Why People Believe Sexual Predators Rather than VictimsI Did

[doggie]

this is a really good article on how easy it is think people are innocent of rape.

http://www.alternet.org/gender/i-unders ... tims-i-did

I am a woman. I am a feminist. And it took me 12 years to admit that someone I loved was a sexual predator.

This isn’t easy to acknowledge, but it feels especially important after a year marked by several high profile accusations of sexual assault and domestic violence. Almost every case featured public scrutiny of the accuser’s history and values and motivations; almost every case featured a woman who choses to publicly stand by the accused. Many other women responded with shock and disappointment: Why would any woman defend a rapist? How could any smart, confident woman be in such denial?

The public refusal to believe rape accusations is harmful to all women, and it casts a shadow on rape victims all over the world. But as appalling as it is to refuse to believe a woman who has been so brutally violated, I cannot help but feel some empathy with the disbelievers, because when a close family member of mine – who I’ll call Steve – was accused and convicted of sexual assault, I refused to believe it.

[KittenMitten]

I read this article several times then spent two days thinking about it. Very thought provoking. I think most of it is that the rape culture is so entrenched. If the rapist was someone I loved it would hurt (kill me) to acknowledge. The thought of a loved one going to prison, where it will not go well, is horrifying. I hope I would be able to stand by my loved one, but be caring about the victim and justice.

It was interesting the author spoke of the good and bad within the rapist. That is so hard to sort through, I think. Going a bit OT. I'm a therapist. I have never worked with an identified rapist, but have worked with some court mandated parents referred by CPS. I get to see other parts of the parents. Some were just terrible and selfish, but others did have good in them and I grew to care about them. I understand when people say remove those children from that terrible mother(I want to save a bunch of these Fundie kids). But some parents are unable, for a variety of reasons some beyond their control, to be a stable parent and the children are permantly removed. Of course it is the best thing for the children which is the most important thing. But then I have to help the mom process the loss of her children, which is heartbreaking. I wish in these situations it was black and white. Hope this does not make me sound like a jerk.

Back to topic. We need to do something about this rape culture.

[whoviana]

2 words:

STRUCTURAL VIOLENCE!

[KittenMitten]

2 words:

STRUCTURAL VIOLENCE!

I'm sorry. I don't understand what you mean.

[acheronbeach]

I'm sorry. I don't understand what you mean.

Me neither... :/ and why are you internet-yelling...?

[Howl]

The google is your friend:

structural violence

Wish whoviana would have clarified exactly how this works with the point made by the OP. Whoviana? Hello?

[nelliebelle1197]

The google is your friend:

structural violence

Wish whoviana would have clarified exactly how this works with the point made by the OP. Whoviana? Hello?

She seems to be sick and in bad mood and yelling at a lot of people on the Internet! :lol: :lol:

[freehannie]

I think people have a hard time believing that someone who they know as a kind, loving person could be capable of such cruelty. Because of the way we typically think of rapists as monsters, incapable of the kinds of behaviors they see their loved on displaying, it's inconceivable to them that it's possible. But some people channel all their rage at specific targets that they think are deserving of it, rather than society as a whole. Hence the description of the rape victim as a whore. I'm sure many of us here know people who abused their families while appearing to be perfectly normal from the outside and know that people can have many facets to them, some of which they only show to certain people.

[KittenMitten]

I think people have a hard time believing that someone who they know as a kind, loving person could be capable of such cruelty. Because of the way we typically think of rapists as monsters, incapable of the kinds of behaviors they see their loved on displaying, it's inconceivable to them that it's possible. But some people channel all their rage at specific targets that they think are deserving of it, rather than society as a whole. Hence the description of the rape victim as a whore. I'm sure many of us here know people who abused their families while appearing to be perfectly normal from the outside and know that people can have many facets to them, some of which they only show to certain people.

Thank you, freehannie, for explaining it better than I. And I'm sorry, I did not mean to offend. And I do agree with whoviana about structural violence. The mothers I'm talking about certainly are.

[doggie]

Plus it is easier to just belive the woman is lying. Thank you Christian patriarchy

[KittenMitten]

Unfortunately, I think blaming women goes beyond patriarchy.

[Mama Mia]

I don't quite see where this particular article has anything to do with structural violence, or patriarchy for that matter.

Society stepped in and did it's job. The guy was convicted and sent to prison. Twice. This woman's particular immediate family had a very strange and enmeshed relationship with this guy. The guys parents also defended him beyond reason -- but I think that's pretty normal for parents. It seems to in this particular story the guy could just have easily been killing men in bar fights as a rapist and gotten the same reaction from these people. They would have still been finding ways to excuse his behavior or believe in his innocence and vilify his victims.

I'm not saying rape culture or structural violence aren't a problem -- I'm saying it doesn't really apply to this particular story. This seems, to me, to have much more to do with previous posters points -- that we don't want to see the monster in some people, because they don't always appear as monsters. And that even people who do heinous things also have normal traits.