WTF memories of religion when I was a kid. What are yours?

[ariel9]

So I did not know I had so many WTF moments until I read the posts.I grew up Apostolic with strict patents and the following are a few things that I can remember at the moment....

-not being allowed to listen to secular music on Sundays because the Sabbath you know.

-not being allowed to use scissors on Sunday because you're using them to cut Jesus.

-not being allowed to do laundry on Sunday because that is when all the sinners do laundry even though that is the only day you have time.

-thinking the rapture was going to happen any time it was a bad storm or the sky looked a bit weird.

-The rapture will always happen on NYE because it will catch everyone who is not spending the night in church.

-not being able to watch music videos in the morning.

-not being to watch anything that is dealing with something scary or haunted on tv because that is how you let the spirits in.

-not being able to watch or read Harry Potter.

- luckily we were able to celebrate halloween but no scary costumes. I was not allowed to call my witch costume a witch costume.

-Kids in third grade getting stars for going to church on Sunday and saying the one you went to.

-dressing like an old lady during puberty because most of the clothes made for your age group were being inappropriate.

-Getting yelled at for hugging your boyfriend even though you were 18 because fornication.

-Not being able to call your boyfriend you boyfriend even though you get 18.

-Oh yeah only boys think about sex because that is how the good Lord made it :dance:.

[shedemei]

-not being allowed to use scissors on Sunday because you're using them to cut Jesus.

I don't know why, but this is the most WTF thing on your list to me. Like, everything you cut was cutting Jesus? I can't come up with a correlation between activity and supposed effect for that one.

[docmom]

I grew up in the Church of Scotland so mainline liberal Protestant with only the usual WTF stuff. But I did have some pretty strange ideas about where God hung out. I knew he was up in heaven and heaven was somewhere high up in the sky. The highest place I knew was Wallace's Monument in Stirling (the Scots on the site will know it) and I was absolutely convinced God lived there- to the point that I was scared to play in the park below it never mind actually go into it.

I'm also credited with saying on takeoff on a flight to Spain "Daddy are we going to see God?" Cue laughter from the entire plane and more than one "I bloody well hope not!" in reply.

[salex]

I hung out with some fundie-lights and went to their youth group for a few years in middle and high school because I was a social outcast and was desperate for friends. That's where I learned about bar codes being the mark of the beast (we'd be getting them on our foreheads during the tribulation).

But the biggest WTF moment came when I was invited to go on a spiritual retreat to a beach town (during winter) with a whole bunch of youth groups from across the country. I was so excited, because maybe I would find friends and have a good time socializing at a big slumber party! (I wasn't fitting in at the youth group at all, being a stealth non-believer). We had a seminar on witnessing, then we were handed tracts and herded into cars so we could go witness to strangers. I wasn't expecting that, and panicked, and asked if I had to do it. I was told I did and that we had to witness to a certain amount of people.

Fortunately, we got hopelessly lost on the way to our assigned destination and weren't able to stumble upon a suitable place for witnessing. Problem solved!

I had another WTF moment of the "what did I believe as a kid?!!" variety when I was early 20s when I learned from a very devout Christian that his church does not believe that the book of Revelation is literal prophecy and is instead a series of coded messages to churches in peril and persecution at the time it was written, which was never something I had ever considered as a kid. I was floored. k

That was more or less what I was taught as a kid and lean toward as an adult. My Ordained-as-an-American-Baptist-Brother-in-Law was taught in seminary that it might be even more vague and it was included because 1) there were many apocalyptic writings at the time and this was an example and 2) John (or someone called John) might have written it.

Said brother in law talked with me about this, but said he and his peers from seminary would never have told a congregation this because said congregations were not as smart as he and his buds and wouldn't be able to grasp the intricacies of this idea. Plus the congregations would not want to hear that. He never had a congregation because immediately upon being ordained, he divorced his wife and moved in with his girlfriend.

But who believes what about revelation has changed over the centuries. Used to be protestants thought it was in the past, then they thought it was the future and rapture was coming. I believe catholic thought changed over time as well.

[Lillybee]

Raised and educated RC from first grade through my BA.

My sixth grade nun told us we would commit a mortal sin by watching the Ed Sullivan Show because of the June Taylor dancers.

In high school, one nun thought that one of the proofs that the RCC was the one true church because they had nuns and monks. I think I shut her up when I said "so do the Buddists.".

[nomoxian]

I was raised Mormon and, from around the age of 7, both Catholic and Mormon. My Mormon family forbid for me to be baptized Catholic at birth and Mormons don't do baptism until the age of 8. By that time I was already agnostic, but I thought "it wouldn't hurt to be baptized, just in case they happen to be right!" I was more excited about being able to go in the big bathtub than anything else.

When I was around Kindergarden age I was in Sunday School. I don't remember what the lesson was about, but it involved Popeyes candy cigarettes. Apart from that, I don't really have any positive memories of church. I was always happy for it to be over, and wondered why we "had" to go to church.

One time when I was a tween or young teen (I can't remember exactly how old I was) I was taken to hear the Mormon prophet speak. This was on par with someone going to hear the pope speak. I thought everything he said about chastity was bullshit, even though I wasn't sexually active yet. The highlight of that day was going to Taco Bell afterwards.

[Leftitinmysnood]

I was lectured by a mom once for using the word "kids," because kids belong to goats and the bible says sheep go to the right and goats go to the left side. Only the word "children" was acceptable.

[Ex-Creationist]

Oh, all kinds of stuff about religion was screwed up. My mother is a fundie who goes to church and reads her bible when it suits her (e.g. when she can find something to leverage against somebody else-she's a narcissist). At once church, when I was in my mid teens, we had a pastor who preached from the pulpit about how any music but gospel was of the devil. It didn't matter if you could point out positive, good songs that happened to be secular or part of contemporary Christian music. They were all equally sinful.

So I was the kid who would, when the pastor left his car radio u attended and the keys in the truck, change to the local modern-rock station. (This was the 90s. Imagine him starting his truck to hear anything from Marilyn Manson to Garbage to Soundgarden. Heh.)

[Exjw2015deed]

I was raised a Jehovah witness and have a million nutty stories. My favorite was when a sister in the congregation scolded my mother for allowing us to watch "the hunchback of notre dame" and "the lion king". Apparently, talking animals and gargoyles are demonic.

[Peas n carrots]

I was raised very loosely Catholic with a dab here and there of Mennonite as many of my friends in high school were of that faith. My parents - driven by my mom - would go to church in spurts with months to years of sleeping in on Sunday's in between. They took me to catechism through confirmation at age 11 (as I lived in a rural area the Bishop would only come out every few years and grades 4-8 were confirmed all at once). Once I was confirmed they left it up to me how much I wanted to be involved which for me was basically not at all. As others have said I had the same "this has to be BS" attitude about Noah's Ark fitting ALL the animals, the Genesis creation story, and Adam & Eve. I was a lover of dinosaurs and clearly Genesis and dinos did not mesh, especially after my dad explained carbon dating to me. I have my dad to credit my skepticism from an early age.

Despite the thought that what I was being told was BS I did enjoy catechism for the most part. The books we used basically gave a biblical lesson followed by a crossword puzzle, word find, or a maze. We did skits out of biblical stories. I was most excited about the donuts we would steal from the KoC in the basement after their pre-church meeting had ended. Other than 2nd grad when we had an actual nun teach us and we had to learn prayers for first communion catechism was a fun distraction.

My dad admitted to me a few years ago he really didn't believe in the bible as the word of God - so I assume he is at least agnostic. He is a big fan of Carl Sagan, critical thinking and sleeping in on Sunday's so I wouldn't be surprised if he is atheist either. My mom kind of waffles around on religion but I think she has settled on a kind of a loosey-goosey spiritual Christianity of her own that does not require her to get up early on Sunday.

As for the sprinkling of Mennonite - I went to services every now and then with friends. My BFF in high school's family belonged to a more conservative congregation in which she could not wear pants (but leggings under shorts were ok???), could not cut her hair and could not wear makeup. Oddly enough her father expected her and her sisters to all become doctors - but I digress. So I remember the Monday my junior year when on the previous Friday she was dressed in her usual legging-shorts and long hair and BOOM she now had cut her hair short, was wearing jeans and had on makeup. WTF had happened over the weekend I asked, to which she replied her dad had been in a fight with the conservative church pastor on Saturday, so being fed up took the family to a more liberal church on Sunday. Apparently they got in a shopping trip and a salon visit as well! Otherwise the Mennonite stuff was pretty benign and the churches I attended were pretty social justice driven.

[violynn]

I was lectured by a mom once for using the word "kids," because kids belong to goats and the bible says sheep go to the right and goats go to the left side. Only the word "children" was acceptable.

My mom taught me that one too! I got so excited as a young adult upon hearing Cake's "Sheep Go to Heaven, Goats Go to Hell"

[violynn]

Apologies for posting twice already, but something happening right now with my youngest is appropos to the thread.

My kids are in various age ranges due to various life experiences. My first two are 16 months apart. The twins came 6 years after the youngest at the time. Their little sister came 23 months later, then the youngest 8 years after that. So my girls are 29, 28, 22 (twins), 19 and 11.

I made some really good friends who were Wiccan when my oldest two were in their mid-teens. One of them became very interested in Wicca, so we got her some books, (well, the books were for me really, so I could be educated on what she was learning), my aforementioned friends sort of mentored/educated her and she still believes but doesn't 'practice'.

Five to eight years later the girl born after the twins becomes interested in Wicca as well. By that time we were living in a tiny, horrible town in Kentucky with 3 black families, and when I say that, I mean otherwise it was ALL white and mostly conservative Christian. She was in 6th grade at the time and we'd already learning that the socially liberal upbringing I was giving my children was frowned upon hugely, to the point some kids weren't allowed to socialize with my kids at all. So I told L. that she could study with big sister R. but she'd have to keep it to herself because hateful bigots.

She didn't keep it to herself. One of her well-meaning friends told her that she couldn't play with her anymore because she (L.) was going to hell b/c no church-going. L replied that she did SO go to church, her church was the big meadow behind our house where she could worship in nature. BOOM!

Two days later, some people showed up in my daughter's social studies class and talked to them all about Jesus and how to be saved so as to avoid hell's flames forever. They gave every child a New Testament as they left class. L. had one placed in her hands. Strangely, only the 6th grade classrooms were visited that day by the Bible pushers, though it was a K-6 school.

When she came home in tears with this Bible and more news about being ostrasized, I called the principal at home, livid. She told me that they'd had 'witnesses' come to school before, and it was NBD, that I was the only parent in 12 years who complained. I started out calmly explaining the 1st Amendment, religious freedom from oppression as it pertains to State-funded schools, and then told her that since she'd opened the school doors to allow Christians in to preach, that left the school open to all other religious groups to come in and do the same. Then I told her I was calling all the Jewish, Muslim, Pagan,Wiccan and Satanist groups I could find to line them up.

She sorta lost her shit a little, and 'negotiated' never bringing Christians in again, and a talk with the school on tolerance from the school guidance counselor. I was amazed she went that far.

Needless to say, we moved the kids to the schools the next county over, I finally convinced my husband we needed to move out of that horrendous town and got L some counselling.

Eight years later, my 11 year old tells me she wants to study Wicca. We live in a certainly more progressive city now, and 2015 is certainly more tolerant than 2007, but she decided she wanted to study Wicca mostly because all her friends are Christian and go to church and she feels left out not having a belief system they understand, or a place she can point to and say "I go to church ________". Sadly I am having the same talk with her as I did over 10 years ago with my first daughter.

I came to realize that just about any organized religion/dogma, produces some pretty insane WTF moments but keeping my kids out of church STILL gives them WTF moments. :pull-hair:

I enjoyed the movie 'Dogma' though. Except for the shit monster. That was just nasty.

Sorry for the long post. I can take two days to tell a 30 second story, I'm told.

[Wenny]

-Being a chubby 9 year old and forced to wear a shirt AND shorts over my swimsuit at church camp because I was "more womanly" then the other girls.

-Freaking out because my aunt called me little Mary and I felt like i was to young to be pregnant.

[Imrlgoddess]

Raised RC in a deeply Southern Baptist/Fundie Protestant area. We were the "weird kids who worshiped statues" at school.

Mom, aunt, and grandmother did the Catholic guilt trip/duty thing throughout childhood...pretty standard. I remember mentioning in my 20's that I actually enjoyed Mass at college...my aunt looked at me like I was nuts and told me I wasn't supposed to go because I liked it, I was supposed to go because it was my duty.

Sex was evil, men have zero self control, Eve was the bitch who ruined it for us, all manner of "discipline" was "spanking", fear equated respect....

gender roles/gender roles/gender roles! Even though mom worked and dad didn't.

Sister is still terrified of God because of what we were taught both by our catechists and the Baptist preachers from the local churches. We'd go anytime friends wanted us there on Wednesday nights or for random holiday gatherings.

I don't remember being taught about a loving God...a loving Jesus, yes..but God was the punisher. Anything bad that happened...was a penance for something you'd done at some point.

During my teen years I mentioned that becoming a nun was a potential adult plan. My best friends mom sat me down one afternoon at her house and read to me all the passages regarding marriage/being fruitful, and how nuns couldn't carry out God's plan.

Back in the mid-90's D&D and Metallica were put on the hot seat because of some messed up college kids. The Baptist church my friends went to did the cd burning and we had youth gatherings about the evils of rock music and that D&D was a devil's game. My mom never took our music away but she did forbid me to watch the D&D cartoon....I didn't understand why till years later.

Never even realized I was raised in any way fundamentalist until I stumbled upon FJ HSA and RG. Because basically the entire state is like this...I believed the way we lived was normal and common.

[RosyDaisy]

I grew up in Alabama (aka Talibama) in the Church of Christ. Need I say more? I will say leaving the church didn't cause me any trauma.