What happens to a SAHD if she does not court and then marry?

[QueenMother]

What happens to a SAHM who lives at home caretaking her father's home, but never meets the man who wants to court her and marry her, where she can then go on with her life with her God ordained husband and raise lots of children.

I think of Sarah Maxwell here who has watched her two older brothers marry, and I suspect Joseph and John will be next on the alter getting married. Anna, who is young enough to meet young men her own age at the conferences they facilitate and speak at, and will most likely be asked to court with a couple of years. Sarah is left in the wind, still caring for mom and dad and basically running the family businessfor them all.

What happens to someone like Sarah doesn't marry?

(I am still rooting for Sarah to meet a man and be allowed to fall in love and move on in her life.)

[tabitha2]

She becomes the spinster aunt living in a brothers home and helping care for nieces and nephews or she can become a career Missionary helper outer like Priscilla Keller seems to be.Sarah's only option is the former though.

[Sola]

She writes books called Return of the Daughters, or the Moody family series. Secretly she hoards some of her royalties and buys a Rampant Rabbit whilst living with extended family and caring for multiple offspring.

After a few decades she becomes eccentric and wears a purple hat (or is that just me?)

[YPestis]

She will most likely live out her days with her brothers (or a sister whose husband allows her to stay). She will be the spinister aunt who helps care for house and children, but will forever be relegated to the peripheral of family life.

If Sarah doesn't marry, she'll never be able to have her own home. Her life will be dictated by whomever has took her in. The family seems (unnaturally) close, so I don't think anyone will turn her out. However, since she is not the lady of the house, she will have little say in the running of wherever she lives. I feel that the fundie lifestyle is not set up with unmarried older women in mind. Their positions is typically very precarious as they officially should not exist by fundie standards.

[Justme]

What if they don't have brothers? Or what if the brothers die, too?

I just can't imagine not preparing my daughter to be able to adaquately take care of herself and/or family. Sometimes husbands die young leaving a window with children. Sometimes the husband is hurt, disabled or ill and unable to work.

[jesusfreak]

I wonder if Steve turns prospects down to insure a free nurse when he and Terri are old.

[bananacat]

With modern medicine, women don't often die in childbirth and pregnancy like they used to. But I suspect with so many QFs continuing to have so many risky pregnancies against all advice, there will be some QF moms that just can't be saved. So when a SAHD's parents die, some of them will probably end up marrying widowers to take care of the children.

But honestly, if you try to bring up these hypotheticals (what if she has no brothers, what if her brothers can't support her, etc) then a lot of the fundies will simply accuse you of not having enough faith and even doubting God, which will get you sent straight to Hell. You're not allowed to plan for anything; you just have to go along with it and hope things work out in the end.

[Patsy]

Who needs risky childbirth when QF husbands are willing to point loaded guns at their wives?

[sacrilicious]

Considering the things I've read about women in previous centuries and the dreaded "old maid" status, I just don't understand why women nowadays are embracing this lifestyle. All of the things that have been mentioned by previous posters, like lack of financial security, or becoming a powerless burden to a brother and his family were things to be dreaded by women who had no choice, and they want this?? :?

[GenerationCedarchip]

She may be that daughter who stays home to care for the parents until they die and then goes to live with a sibling to basically raise their kids. From what my grandmother told me, it used to be common in traditional southern families for there to be a daughter who stayed around for the parents and she often wouldn't marry or would marry late. My mom's cousin was a SAHD back before it was a fundie movement. She stayed home with my great-aunt and great-uncle and after they died, she was expected to live with her brother but she rebelled and married a widower with grown children. She was 41 and he was 55 - and they've been living happily ever after. She was the first in my family to flee the fundie farm.

[darkplumaged]

I think all, or nearly all, SAHDs who want to marry believe they will... so it's not a matter of wanting to be dependent on a brother and his family, it's a matter of disbelieving that will happen.

It's interesting: we have various ideas about what becomes of older SAHDs, but we don't really know because there don't seem to be any middle-aged SAHDs in the blogosphere. The oldest one I can think of is Kelly Reins, who's ~35, and her father is still alive.

[lilwriter85]

I agree with other posters someone like Sarah will be the caregiver for her parents when they can't care themselves or like tabitha2 said she will be a missionary helper.

[tabitha2]

But in her case,they are so isolated from the VF/ATI set that those kind of missionary activities and retreats are out of the question.They won't let the girls go grocery shopping alone much less on a South Asian tour like JD and Jana did or even one of the Journey to the Hearts ...so, yeah,she'll probably be wiping incontinent old man and great niece and nephew butts in twenty years.

[FloraDoraDolly]

Maybe the parents will be kind enough to leave her the house when they go.

[contrary]

doubt it. girls can't own stuff or manage money, i'm sure.

[Rhetorica]

It's interesting: we have various ideas about what becomes of older SAHDs, but we don't really know because there don't seem to be any middle-aged SAHDs in the blogosphere. The oldest one I can think of is Kelly Reins, who's ~35, and her father is still alive.

Yes, that's the thing! For all their sentimentality for the good-ole-days, this is a problem they haven't figured out yet, revealing just how recent their ideology is. Even in pre-industrial times, spinsters taught school, were governesses or otherwise employed. You didn't just not work (unless, of course, you were in the upper reaches of society).

My family started homeschooling back in the day when no one (and I really do mean NO ONE) knew what it was. My age group represents the first wave of homeschooling, and I'm now in my mid-thirties. The whole SAHD thing developed as I was growing up so there probably aren't many older than that (at least in the ATI/Vision Form/fundie sense of SAHD).

[fundiefan]

I don't know what happens. I'm sure it is different by family.

But, I really can't imagine it. I mean, making a choice not to marry is one thing. I don't see a woman who chooses a single life being a 'spinster' at any age because I don't doubt that the choice to remain unmarried was made in part because the woman lives a fulfilling life without a man and doesn't have a need to change that. Hell, I'm in my 40's and single and unmarried and I am here 100% by choice. Never mind there was a marriage at one time in my life, I am single now and have every intention of remaining that way for the rest of my life. Anyway.

The SAHD's aren't making a choice to be single and independent. If that is how their life plays out, much of that is because of others. Being raised a fundie SAHD implies intent for the future - being trained in the home to be able to care for your own husband and kids. If that doesn't happen, your entire life's worth is flipped on its head. I see it much the same as I see the whole courtship bullshit. The intent creates expectations around which you plan your life. When the intent is not fulfilled, and there are absolutely no other options or ways to move on, that has got to suck beyond suck.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

She becomes the India Wilkes of the family....bitter, old maid who is stuck caring for the old folkes.

[india Wilkes is from Gone With the Wind]

Or maybe at, say 35, she'll say WTF and head off into the sunset with a divorced Fed Ex guy and never look back....(I can dream, can't I?)

Remember, it's not up to the girl--the guy must ask the girl's Daddy first.

[Bozoette]

Maybe the parents will be kind enough to leave her the house when they go.

I know! She'll live in Uriah, parked in one of the brothers' back yard! ;)

[Chrystal-J]

She'll end up like the women that used to live in my house before I bought it. There were 2 unmarried sisters and a brother (who had a good job). The brother worked all of his life to support his mother and 2 sisters. Then, the mother passed away and he supported his sisters until they all passed away. The last 10 years of their lives, they rarely left the house. How they didn't go insane, I don't know. Because they would just wander around the house or watch TV 24/7. They rarely went out on the porch, never mind go to a store or even to church (they were Catholic). The rest of the family were either nuns or monks. So, it must of been a very devout family at one point. But, they were so caught up in doing what other family members wanted they never learned to think for themselves or have any kind of life outside of the family they grew up in. I thought it was sad really, but it's hard to know what they were thinking since they almost never talked to "outsiders".