Mainstream Homeschool Blogger: Girls are happier as SAHM

[ceg045]

Ugh, Penelope Trunk. She does think the Myer-Briggs is a predictive, or maybe even an instruction manual from the universe on exactly how to live your life. Trunk is always looking for magic formulas and Holy Grails and precise instructions on how to succeed. Anyone else remember her "Blueprint for a Woman's Life"? http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2011/08/16/blueprint-for-a-womans-life/ Get plastic surgery, be married by 28, homeschool or your children will suffer terribly. Oh, and she assumed all women were heterosexual, wanted to get married, and wanted to have kids. I can only imagine how miserable the women of the world would be if anyone really were listening to this woman. Fortunately, most people seem to tune in for the same reason I do, the trainwreck watching.

That post is all kinds of hot mess.

[JenniferJuniper]

I'm precise to a fault, and have tested INTP twice. Being independent is one of the reasons I like being home. I don't like being bossed around at all, and like you, hate the office chit chat. I really don't like kids either, but mine are different than most, plus they're mine, so I enjoy spending time with them. I think I'd go crazy if I had to deal with other people's kids all the time.

BTW, I'm much more in control in my marriage than most would assume. Mr. Fox, my husband, is the mouthpiece, but I'm the one working the controls in the background. I crunch the numbers and handle the details, then tell him what to say and do. I don't think I'd be as happy at home if it wasn't for him being okay with my financial compulsions. Otherwise, I would have to work, just to stay sane, because I'm terrified of letting someone else have control of my money.

I'm precise when it comes to language and thoughts, but never anything physically tangible. And if I had to get dinner on the table every day at a certain time (like sometime in the evening) it would only happen occasionally. Time is a relative concept with me.

But like you, I prefer being the idea and concept person, especially at work. I couldn't care less about getting credit, so long as I don't have to be the actual negotiator of the deal. Which is why I have such a good working relationship with my boss. He’s an extroverted back slapper who can convince anyone of anything....so long as I've laid everything out for him in advance.

[Wolfie]

And so, since the developers of that test were women, what does she say about those women working outside of the home.

[snarktastic]

INTJ here. Would love to stay at home with my kids, but not a snowball's chance in hell with houseprices something like 11 times average income.

It doesn't matter what personality type you have or what you might happen to fancy doing with your life, you have to be able to support yourself and your family.

[polabear]

I'm an INFJ, and would HATE to be a stay at home. Or, I'd be one of those crazy helicopter moms with the perfect house and the perfect dinner an the perfect kids, and then one day have a mental breakdown and run off to Aruba or something.

[Jajajajulie]

I'm ESFJ, but borderline with my E and my S. I AM a SAHM, but that is by choice (and I know I'm fortunate to have that choice). Before kids, I worked, and once the kids either go to high school or college, I'll work again. I love staying home with them, but I'd be bored out of my mind if I was home all day with no kids and nothing to do. It might be nice at first, but would get old really fast!

This crazy-lady is just twisting the Myers-Briggs results for her own purposes. I tell my daughter all the time that just because I stay home doesn't mean she's going to make the same choice when she's an adult.

[ElphabaGalinda]

I'm an INFJ, and would HATE to be a stay at home. Or, I'd be one of those crazy helicopter moms with the perfect house and the perfect dinner an the perfect kids, and then one day have a mental breakdown and run off to Aruba or something.

I'm an INFJ too! I meet so few others in real life. I would also HATE staying home. Is that a function of our personality type? I don't think it's that predictive, but I need to leave the house at least once a day, and I need adult interactions. I also need the set of specific tasks works provides, and to use my brain that way.Anyone who'd be happy being a SAHM should do it if they have the opportunity but it's wrong to generalize that being a SAHM would be better for a group of people. Everyone needs to learn to cook, clean and other typical "mom" duties. And everyone should be able to support themselves financially if they had to. Because no matter what they want, there can always come a point when they have to support themselves financially.

[MissA]

8% of men have the ESFJ personality type. But we encourage *them* to become psychologists, teachers, and priests.

Personally I've always thought the Briggs-Myers is BS. But my employers keep giving it to me and I keep coming up as "Fieldmarshal" and yet somehow they don't assign me to manage people until I demonstrate that I'm actually *good* at it. And I'm not entrepreneurial at all for some reason. Very mysterious.

[luckystone]

I actually agree with her about the non-linear thing. If society as a whole didn't see work and family as separate spheres, and was more accepting that most people will have both those things (through things like job share, flexible working hours, working from home, not judging after time off assuming no deskilling, better time off for men as well because plenty of them want to see their families as well) then things would be better for a lot of people. And there are probably many more women who would be viewed as successful, because having kids wouldn't completely wreck their career path and leave to them giving up. This will take major change and won't be easy (and might be impossible in some situations e.g. small businesses) but I've noticed major improvements in these directions which is good.

Unfortunately, her over-reliance on Myers-Briggs is absolute crap, and you can't predict anything from that. And I took issues with a lot of her comments. Yes, work can be difficult for women who want kids, but the solution isn't to tell your young girls to back out now, especially NOT based on a personality test. And everybody needs to learn basic home skills and be prepared to support themselves regardless. She's not very good at reasoning, another example of someone who shouldn't be qualified to homeschool.

I feel sad. It's like she's nearly there but she's not.

[kb2]

8% of men have the ESFJ personality type. But we encourage *them* to become psychologists, teachers, and priests.

Personally I've always thought the Briggs-Myers is BS. But my employers keep giving it to me and I keep coming up as "Fieldmarshal" and yet somehow they don't assign me to manage people until I demonstrate that I'm actually *good* at it. And I'm not entrepreneurial at all for some reason. Very mysterious.

I think people like personality tests if it tells them something complementary. There's a lot of introvert-pride that's all, "Hell yes we would rather not go to your party!" And then there's, you know, oh goody you're an extrovert, congratulations you natural leader you! But it's harder to like it if you spend any amount of time defending your life choices to people who read about personality types but don't know very much about your career field or what it takes to be good at it. Being a SAHM vs a working mom may be decided partly on personality, but is also affected by available coping mechanisms, or it could be due to finances, or the children's health, or the spouse's personality/health/employment.

[Jezebel]

Twenty percent of girls have a Myers Briggs score that ensures they will feel most fulfilled staying home with their kids. But we don't raise girls to be stay-at-home moms. It's not politically correct. The problem is that these girls get out into the adult world, where they are expected to join corporate America, and nothing feels right. (The Myers Briggs types that are most suited to stay home with kids are ESFJ and ISFJ.)

Oh, this is idiotic.

If the MBTI was this predictive of actual human beings' specific desires, I'd be in one of the STEM fields, rather than the Humanities or Fine Arts--which is where I've always gravitated. I've tested as an INTJ (with high scores for I, N, and T and a slight J preference). The description, as far as it goes, is pretty damned accurate when describing me.

But if you only go by the description given, you're still not going to know me. You might understand my motivations a little better, but it's still not going to tell you what I enjoy, what my talents are, and what plans I have for my life. If you want to know those things, you have to ask me.

When I think about the women I've known who fit the ESFJ/ISFJ descriptions, I think of a nun, a minister, a social worker, several schoolteachers, the librarians at both my elementary and high schools, most of the nurses/physical therapists/vet techs I've ever encountered, the director of a food bank, the woman who used to do my taxes, half the administrative staff at the college I attended, a couple of real estate agents, and lots of retail clerks and supermarket checkers (especially the nice ones who seemed happy with their jobs).

My paternal grandmother was an ISFJ, and frankly, I don't think she was ever comfortable being a mother (though she tried, and she did end up a fine grandmother). She would have gone insane as a full-time stay-at-home housewife. She and my grandfather started a business together, and eventually the business became his domain while hers was doing fundraising for various charities. She loved planning big events to benefit charities, she was good at it, and that was where she really shone. (The funny thing is, she once told me that if she had her life to live over again she would find a way to go to college so she could be a librarian.)

ESFJs/ISFJs tend to get satisfaction by helping or serving other people--and that can take so many forms, in so many different careers. I find it telling that the author of this article focuses on law and medicine, or joining the ranks of "corporate America"--it's as if there are no careers (or maybe none she thinks worth mentioning?) that are outside of those parameters, and it's either choose these, or be a housewife. Ugh.

[CrazySister]

And, I'm sorry, what you're doing is different from this how exactly?

[RosyDaisy]

There is no Holy Grail for happiness. What makes one person happy could make another person miserable. Many women are happy being SAHMs, and many would lose their freaking minds being SAHMs. And these are not things little girls need to even be thinking about at a young age.

[lilah]

Interesting that so many people can remember what meyer's brigg combo they are! I took the test in college but I can't remember my results except that the person scoring the test told me I was exactly 50/50 even split on being Introverted/Extroverted. I kind of dislike the tests because I think there are certain circumstances where I might lean towards being more judging and other times when I lean towards being more feeling, ec. etc.

[YPestis]

I don't even remember what I got on the Myers-Briggs test. I remember flipping through some quickly to get it done so I can leave but then we later spent like two hours talking about it. Ack! Who depends on a test to determine what they want to do in life? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You pick your profession based on interest, life priorities and goals. You don't base it off of some test that asks you if you are an introvert or like to poop on grass. Those tests are suppose to help people think their way through their life's purpose. It's absolutely not suppose to define whether you should stay home, be a nursery teacher or an astronaut.

The blogger did make a good point about nonlinear work history. However, not everyone does that, or can do that. Some women will always want to stay home, others will work. Many will end up doing a bit of both. Shouldn't other factors come into play here? You know, like how much spouse makes, debts the family has, types of jobs etc. I can't imagine basing my lifestyle on one test.

[emmiedahl]

I'm an INFJ too! I meet so few others in real life. I would also HATE staying home. Is that a function of our personality type? I don't think it's that predictive, but I need to leave the house at least once a day, and I need adult interactions. I also need the set of specific tasks works provides, and to use my brain that way.Anyone who'd be happy being a SAHM should do it if they have the opportunity but it's wrong to generalize that being a SAHM would be better for a group of people. Everyone needs to learn to cook, clean and other typical "mom" duties. And everyone should be able to support themselves financially if they had to. Because no matter what they want, there can always come a point when they have to support themselves financially.

Another INFJ! I was right on the cusp of INFP and used to test that way, but I have heard that P's often turn to J's as people get older.

I am pretty miserable working from home, to be honest. I like being around for my kids and I *really* like not paying for daycare, but I have issues. I hate clutter and working in an environment that I cannot keep to my specifications, I enjoy professional interactions for the most part. I get caught up and distracted by my own perfectionism. I am really looking forward to not being at home all the time!

The thing about this lady's spiel that really, really bothers me is the idea that we need to take time away from academics to teach homemaking. I had it figured out by age 14 despite going to a brick-and-mortar school, numerous extra-curriculars and a working mother who half-assed all cleaning/cooking. I don't think they gain anything from intensive homemaking studies. I can clean, do laundry, garden, organize, mend, re-finish furniture, embroider, sew, crochet and knit, make floral arrangements, decorate a cake... it is hard to think of a homemaking-type thing I cannot do. I can cook a hell of a lot better than any of the fundies we follow. I can do about 10 different fonts in calligraphy also. I learned these things while working and going to school.

Fundies need to step it up, because all the eebil working wimmenz and pagan housewives around here make them look so inadequate. srsly I am amazed Michelle can pull up her own pantyhose.

[JesusFightClub]

I'm precise when it comes to language and thoughts, but never anything physically tangible. And if I had to get dinner on the table every day at a certain time (like sometime in the evening) it would only happen occasionally. Time is a relative concept with me.

But like you, I prefer being the idea and concept person, especially at work. I couldn't care less about getting credit, so long as I don't have to be the actual negotiator of the deal. Which is why I have such a good working relationship with my boss. He’s an extroverted back slapper who can convince anyone of anything....so long as I've laid everything out for him in advance.

Jennifer, you are me! :shock:

I get annoyed when topics are misrepresented that I know about. Like the Irish republican movement in Downton Abbey. Or people deciding all guns are AK-47s (hint: this is highly unlikely).

And yeah, getting credit for stuff at work usually embarrasses me more than anything. I'm just concerned it's correct. In fact I was told off by my supervisor a couple of days ago for being "overefficient". All I give a fuck about is that we do the right thing by our clients and I think that involves explaining to them the overarching ideas of what we are attempting to do. My supervisor (undoubtedly more sensible than me and a very nice person) said "You're worrying and explaining too much."

It's something which bothers me if things aren't explained to the class (using Marxist terminology there, but I think you understand the meaning). I feel like I've fallen down in my duty.

[rock_girl]

I'm an intp, or at least I was several years ago. Was roped into doing it by a boss who wanted to show upper management that he was all about employee morale. We'd have been perfectly happy going out for lunch. At any rate, it seems a bit silly really. Although according to Wikipedia I'd be rubbish in the caring professions, which validates my selfishness. Quite nice.

If I was a sahm I'd probably abandon my children somewhere. Being raised by wolves has got to be better than being parented by me. This is clearly because I am an intp, not because I'm selfish and lazy and believe that child-rearing should be outsourced.

[JesusFightClub]

I'm an intp, or at least I was several years ago. Was roped into doing it by a boss who wanted to show upper management that he was all about employee morale. We'd have been perfectly happy going out for lunch. At any rate, it seems a bit silly really. Although according to Wikipedia I'd be rubbish in the caring professions, which validates my selfishness. Quite nice.

If I was a sahm I'd probably abandon my children somewhere. Being raised by wolves has got to be better than being parented by me. This is clearly because I am an intp, not because I'm selfish and lazy and believe that child-rearing should be outsourced.

I suspected you were INTP from reading your posts :dance:

[rock_girl]

I suspected you were INTP from reading your posts :dance:

Lol, seriously? That's hilarious. So basically here I am saying "bugger off, personality test, I will not be put in a box" despite having labelled the box myself and happily climbed in :lol:.

[JesusFightClub]

Lol, seriously? That's hilarious. So basically here I am saying "bugger off, personality test, I will not be put in a box" despite having labelled the box myself and happily climbed in :lol:.

Seriously, I did. :lol:

Of course, you may not want a label like that, but I read your posts and went "Oh right, INTP, and I like her".

[rock_girl]

Seriously, I did. :lol:

Of course, you may not want a label like that, but I read your posts and went "Oh right, INTP, and I like her".

I'm just tickled that you could pick my personality type, even if I am a bit skeptical of the test and its uses. Still, there are far worse things than to be liked by JFC 8-).

[formergothardite]

I'm an INFJ, but I'm not sure how accurate those tests are since sometimes I feel like I don't even understand the questions that are being asked.

[JesusFightClub]

rock_girl:

It was that you had that concentration on analysis of various points, and I didn't want to say anything if you didn't (Myers-Briggs isn't destiny and many may disagree on stuff). Obviously it doesn't automatically mean you are anything. But I read a lot of your posts and thought "Oh right! She's INTP, or at least that's the best way to realise how she thinks."

You are like me, you think about ideas not persons, and you also have a sideways way of looking at things which I recognise although I don't do it myself. I could be wrong, but I picked you as INTP straight away.

(I hope this isn't offensive. I don't mean it to be.)

:oops:

[rock_girl]

Not at all, JFC. It seems an analysis of me, and I do think you're right that I focus on the idea not the person. It's something that drives my friends mad, btw, as it tends to come across as lacking in sensitivity, which is a shame, really. Glad to see there are a few of us around. Now of course I've gone back to the intp stuff, because like any good wannabe narcissist, I do enjoy reading about myself :lol:. It does seem a bit up in the air for me, but then I guess most psychological stuff does. Still, food for thought.