Battle Swords in Action By Doug Phililips

[debrand]

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Seriously, does Doug the tool look for ways to help us mock him? What is up with the British accent? This sounds like a comedy routine using swords as a way to say someone is homosexual

Narrated by Doug Phillips.

Featuring Joshua and Justice Phillips.

Script, choreography, and direction by Joshua Phillips.

Cinematography and editing by Steven Bowman of Conquest Productions.

His thrust is blocked. His sword is undamaged and so is the boy.

Be a man, get a sword.

If someone doesn't want to watch the video, I will try to write out a transcript for you. My family might rebel if I listened to it too much

[GiGi_41]

WTF? Really? This is rubbish!

[debrand]

WTF? Really? This is rubbish!

Rubbish but unintentionally hilarious.

[nelliebelle1197]

You have to watch the video. Have to. Has to be the weirdest infomercial since the Magic Bullet. Damn but he is a tool, spawning tools.

[thoughtful]

Oh, my.

I love the timing of the first statement and first visual -- my brain instantly edited it:

“There are four elements that every boy must understand to be a valiant swordsman. First, his wits shoes must be sharp . . . “

And, um . . .

in the warehouse?

IN THE FRICKIN' WAREHOUSE?

They couldn't have just . . . oh, I don't know . . . GONE OUTSIDE?! :lol: :lol:

[debrand]

Transcript by debrand

In my head, I just substitute the word penis for sword and weapons in my head

There are four elements that every boy must understand to be a valiant swordsman. First, his wits must be sharp, ready to take any turn of events

(I think he said second)His muscles must be hardened from practice and training

THird he must know his weapon and that weapon must be a worthy blade of strength and flexibility

Finally, he must fulfill the duties of chivalry

Having mastered these principles, the boy warrior is ready to engage

As we watch the combat between these swords men take note of their form and their weapons

Note their posture

Observe the powerful hand in a half broadsword they wield

while delivering heavy blow the high quality ? swords give no cuts or scars

Protagonist prepares to deliver a heavy blow to the head

Antagonist ducks it

A ? swordsmen uses his terrain to his advantage

Against a wall, antagonist resorts to his dagger

His thrust is blocked

The decisive blow

And the match is decided

The swords are undamaged and so are the boys

Yet another victory in the regiment of noble boyhood

So, as you start your training choose your weaponry with care

Be a man, get a sword

[twin2]

It is like God put him on this Earth just for our snarking pleasure!

[thoughtful]

Yet another caption for this pic:

Doug, you're making it too easy:

[debrand]

If any interns read here could you tell Doug to stop making it so easy.

[Anise]

They should take lessons from George Michael. ;)

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[MamaJunebug]

It's very telling that I started chuckling/giggling just at the reading of the topic title!

[Anny Nym]

A storage depot. Two skinny boys in amazon.com "peasant" halloween costumes. PLASTIC SWORDS!

In my sweet spot of the earth, May is the time we tend to make fun of all the skinny law students, who gather up to fight Mensur aka bitchslap each other with sabres and call it "fencing".

This video forced me to give our own pathetic dress-uppers some credit for the first time, bec. at least they use real gear!

PLASTIC SWORDS.... phschhhh! They approx. weight the equivalence of a bag of Cheetos

[Mary C Doates]

Oh, my.

I love the timing of the first statement and first visual -- my brain instantly edited it:

Those were some mighty hazardous-looking shoes. I think they could cause a lot more damage than those wimpy-ass plastic swords and daggers.

I feel so much more secure knowing that Doug Phllips (who is a tool) and his manly men are equipping themselves with..."weapons" to protect helpless wimminfolk*.

*members of VF who have been brainwashed bought into the whole manly men shtick being sold by these douches heroic Christian warriors in tights and pointy shoes.

Excuse me while I puke.

Doug Phillips: once again confirming that he is a tool.

[ladyamylynn]

This video has creepy overtones. (Shocking, I know!) What kind of father makes his teenage sons dress up and play-act his fantasy life ON VIDEO????

[slickcat79]

So, I know it's pretty normal for little kids to play swordfight, but Dougie is acting like buying these swords will somehow train boys for manhood. I...can't even :shock:

[thoughtful]

I think Doug should be the next spokesperson for Depend shields and guards for men, just so he gets to say "Guard your manhood" with that pseudo-British accent.

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Of course, he wouldn't realize that the slogan, and the manly-man stuff in the ads, are supposed to be tongue in cheek (you should pardon the expression).

[clarinetpower]

Clack! Clack! Clack! went the polypropylene "swords"

Tick! Tick! Tick! went his pointy toed shoes on the warehouse floor...

Ping! Ping! Ping! went my gaydar!

From the moment I saw this video, I fell!

(down laughing, on the floor because holy cats you guys this is freaking ridiculous. Which historical period can he possibly bastardize next? Is he going to be selling concentration camp clothing? Polypropylene scimitars? Perhaps cars we drive by running really fast with our feet before leaping on the backs of dinosaurs?)

[clarinetpower]

Also, his British accent is terrible.

[SamuraiKatz]

Ok ...... bwhahahaha! Doug Phillips is a tool. My ren fairs daughter wants one.

[darkplumaged]

I don't even know what to say, other than:

1. WHAT did I just watch?

2. I would die of embarrassment if I were Beall. I almost--almost--feel sorry for her.

3. Given slightly different circumstances, Dougie would be that graying dude in assless leather chaps at Pride every year. But he's made his choices, and they've led to him making videos about thrusting swords, coercing BRADRICK to sit on his lap, and having sweaty adventures with interns and anacondas.

[miffy]

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LARPing in a warehouse. Such knightly behaviour.

[miffy]

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[debrand]

I don't even know what to say, other than:

1. WHAT did I just watch?

2. I would die of embarrassment if I were Beall. I almost--almost--feel sorry for her.

3. Given slightly different circumstances, Dougie would be that graying dude in assless leather chaps at Pride every year. But he's made his choices, and they've led to him making videos about thrusting swords, coercing BRADRICK to sit on his lap, and having sweaty adventures with interns and anacondas.

Everyone would be much happier if Doug would just admit that he is either gay or bisexual. He could get a paying job doing something with costumes-maybe for a traveling Shakespeare company- and stop trying to pretend that he is ultra manly.

[formergothardite]

They don't look like they are that good at sword fighting.

[CynicMom]

...take note of their form...

I did. They're Flynning. That's not sword fighting or LARPing. I mean... you could at least have the decency to be good at sword fighting if you're going to put up a video. At no point did any of these boys suggest "hey I might do things differently if I were really trying to kill my opponent".

And they made a big deal about binding their hands and their forearms for no reason at all. You're supposed to do that to protect your hands from bleeding due to heavy blows, not as a fashion statement.