Abigail Loves Poverty

[dairyfreelife]

I would love to see this woman go to a women's shelter or the projects and see what REAL poverty looks like right here in America. Trying to earn saint points by faking asceticism with a fucking cello and swim camp is disgusting when there are so many families that are actually struggling right now.

I saw she now lives in WV. I love here too. Of all the places to whine about poverty while affording cellos and swim camps, WV is a poor place to do so. I grew up in WV and still live here. It literally is one of the poorest states in the US, just behind Mississippi. WV was in a recession before the national recession ever came about. Forget women's shelters and projects, I'll gladly take her into the deep mountains and show her some real poverty, poverty that looks like she will have stepped into a third world country where people live in shacks with no heat, wood burning stoves, no electric, no running water, no indoor plumbing and don't have coats or shoes for the winter without help from others. So, am I little touchy about her whining while living here? Yea, you don't even want to go there. If she can afford nice coats and $90/month for cellos, she's not in real poverty. Maybe my US standards, she's in the poverty level with income, but Abigail is poor, not in genuine poverty. I don't have a lot right now with working and finishing school and technically I'm below poverty in income, but I don't consider myself in poverty. I have running hot and clean water. I have heat and air conditioning, even if it's a window unit. I have electric and internet and a cell phone. I've never gone hungry or worried about my next meal as I've been able to provide myself with enough to get by. I have a car that works and I saved up to get brand new tires for it as well a month ago. I'm damn lucky compared to many other people across the globe and even in my own state and I know it. I don't have any bragging rights to poverty and who wants to brag about such a thing anyway? Neither does she. She needs to quit whining, especially since she doesn't have to live how she does.

[Arete]

Amen and Amen diaryfreelife. Abigail does not have to live like that. She has an education that gives her options and all she can do is piss on it.

My grandmother used to say that there was no sin in winding up poor, but it was a terrible sin to want to stay that way. She saw some terrible things in her life, and was not one to glamourize poverty. Abigail actually makes me ragey by the way she embraces her concept of "poverty". She gets cello lessons, but the kids sometimes don't have a steady food supply. That is morally reprehensible.

[singsingsing]

I think Abigail is very high-strung and emotionally unstable, and since she has decided that she will never escape suffering, she has chosen to make a fetish out of it instead. None of her behaviour makes sense otherwise. Almost every post she makes comes across as her trying to justify whatever she's doing. Who is she trying to justify it to? The world? Her husband (doubt it, he seems to be an extreme enabler)? Herself? Most likely. She must think sometimes that if she had remained an evil heathen liberal feminist and only had one or two children, her life would be a lot easier. So to compensate, she goes to the other extreme. I have no doubt that Abigail found her former life as a lawyer stressful. I'm sure she was unhappy and questioning the way she was living. Unfortunately instead of just taking some time off, or making a career change, or reading a self-help book, she like so many before her went to extreme religion. She didn't choose her special brand of Catholicism because she thought it was true; she chose it because it made her feel better. It let her quit her job, retreat into her home, and hand over the responsibility for everything to her husband, Jesus, and Mommy Mary.

[desertvixen]

abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2012/12/why-i-love-my-husband_19.html

(Note: Not that I'm actually pregnant or have started an adoption, he's just busy thinking about how to keep open an extra seat in our mini-van. Because Loving Catholic Dads are like that--practical and always open to finding room for one more!)

But not practical enough to ensure there's enough food in the house at all times, or to prioritize children's needs over his and her needs.

[countressrascal]

She needs professional mental health help.

[pixydust]

abigails-alcove.blogspot.com/2012/12/why-i-love-my-husband_19.html

But not practical enough to ensure there's enough food in the house at all times, or to prioritize children's needs over his and her needs.

This is what I don't get....the baby has one pair of socks, they never have enough food, and Abigail has to rent a cello in order to stay sane because of her kids. WTF?!? I wanted a big family, 7-9 kids before I had any....then it moved to 5 when I had one, 4 when I had 2, and when my 3rd was about a year old we decided that we were done. I have an anxiety disorder, and more kids would make me insane, so we stopped. I just don't get the idea that "Jesus wants me to have eleventy thousand kids for HIIIIIMMM!!!" even when you can't/won't take care of the ones that you have!

[patsymae]

Abigail is one of the legion of what Frank McCourt called "the pious defeated mother moaning by the fire."

They think it is romantic, and also that they are earning their seat in heaven. And in my experience, there is no way to get through to them. Even priests can't do it.

[Coconut Flan]

Yep, the local monsignor would tell her it's a sin. He'd say we're required to do first to those we've brought into the world and second to those who brought us here.

If you aren't doing for the ones you have, it's a sin to have more because you know in advance that you can't properly care for them. I agree she has some kind of disorder.

[chaotic life]

Children do not choose to enter this world. If you bring them into your family then YOU carry the responsibility to provide for their needs. End of story. I stepped up and did what I had to do. Don't tell me your law degree cannot translate into SOME INCOME. I'm not making gobs of cash, but I brushed off a 15 year old training and I'm making enough to make the different, to push back over that line to make sure needs are met, medical bills are rapidly declining and children can have all needs met and most reasonable wants as well.

Granted, my kids disagree on what a "reasonable want" is compared to my opinion. But, it's my bankcard doing the shopping, so if I deem it unreasonable and they want it, they can pull out their allowance (because working allowed me to ensure I can continue to give them appropriate allowance as well) and purchse it themselves.

She's not going to successfully adopt. I suspect she's doing it because she has a martyr complex and nothing screams martyr more to these freaks than adopting a special needs child. She's made it as far as the biographical survey in her homestudy process. That accomplishment requires you get an application and pay an application fee of $50-$250 generally. It doesn't require you demonstrat any ability to actually parent an adoptee yet. She has to demonstrate she can financially support a child (cannot require an adoption subsidy to cover her own established expenses if she's adopting from fostercare and has to be a certain level above poverty to adopt internationally AND needs to convince the few non-foster agencies that place domestic needs that she can not only pay their HIGH adoption costs but meet the needs of the child) to actually PASS a homestudy. She also has to not be have a baby or get pregnant within the timeframe of the process.

Even when I was sipping the QF Kool-aid, I used birth control during my adoptions. (Ironically turned out to not need it since I developed secondary infertility but no biggie to me, meant my birth control efforts wouldn't fail and risk a child's placement.) Not sure how Ms Carmelite is going to accomplish that idea, nor where she thinks she's going to HOUSE this angel that will give her the halo she thinks she deserves since states are VERY specific on room requirements to pass a homestudy, even a private one. She would also need personal recommendation letters from people who personally KNOW her (cannot be online people) can are willing to recommend her to adopt a child.

I will be absolutely shocked if she completes the paperwork, passes the homestudy and actually successfully adopts any child, much less a special needs child. It requires a heck of a lot more than merely answering whether you discipline in anger.

Good grief, with her degrees she could AT LEAST work from home grading college entrance exams! They just require *some* post-bachelor's degree and aren't especailly picky what you hold!

[JesusFightClub]

We have a code phrase in my family for the sort of thing Abigail is doing. "You sat in the dark eating pilchards again innit" :lol:

It comes from a 20 year old magazine article where the writer said "My mother said to me tragically "You go off and have fun. I'll sit in the dark eating pilchards."

[Jinger Jar]

Does anyone know if you're asked to disclose the blogs/vlogs you maintain as you go through the adoption process/home study? If you do, and if she's honest in her disclosure, wouldn't her blog pretty much zero out her family's at an adoption?

[lilwriter85]

Does anyone know if you're asked to disclose the blogs/vlogs you maintain as you go through the adoption process/home study? If you do, and if she's honest in her disclosure, wouldn't her blog pretty much zero out her family's at an adoption?

I have also wondered about that stuff too. But overall, I still get the feeling that Abigail and her hubby will never be approved to adopt due to their finances.

[patsymae]

"Yep, the local monsignor would tell her it's a sin. He'd say we're required to do first to those we've brought into the world and second to those who brought us here."

Not to mention that suffering really isn't the purpose of life on earth. My whole perspective changed--and I was at first stunned--when I was exposed a lot to Judaism and the concept that we are SUPPOSED to enjoy life! Refusing to do so is an insult to God.

[chaotic life]

In four homestudies, I have NEVER been asked about my online usage. In the last adoption, the fostercare training class mentioned that support can be found online and asked us (as the only experienced adoptive family in the class) if we utilize any online adoption support resources. That was it.

[SpeshulTaterTot]

She inherited a terrific slogan from her mother, my namesake: "we're not rich enough to be able to afford cheap things".

My grandmother always said that, too. I still live it by it when it comes to certain things like shoes.

I don't know if I want to shake Abigail, slap her, or drag her to a therapist.

[bea]

Does anyone know if you're asked to disclose the blogs/vlogs you maintain as you go through the adoption process/home study? If you do, and if she's honest in her disclosure, wouldn't her blog pretty much zero out her family's at an adoption?

I don't think it's asked in the home study. I don't think it NEEDS to be, for Abigail. All they have to do is get a good look at her family's finances, which she does have to disclose, and they are going to say 'Thanks, but no thanks." and deny her application. There is no way on God's green Earth this family can afford to adopt a perfectly healthy child, let alone a special-needs child. She's delusional.

[lilwriter85]

I don't think Abigail realizes how tough it is for parents of special needs children. My boyfriend's mom is occupational therapist and she was worked special needs kids and their parents. Some children require various therapies for years which can be costly. A few FJers who have special needs kids have talked about their experiences. There is a blog I have been following for the past couple of years. It is a couple in Ohio who has a son with Down syndrome. Their son is 3 and they didn't find out until birth that he has DS. This couple seems to handle things well, but they don't seem to have a lot of money and they have decided not to have more kids. I felt bad for them a few months back when they maxed out insurance paid speech therapy visits for their son. Luckily, they were able to get a grant so their son could go back to speech therapy.

[Jana814]

Agree, when it comes to Foster kids ANY agency wants to make sure that they can take of them if something should come up, w/ Abigail if she does end up w/ a special needs child who needs lots of outside help she may not even have the child get it.

[Koala]

Maybe I'm misreading, but is she just making paper toys for the children for Christmas? Please don't get me wrong. I totally understand that there are many that can't afford Christmas and they have to do what they have to do, but Abigail is NOT one of those people. They are wasting $60 a month for a cello for Abigail. They are wasting money on Abigail's fencing lessons. Abigail is going for chocolates and coffee. Abigail, Abigail, Abigail. What about those kids? If we were to the point of giving our kids paper for Christmas I wouldn't be buying myself a damned thing. I would be saving every dime so I could put something under the tree. Adopt indeed. I have to believe that no one is giving this lady another kid.

[desertvixen]

Maybe I'm misreading, but is she just making paper toys for the children for Christmas? Please don't get me wrong. I totally understand that there are many that can't afford Christmas and they have to do what they have to do, but Abigail is NOT one of those people. They are wasting $60 a month for a cello for Abigail. They are wasting money on Abigail's fencing lessons. Abigail is going for chocolates and coffee. Abigail, Abigail, Abigail. What about those kids? If we were to the point of giving our kids paper for Christmas I wouldn't be buying myself a damned thing. I would be saving every dime so I could put something under the tree. Adopt indeed. I have to believe that no one is giving this lady another kid.

This. Paper doll toys might be fun for say, older kids, but I don't think they constitute a real gift - it's more like something that goes in the stocking to keep kids occupied until parents get up. (I come from a family where my parents did a paper route to ensure that things that weren't necessities got taken care of, which included throwing newspapers on Christmas morning. My parents had a rule that we could check out our stockings while we waited for our parents to get back to consciousness.)

But yes, if there's not enough for kids to have Christmas, there's not enough for parents to have extra stuff. That's not me being materialistic, that's me saying Abigail is self-centered and selfish, but we knew that.

[Koala]

This. Paper doll toys might be fun for say, older kids, but I don't think they constitute a real gift - it's more like something that goes in the stocking to keep kids occupied until parents get up. (I come from a family where my parents did a paper route to ensure that things that weren't necessities got taken care of, which included throwing newspapers on Christmas morning. My parents had a rule that we could check out our stockings while we waited for our parents to get back to consciousness.)

But yes, if there's not enough for kids to have Christmas, there's not enough for parents to have extra stuff. That's not me being materialistic, that's me saying Abigail is self-centered and selfish, but we knew that.

Exactly. My grandparents practically worked themselves to death to get my mom an extremely modest Christmas when they were bringing her up. My great grandparents gave their children each an orange for Christmas...I totally understand a modest Christmas. What I don't understand is how she could spend so much money on herself, all the while knowing that her kids were going to be getting paper for Christmas. That $60 a month and whatever she was spending on fencing could have gone a long way towards Christmas. It doesn't have to be over the top to make a child feel special. A nice board game, a doll, a football...simple things that would have gave them that feeling of being remembered at Christmas. All of those choc. bars she bought herself could have been saved and put in stockings. I just don't even...

Maybe I'm misreading. I really hope I am. The other thing about the paper is that the little ones are going to tear it all to pieces in a matter of hours...they don't know any better. It's just sad.

[desertvixen]

From the crazed Carmelite herself:

We're stretching our Christmas toy budget for our five kids this year by making these lovely paper toys. For $15, I got cardstock at Staples and an exacto knife.

The artist, Joel, is amazing. He has a Paper City, Paper Nativity and a copy of Paris (regular size and a mini-travel size). I'm making Paper City for Alex and Paris for my girls. I'm hoping to add some fine tipped markers in their stockings. Hopefully, this Christmas we will start a new tradition of paper toy fun for hours on Christmas day.

I went and looked at the site, and it's cute but I wouldn't say it's a replacement for actual gifts in any way. I hope they are getting some more, but the note about markers makes me doubtful.

[patsymae]

I know a lot of kids and I can't think of any that would enjoy playing with a paper model of Paris.

What a cow.

[August]

Sorry, this should be a new thread, but I don't have enough posts to start one. Last night I link surfed from Abigail's blog to another one, written by a quiverfull Pearl devotee who is adopting their second disabled child. I read until midnight last night, and have continued this morning, and finally git to the awful post where she confirms that they Pearl-ise their under one year old child with trisomy 21 (downs).

Now, I'd try myself, or give the name for others to try, but she's paranoid - lots of posts about how an enemy is working to end adoption, ya ya ya. I need one person who can talk the fundy talk, quote the bible and get this woman to treat her children with love and compassion, not evil fucking abuse. If there's anyone here who posts at gentle christian mothers or who is a non-beating fundy, please PM their username, so I can link them to this bitch and try and save those babies. A pile on would just make her do worse things to them.

Now I have to go and do things with my beautifully gentle, kind, polite, loving and well behaved children who've never been beaten in their lives, and try not to think of that poor child whose mother pretends to love her but really despises her.

[singsingsing]

The impression I got was that Abigail has stretched the Christmas budget to get these paper toys ON TOP OF whatever else she got her children. The reason I say that is because I generally get the feeling that it's not so much that Abigail and her husband never have enough money to provide necessities, but rather, they do not have the self-discipline to manage their money properly. So one day she's buying her son a $25 action figure and a round of ice cream for everyone because he scraped his knee, and the next day her pantry is empty because she blew the grocery budget. To me this is almost worse than just being consistently hungry and deprived, because the kids probably never know when it's going to hit. Sometimes they've got treats and swimming lessons and (if they're really lucky) new shoes, but then a week later they're staring into an empty fridge.

Staring into an empty fridge while their mother plays her $60-a-month cello, runs off to fencing lessons, pours over the paperwork for the adoption of a special needs child she can't possibly provide adequately for, or runs sobbing into her room because she just can't handle anything.