Michael Pearl & China's"Wolf Dad" - Separated at Birth?

[hoipolloi]

Whoa. Just heard a NPR story on teh crazy in Chinese child-rearing: http://www.npr.org/2011/12/14/143659027 ... -was-tough

Money quotes:

Xiao, 47, describes himself as the emperor of his family. As such, he's laid down an extraordinary system of rules for his children.

"I have more than a thousand rules: specific detailed rules about how to hold your chopsticks and your bowl, how to pick up food, how to hold a cup, how to sleep, how to cover yourself with a quilt," Xiao says. "If you don't follow the rules, then I must beat you."

For each violation of the rules, such as sleeping in the wrong position, the penalty is to be hit with a feather duster on the legs or the palm of the hand. If it doesn't leave a mark, then it won't make an impact, Xiao says.

And

"From three to twelve, kids are mainly animals," he says. "Their humanity and social nature still aren't complete. So you have to use Pavlovian methods to educate them."

Xiao's method involved all of the children watching each punishment. Any transgression of the rules by a younger sibling would also earn a beating for her older siblings, for failing to be a good model. Despite the sometimes daily beatings, Xiao sees himself as the best dad in the world and repeatedly claims his unorthodox methods "have no shortcomings."

Are we surprised that assholes think alike, no matter what their nationality or alleged belief system?

[fakepigtails73]

Yikes!!

Crazy mofo.

[BoomerLynn]

:shock:

And someday when his children grow up to be sociopaths he will wonder why...

[Kaylee]

The sad thing is this guy's still not quite as bad as the Pearls; at least he waits until they're 3 before he starts beating them.

Also, the daughter 2nd from the right in the picture reminds me so much of Anna Sophia Botkin (he facial expression and body language).

[LynnKaboom]

In China, beating kids is part of their upbringing. It's not violence. It's not against the law.

Daiyu Zhang tells me that actually, yes, beating your kids is against the law in China, but that it's similar to the US that unless there's significant visible damage it's generally not prosecuted. It goes on, she says, but that it's technically not legal.

[fakepigtails73]

At first I wondered how come he has 4 kids in China. Then I read "Hong Kong".

What a weirdo.

[treemom]

I listened to this this morning. It was weird.

[Discobiscuit]

I also heard the NPR story and I think they said his eldest son disagreed or had reservations about Wolf Dad's parenting techniques. All I want to say to those kids is that they should take their degrees from Peking U and go far, far away!!!!

[YPestis]

I am Chinese and I don't think the father's method is not really the norm in China. In fact, I've noticed that mainland Chinese families is far less likely to do the traditional, authoritative parenting as the other Chinese dominated countries like Singapore and Taiwan. There is still general acceptance of beatings but this guy is pretty radical, by any standards.

The results are impressive. Beijing University is incredibly difficult to get into and it does take a lot of discipline (and natural born smarts) to accomplish this. It's like landing all three of your kids at Harvard medical school. That said, I wonder how much of that success is despite the father.

It probably also helps that the father stopped beating his kids after age 12. I think teenagers are more resentful of beatings than young children, even if the beatings themselves are not abusive.

It's telling to hear the oldest boy talk:

He's quoted as saying that he doubts he even had a childhood, and that he loves and hates his father at the same time.

Sounds to be like the son was miserable. The mother was dismissive saying "maybe the kids only remember the bad". Actually, I find people are typically nostalgic and will forget the bad stuff. The fact that the kids are complaining about their childhood seems to indicate all is not well in the Wolf dad's family.

[hoipolloi]

What struck me about the story is the way Wolf Dad, like Michael Pearl, insists on absolute obedience first time every time for any arbitrary & capricious command he issues to the kids. Also, saying that children are like animals and need to be trained, thus requiring Pavlovian methods (like the Pearls').

Last but not least, both men have the delusion that they're wonderful fathers - perfect in every way -- and that the ends (whether it's Christian salvation or Beijing University) totally justify the means. :roll:

[thoughtful]

Are we surprised that assholes think alike, no matter what their nationality or alleged belief system?

Nope -- an asshole is an asshole!

This one doesn't pussyfoot around the word "beat," though -- he seems to love it. :cry:

And, as Raine pointed out, at least he isn't (admitting to) whipping babies in their cribs or 4-month-olds who dare to approach the stairs.

[bananacat]

I really hate the way these people are such control freaks. There's just no need to be strict about certain things. As long as the kids aren't spilling food and making a mess, why does it matter how they use their chopsticks? Will it really help them to get into a good college to hold their bowl the right way? Will it help them get good jobs to sleep with the blanket a certain way?

I see a lesser version of this with most parents but without the beating. I can understand our desire to share our great wisdom, but sometimes it's better to just let kids figure things out on their own. My niece was coloring a strange pattern on a coloring page of a princess. Her mom tried to tell her to color it correctly. I just don't see why it matters. I'm not criticizing my SIL; she's a great mom and I'm sure I do the same type of thing without even realizing it. But when I babysit I try really hard to not sweat the small stuff. In the end, it just really doesn't matter.