How Do Women Get Sucked Into A.T.I.?

[emmiedahl]

I think in some ways, being a SAHM without an income is easier. All that crap that you do around the house? Working moms also do it. A job does not come with a housekeeper and cook, not any that I have had at least. Working moms do the same stuff; they just have less time and energy with which to complete the tasks.

[skankbiscuit]

I think in some ways, being a SAHM without an income is easier. All that crap that you do around the house? Working moms also do it. A job does not come with a housekeeper and cook, not any that I have had at least. Working moms do the same stuff; they just have less time and energy with which to complete the tasks.

This. I was a SAHM for 8.5 years. My youngest entered kindergarten and I was fortunate enough to be offered a position at their school, so we are away from home the exact same hours. Even with me getting off work at 3:30, I am finding myself with little time for grocery shopping, laundry, housework, helping with homework, and my own school work. I have a VERY helpful husband too.

And I know the fundy lurkers are probably saying that I should be home serving my family and all - but I actually think since my own children are not home during the day, working with severely special needs children and helping them work their way through life at school is much more important than staying home and making sure the toilets are always perfectly clean.

[Rosa]

Time-and-stresswise, working is harder.

Emotionally, working is easier. I'm just stepping back into SAHM world, and I'm apprehensive because I remember how demoralizing it was, how much power and agency I lost in my relationship - my partner has a lot of anxiety that shows up to me as micromanaging/constant questioning - how limiting it felt to know I didn't have the resources to leave if I wanted to, which is the basis of a strong position for negotiation in a relationship (not that I would threaten to leave, but *knowing* I could gives me a lot of confidence.)

[Brainsample]

I was not a mom who got sucked into ATI, and in fact, the ATI moms I knew treated me quite poorly, as did most homeschooling moms in our church. The few that "took me in" and loved me have told me that many women were intimidated by me because I'd been to college and worked.

I was in my mid-twenties when my husband and I moved half way across the country and relocated in a new town where we had no friends or relatives. We found this local church and were in the process of being love bombed, and we struggled to find a good home church for the three years that we'd been married. All of these things made us quite vulnerable to the acceptance we seemed to find there.

I found out about two years later that all leadership in the church was supposed to attend Bill Gothard's basic course, though it was never stated formally, nor was Gothard spoken of formally from the pulpit. If you went for counsel with the pastor or some identified sage for advice, they pulled out the red book and basically drew most of their ideas about relationships from Gothard. But I would never have known about him if I'd remained a rank and file member and had not ended up talking with people who were beaten on the head with the book.

We started attending a mid-week homegroup/cell group that was run by an elder. We were new there, and this man and wife took interest in us. I didn't exactly understand why at the time. All I know is that we were invited to go to this week-long course, and this couple offered to drive us there for the first four nights that week, though they weren't going to the all day Friday and Saturday sessions. We were new there, and it was not only nice to try to build a relationship with people because we were new there, it was an opportunity to learn about this other church and to get an idea of how to get there. We had not been there very long. We learned very shortly after that course that this elder wanted us to take over his cell group, and that's why we were invited. We were being groomed by the cult, likely at the direction of the pastor who liked us quite a bit, too. Those pressures were all quite powerful, and people are often recruited into cultic groups after a move and when they are socially isolated as a result. You don't have the stability that you would normally have and are off balance, just enough to make the group look better than it really is. (I don't know that it would have made much difference for us, however. I was pretty naive.)

I've written a blog post about how a person gets bombarded with manipulative tactics at those conferences, and fatigue alone after going there at night after working all day is enough to put you into a highly programmable altered state of consciousness. It is a very subtle process, and I didn't have the allure of the promises that most parents fall for in Gothardism. I laughed at some of what Gothard presented, but that stuff about grace is tricky. It was classic thought reform in too many respects. My husband and I were both deep thinkers and knew Scripture very well, but when thought, emotion, behavior and information is used against you in the way those courses work, basically, very few people can resist that pressure created by cognitive dissonance.

For those who are interested in reading about how I describe how that whole IBLP course and process bombards you and overwhelms your ability to think: http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2010 ... nance.html

[apple1]

I found out about two years later that all leadership in the church was supposed to attend Bill Gothard's basic course, though it was never stated formally, nor was Gothard spoken of formally from the pulpit. If you went for counsel with the pastor or some identified sage for advice, they ...basically drew most of their ideas about relationships from Gothard. But I would never have known about him if I'd remained a rank and file member ...

This is how Gothard-followers spread their belief structure. In my own experience, they never showed or admitted to the red book, nor to the fact that their ideas/beliefs/advice originated with Gothard.

[silverspoons]

I few years ago I watched a non- ATI homeschooling family switch to ATI. Looking at why, I would say timing, several family deaths and the community changing caused this family to switch. The family had 4 girls and they really wanted to protect the girls from the outside world. The mom was sad that the world was not the 1960's leave it to Beaver life she had and she wanted for her girls. I actually had her watch my daughter 1 day a week and I had to stop when she made the switch. At the time I did not know alot about ATI but her daughters were talking too much to my daughter about religion. I have to say she took excellent care of my daughter and was a very nice caring women. Again I think the timing of several events in thier lives and ATI coming at the right time caused the switch.

Funny thing if you ask my daughter what homeschooling is like she will say "All homeschool kids do is chores!".

[desertvixen]

No matter what your choice is, you will get plenty of rude comments. That is a fact. It does mean that society is against SAHMs or working moms or childless women. It means that society is against women. Because none of us can meet the cultural ideal.