sex-obsessed fundies--does this count as an example?

[AnnoDomini]

A fundy young man refusing to put ointment on his toddler-sized sister's rash since it would be 'rubbing his sister's crotch'. Is this an example of fundies obsessed with sex to a weird degree, or a normal reaction?

[gustava]

A fundy young man refusing to put ointment on his toddler-sized sister's rash since it would be 'rubbing his sister's crotch'. Is this an example of fundies obsessed with sex to a weird degree, or a normal reaction?

Like many male fundies, he has a problem with sex, a very, very serious problem. Sick and sad.

[dawbs]

I'd put this in 'a little of column a, a little of column b'.

It's a touch sex-obsessive. But it's also not purely fundie--that could also easily, IMO, be 'American cultural sex-obsession'. because I don't think that thinking is limited to fundie-world.

If the young man in question is, say, between 8 and 15, I'd also assume that he understands "boys don't touch the crotches of little girls" and that learning that there is a 'gray area' there is something that takes maturity.

[gustava]

I'd put this in 'a little of column a, a little of column b'.

It's a touch sex-obsessive. But it's also not purely fundie--that could also easily, IMO, be 'American cultural sex-obsession'. because I don't think that thinking is limited to fundie-world.

If the young man in question is, say, between 8 and 15, I'd also assume that he understands "boys don't touch the crotches of little girls" and that learning that there is a 'gray area' there is something that takes maturity.

But it's OK for girls between 8 and 15 to bath and diaper their little brothers, or the Duggars would be in deep shit -- pun intended. Must brothers sublimate sexual urges for their little sisters, but big sisters don't have such urges for their little brothers? That seems a rather absurd position, dawb.

And I don't know if you intended the word play in "gray area there."

[dawbs]

But it's OK for girls between 8 and 15 to bath and diaper their little brothers, or the Duggars would be in deep shit -- pun intended. Must brothers sublimate sexual urges for their little sisters, but big sisters don't have such urges for their little brothers? That seems a rather absurd position, dawb.

And I don't know if you intended the word play in "gray area there."

Of course it's absurd--but sexual obsession as it relates to kids is usually absurd.

But, IME, both in and out of fundie-world, little girls are taught it's inappropriate to touch little boys UNLESS changing a diaper. Little boys are taught it's inappropriate to touch little girls, period, fullstop.

Boys, of course, figure out that the rule isn't that blanket/universal--but that comes with either maturity or being taught about exceptions.

And I will say that it is not unusual for young girls to also be a bit 'weird-ed out' by this too (again, both fundie and non), it's just that they are expected to just get over it and not really 'allowed' to refuse.

(and I kinda was trying to be punny :)

[raineymott]

I hated changing baby boy diapers because I was always afraid someone would *think* I was going to do something bad.

[DamnPrecious]

I hated changing baby boy diapers because I was always afraid someone would *think* I was going to do something bad.

This.

I honestly have had an aversion to cleaning a child's parts. I'm not a mother and to do it to someone else child makes me nervous.

I was molested as a child and I think that is where is comes from. I've changed diapers and mostly gotten over it.

[CynicMom]

My 2yr old daughter is going through a no-clothing phase. The first time she tried it out in public we were on a mostly deserted beach. But today we went to a local sprayground and she went totally nude. There were only a handful of other kids there but an older woman (50ish) came up to her and said if she wasn't going to wear clothes she couldn't be in the water. She made it sound like that was general policy but it actually isn't. Fortunately DD ran away immediately and busied herself lying down in the sandpit till it was time to go.

....seriously she's two years old! Who cares?

So methinks it's not just fundies that have this issue.

[emmiedahl]

I could see a health code problem with naked kids in water... if the water was not already full of almost naked kids. A thin swimsuit bottom does not keep germs out! lol. Did you tell her to stfu?

[AnnoDomini]

I'd put this in 'a little of column a, a little of column b'.

It's a touch sex-obsessive. But it's also not purely fundie--that could also easily, IMO, be 'American cultural sex-obsession'. because I don't think that thinking is limited to fundie-world.

If the young man in question is, say, between 8 and 15, I'd also assume that he understands "boys don't touch the crotches of little girls" and that learning that there is a 'gray area' there is something that takes maturity.

He'd be older than 15.

[Patsy]

The initial thought and discomfort, no; prioritising that over his sister's medical needs and insisting on it instead of just getting on with the necessary task at hand - well, not necessarily, but I could see it.

[AnnoDomini]

I can see his point of view though--rubbing a child's parts with my bare hands? No thank you. When I put ointment on my little charge back in my childcare days, I'd use a wipe to apply the stuff. And it's not like, in a fundy household like that, he'd be the only person able to apply it.

[Patsy]

Absolutely I can see his point of view. If I was required to do that, I might have a moment of discomfort at the idea. Then I'd shut up, get over it, and do what was necessary, rather than being precious and insisting that my purity was more important than a child's health and comfort.

[AnnoDomini]

Is it about purity though? I saw it as simply feeling it didn't seem right.

[BlackHawk]

I will say this... men are taught to NEVER, NEVER touch a child down there, even if it is ointment. In childcare that was stressed to me like no other. Let the women handle the changes until you get to know your parents. Simply because a lot of women think all men who choose to be around children are child molesters. It's unfortunate, but in our society, any man who chooses this life has to be in it for the little girls.

I used to feel squicked out by putting cream on anyone, and we don't use our bare hands in childcare. A little piece of paper towel or toilet tissue would suffice. I would be changing a diaper and seriously everyone would stare at me. After working in the same center for 4 years, FINALLY came the day where no one seemed to care... then I moved. I worked at my last center for 2 years only and I still think the director thought I wanted to molest little girls... doesn't matter that I'm gayer than a 2 dollar bill.

Anyway, it does seem we make a big deal as a whole society about boys/men changing diapers. It may be a bit of that.

[AnnoDomini]

It's really a pity that our society makes that kind of assumption. I have a brother or two who would be great in childcare--except no mother would hire him because of his gender.

[JesusFightClub]

A fundy young man refusing to put ointment on his toddler-sized sister's rash since it would be 'rubbing his sister's crotch'. Is this an example of fundies obsessed with sex to a weird degree, or a normal reaction?

My first thought was "sex obsession" because of the phrasing. If he had said "I am not comfortable touching her down there even though I know she needs the ointment on, could someone else do it?" That wouldn't be weird. But "rubbing her crotch" ewwww.

Like everyone says you apply ointment, wipe the parts etc with a wipe or the like, not with your bare hands. It sounds as though he is objecting on principle that it would be wrong morally, not just that it is out of his comfort zone. And that is weird.

[Lillybee]

If this boy is so uncomfortable touching his sister, where the hell is the mother?

[Trynn]

If this boy is so uncomfortable touching his sister, where the hell is the mother?

That's what I want to know! I mean, isn't this a job for a parent?

[AnnoDomini]

If this boy is so uncomfortable touching his sister, where the hell is the mother?

Tired of changing diapers. 'Out of energy'.

[maybeizfundie]

I think the point about men in general being uncomfortable because of social messages is a good one.

All that said, I wouldn't dream of asking one of my children to change a sibling's diaper if he or she didn't offer to do so.

[AnnoDomini]

My first thought was "sex obsession" because of the phrasing. If he had said "I am not comfortable touching her down there even though I know she needs the ointment on, could someone else do it?" That wouldn't be weird. But "rubbing her crotch" ewwww.

Like everyone says you apply ointment, wipe the parts etc with a wipe or the like, not with your bare hands. It sounds as though he is objecting on principle that it would be wrong morally, not just that it is out of his comfort zone. And that is weird.

I imagine that's exactly how he felt. Ewww. And I can't speak for him, but if he was brought up like I was, I was never taught to use a wipe when applying ointment. I always saw my mother using her bare hands.

[raineymott]

All that said, I wouldn't dream of asking one of my children to change a sibling's diaper if he or she didn't offer to do so.

Ha, wish my mom was like that...I'm certain I've changed more diapers in my life than she has. Lol (oh and the boys in our house NEVER changed diapers. Dad did very rarely (only if he was babysitting...and even then he usually left them for when us girls got home).

[Rosa]

That's exactly what my boyfriend would have said, and he was not raised fundy. Just with a general "ew" attitude towards bodies in general, and the word "crotch". I dont' think it's a sexual thing really, more of a general having been taught bodies are "icky". (As a grownup, he changed a lot of diapers including on our goddaughter and his neices, which is to his credit - most of the men we know, don't.)

I understand the general reluctance on sexual-abuse awareness grounds - i've never felt that way about random diaper changing/health stuff, but I babysat for a little boy who gave up on pottytraining for a while but was old enough to be embarrassed, so he'd hide to poop and then not want to be changed - it made me distinctively uncomfortable to hold him down & take his pants off against his will, even though it definitely needed doing. (He got over it after a few weeks - it was a response to a bunch of life changes at once in his family.)

[emmiedahl]

Tired of changing diapers. 'Out of energy'.

That's something to think about before you have a baby. My 15 year old would be very uncomfortable with changing a baby diaper, period. He's never had to, despite having four younger siblings. He's never given a baby a bath, or did their laundry, or fed them either. He's their brother, not their parent.