Nothing brings out the rude in fundies like Christmas...

[Koala]

So I have noticed a running theme on fundie blogs/comments of fundie blogs. These folks can get downright rude at Christmas time.

Generation Cedar (Kelly) did a list of 10 (mostly selfish) reasons to have kids. #8 was:

8. You get lots of gifts on holidays. And that’s fun.

Because Kelly likes stuff ya'll. :roll:

Anyway, this conversation ensued in the comments:

The only one I disagree with is lots of gifts on holidays. Ugh…I really try to get others to get the kids less but to no avail. We have too much stuff!

Kelly replied :D :

I meant *you* get lots of gifts

Ha! Crazy woman thought Kelly was talking about gifts for the kids :lol: The gifts are for Kelly!

Now to the point. Another reader replied to her comment:

I am not Kelly, but WE have addressed this at child number 3. We have 4 children under 8years and are almost ready to turn in our stuff to adopt #5!

We are not a fan of clutter. The kids do so much better with LESS.

My mom only buys her them from the the list I send via Amazon. I only give her exactly what they would use. So easy for me…easy for her to click “buyâ€.

Yesterday she came with a bit more for our daughter’s birthday and I reminded her that the list is for a reason. There was a dress she bought that was WAY too small. I sent it back with her. I don’t have time to return things to places we don’t shop.

Are you kidding me? Her mother dared to veer of the Amazon list and buy a dress for her grand-daughter and not only does she get a verbal reprimand, but she is also told to return the gift herself??? :oops: So much for gratitude huh?

My in laws now buy them one larger thing. It is a struggle for them as with my other nephews they have a lot of video games and commercial toys and media we don’t have in our home. They at times think it is so difficult to shop for our kids. They don’t direct it at us, but with say things like “you know how hard it is to find a Lego set without a movie characterâ€. which its not. But I digress.BUT that being said they have mainly stayed within our guidelines.

Is it me, or is it extremely rude (in your typical situation...obviously there are exceptions) to set up gift giving guidelines for the grandparents???

If things don’t fit from extended family and I can’t be bothered I may have a friend with a child the right size. I have a wholeâ€re- gift shelf†with brand new items for us to give away.

I won’t bore you with the math , but I figured out for holidays and birthdays and new births that if each of my 4 children received sayâ€only†3 gifts per “holiday†from the people who usually get them gifts it would be more than 400 new items a year! it adds up. Especially when there are multiple pieces. We have also asked that besides Legos no multiple piece gifts.

Again with the "I can't be bothered with it bit"...just so ungrateful.

Mind you this is only after these people have asked for gift ideas every year several times a year. After several years they catch on. Or not.lol. Yes, there is always someone who totally doesn’t get it. If that is the case we either donate or return it if say Target.

I am one who probably gets way too worked up over it. The thing is for Christmas especially we give them stockings and 3 gifts a piece. That is 12 new items PLUS the stocking stuff. More than enough.

I don’t think it fair for me to badger the kids to give away stuff before birthdays and holidays only to get more. I mean a toy should last more than a year.

Hope that helps. In birthday invites I always either set up a list on Amazon or Target or I say “Livy would really love girl legos, new drawing book, dress up clothes†I try to be very specific. Mind you I preface it with “For those of you who have asked for gift ideasâ€

Call me old fashioned, but setting up a birthday wish list and then including it in the invitation is beyond rude. When I was a kid you were allowed to tell your parents (mom in my case) what you wanted for your birthday. You were also allowed to tell grandparents *if* they asked (which they always did). No matter what they bought you took it with a smile and expressed your gratitude that they had thought of you. Friends you offered no ideas no matter how many times they asked and were generally thrilled when you opened their gift and were surprised by what they got you. And you treasured it particularly because it came from a friend.

That is the best we can do I guess. I hate clutter. One child has special need and does awful with clutter. It’s sad as those who sometimes give the most I know don’t have much to give. Read are in debt.It’s an insecurity at times. When we receive those gifts it takes away the warm and fuzzy feeling as I know they are trying to keep up appearances.

We also give very small gifts. We try to be an example that you don’t need to give a lot of “stuffâ€. Ot you could ask say grandparents for “experience†gifts. say a trip out to lunch, a play, the park and a picnic if that is not the norm.

You have every right I think to ask not to be burdened with a bunch of stuff.

Sorry Kelly. Way off topic..lol

Her crappy attitude just pissed me right off. It also reminded me that this is a sentiment I see frequently on fundie blogs during the holidays.

Reminds me of the year Kendull took the grandparents and other family members gifts but said that NO ONE could buy gifts for her kids. :pull-hair:

[Ariel]

It's pretty damn entitled to send a wish list to non-immediate family members. I wouldn't be surprised if the pile of RSVP's to birthday parties grows smaller every year with that kind of attitude.

My family and I do the Amazon wish-list thing-however, I don't expect to get everything on it, and if somebody veered off it I'd be more than happy to get a gift!

I think it might be acceptable to explain to guests that there may be a type of item you wouldn't like-due to important reasons. Example: No Harry Potter items because of God or whatever. Purely because kids open their gifts at parties and it would suck for the kid to open the gift and then have it taken away by a parent.

[lizziesmom]

If I was a grandparent to Kelly's kids, I would set up bank accounts for each one and put money in it for the future (with strings so Kelly and her husband couldn't control the $$). This nonsense about buying only what she wants would make me want to stop giving anything to such an ungrateful witch but since that would be punishing the kids for the parent's stupidity, not good to act on this.

[LittleMama]

Yeah, just the tone of it all isn't very humble... And telling people to return things themselves, etc. We do an Amazon wish list for family. All my siblings do it for their kids birthdays and Christmas. We get asked by the grandparents who frankly LOVE to give their grand kids gifts. We are well aware of the giving and since we too don't like mass amounts of toys and live in a small apartment, we only do stockings for the girls on St Nick day (candy, oranges, and this year nail polish) and the grandparents get the gifts on Xmas (or around there). It works out well for us to let them know the interests the kids have and what they would like. But if they get something not on the list, it's okay with us! We donate toys regularly that don't get a lot of play so either way we won't be burdened by toys.

[formergothardite]

I was raised that no matter what someone gives you, you smile and thank them. You do not hand the gift back because it isn't what you wanted.

[NotAGangsta]

Call me old fashioned, but setting up a birthday wish list and then including it in the invitation is beyond rude.

Right there with you - I HATE the wish list thing. And it's been on a few birthday party invites that my son has gotten - in those cases, I make sure that we NEVER buy anything on the wish list. We purchase a gift that my son feels his friend would like, but nothing from their wish list. I think it's beyond rude to include it on an invitation. Set it up and then word of mouth if necessary (although some of my son's favorite presents for his birthdays and Christmas have been items that he never knew he wanted or had never heard of - his Hexbug Nano obsession began when a friend gave him a starter set and an extra bug - we'd never even seen them before, and now they're one of our go-to gifts for his friends. And they have never NOT been a hit.)

Also, someone needs to tell Kelly that instead of putting "For those of you have asked for gift ideas" on the invite, she could just tell the person asking at the time what her kid would like, like normal people do. Even if you 'preface' rudeness with a caveat, it doesn't make it any less rude.

If a kid doesn't get exactly what they want for their birthday, it's not the end of the world. My brother and I have a running joke with our kids where we try to get the other's kids the most obnoxious toy possible - but something the kid still likes - and so far, I'm winning with the stuffed talking Leap Frog toy I got my nephew a few years ago. The kids FLIPPED out for it, and the adults wanted to bury it in a shallow grave and then use the shovel to beat it to death. Gift giving to kids can be fun for the adults, too. :twisted:

[Koala]

I was raised that no matter what someone gives you, you smile and thank them. You do not hand the gift back because it isn't what you wanted.

Exactly!

[crawfishgirl]

My daughter received an invitation to a birthday party that included the comment: "(child) would prefer Target or Barnes and Noble gift cards as the present". I was a bit surprised by it - it seemed out of character for the family. But we did give a Target gift card for her birthday.

I would never request specific items because I think it's tacky. But if another parent asks what my child would like, I will give ideas. It's common to be asked when they are young (elementary school age). But we teach our kids to be grateful when they receive gifts, even when they aren't that fond of the item, because it is the right thing to do.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Exactly!

Um, yeah. And children learn the best by example.

My MIL demands x-mas lists from everyone, and it's always been hard for me. I make my husband put down things the both of us would like, for the most part (last year it was a new mailbox). And I'm so happy the LittleSquirrel has reached the age where she can make her own list, because I freaking hated making a list for her when she was a baby/toddler. I would never make up lists for my kid for people to follow. If they ask for ideas, I give them, but always with the stipulation that whatever they think she'll like will be great.

She's never received a friend's bday invitation with a wishlist, thankfully. I turn her loose in the Dollar Tree for those gifts. You can have about 6 or 7 fun items, the bag, and a card and spend under $10. That's not going to be changing anytime soon.

[patsymae]

Rude, and hypocritical--these people pride themselves on not being materialistic but are putting stuff ahead of the feelings of people, and people who are kind enough to enjoy choosing a gift for you and giving it.

When my son was little I was very opposed to guns as toys. At his 3d or 4th birthday party his best bud (little girl that lived in the same building and they played all the time) gave him a cowboy outfit that of course came with a toy gun. The parents were very newly arrived immigrants from Russia and spent a lot of money they probably couldn't really afford at that time on an "American" present; they were beaming when they gave it to him. We thanked them and I readjusted and let the kids play cowboy. 30 years later three generations of the family are all still good friends and nobody turned into a violent criminal. Really, people need to get a grip.

Personally, I never met a present I didn't like. Wow, somebody got me a present! Hooray!

[Jana814]

My cousin gives my mother a list of what her kids would like. (Cousin has 3 kids). My mother asks because she wants to get them something they will like.

[dianapavelovna]

Shit, little kids are giving out wish lists with their birthday invites now? I never got an invite like that when I was a kid. I actually got a lot that said "your presence is requested, not your presents."

[flubber]

All of them are so rude! I am happy to ask a parent what their child would like, but I'd be a bit taken aback if it was on the invitiation. And the 'for those who asked' ... how have they asked if they are only just recieveing the invitation.

If you don't want your kids to have a heap of gifts TELL PEOPLE! Don't give them a set of bloody rules on what they can and can't buy.

I didn't think my kids needed presents from their friends at their party (they get stuff from us an a lot from the extended family). So together we decided they would ask for donations to charites they chose in lieu of presents. Maybe the "Christian, giving" fundies should think of something like that.

[ADoyle90815]

Exactly!

That's also how I was raised.

[nelliebelle1197]

That's also how I was raised.

And how we all should be. Toddling over to post FG's quote word for word at GenerationStarvation

[samismad]

I ALWAYS give wish-lists. Otherwise, it ends really, really badly. Real-life examples:

1. Stuff I am allergic to. I.e. it will make me stop breathing allergic.

2. Used leg wax - complete with hair! (worst present EVER)

I usually request charity gifts though. And books.

[Patsy]

Yesterday she came with a bit more for our daughter’s birthday and I reminded her that the list is for a reason. There was a dress she bought that was WAY too small. I sent it back with her. I don’t have time to return things to places we don’t shop.

If you need to micromanage the way your entire extended family celebrates in order to make your nuclear family's celebration work, there is something wrong.* I was going to say control freaks shouldn't have kids, much less dozens of them, but no. Control freaks should have kids if they want them. Control freaks should just sort their shit and do their best to make sure it isn't a bad thing in their kids' lives. You know how fundie bloggers are always saying the struggle of feeding/teaching/etc their kids is super hard but that proves God and Jesus because they're learning? Like, how about you try and learn from this, then? Your extended family are not just bit players who jump in when you've got a plan, and (wait for it) neither are your kids, actually, even though you made them.

*Obvs different for a meal where everyone brings their bit, but we're not talking about a situation where everyone contributes a necessary part to the whole.

[Patsy]

Now devil's advocate: a gift that is given as a "gift" but is actually a "burden" I think it SHOULD be okay to reject. For example: a passive aggressive frilly dress from your mother for her "tomboy daughter" doesn't mean you have any obligation to wear it, IMO. For another example: samismad's excellent list of examples above. But again, if having to return a too-small dress to the store is too big of a burden for you, this is (once again) a hint that maybe you need to cut back on the hassles in your life so that you can do it like a normal human being rather than delegating your own errands pre-emptively onto your extended family.

[browngrl]

Maybe things would work out better for Kelly and her family if she put chicken breasts on her wish list.

[Rowan]

So I have noticed a running theme on fundie blogs/comments of fundie blogs. These folks can get downright rude at Christmas time.

Generation Cedar (Kelly) did a list of 10 (mostly selfish) reasons to have kids. #8 was:

Because Kelly likes stuff ya'll. :roll:

Anyway, this conversation ensued in the comments:

I say “Livy would really love girl legos, new drawing book, dress up clothes†I try to be very specific. Mind you I preface it with “For those of you who have asked for gift ideasâ€

[Peas n carrots]

Maybe things would work out better for Kelly and her family if she put chicken breasts on her wish list.

Yes, the lack of protein is affecting her brain.

[docmom]

The purpose of a gift is to show someone you love or appreciate them. Once you realize this, the content shouldn't matter so much. I, too, was raised to appreciate every gift I got for the sentiment behind it- not necessarily for the gift itself. My grandmother's neighbor one year knitted us all "bomber" jackets in pink because she'd heard the teenagers were into bomber jackets that year. They were hideous but we were all incredibly touched that she'd gone to so much trouble for us. We smiled, gave her great big hugs and wore those jackets every time we saw her. I can't imagine how hurt she would have been if we'd given them back and told her to return them because they weren't suitable. :roll:

[moodygirl86]

I actually got a lot that said "your presence is requested, not your presents."

I like that! It reminds me of Xmas 2008 - I'd been on the dole and couldn't really afford any gifts for my folks that year. I phoned Mum on the morning of Xmas Eve to let her know I was on my way and what train I'd be catching. My brother M answered, and I explained my financial situation to him by way of apology for the lack of pressies. I'll never forget his reply, "Don't worry about it Moodygirl, just bring your sweet self!" He didn't care about the material aspect of it, he was just looking forward to seeing his big sis. It sounds kind of gooey, but I'd been unemployed for ages and was starting to feel pretty crap about it, so his comment meant more to me than I think he realised. That's the true spirit of the season!

[nelliebelle1197]

Girl legos? GIRL legos? Because playing with the primary colored ones that have been around for ages instead of pink and purple ones will somehow turn her precious little princess into a butch tomboy or something? :wtf: I would get multiple sets of the neutral ones along with some "boy" ones just to piss that controlling harridan of a mother off.

[dilannsmom]

My brother and I have a running joke with our kids where we try to get the other's kids the most obnoxious toy possible - but something the kid still likes - and so far, I'm winning with the stuffed talking Leap Frog toy I got my nephew a few years ago. The kids FLIPPED out for it, and the adults wanted to bury it in a shallow grave and then use the shovel to beat it to death. Gift giving to kids can be fun for the adults, too. :twisted:

My best friend and I do this with the kids' gifts...although I inadvertently started it with the Fisher Price drum set (which includes a drum, a tambourine, maracas, and a harmonica). Since then, it has been game on!

One year my daughter was totally smitten with puppies and kittens after a field trip to the SPCA. On her b-day invites we added "In lieu of gifts, DP would love to present the SPCA with toys for the cats and dogs." I struggled with that...I was worried that people would think it was rude. But it actually became a trend among her friends. We have donated, via birthday parties, to the food bank, the local clothing closet and to the SPCA a few times. All of the kids really seem to enjoy it, and I think that it teaches them many valuable lessons! And, kids still get to shop for their friend, and no unnecessary new toys--win, win, win!