the incest scene in Flowers in the Attic.

Probably not what Dougie had in mind! :o

I had a similar thought, but it was of a girl who used to charge boys a dollar to see her undies!

[twin2]

Wait, there wasn't anything about "How to take a Shit"! Now what do I do?? :think:

When in doubt, have your headship pray to God, hopefully he will send him the answer and your headship can relay it back to you.

[SamuraiKatz]

Why is he so worried about a visit from CPS? If they are treating their children correctly, there is no reason for anyone to call CPS on any Christian family. Jive talk....reminds me of some song from the 1970's are they really that far behind culturally???

All that male headship stuff squicks me out...it makes any guy who writes about it sounds emasculated, effeminate and insecure. Not manly at all....

bleh dougie bleh...

[Boogalou]

How to Watch a Movie As a Family

1. Gather family

2. Sit on couch

3. Hit play

4. Stay awake

I don't see how you could make that anymore complicated

[Childless]

So, Dougie is going to teach me how to be feminine. He knows a lot about that does he? Yeah, I bet he does.

[ThisOlGirl]

Oh great Dougie, I now can not get this out of my head:

Thanks a lot.

Love me some Bee Gees! I would love to see Dougie in a Barry Gibb-esque feathered hairdo/full beard combo. Jive Talkin' all the while of course.

[theologygeek]

Here are the titles of the weekly messages:

How to Organize Your Home to Promote Family Unity - pay the housekeeper extra, she'll do it for you

How to Cultivate a Love of Reading with Your Children - read to them from birth and let them see you reading

How to Make Mealtime Meaningful-no problem there, I'm an excellent cook

How to Prepare for a Year of Home Education-hahahaha

How to Take Children Safely Through an Airport-hold their hands?

How to Involve the Whole Family in Family Worship-"get your butt out of bed, you're going to church"

How to Address the Plague of “Jive Talk†in Your Home-does that mean I have to clean up my language too?

How to Encourage Masculinity in Sons-just let them be

How to Encourage Femininity in Daughters-just let them be

How to Handle a Social Worker Visit-Is this the norm in fundie homes?

How to Wage War on Sibling Rivalry-"stop fighting. you're going to give me a nervous tic"

How to Use Household Decorations to Teach Character-too much clutter

How to Talk to Your Children about Miscarriage

How to Involve the Whole Family in Hospitality-"go make your bed, company is coming. and don't act like animals"

How to Build an Entrepreneurial Spirit in Your Children-instill in children that they have the whole world at their fingertips. let them find their own way. they may not want to be entrepreneurs. Non fundies know how to (GASP!) work with heathen co-workers (GASP!)

How to Watch a Movie As a Family-we just turn the tv on. didn't know this came with directions.

How to Cultivate a Love of Meaningful Poetry with Your Children, and Why Doing So Is Important-they may not like poetry and that's okay

How to Prepare Your Children to Listen to a Symphony-expose them to all kinds of music from birth. dance with them. they'll find what music they like best.

How to Take a Road Trip with Your Family-switch to a plane for anything over two hours

How to Select the Best Locations for Family Vacations-warm weather, ocean, that's all we need.

[Guest Anonymous]

Does he think it's 1970? Wtf is "jive talk?" Is he referring to Ebonics? I don't get it...

"Jive Talkin'" by the BeeGees keeps running through my head now. Thanks for nuthin', Dougie

[ChunkyBarbie]

How to stand with your legs W I D E apart.

How to dress up in costume for any occasion.

How to be a douche.

Edited because I need Doug to teach me to spell or type.

[DamnPrecious]

How to swindle people out of their money to take vacations... er mission trips