Joy & Austin 28: loss and mourning

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, Glasgowghirl said:

Joy, Austin and Gideon appear to be away for a few day's with Austin's sister and her family I think the break will be good for them.

I saw the photos, I wonder where they are, it looks beautiful. 

[VelociRapture]

7 hours ago, Daisy0322 said:

It would be nice to know how they are doing and if anyone is being truly supportive. I may not  agree with them on a lot but the situation is heartbreaking. I'm 19 weeks pregnant now with my second and I just can't imagine let alone the many other pregnancies she may have and the retraumatization that's possible 

They’re more private than a lot of her siblings are though, so I can see why they might not want to open up more than they already have. I hope they’re handling things ok, are surrounded by a good support system, and are allowed to be as private as they want as they continue working through however they might feel. 

[Glasgowghirl]

Someone who didn't know about Annabell, asked Joy on Instagram if she had a daughter, thinking one of her niece's were her's. Joy replied those are my niece's. A few people did jump on the poster accusing her of being insensitive. Joy handled it well, those questions must hurt. My friend recently lost her father to dementia and was caught off guard when someone who didn't know he had died asked her in the supermarket how her dad was, she broke down after she left the store.

[viii]

If you know the Duggar’s enough to follow/comment on their pages, I’m not sure how you wouldn’t know about the loss. I mean, it’s plausible, but....

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I saw that and was going to comment, but saw that several others already had as had Joy so I left it alone, not wanting to pile on and keeping that comment active. 

I did wonder how she couldn't have known about the loss, other than she seemed very young and somewhat clueless to life in general. 

[nvmbr02]

I agree it seems unlikely that the commenter didn't know but it is possible, if she didn't follow Joy too closely or just mindlessly scrolls through instagram without paying much attention.

When we had our loss Dh took 2 weeks off of work and I had figured it was pretty well known what had happened, at least with the coworkers he worked with on a regular basis. One of his coworkers at the time was a former coworker of mine. The kids and I went to have dinner at work with my husband one night about 6 weeks later and the coworker came up to me and said I looked great and then went on to say that I hardly looked pregnant at all. I couldn't even respond. I just sorta smiled and then went to tell my husband so that he could talk to the coworker for me. It was really awful. I was emotional and he felt horrible. 

[HurricaneBells]

Poor lass, it must just hit like a brick sometimes. I imagine its such a shock initially that it would take a little before you actually begin processing the whole thing fully. Im glad she is able to be open about having days that are worse than others.

Edited August 8, 2019 by HurricaneBells
Spelling

[CarrotCake]

2 hours ago, HurricaneBells said:

Poor lass, it must just hit like a brick sometimes. I imagine its such a shock initially that it would take a little before you actually begin processing the whole thing fully. Im glad she is able to be open about having days that are worse than others.

 

Really good for her to admit, especially in a culture that is generally about excepting what God has in store for you.

[HermioneSparrow]

I'm glad she thinks it's okay to cry and feel sad. I hope Austin comforts her.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

It is wonderful that she isn't keeping sweet and feels comfortable to be open about how she is doing. This tells me that Austin isn't the monster people keep saying he is, she's allowed to have her feelings, to cry to be upset. As much as it sucks to say allowed, I don't know if Michelle allowed herself to grieve for Jubilee, or just did it in private and never spoke of it, or if kept sweet for JB, like a good submissive wife. It also seems like Austin is spending more time with Joy and Gideon instead of working so much. I'm sure he's very upset at losing his daughter and watching his wife go through so much emotional pain.  

[AtlanticTug]

So much healthier than the ridiculous "keep sweet" nonsense that suppresses emotions and makes them all look like mindless robots.

If she is willing to share her struggle publicly, hopefully they are also open to her getting whatever help she needs to cope with her loss.

[Dandruff]

I suspect Joy is getting a lot of support, including from Austin.  I also think November (three new nieces) is going to be a really challenging month for her.

[Satan'sFortress]

She really looks like Jill in that picture.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

12 hours ago, Dandruff said:

I suspect Joy is getting a lot of support, including from Austin.  I also think November (three new nieces) is going to be a really challenging month for her.

Hopefully (for her sake) she is pregnant again by November. Following Jamie Otis on Instagram, she had a miscarriage at 10 weeks earlier this year, and she posted yesterday, or the day before, that today was her due date, and she had really hopped she'd be pregnant by now to help get through the day.  So for that reason alone I hope she's pregnant, especially since there will be 3 baby girls due at the same time she was due with a baby girl.  

[nvmbr02]

40 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Hopefully (for her sake) she is pregnant again by November. Following Jamie Otis on Instagram, she had a miscarriage at 10 weeks earlier this year, and she posted yesterday, or the day before, that today was her due date, and she had really hopped she'd be pregnant by now to help get through the day.  So for that reason alone I hope she's pregnant, especially since there will be 3 baby girls due at the same time she was due with a baby girl.  

I hope she is at peace either way, but being pregnant again will bring a whole lot of strong emotions too. While I do feel it is comforting to have something to look forward too, she may also have a lot of anxiety with her next pregnancy. Also, I know I felt a lot of guilt, especially with feeling happy during my pregnancy after the loss. Like being excited meant I didn't love the son that i lost. It is just so complicated and it will be difficult either way. In my case I was not pregnant when my due date came, but we had just decided that we were going to go off birth control and give it a couple of cycles to see what happened. I ended up conceiving right around what should have been my due date but didn't know that then. 

In any case, she has a rough road ahead of her. It does seem she has people around her that are supportive to both her and Austin and I hope that keeps up and she continues to feel like she can share what she is going through with people that care about her. 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, nvmbr02 said:

I hope she is at peace either way, but being pregnant again will bring a whole lot of strong emotions too. While I do feel it is comforting to have something to look forward too, she may also have a lot of anxiety with her next pregnancy. Also, I know I felt a lot of guilt, especially with feeling happy during my pregnancy after the loss. Like being excited meant I didn't love the son that i lost. It is just so complicated and it will be difficult either way. In my case I was not pregnant when my due date came, but we had just decided that we were going to go off birth control and give it a couple of cycles to see what happened. I ended up conceiving right around what should have been my due date but didn't know that then. 

In any case, she has a rough road ahead of her. It does seem she has people around her that are supportive to both her and Austin and I hope that keeps up and she continues to feel like she can share what she is going through with people that care about her. 

All of this. I had a very early loss, but my second pregnancy was still filled with a lot of anxiety and fear. We had no way of knowing whether I was capable of carrying to term or not and we were constantly scared of something going really wrong. I was in my third trimester with my daughter by the time I hit the period of time my due date would have been for the pregnancy I miscarried. We were excited to be having a baby, but it was still a difficult experience to get through due to all the mixed emotions. 

The only thing I’ll hope for is that she and Austin are both surrounded by genuinely supportive people and that they feel free to feel however they feel. I also hope that they understand that seeking professional help is absolutely ok if they feel it’s needed or wanted. 

[rainbowbabycakes]

On 7/26/2019 at 3:33 PM, PurpleCats said:

While the average adult has less than 4 wisdom teeth, I had 5 in a mouth too small for the teeth that were in it, let alone FIVE more. They knocked me out to take them out.  (They were impacted)

my exhusband had 6  they put him under to remove them. He reacts poorly to anesthesia though, and woke up mid surgery, lol... I only had 3 

[rainbowbabycakes]

On 7/27/2019 at 1:48 PM, Beermeet said:

I'm loving this one!  Better than anything.  I haven't tried the other scents. I figured the charcoal would help. I get sweaty and smelly.  Often having to reapply. Not with this one. Dry and smell good for over 24 hrs!  I've been using for 2 months, so, it's passing the time test.

 

I had the worst reaction to Schmidt's... red, burning, itchy rash  and the lime smelled so good too.

I have yet to find a natural one that works for me. I keep trying, but most of them give me rashes. Tom's of Maine doesn't but it doesn't work for me either. I always end up back with Suave

 

Edited August 10, 2019 by rainbowbabycakes

[OyToTheVey]

On the topic of natural, I’ve always been sensitive to honey and bee pollen. But I once used Burt’s Bees for an after sun burn and woke up all swollen. My eyes wouldn't open. It was pretty bad. Just a little warning, be careful with natural if you have allergies or sensitivities. Sometimes for me the chemical stuff is just better. 

Also, if anyone wants natural face stuff I use Korres from Sephora. It’s yoghurt based. Makes the skin feel really good. 

[Someone Out There]

18 minutes ago, OyToTheVey said:

On the topic of natural, I’ve always been sensitive to honey and bee pollen. But I once used Burt’s Bees for an after sun burn and woke up all swollen. My eyes wouldn't open. It was pretty bad. Just a little warning, be careful with natural if you have allergies or sensitivities. Sometimes for me the chemical stuff is just better. 

Also, if anyone wants natural face stuff I use Korres from Sephora. It’s yoghurt based. Makes the skin feel really good. 

I was once listening to a radio program where the head of I think QV or Cetaphil (which are companies with a whole stack of moisturiser products here, I presume other things as well but those are the ones I know) stated that they use non-natural products as they can guarantee consistency of the products.  Their customers tend to have sensitive skin so consistency and non-reactions are vital.

[Jody]

On 8/10/2019 at 1:33 AM, VelociRapture said:

All of this. I had a very early loss, but my second pregnancy was still filled with a lot of anxiety and fear. We had no way of knowing whether I was capable of carrying to term or not and we were constantly scared of something going really wrong. I was in my third trimester with my daughter by the time I hit the period of time my due date would have been for the pregnancy I miscarried. We were excited to be having a baby, but it was still a difficult experience to get through due to all the mixed emotions. 

The only thing I’ll hope for is that she and Austin are both surrounded by genuinely supportive people and that they feel free to feel however they feel. I also hope that they understand that seeking professional help is absolutely ok if they feel it’s needed or wanted. 

After eight miscarriages, my due dates come up multiple times per year and that combined with the dates I miscarried (right before christmas, just in the New year, valentinesday (when i found out i was losing twins) and my birthday, it used to feel like every babycommercial is just out there to rub my nose in it.

Since my last failed ivf, now a month and a half ago) my boyfriend and I are facing the question wether to use donorsperm or not. And face a lifetime of difficult questions if we do. So the due dates have become bittersweet memories, the loss-dates are harder, but facing the choices we have to make and especially the future, is much, much harder than the loss.

Long story short: Joy feels bad now and will for a few years, but there’s so much joy in her life, that the pain of losing this baby will fade. November WILL be hard, but I don’t think being pregnant again by that time will help much. The fact that she already has a baby will do way more to heal, since she doesn’t face the uncertainty (like Lauren had) of knowing wether she’ll ever have a baby. And I can tell you that that uncertainty is absolutely killing. For yourself AND your relationship. 

[Iamtheway]

On 7/30/2019 at 7:50 AM, Glasgowghirl said:

I'm trying to cut out as many chemical's and plastic in my daily routine and have purchased a deodorant bar from lush that I have used along with the deodorant's I'm using up and it's been ok so far, Lush is not perfect by any means but there was one right next to my work and another one near it. 

I bought the Lush shampoo bar and soap a couple of months ago since I want to cut down on plastic and I love them (so please don’t tell me why Lush isn’t perfect). 

The shampoo especially works really great on my hair that has become curlier then before and seems to keep cleaner for longer. 

I also got a face soap resently to try to take better care of my skin. I try to use as little product as possible and buy organic when I buy. One thing I have not been able to change though is my deodorant. I find the natural one doesn’t work as good for me and makes me a bit stinky. Might try the deodorant bar though and see how that goes. 

On 8/2/2019 at 9:20 PM, Cheetah said:

So the fam and I are in Interlaken on vacation and we did the chocolate class today that Joy and Austin did on their honeymoon.  I had to laugh... when I signed up online they asked how I'd heard of it and I didn't want to mention that I'd seen it on Counting On.  I put TripAdvisor which was also true.  It was a lot of fun... my teens really enjoyed it.  And no, we are not going to try parasailing.

We went ti Interlaken for our vacation as well. Such a beautiful place! We didn’t do a chocolate class though. We just ate lots of chocolate.

[Sullie06]

On 8/9/2019 at 5:54 PM, nvmbr02 said:

I hope she is at peace either way, but being pregnant again will bring a whole lot of strong emotions too. While I do feel it is comforting to have something to look forward too, she may also have a lot of anxiety with her next pregnancy. Also, I know I felt a lot of guilt, especially with feeling happy during my pregnancy after the loss. Like being excited meant I didn't love the son that i lost. It is just so complicated and it will be difficult either way. In my case I was not pregnant when my due date came, but we had just decided that we were going to go off birth control and give it a couple of cycles to see what happened. I ended up conceiving right around what should have been my due date but didn't know that then. 

In any case, she has a rough road ahead of her. It does seem she has people around her that are supportive to both her and Austin and I hope that keeps up and she continues to feel like she can share what she is going through with people that care about her. 

I agree. After my first loss it took me 2.5 years to conceive again. It was very hard passing those milestones (due date, loss date, "first birthday", etc) and not be pregnant again, especially when my best friend got pregnant twice in that time period. I thought if I could just get pregnant it would help me grieve. I was wrong. When I finally got pregnant I was so terrified it completely ruined pregnancy for me.  After I lost my second, I got pregnant two months after my D&C. I thought being pregnant again would make everything better but it did not. I had a complicated pregnancy and couldn't properly grieve the lost baby. When her due date passed ( I was 8 months pregnant by then) it all hit me and I had a breakdown. I just hope that she has the support system she needs now and when she gets pregnant again in the future that she's able to process that pregnancy will forever be different for her from an emotional standpoint. 

Edited August 12, 2019 by Sullie06

[AtlanticTug]

On 8/11/2019 at 9:04 AM, Jody said:

And I can tell you that that uncertainty is absolutely killing. For yourself AND your relationship. 

I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. I have a similar story (6 miscarriages, 5 fresh IVF cycles, though I did end up with 2 kids eventually).

If you look at modern research in the field of psychology, it has emerged that infertility is the second most stressful life experience, the only one that is worse is the death of a child. But infertility ranks higher than the loss of a parent, divorce, imprisonment, etc. And the reason is exactly what you posited above - the outcome is uncertain and nobody can tell you when your journey will end (or what that end will look like).

[Cheetah]

7 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

We went ti Interlaken for our vacation as well. Such a beautiful place! We didn’t do a chocolate class though. We just ate lots of chocolate.

Did you go up Jungfraujoch?  That was so gorgeous and I really want to go back to the area now and spend more time doing some hiking up in those little villages, probably without my children though as only 1 of 3 of them enjoy hiking.  Of all of our stops on the trip Interlaken was my favorite (although there are some very touristy parts, but the overall area is so beautiful).