Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 53

[AnywhereButHere]

Nuns for Trump. Jesus would be so disappointed
 

[GreyhoundFan]

[thoughtful]

 

[AnywhereButHere]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Unethical Lying Sleazebag"

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Donald Trump, his shitty lawyers, and shitty Republicans are attempting to discredit Michael Cohen who testified this week in the Trump hush money case.

Cohen was the money man in paying Stormy Daniels $130,000 to keep quiet about her awkward and uncomfortable hotel quickie with Donald Trump. The way the scheme worked was that Cohen would pay Daniels with his own money and later be reimbursed by Trump. Cohen paid Daniels the full $130,000 upfront and Trump would repay Cohen in installments in order to conceal his connection to the payments to Daniels and because he’s cheap. When Trump created invoices for the payments to Cohen, he listed them as legal fees.

In case you’re not already aware of this, paying off a porn star not to talk about a gross shagging is NOT a legal fee.

Trump, his shitty lawyers, and shitty Republicans are trying to convince the public that they can’t believe anything Michael Cohen says because he’s a perjured convicted criminal, and generally an all-around scumbag. All that is true which makes me ask, why did he work for Trump for 12 years?

If Michael Cohen is such a dishonorable person and a lying piece of crap, why did Trump keep him around for so long? Why did Trump hire him in the first place? Because that’s what Trump wanted.

Michael Cohen was officially Trump’s lawyer, but his real job was being Trump’s fixer. For example, he’d call reporters and intimidate them over a story they were writing about his boss. He’d call The Wharton School and threaten them not to release Trump’s transcripts even though they can’t legally do that anyway. He’d lie to reporters and even members of Congress for Trump, which is one reason he went to prison. And then he’d pay off a porn star to be quiet about her one night in Bangcock.

Remember, Trump claims he only hires the “best” people and while Michael Cohen was an extremely crappy lawyer before he lost his license to practice, he was the best at fixing and pulling his boss’ ass out of the ringer. The stuff Cohen did for Trump was very mob-like, and that’s exactly how Trump and Cohen saw themselves, as the mob.

When someone turns on the mob and makes a deal with prosecutors, the government’s witnesses are mobsters. Informants aren’t usually good guys. Is Cohen a good guy? No, but find a good person in the Trump Organization. How about the Trump Organization’s chief financial officer, Allen Weisselberg? He’s currently serving a second sentence in Rikers Island. How about other Trump employees, Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, Steve Bannon, Peter Navarro, George Papadopoulos, Rick Gates, etc? They were all convicted and sentenced to prison. Trump only hires the best people.

If so many associates of Donald Trump are convicted felons, what does that make the guy who hires them?

Michael Cohen is an unethical lying sleazebag who didn’t do any of his sleazing without it being a direct order from his boss, Donald Trump, another unethical lying sleazebag.

On another note: Don’t get your hopes up with this trial. Don’t believe Trump will be found guilty or even if he is, sentenced to prison.

The case is not about Trump cheating on his wife, sleeping with a porn star, lying about it, making hush payments, lying about those, or even hiding the payments. It’s about how he reported the payments, and I’m not sure a jury can be convinced he broke the law regarding the filing.

The prosecution has proven Trump is a lying unethical scumbag, but they may not have proven their case yet and maybe they won’t. Remember, only one juror has to side with the defense. And the jury may find he broke the law but not that any of it amounts to a felony.

And if the jury does find Trump guilty on any of the 34 counts, this will be his first offense. A first-time offender would usually only receive probation, not a jail sentence. The judge has already stated he doesn’t want to send Trump to jail.

This is all very depressing because this is the weakest of Trump’s four criminal trials. The more serious ones, attempting to steal an election, staging an insurrection, and stealing classified documents won’t be tried until after the election…if ever.

Don’t let MSNBC get your hopes up.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Melania Gets Stormy"

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I’ll write about the problems with Michael Cohen’s credibility tomorrow (maybe) but for now, let’s focus on some of the things he said, especially regarding Donald Trump’s third wife and the mother of his fifth child. Let’s talk about Melania.

Cohen testified in Donald Trump’s hush money trial yesterday that the main reason for paying porn star Stormy Daniels and Playmate Karen McDougal to keep quiet about their affairs with Donald Trump was to keep the information concealed from voters, and the secondary focus was to keep it from Melania.

Remember when MAGAts were screaming and howling about Democrats concealing information about Hunter Biden’s laptop, and doing so must be the worst thing that’s ever happened? Republicans acted like it was the sleaziest and most corrupt thing ever even though they can’t tell you what’s on the laptop that’s so damning. A lot of Republicans claim Trump would have won the 2020 election they claim he didn’t lose if voters knew Hunter owned a laptop. Yet they defend Donald Trump for making hush money payments to silence women who he claims he never slept with.

Take that in for a minute. Donald Trump hardly pays anybody. He doesn’t pay contractors and sometimes he doesn’t pay his own lawyers, even the ones who defend him in lawsuits for not paying people. In Miami last June, on the day of his arraignment there, he walked into a Cuban restaurant and proclaimed “Everybody eats,” as though he was going to pay all the customers’ tabs (I missed witnessing this myself by minutes). He was right, everybody in a restaurant does eat, and all the customers paid their own bills because Trump skipped out. I’m mostly surprised he didn’t shout, “Everybody eats…and I’ll pay all your tabs right after I use the restroom,” from where he climbs out the bathroom window. I’m also surprised he didn’t place an order and stick someone else with the bill. Maybe he did.

So, why would cheapskate Trump pay a porn star he didn’t sleep with to remain quiet? I assure you, I never slept with Stormy Daniels and I’ve never felt a need to pay her from telling anyone we did. In fact, I haven’t slept with most of the women I know and I’ve never paid any of them to not tell people we did the nasty but if they want to, then be my guest. It’s not normal to pay someone you didn’t fornicate with not to tell people the two of you didn’t fornicate.

The other thing is, Trump didn’t care about paying her off until shortly before the 2016 election. He didn’t pay her off in 2006 when the hotel boinking occurred. If Trump ever forgets how old his youngest son is, Barron, he can just reflect on how many years ago he shagged Stormy. He’s 18, which is how long ago it was that his father shagged a porn star. Trump cheated on Melania while she was pregnant and let’s be real, this can’t be the only person Trump canoodled with while he’s been married to Melania, and probably not even the only time during her pregnancy.

Donald Trump didn’t care about silencing Stormy for a decade and not until he was on the cusp of winning the presidency.

Cohen testified that he asked Trump how Melania would react if she found out about the Stormy shagging and he claims Trump said, “Don’t worry. How long do you think I’ll be on the market for? Not long.” This is still true as women like Laura Loomer, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and Aileen Cannon would snatch him up in a minute.

Cohen’s testimony is consistent with Stormy’s, who said she asked Trump about Melania before they made sweet passionate love, or maybe in this case, rawdogging. She claims Trump told her, “Oh, don’t worry about that. We … actually don’t even sleep in the same room.”

Trump tells a lot of people “Don’t worry” when asked about cheating on Melania. And I don’t blame her for sleeping in another room to keep away from Stinky. Sometimes, she’ll sleep in another state. She hasn’t even been spotted at Trump’s trial yet, but we’ve seen Rick Scott, JD Vance, Ken Paxton, and Mike Johnson at this trial.

The prosecution may not be able to prove their case that Donald Trump broke the law in this situation, but I do believe it’s been proven that Donald Trump is a horrible and rotten human being.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"The Boss"

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Donald Trump used his weekend off from his hush money trial in Manhattan to campaign and held another one of his hate rallies.

It’s not unusual for Trump to make bogus claims at these rallies in addition to lying about the size of the crowds, on which he has a weird fixation. Sean Spicer’s first act as White House spokesgoon was to lie about the size of Donald Trump’s inauguration and despite physical proof to the contrary, claimed Trump had the largest inauguration crowd ever.

After Trump’s hater fest over the weekend, he and his sycophants claimed attendance was over 100,000 and a city official, a Republican, backed him up. However…yeah.

This rally was held on a beach in Wildwood, which is on the Jersey Shore. Why is Trump campaign in New Jersey, a blue state where President Biden beat Trump by nearly 20 percentage points? Does Trump really believe he can close that gap? He did declare at the hate rally he would win New Jersey in November. But about those numbers…

Ernie Troiano Sr, the Republican mayor of Wildwood, claimed 80,000 were at the rally but the capacity for the site where Trump spoke is only 20,000. If Trump pulled in 20,000, that’d be pretty good for a Trump rally. Trump never pulls in the numbers he claims. So how’d Mr. MAGA Mayor arrive at 80,000? He counted everybody at the rally…and on the beach, on the boardwalk, along the route of the motorcade, everyone who drove through the city that day, and everyone who attended four other events on the same day. It’s not so much that a government agency counted the crowd as much as it was the mayor closing his eyes and making shit up.

Fun fact: Trump barked out lies for 90 minutes and the size of his crowd decreased during that time. Do you know whose crowd doesn’t leave early? Bruce Springsteen’s. More on that in a minute.

A lot of people went to the rally to see Trump which is like going to see the presidents’ heads carved into a mountain in South Dakota. You travel to see it and then you leave. It’s boring after two minutes, but you can say you saw it. It’s kinda like that at a Trump rally except Trump doesn’t leave…and he’s less interesting than the four heads made out of stone. Most people at a Trump rally will leave before Trump does. I know my friend and I did back in 2016. The man doesn’t shut up. It’s 90 minutes of barking bullshit. Speaking of bullshit…

Trump claimed his rally drew more people than a Bruce Springsteen concert in New Jersey. Say what now?

The last time The Boss (Bruce, not Donald), played the Meadowlands (where the Giants and Jets play), he sold the place out three nights in a row which was over 180,000 concertgoers.

Trump might have told 80,000 lies or have 80,000 sexual harassment accusations or have contracted 80,000 STDs or made 80,000 hush payments to women he shagged while Melania was pregnant or stolen 80,000 classified documents or called 80,000 election officials to “find votes or eaten 80,000 Big Macs or eaten 80,000 buckets of KFC or had 80,000 women laugh at the size of his penis or have 80,000 nicknames like “Von Shitenpants” and “GropenFuhrer” or took 80,000 boom-booms in his adult diaper or attracted 80,000 flies or stole 80,000 boxes of classified documents or has kissed Putin’s ass 80,000 times, but he’s never… NEVER… drawn 80,000 people to one of his hate rallies.

There is an exception to this and that was in India where government officials speculated (they didn’t actually count) that there may have been 125,000 at an event where Trump spoke. The event was held in a cricket stadium in Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s hometown, and that’s who the crowd came to see, Modi. Trump rode Modi’s coattail and got to claim he spoke to over 125,000 people. Sheesh, can you imagine how many people the Boss would have pulled?

One distinct advantage for Trump in India is that he could blame the smell emanating from his diaper on the sewage-filled Yamuna River.

Trump claimed he drew bigger crowds in New Jersey than Springsteen. Springsteen is more popular in New Jersey than Modi is in India or Trump is at a Klan rally…or Florida. And to insult Bruce in front of his people as Trump did, calling him a “wacko,” is no way to win New Jersey.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[thoughtful]

[GreyhoundFan]

[47of74]

17 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

If I had my way a new Federal prison would be built and named for Hillary Clinton. Then one of the first prisoners sent there would be ol fornicate face. 

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"First Debate"

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The presidential campaigns of President Joe Biden and Groper/Felon Trump agreed on two debates yesterday and here are the fun details:

The debates will be earlier than usual with the first being in Atlanta on June 27 and hosted by CNN. The second debate will be on ABC News on Sept. 10.

There will not be an audience for the CNN debate which will be the first time there hasn’t been one since Kennedy and a sweaty Nixon’s debated.

The agreement between the two campaigns cut out the Commission on Presidential Debates, which has overseen the events since 1988. This may ultimately kill the commission.

The agreement also cuts out Robert F. Kennedy Jr who responded by posting on social media that his competitors were “colluding” to keep him out, adding, “They are afraid I would win.” No, nobody’s afraid of RFK Jr winning. Both campaigns are afraid he’ll be a spoiler for the other side. RFK Jr’s brainworm has a better chance of winning than he does.

President Biden has much more money than Donald Trump and a larger and much better campaign organization, yet he’s tied nationally with Von Shitzenpants and trailing in at least five swing states. Sir Fartzalots shouldn’t even be competitive with the president while facing a criminal trial, having three other indictments, and after trying to steal an election, stealing classified documents, staging an insurrection attempt, and being the WORST president (sic) in United States history. Does nobody remember Trump’s handling of Covid?

By having the debates so early, Biden is hoping to engage voters and make them focus on the election and the very real danger of a second Donald Trump presidency (sic). If Americans start paying attention, they should realize Trump is a disaster and maybe they’ll remember the chaos of his presidency (sic).

Another benefit for both campaigns is that any stumbles or disasters in the first debate, which will be all anyone remembers, may be forgotten by November.

Trump has already lowered the bar for Biden’s performance, posting on Truth Social that the president is “the WORST debater I have ever faced,” and accused Biden of being unable to “put two sentences together.” That’s a mistake. Remember the last State of the Union or the one before that?

Republicans are now trying to explain that away by stating Biden had a script, but the president has proven to be pretty good off the cuff. When asked a couple days ago about debating Trump, Biden said, “I hear he’s free on Wednesdays,” which was a nod to the only day of the work week Trump is guaranteed not to be in court. The Biden Campaign is now selling T-shirts that say, “Free On Wednesdays.”

Our national memory has faded. While people are now talking about lowering the debate bar for President Biden, we forget that we already lowered the bar for Trump, who once talked about the size of his penis at a debate. Trump can fall asleep during the debate and fart loudly and someone in the media will proclaim him the winner.

In reality, the bar is much lower for Trump, who praised and gave a shout-out to white nationalist terrorists in a 2020 debate with Biden. Trump also carried COVID-19 into one of the previous debates without telling the Biden Campaign. The New Normal is that most Americans don’t seem to care that Donald Trump is a lying evil sack of shit, but if Biden has the tiniest trip, it’ll all they’ll talk about.

Sean Hannity predicted that Trump would “wipe the floor” with Biden, but Trump can’t even stay awake during his NYC criminal trial. Hell, he probably fell asleep on top of Stormy. A safer prediction is that Trump will wipe the asses of racists and Russians during the debate, in the same way Hannity wipes Trump’s ass.

Voters do need to have their memories jogged. A recent Times/Siena/Inquirer poll found that 17 percent of voters in swing states believe Biden is at fault for the Supreme Court ending women’s constitutional right to an abortion, and not Trump who put three justices on the court who voted to overturn Roe. Where did those respondents get that idea? No wonder so many people don’t remember that Trump is a treasonous Putin bitch.

I’m glad the debates will be earlier than usual. Joe Biden needs to take out the trash now, not in October.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

[AnywhereButHere]

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[47of74]

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[ADoyle90815]

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Beach Blonde Bad Built Butch Body"

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Where do I even start with this one?

I don’t like to explain my cartoons and if a cartoon has to be explained, then it doesn’t work. I’ve been accused by critics/morons that I write these blogs to explain the cartoons, but that’s not the purpose of the blogs. But this cartoon will be an exception because maybe not everyone is familiar with the Roast of Tom Brady. It did make news.

When I showed this cartoon to my proofers, the first reaction was excitement. She loved the cartoon and hadn’t seen the roast, but she still got it. The second reaction was total confusion. She asked, “Why is Gronk in the cartoon?” These two reactions will be what I get from readers for this one but for me, I think it’s worth doing for those who do get it. It also passed the it-made-me-laugh rule.

I am prepared for readers to look at this cartoon the same way a dog would look at a math book, which his head cocked to the side quizzically…or maybe like Marjorie Taylor Greene trying to figure out how a doorknob works.

There’s a roast of Tom Brady on Netflix. Have you seen it? If not, don’t bother. Kevin Hart hosted and he’s not funny. How is Kevin Hart in so many movies and commercials when you can’t find anyone who thinks he’s funny? Anyway, the roast isn’t really that good and it’s full of homophobia. If you’re still think gay jokes are funny like kids did back in the 80s, then you might enjoy the roast. It sucked (maybe it would have been funny if they had allowed Robert Kraft massage jokes) and ran way too long (over two hours), but the one bright spot in the entire show was Nikki Glaser. She killed.

Tight end Rob Gronkowski has an image of being a moron and to his credit, he laughs at the jokes at his expense. Glaser was roasting Brady about losing $30 million in crypto. She said, “Tom, how did you fall for that? I mean, even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money.'” the place fell apart, Hart fell out of his chair, and the bit has been shared all over social media. It’s even in the trailer for the show.

Yesterday, there was another roast, but this one was not scheduled. The setting was a committee hearing in the House of Representatives over whether to find Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt for not handing over recordings of President Biden talking to Special Counsel Robert Hur, despite the fact they have the transcript of the conversation. Republicans want the recording so they can use it in campaign commercials.

The hearing was late in the day because several of the Republicans were in Manhattan kissing Donald Trump’s ass at his hush-money trial. And reportedly, a few of them had some cocktails during the journey back to DC.

Marjorie Taylor Greene, always the first to start a shitshow, asked her Democratic colleagues, “I’d like to know if any Democrats on the committee are employing Judge [Juan] Merchan’s daughter?” This is based on some reports that the daughter of the judge presiding over Trump’s trial has worked for Democrats. MTG brought this up during the hearing despite the fact it’s not relevant to the trial or whether or not Merrick Garland should be held in contempt over some frothing-at-the-mouth GOP bullshit.

Democratic Representative Jasmine Crockett asked a logical question, “Please tell me what that has to do with Merrick Garland?” Of course, MTG does not do logic and replied, “I think your fake eyelashes are messing up what you’re reading.” MTG lodged the first personal attack. In fact, she was the only one to make a personal attack if you understand context, which of course, Republicans don’t.

MTG believes she’s an intelligent person and her Dunning-Kruger ailment prevents her from seeing herself as the national embarrassment that she is.

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said to Greene, “How dare you attack the physical appearance of another person?” Really. How dare MTG attack the appearance of anyone. She called MTG’s comments “disgusting” and “unacceptable.” They were also kinda racist.

MTG started taunting AOC, like a schoolyard bully would, asking if her “feelings were hurt.”

MTG agreed to have her insults stricken from the record but refused to apologize. The chairman of the committee, James Comer who’s been trying to impeach President Biden over other bogus bullshit, said MTG’s comments didn’t violate House rules.

Crockett asked Comer, “If someone on this committee then starts talking about somebody’s bleach blond, bad-built butch body, that would not be engaging in personalities, correct?”

Comer was confused by this while the minority chair, Jamie Raskin, struggled not to keel over with laughter. GOP member Anna Paulina Luna requested that Crockett’s comment be stricken from the record, proving Crockett’s point.

Crockett did not insult MTG directly. Her question was a hypothetical one to make a point. Naturally, the GOP members didn’t understand that. Another example of this could be, “Is it a personal attack to reference a skanky philandering stalkery Putin-loving racist antisemitic MAGAT ass-kissing beyotch who believes in Jewish space lasers?” With no names being mentioned, nobody could ever figure out who that description applies to.

Crockett said, “I’m trying to get clarification. Don’t tell me to calm down, because y’all talk noise and then you can’t take it, because if I come and talk shit about her, y’all gonna have a problem.”

Crockett is right. Republicans like MTG can talk shit but they can’t take it. MTG is out of her league when starting fights with Democratic women, especially women of color. People who live in ugly glass houses shouldn’t throw ugly glass stones. On another note, it’s usually difficult to draw attractive people, and I struggled to draw Rep. Crockett today. I did not struggle drawing Marjorie Taylor Greene.

MTG challenged AOC to a debate, which was declined. MTG claimed it was because AOC didn’t have the intelligence to debate her but the best reason not to argue with an idiot is because you’ll be arguing with an idiot, which President Biden will be doing in the near future.

Marjorie Taylor Greene pulls these shenanigans because it raises her money, which she’s much better at than legislating.

Speaker Mike Johnson scolded the members, saying, “When we disagree — even vehemently — we have got to treat one another with dignity and respect. I think it’s an important principle.” But you can’t argue about a lack of “respect” and “dignity” when just came directly from kissing Donald Trump’s ass or when you allow a low-brow mouth-breathing troglodyte like Marjorie Taylor Greene to sit on the House Oversight Committee.

Gronk might say, “Even me know that not good idea.”

 

[GreyhoundFan]

[thoughtful]

I hope Dolly Parton has heard this!

ETA - take note of the change in font size at 2:52. Oh, Randy!

Edited May 20 by thoughtful

[GreyhoundFan]