Papa's Paddles

[mirele]

They sell other stuff, but they got started (and still sell) paddles.

I would like to believe they're decorative, but if you're selling an 11 inch purse-sized paddle--PROBABLY NOT.

http://papaspaddles.com/paddles.html

[Closed Womb]

"Our Scripture paddles are very popular."

Fuck's sake.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Seeing as they use the Bible verse for training up a child and are selling paddles (and mentioned that as discipline changed, they also started selling time out stools), its obvious that the paddles are designed to beat children up with in style. I have no idea why someone would be so into the idea of beating their kid, that they would go to the effort of buying a decorative custom made paddle for the purpose.

[mirthfairy]

What the ever loving fuck!? And why, in all of the craptacular "inspirational" wording, is there a giant LAUGH?

Also... why does is look like a giant sperm? A giant sperm that had the contents of Hobby Lobby's scrapbook section attached?

Giant, happy, slappy sperm.

[RosyDaisy]

OMFG WTH??? I'm having some very bad thoughts about what I would like to do with that paddle, and it doesn't involve a child. I need a time out in the prayer closet.

[NoQuiverNoCry]

Inquiring minds want to know: Do they put happy faces and inspirational scripture on their other weapons, or just the ones they use on their children?

And for those gift shoppers out there, who can't decide which size of child-abuse implement would be best?

"If you aren't exactly sure what would be best for the hard to buy for person or if you're waiting to find out if a friend or relative is having a boy or girl, then we still have the perfect fit for you, we have gift certificates you can get for any amount."

So wrong, and so evil, on so many levels.

[JaChelle Sugar]

And the cutesy name add's another layer of horror.

[Vex]

This has to be a troll site, right? Like the one selling tiny baby caskets for period blobs?

[Hane]

This has to be a troll site, right? Like the one selling tiny baby caskets for period blobs?

I wish to God it were a Poe, but I'm pretty sure it's legit.

Those damn things are 5/8" thick. That's a fucking bludgeon in my book.

[Mela99]

Wow....

It looks like a custom furniture site.... then he offers stuff to beat your kid with. I wonder how THAT came up. "Gee, I wish I had something PRETTY to whack Junior over the skull with! This yucky plywood just does NOT match my decor!"

I'm surprised they don't offer a make-your-own kit. Have your kid decorate his or her own lovely paddle!

Gag

[Jinger Jar]

What are the owners of Papa's Paddles going to do when one of their implements is used to (God forbid) grievously harm/kill a child? It would take very little physical momentum for those paddles to break fingers, bruise kidneys or give a concussion. I don't know how I would explain to law enforcement or the courts why exactly how it is that I knowingly make and sell devices that are solely for the purpose of beating children.

[Mango]

You know, I wonder if their web host is okay with a fetish site being on there, because no decent people would beat their kids with a piece of wood, so this site is OBVIOUSLY all about the perverts.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[Guest Anonymous]

Seeing as they use the Bible verse for training up a child and are selling paddles (and mentioned that as discipline changed, they also started selling time out stools), its obvious that the paddles are designed to beat children up with in style. I have no idea why someone would be so into the idea of beating their kid, that they would go to the effort of buying a decorative custom made paddle for the purpose.

The ones on the FB site look like they are designed for kink purposes. I find it really sickening that they can sell both and not think of the inappropriateness of linking the two behaviours.

They also sell a range of really shit painted wooden furniture and doll's cribs. Looks like they are looking for ways to make ends meet and this is a sideline: he makes, she vomits paint over it.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Also... why does is look like a giant sperm? A giant sperm that had the contents of Hobby Lobby's scrapbook section attached?

Giant, happy, slappy sperm.

Now I'm imagining one of those purely for decorative purposes (or kink, I suppose), painted white and with words on it just like in the pic but the words would all be words for sperm, "spunk" "jizz" "manjuice"... :lol:

[alchemy]

We cannot use the official emblems from a well liked motorcycle company, but we can imply it with similar colors and themes

Who are these fuckers who not only have a paddle but feel the need to brand it with their favorite product? "Oh, Harley-Davidson paddle, you're the best. Now let's go beat the impure thoughts out of Junior together."

When I was in Fundy elementary school we had a special paddle. It was like a slight smaller cricket bat with Prov. 22:6 and Prov. 23:13 wood-burned into it in a rather elegant way. When I child got the paddle they were sat down with a 'this hurts me more than it hurts you" (yeah, right) speech, and a talk about how the wood paddle was carved, sanded, wood-burned, and burnished to create the thing of beauty it was (!!) and the paddling was supposed to have the same effect on the wayward child.

[sewingmom2]

They're chintzy, decorative, cutesy. Not real paddles, imo.

[Hane]

They're chintzy, decorative, cutesy. Not real paddles, imo.

Ummmm, not in all cases. From their Facebook page:

Paddles:

Discipline is an important part of any parent/child relationship.

It’s not always a fun thing to do, but these paddles help remind you that what you are doing is helping to shape them into the people they will be.

If paddles aren’t a good fit for you, we also have a great line of chairs and stools perfect for time outs.

And "not always a fun thing to do"? When the fuck WOULD this be a fun thing to do to a kid?

[Turtle]

They're chintzy, decorative, cutesy. Not real paddles, imo.

Nothing cutesy about something designed to hurt a child. And who the fuck would think to decorate with one?! Gross and sick.

[Guest Anonymous]

Nothing cutesy about something designed to hurt a child. And who the fuck would think to decorate with one?! Gross and sick.

Did the Maxwells decorate their paddles when you knew them sewingmom2?

[ILoveJellybeans]

The ones on the FB site look like they are designed for kink purposes. I find it really sickening that they can sell both and not think of the inappropriateness of linking the two behaviours.

They also sell a range of really shit painted wooden furniture and doll's cribs. Looks like they are looking for ways to make ends meet and this is a sideline: he makes, she vomits paint over it.

There doesnt seem to be a difference with fundies. Some of them seem to have an unnatural love of ritually beating the shit out of their child. Im sure the Pearls wouldnt have written their book on child abuse, if someone would have sat them down and told them that some couples like to get a bit kinky and spank eachother, and some people get off to being spanked or spanking their partner, and that its perfectly normal and God doesnt have a problem with it. They would instead have written Created to be his Helpmeet in a slightly different way ;)

[Anxious Girl]

This has to be a troll site, right? Like the one selling tiny baby caskets for period blobs?

Th-there is such a thing? :shock: *huddles up in a corner and rocks back and forth* Dear God mommy, WHY? :( :(

[sewingmom2]

Did the Maxwells decorate their paddles when you knew them sewingmom2?

I never knew the Maxwells to spank. They never, ever mentioned spanking in any meetings that I attended. I never saw them spank, threaten, or swat a child. The kids appeared happy and affectionate with their parents.

[Guest Anonymous]

I never knew the Maxwells to spank. They never, ever mentioned spanking in any meetings that I attended. I never saw them spank, threaten, or swat a child. The kids appeared happy and affectionate with their parents.

It's really odd, in that context, that they promote on their site an If/then chart that recommends spanking as discipline. And that they used to promote the Pearl books. And that they themselves talk about lengthy periods of difficulty and frustration with rebellion amongst the children, especially John. And that at least one Fjer made notes of a conference where Steve clapped his hands together in a way that she felt implied spanking when he talked about 'consequences'.

In fact, your description of the Maxwells sounds positively chintzy, decorative and cutesy. And not real, imo.

[lilith]

The Maxwells are very protective of their public image. It doesn't surprise me at all that they don't talk about spanking and that their kids seem happy, affectionate and well behaved in public. I'm sure it's because they know that if they don't project that image then they will be beaten when they get home.

[gloraelin]

I wish to God it were a Poe, but I'm pretty sure it's legit.

Those damn things are 5/8" thick. That's a fucking bludgeon in my book.

I feel like a horrible person for my second thought* being "only 5/8"? that's nothing!"

*my first thought being "WAIT WHO THE FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."