Lower Mormon Missionary age worries me espcially for women

[silverspoons]

Being a Non-Mormon married to an inactive Mormon living in Utah (for now), I normally try not to get invovled too much when talking to neighbors or my kid's friends about religion. I try to just be a good neighbor and friend. It had be a given that most of the young men in our area would go on a mission. The middle class family formula seemed to work ok. The young men graduate from high school and attend one year of college and go on a mission. Meanwhile the young women go to college, usually for teaching, nursing or music and by the time the men are back from thier mission the women have graduated. They get married, the wife works for a few years while the husband finishes college. I have hated to see good teachers and nurses quit to be SAHM, I am glad that alot of young women go and graduate from college and have a few years in the workplace. I found that they make many friends and have a larger support system.

 

During the last general confernce prophet(yikes I almost typed profit!!) announced the age would be lower for young men and women to 18/19. With the Utah age cut offs for school most young men are nearing 19 by the time they graduate high school (and graduating from high school is required for a mission) so not much would change. The women's age is a huge change. I have come to find out in the recent weeks how much they are pushing women to go. A few weeks ago I found out all 5 girls that had full scholarships to college are NOT going and will go on a mission instead. The scholarships will not be held and by the time they get back from the missions the young men will be back and finishing school. I worry they will never go to school now. This week I found out they are pushing hard with the young girls, 9-12. One of my daughters best friends said I am not going to college, I am going on a mission. She said that her primary class made a pledge that they would go on missions not college. I live in what is considered the best school area and it has the only honors program. Most of these young girls are so smart and it is breaking my heart. This one 10 year old asked me not to talk about the colleges in New England anymore because she doesn't want to be sad she can't go.

 

I feel like this is a big step back for women in the lds church. Everyone of my neighbors that is a SAHM I can think of went to college. They might not be in the workforce now but some return when the kids grow up, during divorces or hard financial times. They have options. Now thier daughters are being encouraged againist this. While I understand college is not for everyone. I also think a mission is not for everyone. The church has also made a huge push to be married by 25. Singles wards are increasing and church members are now visiting those over 25 that are not married and being very aggressive. I also dislike this push on such young girls telling them what they have to do. It is scary to say but at least the polygamous young women in our area have a better shot at college the lds girls now.

 

This is something new. My husband said 20-25 years ago he never saw a fixed age or pressure like this. A friend of mine sent her 2 oldest kids 10-15 years ago to the lds church to be around good kids and get some basic religion. Her older kids went to college and got married (one to a mormon , one to a non mormon). She just pulled her youngest 10 year old out of church because of this crazy "brainwashing". She said it was not like this at all just 10 years ago.

 

This has been upsetting me so much I have been wanting to move. I dislike that my daughter gets so much flack for talking about he future plans. It is just so hard because my husband has a great job to take a risk and move to a more diverse area.

[emmiedahl]

The LDS church must need more money. They charge parents to send their kids on a mission, even though the young adult is basically working for the church for free.

[Lola]

My Mormon friend always has no money and I think it has to do with giving 10% of his paycheck to the church. His wife is pregnant and he's working part time, they both have debts, and can't afford food. But yeah! give money to the church!

[ADoyle90815]

I also think this is disturbing, as from what I've read is that in Utah, the college graduation rate for women is lower than average, and this change will lower it even more. If a 19 year old woman already has a boyfriend on a mission, she can now go on one herself, and they'll get done around the same time. There will be more pressure on both returned missionaries to get married ASAP, so they can start having future missionaries and tithe payers. I think one reason the church lowered the ages is that they noticed that members were getting married later than before, and were having fewer children. They also think that if they can send an 18 year old male on a mission instead of college where he might learn critical thinking, he might be less likely to leave the church.

There's also the money issue, since parents are expected to pay for the mission, while the missionary works for the church for free, and from what I heard, the average cost of a mission is about $400 a month. This of course, is in addition to the tithing that Mormons are brainwashed into paying, so now there will be even less money for Mormons to use to pay their bills, as when you add that extra $400 a month to the 10% income that goes as tithing, the church is going to get a lot more money from members.

[Cannelle]

Interesting, and very relevant for me. We just had the missionaries over for dinner on Thursday. Not because we're religious or have any intent on converting (and they know we don't), but they showed up on my doorstep a few weeks back, we chatted for a bit and I told them we were non-religious, one of them went into the spiel about setting up an appointment with us to teach us about their church, and I asked if I could feed them dinner. The look on their faces was priceless! :D They're young kids, away from home for the first time, and I can't imagine they have an easy time of it, especially in my heavily evangelical town. Plus I know they fund their missions themselves and often don't have much more than mac n cheese and ramen noodles to eat, so I figured they could use a break, and that it would be to have a family that treated them like people.

Nice kids, very good senses of humor. I've read practically everything I could get my hands on about Mormonism (LDS and FLDS, too), and they were FLOORED by how much I knew about their church (one of them kept cracking up every time I brought up something, like the 'burning in the bosom' that Mormons supposedly get which helps them know the church is true). We even talked about funeral potatoes, lol. I made them a healthy dinner (everything homemade, even the yeast rolls, they were impressed!), sent them back for seconds, and sent them home with a batch of homemade cookies. They were really grateful. I'm guessing I haven't seen the last of them, lol, and that's fine with me. I told them they were always welcome and I'd be more than happy to feed them again. I'll have to ask them about the age change (they're both 20) if they come back.

[patsymae]

I think it's bad for men also. Having one year of college before going off on a mission would, I imagine (sure there are statistics somewhere that would back this up) greatly increase the chance of continuing college when you get home. But not having that year, and just going after high school, would seem to me to make it much easier for the young men to just forgo college altogether. Even if you are just working at a crap job, and I imagine for most of these people they are living at home so don't have many expenses from that crap job, you have some money, plus you've stopped the discipline of school, so returning to the life of a student would be that much more unattractive.

[DistantStar]

"Profit" seems appropriate to me. Whatever those men in SLC are, as far as I am concerned they are not prophets. But they own a hell of a lot of real estate.

Girls taking pledges to go be missionaries instead of going to school? That infuriates me! I wonder if it occurred to any of them that they could still do both? Hell, they could go on the mission (a waste of time IMO, the LDS-style ones), come back, go to school and get married -- there's no rules about what age you go to school or whether you are married while you are doing it!

[Jessica]

Girls taking pledges to go be missionaries instead of going to school? That infuriates me! I wonder if it occurred to any of them that they could still do both? Hell, they could go on the mission (a waste of time IMO, the LDS-style ones), come back, go to school and get married -- there's no rules about what age you go to school or whether you are married while you are doing it!

But it gives the APPEARANCE of lack of faith/trust if you wait until after college/whatever milestone to go. I was seeing a guy about 5 years ago that didn't go on his mission until 2 months before his 26th birthday (the cut-off for males is 26) and everyone talked about him behind his back like there was something wrong with him, saying things like "Well obviously he must have committed a pretty grave sin!" or "CLEARLY he is immature and doesn't have a strong testimony yet". Uh, no, he just decided not to go until almost 26! So there are no "rules" but there is a lot of peer pressure.

[Seven Severn]

My Mormon friend always has no money and I think it has to do with giving 10% of his paycheck to the church. His wife is pregnant and he's working part time, they both have debts, and can't afford food. But yeah! give money to the church!

But...but...but if they faithfully tithe (and give fast offerings and give to the missionary fund and fulfill all their callings) Heavenly Father will rain blessings down upon them!

[gimlet]

Well, they do say that the point of the mission is not to convert people but to solidify faith and church membership, and make sure that the men turn into good priesthood-holders. Now if they are going on mission and coming home about age 21 and getting married to the sweetheart that did her mission at the same time, then they'd want to have a first kid quick to make sure they can get into the Celestial Kingdom...what a lovely little social honey trap for both sexes.

[DarkAnts]

Lock the women into a marriage with babies while they are young and malleable. Its a win for the church but not the women.

[mockingbird]

I know a Mormon woman who got married early in college, I would assume after her BF/now husband got back from his mission trip as he is a few years older than her. I was really surprised she stayed in college but they both finished, although it took them longer because I think her family cut off college funding for her once she got married. I believe they both ended up working and doing college part-time so they could afford it. She is very adamant that she did not pick an artsy major because it is something she can easily do on the side as a SAHM, she picked it because she really likes it and hopes to build a career selling her art. There were so many obstacles present already in this situation... lowering the age women can go on mission definitely doesn't sound like it is positive, at all. I do like the attitude many Mormon women seem to value an education and feel that they need a "back up plan" so to speak, even if the religion still values patriarchal roles, but it seems like lowering the missionary age is definitely discouraging this attitude.

[flojo]

It really bugs me that the woman are always implicietly told that they are less than men - when men could go at 19, they coiuld go at 21, and now they've lowered the ages, they still couldn't present women as being as good as men. And they go for less time.

[emmiedahl]

Are women given temple endowments or whatever it's called before their missionary trip as men are?

[alysee]

Are women given temple endowments or whatever it's called before their missionary trip as men are?

This is from their website, " Most likely you will receive your endowment shortly before you serve a full-time mission or before you are married in the temple. Single members in their late teens or early twenties who have not received a mission call and are not engaged to be married in the temple are generally not recommended to receive their own endowment.

New members wait at least one year after their baptism and confirmation before receiving their endowment.

Receiving your own endowment is an important matter. Discuss it with your bishop. Pray and ponder to know when you are ready."

[lilwriter85]

I agree with DistantStar who said that is infuriating that some girls are taking pledges to do a missionary and not go to college. When it comes to Mormons and money, I have read similar stories to Lola's story about her friend on exmormon.org I remember one story about a guy who didn't grow up dirt poor, but he said they were times his parents could have forgone tithing 10%.

[Jessica]

It really bugs me that the woman are always implicietly told that they are less than men - when men could go at 19, they coiuld go at 21, and now they've lowered the ages, they still couldn't present women as being as good as men. And they go for less time.

They can also decide to not go on a mission at the last minute OR leave early from their mission if it's to get married and not be looked at as a bunch of unfaithful horn-dogs like the boys.

[E Street Fan]

The LDS church must need more money. They charge parents to send their kids on a mission, even though the young adult is basically working for the church for free.

What happens if a young Mormon receives a mission call and his/her parents genuinely can't afford to pay for it? Does the kid not get to go? Or are the parents expected to starve to pay for it? Do kids from poor families receive mission calls at all?

I knew about missions (duh), but I'd no idea parents are supposed to pay for it. More advantages for the well-off?

[Witsec7]

What happens if a young Mormon receives a mission call and his/her parents genuinely can't afford to pay for it? Does the kid not get to go? Or are the parents expected to starve to pay for it? Do kids from poor families receive mission calls at all?

I knew about missions (duh), but I'd no idea parents are supposed to pay for it. More advantages for the well-off?

The Mormon families I know have their children saving for missions when they are young. There are also LDS mission funds which help defray the cost of a young Mormon's mission if they don't have savings or are new to the faith.

[E Street Fan]

The Mormon families I know have their children saving for missions when they are young. There are also LDS mission funds which help defray the cost of a young Mormon's mission if they don't have savings or are new to the faith.

Thanks for the info, pork lingerie.

[Deleted03]

The Mormon families I know have their children saving for missions when they are young. There are also LDS mission funds which help defray the cost of a young Mormon's mission if they don't have savings or are new to the faith.

From my discussions with my Mormon student dentist, it cost 450/month wherever you go. If the parents were going to pay for college, then it's not that big a deal. If there is no money for college then yeah that's pretty steep.

I think it,s crazy the other Mormon student dentist told me that he did not have the right to talk to his parents often, and they don't even get to go home over holidays. They only get monday afternoon off too. It seems very crazy.

[Jana814]

From my discussions with my Mormon student dentist, it cost 450/month wherever you go. If the parents were going to pay for college, then it's not that big a deal. If there is no money for college then yeah that's pretty steep.

I think it,s crazy the other Mormon student dentist told me that he did not have the right to talk to his parents often, and they don't even get to go home over holidays. They only get monday afternoon off too. It seems very crazy.

I to find it interesting that they r not allowed to talk to their family that often. I once saw a PBS special about the Mormon religion it was interesting. This kids r taught from a young age though songs & preaching that they r suppose to go on missions.

[Maul the Koala]

My friends told me that way back yonder they were only allowed to send one letter home a week. They were also only allowed to call home twice a year. Those days were Mother's Day and Christmas.

It might've changed now with the advent of e-mail and all that.

[lilwriter85]

There was a thread a few months back about a current missionary blogger who is in New York. I remember somewhere on his blog he said that he was emailing his family pretty often.

[YPestis]

So let me understand this. The Mormon Missionary age was lowered for women and there is a new push for Mormon girls to go on mission trips. That's all fine and dandy. However, because Mormons stress early marriage and childbearing, the renewed push for mission trips on girls will conflict with college for these girls. If the choice is between finishing college or doing a mission trip, girls are being pushed to do the mission trip. Is that the fear?

When I first heard of the age lowering, I didn't care too much because I figure that this will only mean girls and guys can go on trips at the same time and just push graduation a year or two. However, if the church is merely replacing college with mission trips for the gals, then that's making things even worse for Mormon girls. It's bad enough that many are told their highest calling is wife and mother, insinuating that their primary goal is to be SAHM. Now, if girls feel pressured to drop college altogether, I feel that's a very big step backwards for the LDS church. I mean, the college degree is a lifeline for Mormon girls trapped in unhappy marriages or who find themselves breadwinners. I disagree with the idea that women are primarily good for SAHM-hood, however, the LDS stance on female education was one of the positives that the church had for females. I hate to think this new policy, made with the idea to equalize opportunities for Mormon girls, will only penalize them even further.