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Miss Raquel wrote a post about something I wrote here.


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http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/

I don't actually remember the exact thread this was on, but the child does need to stop reading romance quotes and get out into the real world. Also, she isn't some sort of special snowflake that observes people more than anyone else in the world. Maybe it is because I am old, but don't know anyone who after they were married went and danced in the rain or ran into the yard to toss up leaves while they kissed. But, like I said, I'm old, so maybe that is the new thing kids do these days.

But Raquel, since I'm sure you are going to read this, you have a good idea for a charity, but it is tacky to make it all about you with the gazillion pictures you posted of yourself on the charity website. And also, stop claiming to be modest when all you do is post pictures of yourself. That isn't modest.

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Does anyone know how old she is? She looks to be in her upper teens, maybe early 20s. If in her early 20s, it proves how sheltered she is. I am in my early 20s and her views on couples make me :lol: . It's not a young person thing, it's a sheltered daughter thing.

I love how she says she observes couples more than most people. (High and mighty, are we?) I am very observant of people around me and their behaviors, but I would never claim that I observe people more than others.

She is indeed a hopeLESS romantic. Constantly thinking oh, so cute and squealing when couples kiss on tv or in pictures is, er, wierd. Liking romance is fine, but good gracious, she's obsessed. She claims she knows couples get mad at each other and stuff, but if God orchestrates your relationship, you won't get as many "thorns." :roll:

Yes, keep dreaming darling, reality will likely hit you soon enough.

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She has a pretty mature face but I think she's still in High School... it sounds like her older brother is, too, so she's probably about 17.

---

I wonder what she'd think of me and my boyfriend... our 'romance' is this constant stream of fake bickering and insults that would look real if you didn't know us, and know we weren't being serious. If I asked Mr.D to twirl me around in the rain I think he'd tell me to sod off. But then again he did tell me he loved me because I said 'I'm not giving candy to people as a bribe to stop them vandalising my property; they can all fuck off' (Hallowe'en isn't the same over here)

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If my husband pulled me into the rain to dance I'd be mad. It's not romantic, it is cold and uncomfortable.

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I'm approaching social security age, and just recently I jumped into a pile of leaves, scooped them up into the wind, and delighted in a beautiful fall day. When I stop doing that, I'll be dead.

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I'm approaching social security age, and just recently I jumped into a pile of leaves, scooped them up into the wind, and delighted in a beautiful fall day. When I stop doing that, I'll be dead.

My 23 year old boyfriend still has to jump in any pile of leaves we come across, and I'm pretty sure he'll be doing it as long as he can walk. Dancing in the rain though... um, no thanks, average temp here is currently about 5C and by the time winter bites it will be closer to -10C.

Also I'm in England. Rain is not a novelty here.

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I think she is 17. I like playing in the leaves with my kids, but it has never entered either me or my husband's mind to kiss passionately while leaves swirl around us. Our leaves always have dirt in them and so we would get dirt all in our mouths and faces. And I'm not really into going out in the rain. Even in warm weather it is still kind of icky.

This is the girl, though, who said she has to be constantly under the watch of someone else when around the person she courts because her head will be so filled with thoughts of love that she won't be able to properly keep herself from doing bad things. I think that is a sign of immaturity and lack of true commitment to your values, not love.

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See, this is the sort of thing that I think having normal teenage relationships would fix. Did I have ridiculous notions of romance when I was 16 or 17? Sure. Then I dated some people, dated one dude semi-seriously, and realized that not only do I find romance kind of boring, but being given flowers or whatever often kept me from realizing that I was totally incompatible with someone.

Relatedly, typing this post has made me realize that yesterday was my 8th anniversary. I should probably buy the future Mr. Squeaky some chocolate or something...

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http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/

I don't actually remember the exact thread this was on, but the child does need to stop reading romance quotes and get out into the real world. Also, she isn't some sort of special snowflake that observes people more than anyone else in the world. Maybe it is because I am old, but don't know anyone who after they were married went and danced in the rain or ran into the yard to toss up leaves while they kissed. But, like I said, I'm old, so maybe that is the new thing kids do these days.

But Raquel, since I'm sure you are going to read this, you have a good idea for a charity, but it is tacky to make it all about you with the gazillion pictures you posted of yourself on the charity website. And also, stop claiming to be modest when all you do is post pictures of yourself. That isn't modest.

A bit OT, but I have seen wedding photos where the couple is doing this. I don't think it's something you would do every day, although, if I had someone to kiss, I could totally see running out side to kiss and dance the first time it snows. That's a very special thing to me (although maybe that's only because I live in an area where it generally snows every year, but not a whole lot, so every snowflake is special, no pun intended).

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I do think that having visions like this is pretty normal for a teen, but once you start dating you realize it isn't all like that. Which is why I said in that original thread she should go ahead and date somebody and find out that relationships are not like they are in movies. She is so obsessed with getting married that she is going to leap into marriage with the first guy she can and reality is going to be hard to handle. Especially if she has never been alone with him.

I wasn't quite as romance obsessed as she is, but I wasn't allowed to date as a teen and my first relationship was in my early 20's and I totally had unrealistic expectations as to what it was going to be like.

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My husband fed the kids and is taking them Trick or Treating while I get to sit at home in peace by myself. That beats dancing in the rain any day.

I could see doing the leaf thing for a photo, that would be neat looking. But I got the impression she was talking about doing this in everyday life. Maybe we just aren't romantic people here, but we don't do stuff like that.

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If I ever stop posting all the time and get caught up and work and stop having to deal with sick kids and sick hubby, I may actually write some "real-life romances".

They wouldn't feature trips to Paris or dancing in the rain or anyone being twirled.

They would talk about a husband willing to drop everything and run to his wife's side when he gets a call from her that she's in the hospital and the pregnancy is in trouble.

They would talk about how a couple can be united in both grief and love.

They would talk about what it's like to feel like you've failed at something, only to have your spouse put their arms around you and give you a hug instead of a lecture.

They would show a couple who can both laugh and cry together.

They would show how each spouse sometimes told their parents that certain topics were not up for discussion, and placed the needs of the spouse first.

They would show how a couple could respectfully disagree, without either holding things in or being insulting to the other person.

The cover photo would be a bleary-eyed man, rocking a baby or changing a diaper in the middle of the night.

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She admits she has never been in love, and I doubt she will be with those expectations. Oh, and Raquel? Since I know you read here I'll add that I'm not talking about having high expectations. High expectations for a mate are a sign of healthy self respect. I'm talking about realistic expectations.

Mr. Sunny and I have been happily married for 13 years, and have been together as a couple for 18 years. I promise you that he is the love of my life, and my soulmate. He makes me feel all of those wonderful things you talk about. But the day to day reality? It's rarely the bed of roses you desire it to be. It's driving to Target at 9pm when the Bisell dies, to find a new one. It's driving 20 minutes farther to the next town to get it when the first Target is sold out. It's bringing home my favorite cookies, texting an "I love you" while I'm at work, and still looking at me like I'm a 20 year old. It's sitting on the phone with me when I'm crying in pain with kidney stones. I had to drive myself to the hospital because I was at work when the attack started.

We were mistaken for newlyweds this weekend :-) Sweet, but not typical.

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Romance to me is my beloved driving my skirt 30 miles (with not a peep of complaint) to me when I went to get dressed after my workout at the gym and realized I only had the jacket and blouse to my suit and I had an important meeting in less than an hour. :D

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Oh, poor girl. You see, Miss Raquel, once I was you: A nice, virginal, non-dating, very naive Christian girl, except without a blog, because the internet was young. But my diary was eerily similar. "When I marry my husband XYZ...roses, rainbows, unicorns and sparkles!"

Guess what? I met a Prince Charming @ about age 21. We had a parental approved courtship (our parents signed an official permission letter to one another, pledging to chaperone us, until my father "gave me away" [trying not to gag here]). He was the son of a Preacher Man, and his wife was a proto-Titus 2 judgey Church Lady. Now, my intended and I would write long, passionate letters (*very Disney G-rated crap), dreaming of our marriage. We talked on the phone, met with families, and our hand sex would have made Josh and Anna Duggar say "that's scandalous!". We stole a couple of kisses on a porch swing under the full moon and stars, and I thought it was the end-all be-all Greatest Romance of All Time. He wrote my name in rose petals, our initials in the sand, made me mix tapes, copied romantic scripture. In short, fundie masturbation material, if they could masturbate.

A few months later, we married. Lavish. I wore an ill-advised white cake dress and illusion veil, but I was nice to my bridesmaids, at least. Now, dear, I hope you are as lucky as I on this tip: neither my husband, nor I, was ready to go from peck on the lips (1) to Doing IT (100) in a single evening, simply because I had a gold ring. But it was really bad when it happened. Really really really really bad. And it never got good. I tried; we saw The Pastor. Imagine talking to your father in law about premature ejaculation, ok? And, of course, it was MY fault.

Flash forward about 18 months: I find gay porn. My heart breaks. I am also not knocked up, like The Plan said I would be. I was a virgin, I was using no B/C: where was my baby? 3rd gyno opinion later: turns out I am barren. Mother in law decides we need to get divorced immediately, as I am a sinner who did something so egregious pre-marriage, that my punishment was to never conceive. And her precious first born son, who didn't want to be married anymore, anyway (Dougie would have made him an intern!), listened to mama and divorced me. I did everything they told me, and it didn't work out. He went on to marry, impregnate several times, divorce, tried to pray the gay away, and now he is living with a man.

Flashforward a decade and a bunch of spare change: I am married to the most amazing man on the planet, to me. He is strong enough to handle me working outside the home, and is tender enough to take care of our still fragile adopted child. He loads and unloads the dishwasher, clothes washer, and kisses me good morning and good night every day. He gives an an amazing foot rub, and the way he looks at me and our daughter is the most romantic thing I could ever ask for.

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I noticed on one of her romantic quotes posts somebody left a comment linking to a blog post they wrote basically telling Raquel she is sinning to spend so much of her time focused on romance. LOL

insidecassiesmind.blogspot.com/2011/10/this-is-time.html

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I'm not married, but one of my best friends is. I've been around her and her husband enough to know that love/romance isn't dancing in the rain or anything Raquel said in that post. True love is when she has had a bad day at work and her husband walks in the door and says, "What do you want for dinner tonight? I'll cook and I'll do the dishes."

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Oh, poor girl. You see, Miss Raquel, once I was you: A nice, virginal, non-dating, very naive Christian girl, except without a blog, because the internet was young. But my diary was eerily similar. "When I marry my husband XYZ...roses, rainbows, unicorns and sparkles!"

Guess what? I met a Prince Charming @ about age 21. We had a parental approved courtship (our parents signed an official permission letter to one another, pledging to chaperone us, until my father "gave me away" [trying not to gag here]). He was the son of a Preacher Man, and his wife was a proto-Titus 2 judgey Church Lady. Now, my intended and I would write long, passionate letters (*very Disney G-rated crap), dreaming of our marriage. We talked on the phone, met with families, and our hand sex would have made Josh and Anna Duggar say "that's scandalous!". We stole a couple of kisses on a porch swing under the full moon and stars, and I thought it was the end-all be-all Greatest Romance of All Time. He wrote my name in rose petals, our initials in the sand, made me mix tapes, copied romantic scripture. In short, fundie masturbation material, if they could masturbate.

A few months later, we married. Lavish. I wore an ill-advised white cake dress and illusion veil, but I was nice to my bridesmaids, at least. Now, dear, I hope you are as lucky as I on this tip: neither my husband, nor I, was ready to go from peck on the lips (1) to Doing IT (100) in a single evening, simply because I had a gold ring. But it was really bad when it happened. Really really really really bad. And it never got good. I tried; we saw The Pastor. Imagine talking to your father in law about premature ejaculation, ok? And, of course, it was MY fault.

Flash forward about 18 months: I find gay porn. My heart breaks. I am also not knocked up, like The Plan said I would be. I was a virgin, I was using no B/C: where was my baby? 3rd gyno opinion later: turns out I am barren. Mother in law decides we need to get divorced immediately, as I am a sinner who did something so egregious pre-marriage, that my punishment was to never conceive. And her precious first born son, who didn't want to be married anymore, anyway (Dougie would have made him an intern!), listened to mama and divorced me. I did everything they told me, and it didn't work out. He went on to marry, impregnate several times, divorce, tried to pray the gay away, and now he is living with a man.

Flashforward a decade and a bunch of spare change: I am married to the most amazing man on the planet, to me. He is strong enough to handle me working outside the home, and is tender enough to take care of our still fragile adopted child. He loads and unloads the dishwasher, clothes washer, and kisses me good morning and good night every day. He gives an an amazing foot rub, and the way he looks at me and our daughter is the most romantic thing I could ever ask for.

:clap:

As unfortunate as your situation turned out to be, your telling of it is very humorous :D I'm so glad you are both happy and have your little girl!

Raquel! Take note!

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I did not get the life I ordered; I got the life I deserved, even if the road to it was long. It was hard to go through at the time, but it is hilarious in hindsight, and part of why I am here. This happened before the "Great Courtship Movement", and was an Epic Fail.

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I'm going to tentatively defend Raquel on this.

There are so, so many negative depictions of married life in popular culture. They run the gamut from off-color jokes fired during the supposed battle of the sexes to a surprising number of crime dramas where marrieds tend to turn on each other for money or out of jealousy.

I'm generalizing here, but often when the topic of divorce comes up, it's treated casually - part a wedding culture that allows for conditional vows (e.g., 'We promise to stay together while love endures').

A recent and most surprising example of this same sentiment was when that bloviating pus-bag Pat Robertson offered that severe intellectual impairment in one spouse is legitimate grounds for divorce.

This kind of negativity bombards newlywed: 'Oh, you're happy? That's just the honeymoon phase. Give it a year and you'll be as miserable as the rest of us' – or, alternatively, 'The first year of marriage is supposed to difficult. If it's not terribly hard for you, then there's a communication problem.'

'Oh – you've been married over four years? Just be careful; that's statistically when divorces are most likely to happen.'

'You've been married seven years? Be careful of that seven-year itch.â€

...and on and on and on.

I have a happy, stable, enduring marriage. I don't speak ill of my husband or our union, and it has never been necessary for me to question the wisdom of that position.

It hasn't stopped a few people over the years from asking me for the “real story,†however, because obviously a couple that appears happy must surely be even more diseased than a couple that doesn't.

Of course it's wise to warn Raquel that unrealistic expectations of the future could lead to unhappiness, and that some guys are not what they pretend to be, but sometimes people push the message too hard, suggesting that a jaded position is more realistic than cautious optimism.

To Raquel I would say: Look for someone who treats you with respect, who treats his mom with respect, who treats waiters and waitresses with respect; who can problem-solve constructively. As long as you keep an eye out for that, and dodge some red flags, than it seems okay to daydream about dancing in the rain.

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But the negativity is countered by the diamond ads etc. Which create the unrealistic expectations which lead to marital unhappiness. Marriage is what it is. It isn't anything you've likely seen on tv or read about in many books. Being too unrealistically excited will lead to disappointment. (Been married 20 yrs, together 24, most of them happy.)

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