That wife: Agnostic

[LilMissMetaphor]

Jenna has/had a nanny because apparently, looking after two kids doesn't leave her enough time to check Facebook.

I didn't see a new post about this so I just bumped this one, let me know if we're discussing it elsewhere.

[treemom]

Jenna has/had a nanny because apparently, looking after two kids doesn't leave her enough time to check Facebook.

I didn't see a new post about this so I just bumped this one, let me know if we're discussing it elsewhere.

I assume she was being sarcastic there. But since she seems to have been a better parents and like her kids more, then I applaud her for getting a nanny.

Seriously, she has realized it is privilege to be able to do so and believes it makes her a better parent. I just am not sure that is the thing to snark on. She seems to actually like her kids a lot more with help.

[LilMissMetaphor]

She seems to actually like her kids a lot more with help.

She probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place if she needs help to like them.

And yes, I know that's not what you meant.

[Love]

She probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place if she needs help to like them.

And yes, I know that's not what you meant.

wtf? its obviously too late for that.

[treemom]

She probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place if she needs help to like them.

And yes, I know that's not what you meant.

Well shit. Then I guess I will shove treeboy back from whence he came. Because I struggled with liking him sometimes with hired help and family living across the street.

Here is the problem, no one really knows what kind of parent they are going to be until they have kids. You can guess, but so much of my personal parenting philosophy has changed through pregnancies and beyond. I just can't get worked up that a SAHM of two children three and under whose husband travels 4 days a week and whose family doesn't live near by has hired part time help.

The mother fucking horror. The horror. really. What precisely is the problem?

[LilMissMetaphor]

Well shit. Then I guess I will shove treeboy back from whence he came. Because I struggled with liking him sometimes with hired help and family living across the street.

Here is the problem, no one really knows what kind of parent they are going to be until they have kids. You can guess, but so much of my personal parenting philosophy has changed through pregnancies and beyond. I just can't get worked up that a SAHM of two children three and under whose husband travels 4 days a week and whose family doesn't live near by has hired part time help.

The mother fucking horror. The horror. really. What precisely is the problem?

Nobody said you had to get worked up. Certainly *I* don't get worked up over Jenna. I didn't even bother starting a new thread about the nanny. I'm not panicking. :D

[OkToBeTakei]

She'd make a shite quiverfull fundie :lol: Oh wait she's got the not liking kids bit down?

[2xx1xy1JD]

She probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place if she needs help to like them.

And yes, I know that's not what you meant.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a better parent when I get some sleep.

Overall, I'm a good parent, but when my kids were really young there were times that I asked for help and my dad came over and gave me a break because I hadn't slept the night before.

Being able to ask for help without worrying that it marks you as a bad mother, makes you a better parent.

[tankgirl]

I admit, I am wondering where they are moving?

Oh, and I personally still don't think she is so thrilled with T1, but dressing up T2 for pictures seems to make Jenna thrilled. I am glad they have a nanny, at least T1 is guranteed a bit of age appropriate, non-photographed interaction, and that has to be good.

[LilMissMetaphor]

T1 is going to pre-school full-time in June, I think TW said in a comment, so the nanny is only for a bit longer if she is still there at all.

[treemom]

Nobody said you had to get worked up. Certainly *I* don't get worked up over Jenna. I didn't even bother starting a new thread about the nanny. I'm not panicking. :D

Can we stop saying people are worked up every time they disagree? Seriously, I rolled my eyes and mocked you for the fact that it even matters that she has a nanny.

Being a Sahm and hiring help doesn't make someone a bad mom. Bottle propping and bathroom baby does.

I do not get why anyone gives a damn that she hired a nanny and why in the world she is taking grief for that is beyond me. Who cares if she struggles doing it without the nanny. She can afford it and it seems to be a better situation for her and the kids.

I am so tired of "good mothers" being defined in a narrow way but fathers don't have the nearly the same stringency. I was most struck by the fact he travels all week and then physically goes into the office on Saturday. That seems like something to snark on.

[OkToBeTakei]

Haha I get a damn why some may snark or wish to snark on THATWIFE, no I do not believe having help makes anybody a bad Mother, far from it.

But this

when she is here I do all of the things that are infinitely harder (or impossible) with two children. Grocery shopping, haircuts, blogging, wasting time on Facebook, working out, errands, making myself lunch.

I feel perfectly happy snarking on a few of those :lol:

[treemom]

Haha I get a damn why some may snark or wish to snark on THATWIFE, no I do not believe having help makes anybody a bad Mother, far from it.

But this

I feel perfectly happy snarking on a few of those :lol:

Why am I the only one who read that dripping with sarcasm?

And I think Jenna provides lots and lots of snark worthy and judgement worthy material. But having a part time nanny isn't one of those.

[OkToBeTakei]

Why am I the only one who read that dripping with sarcasm?

And I think Jenna provides lots and lots of snark worthy and judgement worthy material. But having a part time nanny isn't one of those.

No sarcasm just total snark. What's the big deal. We disagree.

I have had a cleaner and an ironman since my child was born. If I was overwhelmed as my partner worked away for 2 weeks at a time my friends and family were great at giving me a break when needed, to go for a walk, a swim. A babysitter to go out in the evening occasionally. Yes it was great, I was lucky and it made me a better mother, the lack of inane housework especially gave me time to play with my child rather than fit it all in.

But I'm pretty sure if I wanted 'to make my lunch' or 'blog' 'waste time on facebook' and required a daily help to accomplish this I'd be looking at my priorities and quite probably told to take my head out of my own arse. :lol:

[treemom]

OKTBT - I meant I read Jenna's sentence dripping with sarcasm, not you.

[OkToBeTakei]

OKTBT - I meant I read Jenna's sentence dripping with sarcasm, not you.

Shit! She is such a fanny normally I took it at face value :lol:

Sorry Mrs!

[treemom]

Shit! She is such a fanny normally I took it at face value :lol:

Sorry Mrs!

I get the impression most took it at face value. When I read it I thought she was specifically baiting her "haters"

Which worked apparently :) (not you, but just the comments on it in general)

[LilMissMetaphor]

Can we stop saying people are worked up every time they disagree? Seriously, I rolled my eyes and mocked you for the fact that it even matters that she has a nanny.

Being a Sahm and hiring help doesn't make someone a bad mom. I do not get why anyone gives a damn that she hired a nanny and why in the world she is taking grief for that is beyond me.

I assumed you were worked up because you were all "mother fucking horror". I usually only swear when I get worked up.

Anyway, what, we can't discuss the irony of Jenna getting a nanny simply because you want to protect the inviolable right of all moms to get a nanny? I never even got into whether or not Jenna is a bad mom. I said that she doesn't seem to like to spend time with her kids, and you went off on me. Read back if you don't remember.

[YPestis]

Boy, I haven't been back to That Wife's website in a while but she's definitely making a splash on the FJ forum!

I have mixed feelings regarding TW since she rushed into marriage and motherhood without thinking about whether she can handle any of it. I understand her culture pushes her to have kids as soon as possible and as many as possible, and I'm glad she realized, two kids in, that she wasn't meant to birth a large family. However, it's still tragic that she is facing years of essentially single motherhood due to her husband's work schedule. Not everyone is cut out to be a mom, and I think That Wife is realizing she is one of those woman, but that she is trapped in this role. From that perspective, I'm glad she's getting a nanny. It will offer her respite and give her kids attention that she may not provide for them.

However, I also understand the flip side of this. My mother worked fulltime throughout my life and always thought of SAHM as a luxury. She also didn't enjoy little children, but she still worked hard to be a good mother without hiring anyone. And anyway, we were struggling immigrants and depended on my mom's income so SAHM was never in the picture. So, to hear of a SAHM also hire a part time 'nanny' would probably seem overkill and an unbelievable luxury to my mother and other lower incomed mothers. In fact, I know my mother considered any fulltime mother who takes on housekeepers and nannies as akin to buying Louis Vitton purses and Mercedes---you do it because you have money, but don't tell her it's "needed".

I'm a little more diplomatic with SAHM and nanny issue. I think both issues falls on the same spectrum----it requires some money to have either, but it's also something that many women would like to have if given the option. In some ways, the part time nanny arguement is just another step in the mommy war. Caring for small children is hard work. Who doesn't want a respite? However, there's an undercurrent of resentment among those that can't afford nannies that some women are 'slacking off" their duties. I guess the same argument goes for the SAHM vs working mother debate.

I'm not sure there's a right answer to these issues, as every family is different, eveyr mother is different. The only thing I do know is that I want the option of hiring help if I needed to, and staying home if I wanted to. In that view, I guess I won't give TW too much flak for hiring help. After all, what's money but a means to ease your life? If she has the money for it, go get a nanny! I know many mothers, working or not, wishes for that type of respite.

[OkToBeTakei]

I get the impression most took it at face value. When I read it I thought she was specifically baiting her "haters"

Which worked apparently :) (not you, but just the comments on it in general)

Maybe she did bait them. Fact is...I know people like her, so it is not a stretch to be honest. Not like she has not proved herself to be a selfish twat in the past who had a child to some ideal. I do actually feel sorry for her that she had that pressure wether it be her own or outside influence. Fact remains you decide once was a mistake. Twice?

When she put the child in the bathroom it was not with his interests in mind. Fact was she wanted to do the things she either alluded to in joke or I took in fact. She may well be a parent who relates to her kids better when they are older. I get all of that. Fact is for me, it was not a stretch to imagine she probably is playing candy crush while the nanny does whatever.

I have no idea if she is just that selfish or just looking for acceptance on the internet. Neither to me are that important. Her kids are important and if they are better off for having said nanny, well good.

But at what point of having a child or two is it not your responsibility to take responsibility for that and put your own wishes at times behind theirs? I thought that ,that was the point. We are all individuals who need our own stuff, but it was my choice to give life to another. I just feel with Jenna that she is going through some kind of delayed maturity. I hope she gets there for her own sake and kind of wish she would have waited to have kids until she had.

[treemom]

I assumed you were worked up because you were all "mother fucking horror". I usually only swear when I get worked up.

Anyway, what, we can't discuss the irony of Jenna getting a nanny simply because you want to protect the inviolable right of all moms to get a nanny? I never even got into whether or not Jenna is a bad mom. I said that she doesn't seem to like to spend time with her kids, and you went off on me. Read back if you don't remember.

I did not go off on you. I commented how stupid the idea that we actually know if we are going to like parenting is before we have actually done it.

Ha. I swear all the time I like it. And it is a bastardized quote from Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness" He left out mother fucking though. I was mocking you. Not going off on you. Mocking what I felt was the stupidity of your statement.

But please enlighten me as to what precisely was ironic about it? That she judged people for doing the same? I think she has admitted that happened. That isn't irony, that is just she was an asshole.

[treemom]

But at what point of having a child or two is it not your responsibility to take responsibility for that and put your own wishes at times behind theirs? I thought that ,that was the point. We are all individuals who need our own stuff, but it was my choice to give life to another. I just feel with Jenna that she is going through some kind of delayed maturity. I hope she gets there for her own sake and kind of wish she would have waited to have kids until she had.

She def is going thru delayed maturity.

But I still don't see why it matters if she has a nanny. She has a husband who travels 4 days a week and no family in town. If she wants to pay someone for 20 hours a week to get the things like candy crush and a shower I really do not care. Why does anyone else care? What is the problem with the nanny?

She isn't leaving her kid to destroy the bathroom like in the past.

It would be snark worthy if she was a SAHM with family who help out and a husband who works a very flexible easy schedule. Then I would sort of go meh? what?

But during my days of WAHM-ness and yes even maternity leave I had paid help. And my husband came home every single night. and I handed him the baby and crawled into a bath and read. How many other women here have done similar? Jenna doesn't have the husband coming home at night, and while I agree it is a luxury, it appears to be one they can afford and understand is a luxury. So what precisely is snarkable about that?

If she said she had a nanny so she could curl up with a good book would that be more or less acceptable.

[treemom]

Oh and I don't even like Jenna 98% of the time. And the 2% I have has been in the last 4 weeks. But I do think she can't really win. When she was being a shit parent people were saying how much better her kid would be off in the care of others. And now that she has done that, well she still sucks.

I don't actually think it is crazy to not always like your kid. That doesn't mean you get to be a shit parent. But she seems a helluva a lot better parent with this help, so I would vote that hiring the nanny was a good parenting decision not a snarkable one.

[Freyacat]

Boy, I haven't been back to That Wife's website in a while but she's definitely making a splash on the FJ forum!

I have mixed feelings regarding TW since she rushed into marriage and motherhood without thinking about whether she can handle any of it. I understand her culture pushes her to have kids as soon as possible and as many as possible, and I'm glad she realized, two kids in, that she wasn't meant to birth a large family. However, it's still tragic that she is facing years of essentially single motherhood due to her husband's work schedule. Not everyone is cut out to be a mom, and I think That Wife is realizing she is one of those woman, but that she is trapped in this role. From that perspective, I'm glad she's getting a nanny. It will offer her respite and give her kids attention that she may not provide for them.

However, I also understand the flip side of this. My mother worked fulltime throughout my life and always thought of SAHM as a luxury. She also didn't enjoy little children, but she still worked hard to be a good mother without hiring anyone. And anyway, we were struggling immigrants and depended on my mom's income so SAHM was never in the picture. So, to hear of a SAHM also hire a part time 'nanny' would probably seem overkill and an unbelievable luxury to my mother and other lower incomed mothers. In fact, I know my mother considered any fulltime mother who takes on housekeepers and nannies as akin to buying Louis Vitton purses and Mercedes---you do it because you have money, but don't tell her it's "needed".

I'm a little more diplomatic with SAHM and nanny issue. I think both issues falls on the same spectrum----it requires some money to have either, but it's also something that many women would like to have if given the option. In some ways, the part time nanny arguement is just another step in the mommy war. Caring for small children is hard work. Who doesn't want a respite? However, there's an undercurrent of resentment among those that can't afford nannies that some women are 'slacking off" their duties. I guess the same argument goes for the SAHM vs working mother debate.

I'm not sure there's a right answer to these issues, as every family is different, eveyr mother is different. The only thing I do know is that I want the option of hiring help if I needed to, and staying home if I wanted to. In that view, I guess I won't give TW too much flak for hiring help. After all, what's money but a means to ease your life? If she has the money for it, go get a nanny! I know many mothers, working or not, wishes for that type of respite.

This is it exactly. I am glad for her kids that she can give them the attention of a nanny and glad that it's working. But I live in a community with some very, very wealthy people. I am in a moms group made entirely of moms of preschoolers. Some work, some don't. I work part time myself (20-30 hours a week). And we have varying income levels; there are some moms in there who are SAHMs and pinch every penny to make that happen, some who might like to be at home but can't afford it, and some for whom staying home is not at all a financial struggle. One mom in particular has a huge beautiful home, vacations in Europe, stays home with the kids, and hires a part time nanny because it's "just so hard being with kids all day." It is hard, and I get it, but she seems a little oblivious to how fortunate she is to be able to do that. She's the type that will talk about how "Oh, you should hire a sitter and go out because it's just so important for a mom to have me time!" She means well, but she seems clueless that not everyone can afford any hired help at all. Lots of SAHMs get no respite at all, and I can understand them being a little resentful.

[OkToBeTakei]

Oh and I don't even like Jenna 98% of the time. And the 2% I have has been in the last 4 weeks. But I do think she can't really win. When she was being a shit parent people were saying how much better her kid would be off in the care of others. And now that she has done that, well she still sucks.

I don't actually think it is crazy to not always like your kid. That doesn't mean you get to be a shit parent. But she seems a helluva a lot better parent with this help, so I would vote that hiring the nanny was a good parenting decision not a snarkable one.

I get that and I agree. But for most it is not a norm.

I think your honesty is refreshing about the like thing. I was very lucky in that sense, in regards to a good friend who told me forget these mothers with instant love, it is ok not to have that. She told me she looked at her newborn and felt nothing. I felt the same. I would have killed anybody who touched her though. Like took some time. Horses for courses.

But I had her because I wanted to. Therefore good or bad it was my deal. THAT made me a good mum. I thought it would be some natural thing, fuck that. I had to learn how to be a mum. I think maybe Jenna missed that. It took me 6 whole weeks of pretending that this messiah was my goal in life. It hit me one day like a train. Never gone back she is my life now. No guilt.

I would be prepared for that 2nd time around. Unfortunately not the case. I do feel sorry for her (Jenna). But I also feel she just does not want to learn. My child has been my defining moment. I literally would lay down my life for her. I would easily put aside all my moral and legal paths in life for her. I would not apologise for that. Or tell her. It is what it is. I certainly do not want to burden her with that.

I'm just probably talking crap. But her kids are never dirty. Dirt is good. As are odd matching clothes and shit. Life is not a blog picture :(