Do you think these young, married fundies are REALLY happy?

[fluttershies]

Speaking of young, married fundies, check out this website (if you haven't already)

http://ylcf.org/courtship-stories/three/

http://johnandaudra.notgrass.com/story.php

This story creeped me out. Audra's father prayed that John would become his son-in-law and didn't care which of the sisters he married, despite the fact that neither girl knew John? Even more evidence for me that fundie matches are about the courtship between young man and future father-in-law than between the young man and woman.

[Sister Mozz]

Well, according to Maranatha ChildBride Chapman, they are really BORED. And thus ripe for the devil's influence. Don't go shopping with your girlfriends, girlfriend!

I'm pretty sure Maranatha is one of those who believe that "forsaking all others" in the wedding vows includes forsaking not only romantic relationships but all others, even other female friends. Looking to your husband to meet every social need is a quick way to find yourself on the other side of happy!

[Sister Mozz]

Looking at some of my fundie-leaning friends, most of them are blissfully happy at first. But if they can't conceive right away... or if pregnancy is harder than they bargained for... or if emergencies arise which mean they had to have a complicated hospital birth... or bonding doesn't happen with their baby... it can be rough. They talk about it with the few they find who will listen and not judge, but otherwise they do their best and try to keep sweet and keep that smile on their faces.

And that's just where motherhood is concerned. If their husbands are jerks or are unfaithful, they're really up a creek without a paddle. Bouts of depression are definitely there.

[Karsaroni]

We talk so much about the young wives but I wonder about the men. So they have fulfilled their Godly duties by marrying. Now they can have sex. Woohoo! Here comes the hard part. Struggling to provide for a family without an education. They are basically "forced" to work at their own business or for family, which is unlikely to be providing a large amount of income. The pressure on them must be enormous. They are to have as many children as God allows. You could be twenty-five and have five kids. That would be hard even for a college educated man with a good paying job. Plus, these young men have never been brought up to think for themselves, just like the women. They are under their father's authority until they marry. Once they say "I Do"", they are supposed to have all the answers for their wives and children. It must be frightening to know you are suddenly on your own. I can't imagine they are all super happy with the struggle to provide for a wife and children when their options are limited. I am sure there are some that would prefer to at least work in the secular world if it provided for their family. The problem is that it is frowned upon in their community.

Completely agree with you!! It has to be a lot of pressure to live up to their wives ridiculous fantasy-world expectations of marriage that she's been conditioned since birth to want/pray for. No wonder so many of these guys take their time and go galavanting through the Amazon jungle w/ Dougie & co.! They realize once their married, it's ALL responsibility, keeping up appearances (i.e. better get wifey preggo right away and keep her that way), etc.

Also, I gotta feel bad for these guys who wait to have "sweet fellowship" and then their wives end up pregnant right away. Who knows how these people feel about doing it while pregnant. It's gotta be a bummer because once the babies start coming and the wife is exhausted, I'm sure any intimate encounters are few and far between.

Take your time picking a fundie wife guys!!! Lord knows there will be plenty available when you ARE ready... they're certainly not going anywhere.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I'd say they're about as happy or unhappy as a young couple living together--just they might know more about putting a meal on the table and less about how to enjoy the bedroom. How many 18 to 20 year olds move in with a boy friend or girl friend they're hot for and find out life is pretty ordinary pretty fast. They may have thought they were "soulmates" but likely were not. No different ....

[Cannelle]

I'd say they're about as happy or unhappy as a young couple living together--just they might know more about putting a meal on the table and less about how to enjoy the bedroom. How many 18 to 20 year olds move in with a boy friend or girl friend they're hot for and find out life is pretty ordinary pretty fast. They may have thought they were "soulmates" but likely were not. No different ....

It IS different, because these fundies are stuck. They're legally married and would face the scorn of their family and their religious community if they left their marriage, whereas a 19 year old who moves in with her boyfriend and finds out that they're not all that compatible can move out, move in with friends, move back in with family, etc. And hopefully that 19 year old has at least spent plenty of unsupervised time with her boyfriend prior to moving in- I think that's probably the case in most young relationships. With fundies, a lot of them can't spend any time alone, unchaperoned, before the wedding, and so they really have no clue who they're marrying and what his/her real personality might be when they're not putting on a show for everyone around them.

[Dhani_C]

It IS different, because these fundies are stuck. They're legally married and would face the scorn of their family and their religious community if they left their marriage, whereas a 19 year old who moves in with her boyfriend and finds out that they're not all that compatible can move out, move in with friends, move back in with family, etc. And hopefully that 19 year old has at least spent plenty of unsupervised time with her boyfriend prior to moving in- I think that's probably the case in most young relationships. With fundies, a lot of them can't spend any time alone, unchaperoned, before the wedding, and so they really have no clue who they're marrying and what his/her real personality might be when they're not putting on a show for everyone around them.

I also worry about the lack of time spent alone together. There are some topics you just can't talk about in front of family and friends (easily). Private things like the decision to use birth control (not likely in these kinds of relationships, but still), number of children each one wants, finances, and so on. There are some things that need to be discussed before jumping into a marriage.

[fundiefan]

They think they're happy and maybe even feel it. Maybe they even are. But, when you're 19 or 20 or a child bride, you know nothing else and getting married and having a baby right away makes you happier because you are fulfilling your purpose.

It's when they get older, have more experiences, see the lives of others outside their sheltered world, are left home alone all day with several kids and only the Internet for adult communication...then, they may see they're trapped. But, alas, it's too late. They are stuck with a bunch of kids and a religious belief that says they are to stay married for life.

I've always firmly believed that the fact that maturity brings thoughts and ideas and experiences is exactly the reason these kids are married off so young. To get them saddled with five kids by their 25th birthday so they don't have time or energy to realize there are different options and since they have no skills they're married for life to provide for those kids. The whole courtship and young marriage things tells me that the parents are getting their kids locked into the fold ASAP.

[Dhani_C]

@fundiefan WORD. From what I've been taught at my evil, secular university, most people reach maturity (i.e. pretty much stuck in their ways) when they reach the age of 25. After that, very little can be done to change a person with regards to their beliefs. It's no wonder they marry them off so early because by the time they are set for life they are already in the fold.

[Snickerdoodle]

I'm not entirely convinced that young married fundies are much different - happiness-wise - than any other young married couple. Coming from the other end of the age spectrum, I think most young marrieds (by young, I mean early 20s) are full of idealism and haven't yet had their grand life plans interrupted by reality.