New Kendal Post

[ophelia]

Hey,

just checked out Kendal's blog and she seems to be pretty messed up! It's the first time I ever read a kind of post like that from her. She admits to be overwhelmed, exhausted and she hide out in the nursery to cry. Normally we only get these "I'm the best mom ever and you are all doing bullshit for sending your kids to public schools"-posts but this one is really different. I would never judge her for feeling tired and alone since I have no children and a big supportive family and will hopefully never get into that kind of situation. Somehow I also feel sorry for her.. but just a little bit. I hope this doesn't mean that she will "punish" her girls for her exhaustion. :(

[browngrl]

What a sad post. I wish I could tell her to hire a sitter - and get out and do something nice for herself or just get a good rest. However, I doubt she would pay any attention to the advice of a godless feminist so I just hope that she gets the comfort she needs from her religion/spouse.

[fundiefan]

The worst/saddest part of it is that she won't change anything. She will continue to push herself to do what she is 'made' to do and not change or alter anything. She'll bury and deny her feelings, fears and insecurities in order to be what she believes she is to be. No real change can come from continuing to do what is hard while making no changes to how things are done or what priorities and goals are. Someone not buried in a world of housewifery as the only option would consider outside schooling, babysitters once in a while, a part time job or school or even a book club for themselves. They'd make changes in the life rather than burying their feelings.

In a few days she'll say god made her feel better and realize she was being selfish or sinful or something and it's all good because he fixed her heart and she didn't have to do anything but wait on him.

[latraviata]

What a sad post. I wish I could tell her to hire a sitter - and get out and do something nice for herself or just get a good rest. However, I doubt she would pay any attention to the advice of a godless feminist so I just hope that she gets the comfort she needs from her religion/spouse.

I just did and I am a godless feminist as well.

Somehow I feel sorry for her.

[NurseNell]

I read this post. This mother is in desperate need of help. We don't want to see another Andrea Yates' situation. If someone here knows her they owe it to her, as woman to woman, to help her reach out for help. This is a potentially tragic story waiting to unfold.

Nell

[Guest Anonymous]

I don't know if it's an Andrea Yates situation - every woman I know with young kids (including myself) has those days where you just want to cry and think "why the hell did I do this", especially if you're sleep deprived with a baby who won't settle. I do wonder if she's got any regular posters in her area who could offer some real help or a church community who could buy her some nap/recharge time. Putting your desperation on the 'net is a real cry for help. I mean, what do these women do when they're sick? Surely being driven to the point of exhaustion earns you some sick time - or am I being too logical?

[NurseNell]

She mentioned that she has no relationship with her mother, and her brother lives far away. So she really does need good friends.

Nell

[ophelia]

So where are all those wonderful people from her church community? It would be nice to see that at least one time fundies act like really Christians!

And yes.. in a few days she'll deny her feelings, complain about what a bad person she is and so on.. I don't think she'll change anything. Sad for her!

[lilwriter85]

I don't have kids and I have seen friends and relatives go through stuff like Kendal is going through. But usually they do something to take a break and they get over the stress. I agree with another poster Kendal either needs friends or people from her church community.

[latraviata]

I read this post. This mother is in desperate need of help. We don't want to see another Andrea Yates' situation. If someone here knows her they owe it to her, as woman to woman, to help her reach out for help. This is a potentially tragic story waiting to unfold.

Nell

Nell, I quite agree, Kendall is exhausted and could use some help. On the other hand, small crying babies and three young children are very exhausting for everybody.

I know the feeling, I had a cry baby, the only child at that time. I remember calling my mother crying, she came immediately and sent me to the hairdresser and shopping the entire afternoon.

When I came home, my house was sterilised, she ironed, cooked diner and the baby was sleeping, there was perfect peace, bless all the caring grandmothers!!

So what happens to Kendall is nothing new, we all know the feeling. The ugly thing though is her twisted idea that her religion wants her to reproduce and be the perfect wife and mother, always with a smile and doing her christian duties in a cheerful fashion.

[Kitten]

In a few days she'll say god made her feel better and realize she was being selfish or sinful or something and it's all good because he fixed her heart and she didn't have to do anything but wait on him.

...what happens to Kendall is nothing new, we all know the feeling. The ugly thing though is her twisted idea that her religion wants her to reproduce and be the perfect wife and mother, always with a smile and doing her christian duties in a cheerful fashion.

THIS. It's not that it's hard, but that you're not allowed to admit it's hard, or that you're not enjoying every second of it, or that you need help. It's only surprising that more of these women don't crack.

[dilannsmom]

I don't feel all that badly for her...if you look at the comments she replies to all of them within 30 minutes (or so). If she would get off the computer she might find that she can get more done. This is a choice that she has willingly made (contraception? what's that). As my mom said when I was a young single mother, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it...

...and, can't have your cake and eat it, too!

[Letgo]

This makes me wonder about the idea that ALL women must stay home and have as many babies as possible, never using any form of birth control. Men have different jobs and that is okay. Some are creative and build furniture, some are mechanical, some write well, some have business skills, some are farmers, and so on. Why are all women considered to be the same and have only one function in life? Women, too, have different strengths and weaknesses, just like men. I am sure that some women do great with a dozen children and love it, while others struggle to cope with one or two. Why can't this be recognized? Having several children, especially small ones close in age, can be a huge challenge. Do any of these VF or quiverfull people care?

[demgirl]

IIRC, Kendal isn't actually quiverfull. I think when she posted on FJ she said they want about five kids. So at least this won't be an endless process for her.

This comment to the post made me gag:

Take heart, Kendal! You're in a very short season (praise the Lord) where even your oldest is still so young. In no time, you'll be calling her to sit with whomever happens to be the baby while you enjoy plenty of time with the child who is learning to read.. . I PROMISE!

Kendal, if you still read here: please, please, please don't pawn off the younger children on your oldest daughter. She deserves more than that and frankly, you're an intelligent woman. You know that what' I'm saying is the truth.

[ophelia]

This post made me angry too. If you want to have a lot of children and home educate them, okay! But take care of them ON YOUR OWN! Don't make your oldest daughter be the mother to your younger children....

[latraviata]

This makes me wonder about the idea that ALL women must stay home and have as many babies as possible, never using any form of birth control. Men have different jobs and that is okay. Some are creative and build furniture, some are mechanical, some write well, some have business skills, some are farmers, and so on. Why are all women considered to be the same and have only one function in life? Women, too, have different strengths and weaknesses, just like men. I am sure that some women do great with a dozen children and love it, while others struggle to cope with one or two. Why can't this be recognized? Having several children, especially small ones close in age, can be a huge challenge. Do any of these VF or quiverfull people care?

You are absolutely right, that is one of the (many) reasons women started to revolt against their situation.

Since Mrs. Emmeline Pankhurst we made quite some progress, I also took part in the protest movement in the sixties and seventies to get where we are now. It really hurts that these fundi women voluntary go back in the time, submit themselves to husband, children, boring homework and even educate their children so there is absolutely no personal space left for them without the feeling of guilt and failure.

[ophelia]

I am totally fine with women who want to live at home as a homemaker and mother. If it's their choice and the way the want to live their lifes it's absolutely ok with me. I just don't like it when they want to force their daughters and other women into this kind of life.

[latraviata]

I am totally fine with women who want to live at home as a homemaker and mother. If it's their choice and the way the want to live their lifes it's absolutely ok with me. I just don't like it when they want to force their daughters and other women into this kind of life.

Also, very, very true I was about to add that to my comment, but you beat me to it!

By the way, there is difference between a mother who just chooses to stay at home without spousal submission, homeschooling and being the doormat of the entire family and these fundi women.

[ophelia]

absolutely! My mother decided to stay at home for sevens years to take care of my little siblings until kindergarten. Then she returned to work. At first I think it was very hard for her to get back to her old job, to learn all that computer-stuff she hates and to get used to a totally new shedule. Since she was a single mom at that time she could only manage it with the help of my grandmother, but for us kids this was totally fine (you know.. grandma's are never as strict as mothers :) ) Iam really glad that she had that kind of help, because now after beeing back at work for 13 years she really enjoys it and she also admits that she needs that time "without" us children where she is not only a mother, but an adult woman with a job where she helps a lot of people (she is working in a hospital).. okay enough of that.

something that really strikes me is how kendal's husband has reacted to that post. does he read her blog on a daily base or did she just tell him? what did he do to make her more comfortable? or did he get angry because she wasn't able to fullfill her "duties" with a smiling face??

[Dinorah]

This makes me wonder about the idea that ALL women must stay home and have as many babies as possible, never using any form of birth control. Men have different jobs and that is okay. Some are creative and build furniture, some are mechanical, some write well, some have business skills, some are farmers, and so on. Why are all women considered to be the same and have only one function in life? Women, too, have different strengths and weaknesses, just like men. I am sure that some women do great with a dozen children and love it, while others struggle to cope with one or two. Why can't this be recognized? Having several children, especially small ones close in age, can be a huge challenge. Do any of these VF or quiverfull people care?

Couldn't agree more. If a person (male or female) is truly fulfilled by staying at home and raising children and doing nothing else, more power to them, but I don't get all the idea that it's normal for a man to be a husband and father and express his talents and skills through whatever line of work he's in whereas a woman must be content only with homeing and childraising and otherwise she's "selfish"?

[browngrl]

This makes me wonder about the idea that ALL women must stay home and have as many babies as possible, never using any form of birth control. Men have different jobs and that is okay. Some are creative and build furniture, some are mechanical, some write well, some have business skills, some are farmers, and so on. Why are all women considered to be the same and have only one function in life? Women, too, have different strengths and weaknesses, just like men. I am sure that some women do great with a dozen children and love it, while others struggle to cope with one or two. Why can't this be recognized? Having several children, especially small ones close in age, can be a huge challenge. Do any of these VF or quiverfull people care?

Of course they don't care. They can not or will not accept that a woman can love her children AND love working outside the home or love having a break from the children. Fundamentalists seem to feel that the world will dissolve into chaos if anyone acts outside of rigid stereotypes.