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That wife: Agnostic


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Hopefully this will mean she won't be feeling the pressure to have any more kids to keep in bathrooms...

thatwifeblog.com/2013/05/06/im-coming-from-where-i-have-been/

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She said in her post about her daughter's birth that "I knew our family was complete" as she held the baby for the first time. Personally, I'm glad about this post. I've been a TW follower for a long time (I used to white-knight her but eventually stopped), and I could see this coming miles away. I'm glad she finally let it happen rather than fighting harder and harder to be a perfect Mormon. I hope it makes her a healthier and happier person and a better parent.

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I get the drift that having kids may be part of the reason she go to this place. She essentially said that heckling off all the boxes good Mormon women are supposed to tick off brought her happiness. It has always seemed like those kids did not bring her thr joy she thought she was supposed to have had.

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She's made progress in thinking independently.

I know that she describes her parents as loving and supportive, but she's also described a pretty narrow upbringing, without much room for independent thought or personality. She's also described this internal struggle, the pressure to be perfect, and the pressure to have kids.

My theory is that T1 got a bit lost in that struggle. She felt pressured into motherhood. She felt pressured into a certain image and role. She couldn't really empathize with T1 being an individual, because she was never treated as an individual. Then, when she did start to push the boundaries, she was distracted - spending all that time online and on the photography, and T1 was demanding her time just at the point where she felt the need to focus on herself.

I do wonder if T1's delays jolted her a bit. Here, she thought everything was perfect, and people come along and tell her that they aren't, and that he needs things that are very different. She was forced to re-evaluate the whole Mormon home=good idea, since what her son actually needed was more stimulation.

My hope would be that she doesn't stop here, but goes on to really, really take a hard look at parenting philosophy. There is clearly a ton of baggage there - not necessarily in terms of overt physical abuse, but in terms of emotional development and not developing independence. It's going to take a lot of courage to face both her parents shortcomings, and her own.

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Why had I listened to messages telling me that my greatest role and primary purpose was to have children? I’m no genius but I’m so much more than my ovaries.

I wish other bloggers we follow say that one day! :D

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She's made progress in thinking independently.

I know that she describes her parents as loving and supportive, but she's also described a pretty narrow upbringing, without much room for independent thought or personality. She's also described this internal struggle, the pressure to be perfect, and the pressure to have kids.

My theory is that T1 got a bit lost in that struggle. She felt pressured into motherhood. She felt pressured into a certain image and role. She couldn't really empathize with T1 being an individual, because she was never treated as an individual. Then, when she did start to push the boundaries, she was distracted - spending all that time online and on the photography, and T1 was demanding her time just at the point where she felt the need to focus on herself.

I do wonder if T1's delays jolted her a bit. Here, she thought everything was perfect, and people come along and tell her that they aren't, and that he needs things that are very different. She was forced to re-evaluate the whole Mormon home=good idea, since what her son actually needed was more stimulation.

My hope would be that she doesn't stop here, but goes on to really, really take a hard look at parenting philosophy. There is clearly a ton of baggage there - not necessarily in terms of overt physical abuse, but in terms of emotional development and not developing independence. It's going to take a lot of courage to face both her parents shortcomings, and her own.

I agree with the bolded.

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that was a very good post and it took a lot of courage for her to put it out there. Though I'm not Mormon, much of it rang true for me. I've never read her blog, but I read about her on fj. Reading this post and the previous 2 or 3, I concluded she's not the nincompoop I thought she was; she seems to actually have the ability for introspection and a real desire for real answers to real questions. hmm. maybe it's just those few posts that don't mention anything about neglecting her children.

Scrolling through pics - gee, her little boy is cute! and the baby is so pretty.

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She's definitely more than her ovaries and she needs to use that brain not just to make independent decisions about her relationship with God/Mormonism/faith but to work out better ways to parent her kids. Being religious or even thinking motherhood is central to your identity does not mean your kids need to sleep in bathrooms or be caged without stimulation like a battery hen all day. If she is no longer struggling internally I hope she can be happier and be the mother her kids need.

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While I think TW shows favoritism to T2 I am not always sure it is because she is a girl as much as I think Jenna matured a lot over the last year and I think this is some insight into that.

I still hold back on some of the parenting awards, but I think she is better now than she used to be.

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Some pretty emotional stuff she posted. I didn't read the entire thing but I got the gist. It sounds like her exposure to diversity has forced her to rethink the Mormon lifestyle that she believed she had to follow. I guess the Mormon mommyhood did not bring her the happiness and peace that she thought it would have, and it's forced her to rethink her lifestyle stance. I'm glad that she's able to do this, hopefully with support from friends who will not cast judgement on her.

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Did you see that she gave her daughter her last name?

http://instagram.com/p/YlCCr1rqhR/

I think that's quite progressive, especially for a Mormon (technically now an inactive Mormon?). I've read about but never encountered families in which the daughter(s) get mom's surname and the son(s) get dad's and think that's a pretty neat way to do things.

While I took my husband's last name, my maiden name is legally my middle name. This is very common in our peer group - I don't know anyone who has hyphenated but probably 3/4 of my friends did this when they married. If we ever have a son, his middle name will be my maiden name as well.

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I hyphenated my last name as well as my first born son's last name. My father didn't have any boys and keeping his name was a nod to him.

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Good for her. Maybe now she'll also stop putting up with That Asshole since she doesn't feel the need to be the perfect Mormon. Hell, maybe she'll even wake up and get That Divorce and then use That Birth Control in subsequent relationships, then go on to have That Successful Career and also be a happier and better mom.

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I hyphenated, but after all the hassle I dealt with, talking to several people who regretted that their parents had done it, and the fact that her father (my now ex-husband) felt a little bothered by it, we did not hyphenate the MiniVixen. Now that we are divorced, I kind of regret it, but I also feel like just changing her last name without any input from her isn't right either.

Now that I'm seeing an eventual remarriage, the name question makes me wonder if we should change something. I likely won't be hyphenating this time, because the future Mr DV doesn't feel comfy about it, and our two names together make a little bit of an embarrassing joke.

Having grown up with my father's last name amidst people always asking when I was going to change to Stepdad's last name has a lot of influence on it, I think.

I am glad, and I hope she really is making That Change.

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I am not familiar with this blogger but that takes a lot of guts to admit something like that. Thought it was an interesting story.

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... My hope in humanity has just gained a little hope. I hope this hope continues to grow with others.

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The only thing that comes to mind is: Flip Flop Flip Flop Flip Flop. At some point she'll need to get in touch with the J'Slaves as I'm sure they've found a flip-flop that is less noisy....lest the lady maketh noise when she walks. My fingers are crossed, but I fear another Racquel. Flip Flop Flip Flop Flip Flop

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Maybe once she ditches That Asshole she can eat That Cheese.

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Interesting that That PowerPoint Presentation relied so strongly on Mormonism. I wonder how That Asshole feels about the marriage he was spiritually blackmailed into with a woman he obviously isnt attracted to now the spiritual justification is gone.

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The only thing that comes to mind is: Flip Flop Flip Flop Flip Flop. At some point she'll need to get in touch with the J'Slaves as I'm sure they've found a flip-flop that is less noisy....lest the lady maketh noise when she walks. My fingers are crossed, but I fear another Racquel. Flip Flop Flip Flop Flip Flop

She's not really going back and forth, though. Things are clearly moving in a certain direction, although some parts, like her views of T1, are a bit slow to follow.

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Think of what TW said in context of her culture...that was a gutsy blog post. Glad to see a lot of supportive comments as well.

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I have always hated her for the way she treated T1, but part of that hate was the knowledge that I was looking at myself if I ever had children. I hated her for showing me what I could be, because I don't like to think of myself that way. It is such a terrible, terrible thing that our culture as a whole (not just Mormonism) places such pressure on a woman to reproduce. It is expected, it is our value, it is what we owe family and society and it's just too damn bad if that's not what you want or are good at.

The only difference between the two of us is that I had the ability to say no.

I'm not excusing what she has done to T1, it's inexcusable, but I do understand.

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Did you see that she gave her daughter her last name?

http://instagram.com/p/YlCCr1rqhR/

My goddaughters have their mum's last name, at their father's request; his last name is difficult for most people in the US to spell and pronounce. TW has said that she can't pronounce her husband's last name exactly correctly.

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