Mainstream Homeschool Blogger: Girls are happier as SAHM

[valsa]

I've consistantly gotten INTJ (taken the test three times over the course of about 10-11 years and always gotten INTJ) and I'm curious how that lines up with being a SAHM. I'm guess it's perfect as far as the "SAH" part is concerned, not so sure about "M".

[mockingbird]

I'm INTP/J (I've gotten both). I think I am one of the ones who would go crazy being a SAHM, lol. My mom was and got a job once my siblings were all in school, and while I liked having her as our Girl Scout leader and stuff like that, I wouldn't want to be her. I like having something going for myself all the time whether that is my job or having a creative project going. I'm also another person who really loves kids, but I also like having a break from them and need regular adult conversation.

My mom was a nurse and we knew that. It was important to get an education/job after high school because you needed to be able to support yourself. Being a SAHM was a choice she made after she got married and they were in a financial place for her to do so, not a career ambition. I also knew a lot of working moms, including both of my grandmothers - one was a teacher and the other was a librarian (she actually just retired a few years ago). I took "family and consumer science" for one quarter in middle school, I mean it was fun but I really feel like there is no need for it. Once I got to college people knew how to cook for themselves, do laundry, etc. - or learned quickly - just from, gasp, having lived in a home where these things were done before they went to college! LOL Now that my brother is nearing the end of high school he has to do his own laundry. Ebil librul parents.

ETA: We had to do a bunch of personality tests and "career inventories" in middle school and I hated it. I knew what I wanted to do and if I didn't "fit" the personality type, well screw them. It was just a waste of time. And if you didn't know what you wanted to be in middle school (and how many kids stick with that anyway?) I don't really see how it could be that helpful because often the results didn't match up to what people were actually interested in. If they had some flow chart or test that looked at your interests, or your interests and personality, I think that would have been better and given ideas people might actually consider instead of random jobs you would "fit" because you are introverted/extroverted/whatever. Or better yet, schedule guidance meetings so we could start to talk through what we might want to do with an actual person. I just remember about half my class got "truck driver"... and while there is nothing wrong with being a truck driver, it was kind-of funny/suspect that so many people were told that was the perfect job for them.

[Lostie]

I'm apparently an ISTJ. I used to always test INTJ so apparently I've changd over the years. To be fair though the ISTJ result is once whereas the ISTJ was multiple times, but the ISTJ is more recent.

Regardless though, I think that test is fun, interesting, but certainly not the end all be all. No personality test can tell you your fate in my opinion and Myers-Briggs is no exception.

[JenniferJuniper]

I've consistantly gotten INTJ (taken the test three times over the course of about 10-11 years and always gotten INTJ) and I'm curious how that lines up with being a SAHM. I'm guess it's perfect as far as the "SAH" part is concerned, not so sure about "M".

Of all 16 types, INTP women report the most dissatisfaction with marriage.

[JenniferJuniper]

I'm apparently an ISTJ. I used to always test INTJ so apparently I've changd over the years. To be fair though the ISTJ result is once whereas the ISTJ was multiple times, but the ISTJ is more recent.

Regardless though, I think that test is fun, interesting, but certainly not the end all be all. No personality test can tell you your fate in my opinion and Myers-Briggs is no exception.

As a devotee of Carl Jung, I think it's an excellent tool for giving insight into personal relationships. For instance, I now understand that I'll never fully relate to anyone who is a strong "S" (nor they to me) but I've learned ways of avoiding misunderstandings. There are a heck of a lot of S's out there.

But there are a couple of catches. It must be administered professionally and if done in a work setting, people need to answer honestly, not according to what they think their managers want them to be. And I've found that it works best when someone is not borderline in their preferences. If someone tests as an ESFP, but is borderline with her S and F preferences, it's not going to be quite as meaningful as someone who has very solid preferences.

[Zoom]

Another INFJ! I was right on the cusp of INFP and used to test that way, but I have heard that P's often turn to J's as people get older.

I am pretty miserable working from home, to be honest. I like being around for my kids and I *really* like not paying for daycare, but I have issues. I hate clutter and working in an environment that I cannot keep to my specifications, I enjoy professional interactions for the most part. I get caught up and distracted by my own perfectionism. I am really looking forward to not being at home all the time!

The thing about this lady's spiel that really, really bothers me is the idea that we need to take time away from academics to teach homemaking. I had it figured out by age 14 despite going to a brick-and-mortar school, numerous extra-curriculars and a working mother who half-assed all cleaning/cooking. I don't think they gain anything from intensive homemaking studies. I can clean, do laundry, garden, organize, mend, re-finish furniture, embroider, sew, crochet and knit, make floral arrangements, decorate a cake... it is hard to think of a homemaking-type thing I cannot do. I can cook a hell of a lot better than any of the fundies we follow. I can do about 10 different fonts in calligraphy also. I learned these things while working and going to school.

Fundies need to step it up, because all the eebil working wimmenz and pagan housewives around here make them look so inadequate. srsly I am amazed Michelle can pull up her own pantyhose.

Another INFJ here. I like the IDEA of being a SAHM but I also know that after a weekend of not talking to anyone (which happens frequently as I am single and often need to hide to recharge) I talk the ears off my colleagues at work. I think I would go crazy being home with just little children.

[polabear]

I'm an INFJ too! I meet so few others in real life. I would also HATE staying home. Is that a function of our personality type? I don't think it's that predictive, but I need to leave the house at least once a day, and I need adult interactions. I also need the set of specific tasks works provides, and to use my brain that way.Anyone who'd be happy being a SAHM should do it if they have the opportunity but it's wrong to generalize that being a SAHM would be better for a group of people. Everyone needs to learn to cook, clean and other typical "mom" duties. And everyone should be able to support themselves financially if they had to. Because no matter what they want, there can always come a point when they have to support themselves financially.

I need to build systems around most everything I do. When I was unemployed for a month (I had just moved), my house was PERFECT. It was freaky. Believe me, that's not my normal state. And I was really bored - I like the challenge when my system breaks down and I have to fix things. Which is probably why I'm in IT, despite my political science degree. I do have to feel like what I do matters.

I need a lot of alone time, but I do need to interact with other people. I love love watching people, and I love gossip. In my neighborhood, there are some mothers who pretty much approach being a stay at home mom as a profession. They really make our community work - they are the ones who are volunteering, keeping everything organized, getting all the kids in the neighborhood where they are supposed to be. And they do things for themselves, too - that's why my neighborhood has an excellent book club. They all have college degrees, and as their kids get older, tend to be the ones working the part time professional jobs, like at the library. Their husbands typically work long hours at high stress jobs so that they can earn enough to make that sort of lifestyle possible. And presumably they have a LOT of life insurance.

I can't imagine wanting that kind of setup for myself, but it does seem to work for them. But it takes relying on a lot of things going well - that the husband won't leave them. That the mom won't leave them. That no one gets sick. That the husband doesn't get laid off or fired. And we're talking about women who at least have a degree, and could probably find jobs and help support the family as needed. They also only have 3 kids, usually, spaced 2 to 3 years apart.

[ems]

I thought that was weird too. There are plenty of jobs/careers (nursing, teaching,social work etc.) that use the same nurturing and organizing skills that SAHM-hood uses.

I have a friend that I would type as an ESFJ. She's a self-described people-person and seems like she would thusly enjoy jobs working with people. She recently made the decision to leave a health research job where she was miserable and go iback to school for gerontology. She has also said that she doesn't want kids, let alone staying at home with them.

I pretty consistently type INFP, and I don't think I would enjoy being a SAHM. I don't have kids yet, and I can imagine maybe staying home in the first couple of years of my hypothetical children's lives, but only if I can work from home part-time. As another poster said, I tend to get restless and batty if I don't get out of the house daily, so I don't think I want to make a career out of "staying" there.

The point, though, is that there are all types of people in the world (more than just the 16 of the Myers-Briggs test), and everyone has their own path. Stay-at-home mothering should be a respective choice (provided it is financially feasible), but so should any career path.

[Artemis]

INFJ here. We're about 1 in 100 apparently. I don't know any others in real life, but there are a lot here.

[emmiedahl]

INFJ here. We're about 1 in 100 apparently. I don't know any others in real life, but there are a lot here.

We discussed this once, I think on yuku. I think a few others are also INFJ. I would bet there is something about freejinger that attracts certain personalities.

As much as we bicker, the posters here are almost uniformly well-spoken, compassionate, and very logical. We tend to drive off the others.

[ElphabaGalinda]

We discussed this once, I think on yuku. I think a few others are also INFJ. I would bet there is something about freejinger that attracts certain personalities.

As much as we bicker, the posters here are almost uniformly well-spoken, compassionate, and very logical. We tend to drive off the others.

The only other INFJ I know in real life is my best friend, and we tend to be interested in the same sort of things, and she's one of the most outspoken feminists I know. I tried to get her interested in FJ but she didn't get it, though we often discuss some of the things brought up here. For me the I and the N are very dominant, the F slightly less dominant and the J fairly borderline, though I've taken the test many times and gotten the same thing each time. Actually we had to take it as a part of a class once, and the only INFJs were very close friends of mine. It was also more than 1 in 100, which makes me wonder if I'm in a career field that often draws my personality type.

[Sydney Fox]

Of all 16 types, INTP women report the most dissatisfaction with marriage.

I think this is probably true. I know I'll never remarry if something happens to Mr. Fox. We're very compatible, but I still have a hard time compromising, even though we've been married 22 years. I really just don't need to be married like some people do. Luckily, Mr. Fox is a good guy, so I'll keep him. :D

[JenniferJuniper]

I think this is probably true. I know I'll never remarry if something happens to Mr. Fox. We're very compatible, but I still have a hard time compromising, even though we've been married 22 years. I really just don't need to be married like some people do. Luckily, Mr. Fox is a good guy, so I'll keep him. :D

I think due to cultural norms women aren't as comfortable as men acknowledging they are completely content - even perhaps happiest - living alone.

I've never met another INTP woman anywhere but on-line (my best friends are ENTP and INTJ; the NT is critical), but those who married young seem to wish they hadn't.

So to any silent young INTP out there - girl, boy, or trans - know that you are perfectly normal, albeit a bit unique, and don't let those sensing extraverts try to force you into a place where you may not belong.

As INTPs seem often to pop out of nowhere in families, I shudder to think what happens to INTP children in fundie families. I know it simply isn’t allowed, but at the same time, we aren’t very malleable.

[aelar]

I'm an INTP who sews (but not very precisely), has a career, a kid, a home, and an INFJ stay-at-home husband who is both more domestic and just less set up to earn a big salary than I am. (His parents are very happy he married someone who can afford to let him explore his art, my parents are just glad I'm happy and aren't picky about the financials if we aren't.)

I thought I would want to go straight back to work, and that being around my kid all day would drive me crazy. But like my husband, a lot of the time my girl doesn't drain my social battery, and I discovered during my maternity leave that while I'm not a natural nurturer, I enjoyed staying home and having more time for personal projects just as much as I liked being out in the world and doing interesting, well-compensated work. If I were married to someone with a big salary, I might have switched gears and stayed home for a while, but instead I work full time, but arranged to work from home half the week (in a separate room I can close off when I need aloneness), something I consider an ideal working situation for any parent, male or female, introvert or extravert.

The idea of encouraging children of either gender to focus on any one thing in particular, be it domestic life, academic work, manual labor or anything else, is silly. Completely aside from different people needing and wanting different things in non-gender based ways, we don't know growing up where we'll end up later. I'm on my third career; my husband never expected to have kids, let alone be a stay-at-home dad, we've both had a wide range of hobbies and jobs and interests.

It doesn't seem that hard to raise well-rounded kids, and I don't see any advantage to early specialization. If I do my job right, my girl will reach full adulthood with a degree or two, with the ability to express herself creatively in multiple ways, with physical health and active hobbies, with a love of libraries and of nature, with some employable skills, with financial literacy, with sufficient domestic knowledge to feed herself and others and keep a livable home, with self-awareness and a basic understanding of relationships and productive communication, and with the ability to take basic care of a small child or a sick relative. Other people's lists of basic life skills might be different, but they shouldn't, in my opinion, be very much shorter.

[countressrascal]

I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish home, where my Mother held a PhD and worked outside the home, this was in the late 50’s. Her comment was that she was a much better Mother by doing that, than staying at home and not following her passion. I am the same way, I tried the SAHM for 2 years and the Count and little Counts begged me to go back to work, I was driving everyone crazy. Too much time on my hands is a dangerous thing, I repainted the entire house twice, tried to make the household into a homestead family it was a disaster. So back to a Professional Nurse Midwife and I am happy, rest of the household is better. I still cook every night, sew and many of the other housewife things. My only exception is cleaning the house I have someone that comes in every week to do that, I do not clean. Yes I am spoiled.

As my Mother believes it is not one way or the other it is a balance whatever you feel the most comfort with. I love my profession and would miss it, if I stayed at home. The big thing is most of the fundie women have not thought about the world outside their front door because it is evil, sinful etc. So the home is their safe place, they stay there.

[Megan]

I am another INFJ and I am fascinated that there are so many of us here. Like a lot of others, I would not be able to handle being a SAHM. That said, I'm not sure I could handle having children, so I'm not the best person to comment on this...

I'd also like to note that tons of well-known, successful women are not ENTJs. Hell, I remember seeing Oprah claimed as an INFJ (though she doesn't have children and I think it was speculation. I don't watch Oprah, can't say if that seems accurate)

[mrs]

I am a INTJ.

A few years ago I figured out I was a introvert. It was a huge relief. Previously, I thought there was something wrong with me.

[JesusFightClub]

I think due to cultural norms women aren't as comfortable as men acknowledging they are completely content - even perhaps happiest - living alone.

I've never met another INTP woman anywhere but on-line (my best friends are ENTP and INTJ; the NT is critical), but those who married young seem to wish they hadn't.

This was amazing because it totally summed me up. http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html

And maybe you, too?

My mum said when I showed her that, "I've always thought of you as the absent-minded professor in the family" which was strange :lol: But I am very weak on "maintenance tasks" - if I have a thing bugging me politically and I need to sort through it, stuff like eating and washing takes second place until I've got a good grasp on the theory. I am absolutely bloody stupid at working out how others might feel about stuff before they show me. I like people and try to be helpful but I do realise I'm a bit thick at interpreting their behaviour.

This happened to me yesterday. I was telling some folk about a Taliban action, which was quite, I suppose, gory, but at the same time interesting. My mate leaned over and quietly said to me "You do realise no one wants to hear about that?" I said "But it is an interesting fact. Why would they not?" I still don't get it.

I had a wall of pictures of carbombings, and people's reactions still make me confused. I would say "That's Omagh, before and after. You can see the positioning - that's the bomb car, and the payload worked like this...It's a really interesting thing" but people felt angry that I had the wall and when I told them the facts. So I stopped telling them the facts, as they didn't like it. But I can't, in my head, understand why not.

I know this makes me a fucking idiot and a fail at life, but I don't know what people want to hear and what they can't. I really don't. I try, but I don't.

As I said I like people and want to do the best by them, but I'm not good at it.

[eohiken]

consistently INTJ here, I sew, for a living, from home. I could have easily have been an engineer or an architect, but I was focused on making thinks from fabric. I enjoyed being home with my kids when they were little, now less so.

[snarkbillie]

I like how you're all I somethings. I'm an ENTJ. I was the craziest housewife.

[JenniferJuniper]

This was amazing because it totally summed me up. http://www.personalitypage.com/INTP.html

And maybe you, too?

My mum said when I showed her that, "I've always thought of you as the absent-minded professor in the family" which was strange :lol: But I am very weak on "maintenance tasks" - if I have a thing bugging me politically and I need to sort through it, stuff like eating and washing takes second place until I've got a good grasp on the theory. I am absolutely bloody stupid at working out how others might feel about stuff before they show me. I like people and try to be helpful but I do realise I'm a bit thick at interpreting their behaviour.

This happened to me yesterday. I was telling some folk about a Taliban action, which was quite, I suppose, gory, but at the same time interesting. My mate leaned over and quietly said to me "You do realise no one wants to hear about that?" I said "But it is an interesting fact. Why would they not?" I still don't get it.

I had a wall of pictures of carbombings, and people's reactions still make me confused. I would say "That's Omagh, before and after. You can see the positioning - that's the bomb car, and the payload worked like this...It's a really interesting thing" but people felt angry that I had the wall and when I told them the facts. So I stopped telling them the facts, as they didn't like it. But I can't, in my head, understand why not.

I know this makes me a fucking idiot and a fail at life, but I don't know what people want to hear and what they can't. I really don't. I try, but I don't.

As I said I like people and want to do the best by them, but I'm not good at it.

I find this in-depth analysis startlingly accurate:

http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

You aren't a fail at life; it's just that most people you know are very different from you and they aren't likely to be interested in things that fascinate you any more than you are likely to be interested in the (probably incredibly boring) things they are in to.

Reading the emotions of others is one of the biggest challenges for any INTP. Once I know someone, I can accurately predict their future behavior, but I'm never naturally in tune with their emotions. Heck, I have to detach from myself sometimes to figure out how I am actually feeling about something. But being aware of this deficiency and really making an effort to tune into other people helps, and I've gotten better with it as I've aged. Of course, too much of it can be overwhelming, so I have to pick and choose my spots carefully.

[snarktastic]

INTPs deffo aren't a fail at life - I'm guessing that many (most?) of our scientists are INTPs. Your definition of success is probably different from the norm, and you also get extrovert, socially-skilled types who define success as being extrovert and socially skilled and are very good at bluffing their way out of the problems they create because of their impatience with systems and structure. I see a lot of that at work :roll: (Not knocking extroverts, just saying that balance and mutual respect works best).

[Katiebug]

I'm an INTJ. I work full time outside the home as an engineer, my husband also works full time, and we have a 2 year old. I enjoy knitting and sewing as hobbies. I hate to clean and wish that we could afford a housekeeper once a week. I think I'd do well at home with our kid(s) but it's likely that we'd be living in filth. :lol:

[julie paradox]

JFC: I think one of the reasons we DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT THANKS is that many people would rather be happy than right.

[Funky Chicken]

Where are the other INFPs...? Waaaaahhhh...

Although I guess emmiedahl counts, even if she did morph into an INFJ!

ETA: and I haven't reproduced (never really wanted kids - I've found them hard to relate to (although as a doctor have found them very rewarding to work with, probably because I don't have my own?) but I am quite the homebody (not very domesticated though!). Sadly, nobody is going to pay me to stay home and "husband" my animals or read books...