My husband doesn't need to see your boobs

[Curious]

I don't think we've discussed this blog before. I saw the title of the post on a friend's facebook timeline when I was looking for something else and decided to see what it was about.

She says (a number of times) that she isn't blaming women and men should be responsible for their own thoughts, but that people should be responsible for their actions (presumably posting pictures on instagram and other social media). However, if those pics that she is *not* blaming women for are a "stumbling block" in her's and other marriages, how is that not blaming women?

I haven't taken a look around the rest of her blog yet, but I suspect there is fundy or fundy-lite leanings based on the language in this post alone.

[doggie]

I misread thought the title said husbands don't need to see your boobs thinking husbands don't need to see a wife's boobs. Getting late.

[FJismyheadship]

Apparently you can't comment without being signed into wordpress. Makes no sense to me, but whatever. Just a heads up

[BeaSnarky]

Oh, good. More pious slut shaming. How about being a little more secure in your own marriage? How about having a talk with your husband? Modesty. Ha. I have a friend who just shared this article on FB - she's big time Fundie - her daughter is going to her first purity ball this year. I just don't get it.

[formergothardite]

If her husband fantasizes about teen girls to the point where even seeing a picture on FB is a problem, then perhaps she should not blame the teen girls and should get him some help.

[salex]

So, if I'm reading this right she doesn't want her husband, who is a physician, to see women's bodies or else he'll stumble? He "protects himself" from ebil women's bodies by avoiding social media for a couple of days after memorial day (ie, the day the bikinis come out among their facebook friends?)

And, if you are thinner than her and dress cute and her husband notices, it makes her feel bad?

Awesome.

Here is a word to the wise. Everyday, you are getting older. Your body is aging, and may be getting fatter, saggier, more wrinkled--even if you are like some of my friends and maintain a slender body your whole life, you are not going to look the same as the decades pass.

AND, everyday, thousands of beautiful young women with smooth skin and perky boobs are coming of age. And this will be true for the rest of your life.

If your husband can't be trusted to live in a world of perky young things, you have problems.

If you can't learn to deal with not being among the perkiest any longer, you have problems.

I am guessing you would find my habit of pointing out women who have an especially appealing "rack" on display to my husband disturbing, but I know he's a breast man and enjoys the view. I also know that he's my husband and isnt' leaving me for a perky pair of breasts, since he's not a shallow ass.

[BeaSnarky]

What truly amused me with the people AGREEING with her in the comments. WUH?

I agree wtih you salex - perhaps the problem is her own insecurity and perhaps her husband makes her feel insecure. OMG Don't look at facebook today - Joe's daughter was at the beach and posted a picture of her young nubile self in her itsy bitsy bikini. You might get URGES! NIKE FOR GODSAKE NIKE!!

[AnywhereButHere]

Oh hell, seriously? I’ve now got a mental image of her husband stumbling around with his eyes closed until October. Is he only allowed to have male patients, or can he see female ones but have to examine them with his eyes closed as well? Makes for an interesting career challenge.

Hey, my husband likes my boobs. He should – they’re nice. The rest of me may be going to shit faster than I’d like, but those are still doing well. :D He also appreciates looking at others. As long as he’s not grabbing someone else’s (which would kind of be assault anyway) we’re good. And not for nothing, I may or may not have been Googling “Naked Croatian Soccer Players†last night. :whistle:

You don’t get married and then automatically go blind.

[louisa05]

If her husband fantasizes about teen girls to the point where even seeing a picture on FB is a problem, then perhaps she should not blame the teen girls and should get him some help.

The really sad part of it is that nothing she writes makes it sound like it he has a problem with it. It is just her massive insecurity.

To me, the most disturbing thing in that post is the story of how her father controlled her wardrobe when she was a teen. I assume that experience fed her insecurities and paranoia.

[chaotic life]

Her husband is a doctor??? And she's worried about skin he will see on social media? And she thinks he can't take the images of naked women out of his head once seen?

I'm not sure whether it's her IQ or her maturity that is obviously lacking here. I will say if she is "fighting for her marriage" because it is really that fragile, then she has no damn business being in an adoption process now. I will also say that she is married to a doctor. He will be around people, and there will be a contingent of women who see him as "good catch" for the REST OF HER LIFE. They won't get naked to make that clear to him. They will be far more aggressive in their measures. She needs to have a development of trust and communication with her husband and find some self esteem, because people get TIRED of living with someone who is so insecure that they project their poor self esteem upon all people who dare to post swimsuit pictures on social media, or other mundane behaviors.

She looks young, thin, and pretty. She has NOTHING to be so insecure about. She needs to work on herself, because these feelings, they aren't because immodesty is real in the way these women think. It's because they feel so badly that they project that upon the world at large. She had a baby. The world does not expect her to look like the 17-22 year old models that age into adulthood annual and show their bodies because they are proud and young and have not had babies yet. Real men do not think that all beauty and all women are supposed to look that way. No doctor should believe it. SHE has subscribed to it, and judges herself for failing to meet it.

[Curious]

Well everyone that has posted has pretty much covered everything I was going to add, so I just liked posts and am calling it good ;)

I didn't see anything in her post that made it sound like her HUSBAND is the problem, like many of you said.

It's too bad that he apparently feels the need to stay off social media to make her feel secure. I think it's safe to say that this is only one of many problems with raising children with the whole concept that skin = lust/stumbling etc that the modesty crowd pushes so strongly.

People are going to see others in all states and manner of clothing and if you can't control yourself like a normal person should be able to that is a problem that needs to be talked over with a qualified professional because you are a dangerous person, not someone that is "stumbling."

[estes]

Looks like she's updated in response to some of the negativity, in part:

All I hope for is a world where we accept the responsibility of our actions affecting others, however unfair it feels.

There's probably something to that, but it's a fine line between urging that perspective and asking the world to cater to your issues. Social media is not a necessity of life. If you choose to use it, you don't have any right or expectation to be protected from its content.

[Curious]

Looks like she's updated in response to some of the negativity, in part:

There's probably something to that, but it's a fine line between urging that perspective and asking the world to cater to your issues. Social media is not a necessity of life. If you choose to use it, you don't have any right or expectation to be protected from its content.

I alluded to that part of her post in my OP. I've been thinking about that and trying to figure out what she expects people to do other than NOT post pictures she feels make her husband "stumble" on social media.

What other responsibility (in this case) can a person take for their action affecting another person?

Also, how much responsibility does one really have when posting a picture the nature she is talking about? If you are posting something that society deems acceptable do you really have a responsibility for how it affects another random person?

I think that graphic pictures of abused animals or war torn areas which include injured/dead people and things of that nature, yes you have some responsibility to realize that those images are upsetting to people (as a whole). Pictures of your vacation on a beach? not so much.

[dawbs]

*snip*

She looks young, thin, and pretty. She has NOTHING to be so insecure about. She needs to work on herself, because these feelings, they aren't because immodesty is real in the way these women think. It's because they feel so badly that they project that upon the world at large. She had a baby. The world does not expect her to look like the 17-22 year old models that age into adulthood annual and show their bodies because they are proud and young and have not had babies yet. Real men do not think that all beauty and all women are supposed to look that way. No doctor should believe it. SHE has subscribed to it, and judges herself for failing to meet it.

This.

And, honestly, she may not always be all of those positive adjectives etc.

(the rest she may be able to manage, but 'young' is something that expires with time and things like 'sweet' depend on the day)

Today she may be threatened by the youngster in a bikini...but what if next week she's threatened by, oh, me in a business suit? or in hospital scrubs? not to 'slippery slope' everything, but we've seen here on FJ arguments that 'toe cleavage' is a stumbling block--I won't be showing Mr. Doctor my boobs, but what's to keep the next argument from being "my husband doesn't need to see your upper arms" and then "...your ankles/wrists". "you in pants". "your face, don your burqa"

And what if, in 35 years, she's still *insert positive adjectives here*, but 20 years older--will she be panicky about her husband seeing 20 year olds? Because to be fair, even if my 20 year old self was dressed in a mumu, my 20 year old self would still be more conventionally desirable than 40 year old me will be. I am fairly sure that, in spite of all our faults, Mr. Dawbs isn't about to run away with the nanny (if we had a nanny)--but that's not because I"m 'hotter' than the non-existent nanny--it's because he loves middle aged me...and he loved young me 12 years ago (it's a different love, but he's still a keeper)

(side topic. People who accuse women of being 'stumbling blocks' are major stumbling blocks to me keeping the vestiges of my Christian faith alive. When it comes time to hang millstones, I'm fairly sure theirs are of more substance than the people who taught me the ebils of evolution and introduced me to rock music)

[louisa05]

I read a bit more of that blog. It seems like she is just a deeply insecure person all the way around. The post with the title about husbands"fight" for your wives or something like that is just an ode to her own insecurity. And she writes as if every woman everywhere is completely fragile like she is and is going to burst into tears regularly. Thus, it is the duty of husbands to take care of them and be ready for their breakdowns. The comments on that one are all "that's exactly how I feel"...so she has plenty of company. So sad.

So much of evangelical culture is based on telling women they are fragile, though, clearly she absorbed that. Perhaps combined with a sensitive personality, this is what you get.

[estes]

What other responsibility (in this case) can a person take for their action affecting another person?

Also, how much responsibility does one really have when posting a picture the nature she is talking about? If you are posting something that society deems acceptable do you really have a responsibility for how it affects another random person?

The rationale is that since Jesus commanded followers to love, it's more loving to pass on posting the swimsuit photo (or the mixed-drink photo, or whatever), knowing that boobs and booze may be "triggers" for some. I think that's an admirable choice to make personally and voluntarily. But when you start arguing that everyone should make that choice because it's the right thing to do, dammit, and it also benefits me in some way you're on awfully thin ice.

Also, where do you draw the line with "triggers?" I've even heard it taken so far as to imply that newly-pregnant couples shouldn't be excited about it on social media, because an infertile couple might see it and feel bitter.

[cindyluvs24]

The first page of her blog "My hunk of a husband..." Um, no. Even with an MD degree.

[Dysfundamental]

He's a hunk of something, all right!

[ThisOlGirl]

She seems to be insecure about her body in general. They're moving (or have moved) to SE Asia, which she refers to as "the land of petite people". So I guess we can expect a "quit being smaller than me, Asian women, you're making my husband stumble" post. Either she has some body issues that go way back, or that "hunky" husband of hers has been a dog.

[Coco]

Tying up too much of your self-worth in someone else's behavior is a recipe for disaster.

I feel sorry for her. She just needs to woman up and get a hobby like crafting, gardening, photography... she's already beautiful with a trendy blog and cute baby... maybe join a woman's club or something lol and learn not to give a flying eff about what her hubby does. Her blogging and worrying about it won't matter anyway, obviously he'll do whatever he wishes or resent her for stopping him.

'Expect nothing, appreciate everything' works pretty good in relationships with SO's, i've found. :lol:

[crazyforkate]

She sounds like she has some serious issues. I would love to hear what the husband thinks of this - must be hard, being considered an overgrown adolescent creep with no self-control.

[itsnotmeitsu]

I almost wish I was her friend on social media so I could spend all summer posting bikini shots. Or is she secretly proud of having hot young friends with big boobs, and trying to shame the rest of us. He can look all he wants, it doesn't mean the object of his looks is going to allow him to feel them. So as long as social media doesn't show pix of her husband settled between some other woman's boobs, she shouldn't have a problem.

YOU CAN NOT CONTROL HOW ANYONE ELSE LIVES THEIR LIFE.

I have big boobs. I show them off. Not in a gross way, but I show them off. My husband likes when I dress sexy. I dress for him and for me. Not for random people on FB. I wore a strapless wedding dress because he loves my boobs and I didn't see why I needed to be ashamed and keep them covered up in a frumpy wedding dress. If someone didn't think that was modest enough, don't buy one like it.

[Coco]

The guy says: "Honey, let's play water balloons with the kids! Warm water would be less of a shock. I'll fill!" :twisted:

[SoybeanQueen]

1. My connection is slow tonight so while that blog was loading I thought the side of the header said "a teacher and a doctor turned global migraines."

2. At least they're up front about the fact that they want attention for adopting a child of color?

3. I'm glad she thinks her husband is a hunk. I think my husband is totes adorbs, too, and frankly don't care if anyone else does or not. She should take some of that love and use it on herself.

4. Good thing her husband doesn't see my FB posts. My boobs are trying to tag themselves now. I think they're becoming sentient. http://thisnotsosimplelife.com/2014/06/ ... book-page/ Not breaking link because it's mine.

[Coco]

1. My connection is slow tonight so while that blog was loading I thought the side of the header said "a teacher and a doctor turned global migraines."

2. At least they're up front about the fact that they want attention for adopting a child of color?

3. I'm glad she thinks her husband is a hunk. I think my husband is totes adorbs, too, and frankly don't care if anyone else does or not. She should take some of that love and use it on herself.

4. Good thing her husband doesn't see my FB posts. My boobs are trying to tag themselves now. I think they're becoming sentient. http://thisnotsosimplelife.com/2014/06/ ... book-page/ Not breaking link because it's mine.

:lol: :dance: that's awsome. love your site! and the migraine comment - :D