Lori Alexander: Moms Don't Need "Me" Time

[LainieR]

I feel the same way too. I don't see her flouncing. She has her followers and she posts entries daily. I'll keep snarking on her. She annoys me more than Zsu. I view Lori as an older version of Kendull.

Oh of course she needs to be snarked on! I just meant that every damn thing she spews is pure absurd vitriol. She's like the fundie version 'old faithful'.

[sparkles]

I think if Lori had been a fly on the wall for the conversations I had this weekend with my sister and my daughter, her head would probably have exploded or she'd have me burned alive for being a witch or something. With my sister, I stressed the importance of having "me time,"no matter what. How it's essential to one's mental, emotional and even physical well-being, a time to regroup, recharge and reevaluate. With my daughter (who's 22), I assured her that her decision not to have children was a perfectly valid and respected one and that I fully supported her and only wanted her to be happy and fulfilled in her life choices. (There are numerous reasons why this is absolutely the right decision for her.) In either case, what we discussed was in the best interests of the INDIVIDUALS involved, about as far removed from Lori's stock answer of "everyone must do this because I, errrr.... God says so."

I've only read her blog a couple of times. It's one of those I really need to stay away from. If ever anyone needed some "me" time away from other people, she's it.

[lilwriter85]

If moms need very little "me" time Lori, then why are you blogging? Shouldn't you be spending time with your kids instead on your blog, you hypocritical bitch? :lol:

To be fair to Lori, her kids are grown up and only one lives with her at home. Based on how she describes Ken, I wouldn't be surprised if Lori wasn't allowed to have "me time" years ago when she was raising her kids. Lori is annoying though because in some postings she talks about going on trips with her mom and sister. I wouldn't be surprised if her son Ryan doesn't allow his wife to have "me time". Lori's married daughter Alyssa hasn't had kids and I guess once she has kids there will be no "me time" for her.

[salex]

From what I've read, I got the feeling she and the headship might be making their own version. Way too much submission going on there. :? I think they're keeping their kink in the closet :whistle:

Actually, I think they are getting off on opening the closet a bit and hinting at what they do.

I can't read her tripe, she has led a meaningless life and blathers on about it in such a repetitive way. It is sad that she may be infecting others with her mentoring, but-- I have yet to be able to read a full post beyond the first of hers I ever read (that Ken wrote that just pissed me off) She manages to be supercilious and simpering at the same time.

[snarkbillie]

I fully supported her and only wanted her to be happy and fulfilled in her life choices.

I wish either of my parents would have felt that way. You're a good parent.

[Burris]

Whether you’re taking care of kids or other members of a venerable populations, scheduled and structured “me time†- taken when someone is available to provide respite care – is not merely a luxury but a necessity. This protects caregivers from burnout and the people receiving care from being subjected to the waspish results of an overworked caregiver. (I honestly think this attitude - the one Lori and her friends have - is one of the things that drove Andrea Yates over the deep end.)

It’s no wonder Lori is such an insufferable ass: She's suffering burnout and is too damned arrogant to admit it and ask for help.

[lilwriter85]

Whether you’re taking care of kids or other members of a venerable populations, scheduled and structured “me time” - taken when someone is available to provide respite care – is not merely a luxury but a necessity. This protects caregivers from burnout and the people receiving care from being subjected to the waspish results of an overworked caregiver. (I honestly think this attitude - the one Lori and her friends have - is one of the things that drove Andrea Yates over the deep end.)

It’s no wonder Lori is such an insufferable ass: She's suffering burnout and is too damned arrogant to admit it and ask for help.

I agree with a lot of your post. That burnout is common with various people in different situations. My boyfriend and his parents in a similar situation now. My bf's maternal granddfather has Alzheimer's and lives with his parents. My boyfriend and other relatives help out on the weekend so his mother can get a break and not get burned out.

[Bloo]

I've never had kids, but I was a 'round the clock caregiver for my husband when he was first discharged from the hospital. He came home on Christmas Eve, and I didn't return to work until February 4th because of the amount of care and supervision he needed. Until a week after the New Year, he needed to be supervised constantly so the only way that I could even leave the house was if someone was able to stay home with him- he wasn't able to fit in our small car for a while, either. I could typically count on about an hour a day just before dinnertime when his father just got off work, but I LIVED for that hour many days. I love my husband dearly, but I felt SO trapped. Thankfully, my husband is a wonderful man who wholeheartedly encouraged me to take advantage of as much "me" time as I could.

[Maggie Mae]

It's very unhealthy to suggest that a mom shouldn't have an identity outside of her children and husband. It's unhealthy to the children, it's unfair to the husband, and it's unfair to the woman.

Parents need to have their own time & hobbies, if only so their children realize that the world doesn't revolve around them. They also need to have their own time and personalities so they don't suffocate the children & create children who are frighted of leaving home, or feel guilt at the slightest hint of own personality.

[ILoveJellybeans]

They also need to have their own time and personalities so they don't suffocate the children & create children who are frighted of leaving home, or feel guilt at the slightest hint of own personality.

Thats what fundies want, lol.

[Jana814]

Thats what fundies want, lol.

Yes they do & they have to do it w/ a smile on their faces!

[VooDooChild]

Oh right. Because a stressed out mother doesn't create stressed out children.

Martyr! Martyr! Martyr! God loves me more cuz I'm a MARTYR! STFU Lori.

[iheartchacos]

Don't ya know! Just like dating, there is no mention of women taking time for themselves in the bible.

The thought of it all :o

[Syd+Marky]

Not entirely unlike Abby, Lori seems to delight in martyring herself.

I also think that Ken does not validate in her the things she needs validated.Its almost as if shes truly, deep inside somewhat contemptuous of the role of wife, and mother, and needs to spin everything to make it seem as if she is contented with her servant role, and blessed to have it.I think she sees the role as being the hurdle, rather than an unsupportive husband.I bet if he decided to wake up everyday and tell Lori how much he appreciates her for herself,and reminds her of what he loves about her,she might have a whole new attitude.If she was listened to at home she might not feel called upon to spread the "truth", and enlighten other moms as to her super-woman formula.(although Im sure she would be called upon to brag about it in some way)

Her basic message seems to be "If you are a mom and a wife you should just give over any hope or dream you ever had for youself, and be blessed to serve your family, and deny yourself,because God loves you so much that having your own identity should pale in comparison to the gift of his acknowledgement and will for you."

[LainieR]

What this moron doesn't realize is that the whole "nuclear family" is a new thing. Most parents would have had family close by, if not living in the same house only a few generations ago. Hence, parents would have had breaks. Moron.

[lorem ipsum]

My mother used to make this same statement when I was a kid. She also claimed parents who spent any time away from their children (such as a weekend away as a couple) were "stealing time" from their families.

I knew that was a load of rubbish, but when my twins were newborns I still felt residual guilt and heard her voice in my head any time my husband watched them so I could escape for some much needed me time, even if it was just sitting by myself and having a coffee in a cafe for an hour. Thankfully, I got over it. :P

It's a very damaging mindset and I suspect contributed to my mother's latent depression (which she denies having but is obvious) after her three children left home.

[ADoyle90815]

What this moron doesn't realize is that the whole "nuclear family" is a new thing. Most parents would have had family close by, if not living in the same house only a few generations ago. Hence, parents would have had breaks. Moron.

This. Even if family wasn't living in the same house, often they were in the same neighborhood or at the very least, the same town or city. As children spent time with their grandparents and other relatives, the parents got a break. :penguin-no:

[Wolfie]

This. Even if family wasn't living in the same house, often they were in the same neighborhood or at the very least, the same town or city. As children spent time with their grandparents and other relatives, the parents got a break. :penguin-no:

Heck, that's how I grew up in the 70's and 80's. My widowed grandma lived about a mile away. Her best friend lived down the street from me, her boyfriend across the street. We saw her constantly. My other grandparents lived in a neighboring town that has since become a suburb, they were over at our house several times a month as well, and we would go up there too. Then there were neighborhood families that would trade off babysitting, and elderly neighbors and relatives besides our grandparents who we would visit and give our mom a break.

(I was the oldest of three siblings close in age, my grandparents and great aunt would often take me for a day or two so I got individual attention and my mom didn't have so many to look after. I can't imagine that a mom of as many as Lori expects these women to have would be healthy without a break. OR that the children would be okay without one on one time with their parent or other trustworthy adults. Kids need time with adults without siblings too.)

[YPestis]

The disparagement of "me time" is so stupid. Teri Maxwell said something similar. It's stupid because these women stress "personal Bible time" and prayer times and all those alone times to be with God. For many religious people, not just fundies, this form of self-reflection is "me time". Fundies just can't comprehend alone time that doesn't include God. However, they are disengaging from their family when they go off by themselves to listen to God. Furthermore, many fundie women (aka Duggars) go on Christian women retreats. I think that's no different than secular women going shopping with girlfriends or whatever. Getting away from family, whether it's to pray or shop, to read the Bible or read "Shades of Gray", it's serves a similar emotional purpose. The fact that fundie women don't realize this just goes to show how narrow their worldview is. However, *everyone* needs to get away in some form. Don't go around telling me "good" Christian mothers don't take time off from family.

[danvillebelle]

I hate the "give all you've got to your family till there's nothing left" crap these women spew. I used to read it and believe it. It's so damaging, particularly to women like myself who were/are prone to or have full-blown clinical depression. I used to be racked with guilt for stealing an hour alone at the library when my kids were tiny. Ugh.

Now they're all teens and my husband and I go out a couple of times a week. If the kids give me any snark (they usually don't, but sometimes it's "how come you guys get to eat out without us?") my reply is "I stayed home with you basically non-stop for over 12 years. It's my turn now." :D

Edited to add: I'm having some lovely me time right now - in bed with my laptop, listening to the Psychedelic Furs, puffing away on my e-cig and giggling hysterically at the LOLDoug thread. Life is good on FJ. : )

[wild little fox]

STFU Lori!

[NurseNell]

On Easter Sunday two children and their mother were found dead in a Twin Cities, MN burb. The mother had drowned the two children, ages 6 and 7, and then killed herself, I believe with an overdose. I know nothing about the situation or what drove her to do this, I just heard it on the news. But when I hear about cases like this I always wonder if it's a situation where the mother just felt overwhelmed. Lori is full of crap if she doesn't realize everyone needs some me time, especially mothers.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

No me time allowed, and you're not allowed to have depression, let alone medication. You cannot have any idols like pepsi. You cannot relax and read a book unless its christian based. Oh and don't forget that fun is out of the question. It's kind of like what came first, the depression or the wacky life that makes you depressed? There is no out, so they keep trying to be better christians, better wives, because surely that is the ONLY thing that will bring fulfillment. Frankly, I am surprised more of them don't have total breakdowns.

[Koala]

*Interesting side note* Lori is commenting over on Generation Cedar:

All of my children, but one, waited until they were marriageable age to “date.†Dating, when age appropriate, means to go out to coffee and hang out in groups to see if they might be “the one.†The one who had a girlfriend in high school said it was a mistake. I was always asking him if he treated her like a sister with all purity! They all are happy we protected them from youthful foolishness.

Ugggg.....she is so self righteous, I swear I could gag!

[Feberin]

No wonder so many of the beat their children.