Arranged Leftovers: Matching "Defects" in the Name of the Quiver

[Sops2]

4 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

Amanda and Russell Lewis (from the 11 Smith's blog) actually are one of the best matched fundie couplings I follow. They are both very interested in music.  In fact, both are musicians professionally (she teaches lessons, he perorms and I believe teaches). Both were well into adulthood when they decided to marry so I don't find the age difference as creepy as I would if she were 18. Also, I think he may only be about 20 years older which doesn't feel so creepy when you are 30/50.

Russell is 68, so quite a bit older than Amanda- but they do sound a good match musically

[Queen Of Hearts]

51 minutes ago, Sops2 said:

Russell is 68, so quite a bit older than Amanda- but they do sound a good match musically

Are you sure he is that old? I thought he was a bit younger. How old is she?

[Sops2]

Twitter photo verifies it's him and that he lives in White Oaks ,  Texas

Another website shows the only Russell Lewis in White Oaks is 68.

I just looked it up tonight, and it surprised me too as I thought he was a bit younger, but we were never actually sure. I'm not sure about Amanda's age.

Edited May 11, 2020 by Sops2
Amendment

[AliceInFundyland]

It’s like you walked around the forum,collected everything you know is specifically pushing against the lines of good taste, and summarized it neatly in one tidy thread.

That'l be helpful in the future.

Edited May 11, 2020 by AliceInFundyland

[nausicaa]

8 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I've never heard of these people, but is there anything creepy to you besides the age difference?

That weirds some people out by itself, which I think is a shame as long both parties are adults.  Although legal I absolutely find it creepy when someone barely legal hooks up with a middle aged or even older person ...but once you get to your mid-late 30's you can find love or companionship with much older people without it being weird to me.  

As far as Russell goes, I didn't find it de facto creepy, because she wasn't a teenager, and they both seemed the same kind of dorky and had similar interests. I believe someone on here even knew him in passing and said he was pretty nice and actually funny. 

However, later I saw a photo of him on the blog in a Confederate flag tee shirt and alas, all goodwill was lost. 

ETA: Oh yeah, and he trashed Rachel Held Evans right after she died. How could I forget. 

Edited May 12, 2020 by nausicaa

[Pecansforeveryone]

I would also be interested in genuine arranged marriages.  I saw an episode of Four Weddings where one of the contestants was in an arranged marriage. I was struck by how "normal" it presented as with no obvious red flags.  

[nausicaa]

2 hours ago, Sops2 said:

Twitter photo verifies it's him and that he lives in White Oaks ,  Texas

Another website shows the only Russell Lewis in White Oaks is 68.

I just looked it up tonight, and it surprised me too as I thought he was a bit younger, but we were never actually sure. I'm not sure about Amanda's age.

I believe she was about 33 in 2015 when they married, so 38 now. Which would make it a 30 year age gap. Which is a really significant gap. I'm surprised some people here think it isn't. Not de facto creepy, but I do hope she thought about how things will change even ten years from now.  

[Pecansforeveryone]

@nausica, Especially, if the couple plans to have children. I have as many qualms about a man fathering a child at 60 as I do about our fundies becoming parents at 19. 

[fundiefollower]

12 hours ago, nausicaa said:

I believe she was about 33 in 2015 when they married, so 38 now. Which would make it a 30 year age gap. Which is a really significant gap. I'm surprised some people here think it isn't. Not de facto creepy, but I do hope she thought about how things will change even ten years from now.  

Exactly.  I brought them up not because I thought there is anything wrong with either person in the couple. I don't find him creepy in a weird way.... I just find it sad that a young woman with her whole life ahead of her was marrying someone so much older - I do find their age gap to be extreme (my opinion).  It's sad that she was not able to go live on her own and get a job, pursuing her interests alone and perhaps find someone more her age to share her life with in a more complete way rather than as a care giver much sooner than later, likely.  But we never know what we will get in life, she may have married a  younger man and that he could have become incapacitated in some way.  I truly do hope they are happy.  However, this is a snark website and I feel they are snark-worthy in some aspects.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 hours ago, nausicaa said:

I believe she was about 33 in 2015 when they married, so 38 now. Which would make it a 30 year age gap. Which is a really significant gap. I'm surprised some people here think it isn't. Not de facto creepy, but I do hope she thought about how things will change even ten years from now.  

I don't think anyone is saying 30 years isn't extreme, just that it's not creepy in and of itself since both were actually adults when they got together.

Sure, there are things to take into consideration that you wouldn't have to if the ages were closer, but that doesn't make it automatically predatory the way I see it when much older people choose someone who is barely legal for a partner.  

As a woman of a certain age I have no interest in young men, but if I were dating I could see being interested in someone old enough to be my father and I've always felt that way.  In my early 30's after my first divorce had I met someone in their 60's and we were compatible the age wouldn't have put me off.

However the fact that I had 3 kids under 8 would have been offputting to a lot of them, I'm sure

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

On 5/11/2020 at 5:55 AM, FighterJet said:

The gay speculation began when Bethany reportedly admitted on a livestream that Dav went to conversion therapy. There’s no tangible proof I could find of that, but you’ll find a lot of discussions on Reddit. GD’s comment section on instagram and youtube is a river of people urging Dav to show his true colors, and the Beals don’t dismiss these comments. This is what prompted speculation in the first place, again, I wrongly assumed it was widely known.

Dav asked permission to court Bethy to her father, there was heavy involvement from the families in their whole courtship deal. The families had known each other for years. Could mean nothing, could mean they pulled a Jim Bob.

As for Priscilla, she reportedly suffered at birth, prayed anything that might’ve come up that needed extra attention away. The point is that she really shouldn’t feel like she’s any less deserving than anyone else, so it would be sad if she were raised under circumstances that made her feel otherwise. Same goes for David, if he really were gay as many claim. All seen and considered, Priscilla is likely much better off with David than Anna will ever be with Josh, however.

I am like 98% confident Bethany said that Dav "struggled with same sex attraction" in either a video or a blog post. Surely someone here knows.

I never really got the gay vibe from David W but I guess my gaydar ain't great. (Is anyone's?)

Also, no one's saying Tabitha Paine (30-something at the time of marriage) and born-again rapist Tim whatshisname? That's got to be one of the worst cases.

Interestingly, I don't think this is always a case of throwing two misfits together. Sometimes they just lie about whatever crap the worst person has done, like Josh Duggar and Anna Keller.

[nausicaa]

49 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I don't think anyone is saying 30 years isn't extreme, just that it's not creepy in and of itself since both were actually adults when they got together.

Sure, there are things to take into consideration that you wouldn't have to if the ages were closer, but that doesn't make it automatically predatory the way I see it when much older people choose someone who is barely legal for a partner.  

I agree it's not predatory. I was actually surprised at how many people were really bothered by it. In the original thread though, some people thought it wasn't much of an age gap and that they were in the same life stage, which I thought odd. (But I think one of those posters might have been revealed to be a sock account later.)

I also am pretty open about age gaps in my own dating. The largest gap was 14 years, which I could definitely feel. I once dated a guy (who I'm still friends with) who was 41 when I was 32 and I had an acquaintance freak out about it and act as if he were a predator. I was really surprised since it wasn't even a ten year age gap and neither of us had any kids and were in the same life stage. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

20 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

I agree it's not predatory. I was actually surprised at how many people were really bothered by it. In the original thread though, some people thought it wasn't much of an age gap and that they were in the same life stage, which I thought odd. (But I think one of those posters might have been revealed to be a sock account later.)

I also am pretty open about age gaps in my own dating. The largest gap was 14 years, which I could definitely feel. I once dated a guy (who I'm still friends with) who was 41 when I was 32 and I had an acquaintance freak out about it and act as if he were a predator. I was really surprised since it wasn't even a ten year age gap and neither of us had any kids and were in the same life stage. 

Ah - I didn't read the original thread...I'd never heard of these people until this one.

 

[JillyO]

What I do find a little squicky about the Russel/Amanda situation was that he was a long-time friend on her family's and had known Amanda since she was in diapers. I don't know, that just makes it weird to me, and very different than two adults who meet when they are 33 and 63, respectively, and fall in love. That said, I'm glad they seem to be a good match and I hope they are happy together!

Edited May 12, 2020 by JillyO
When will I learn to proofread BEFORE posting?

[usedbicycle]

Without knowing exactly how their love story unfolded, I do find Amanda and Russell's relationship a little creepy. Only because when they married, Russell had lived and worked independently for around 40 years while Amanda had led an extremely sheltered life as a stay-at-home daughter since birth. That power imbalance is not uncommon in fundie marriages but makes me a little easy.

Edited May 12, 2020 by usedbicycle
Added the last sentence to clarify

[hoipolloi]

On 5/12/2020 at 3:41 AM, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I don't think anyone is saying 30 years isn't extreme, just that it's not creepy in and of itself since both were actually adults when they got together.

This is how I saw their marriage. 

Also, what's that saying? Better an old man's darling than a young man's fool?

[VVV]

On 5/13/2020 at 12:40 PM, hoipolloi said:

This is how I saw their marriage. 

Also, what's that saying? Better an old man's darling than a young man's fool?

I’m the one who worked with Russell decades ago. As far as I know, he had never married before Amanda so no, not a widower. While his political beliefs are horrifying, in person he is kind and decent. And I don’t think it’s fair to describe a 30-something with a history of serious music teaching and performance as completely sheltered, either. 

They seem well-suited and happy together. I know other couples, not religious, with similar age gaps. Unusual, yes. Creepy, not in my opinion. 

[Sops2]

I really wish she would post soon- we have not heard from her since last October. There has been so much  bad weather in the area of Texas where they live.

They're in a manufactured house in a wooded area which has a natural pond due to poor drainage