Generationchickenbreast. Dating........

[OkToBeTakei]

generationcedar.com/main/

Well it's Kelly I feed my family 2 chicken breast mush and God saves me from tornados...twice. So do not expect it to be you know informative. She has a talent for sounding stupid on most days of the week and today she decided not to have a day off.

She manages to describe dating as:

Absurd.

Crazy.

The reason for divorce.

Detrimental.

A violation.

Terrible.

Energy sapping.

Unfaithful.

Pointless.

Shameful.

:lol: No strong feelings then Kelly.

It is. The new (yes, dating as we know it has only been around for a few decades, in which time, by the way, the divorce rate has sky-rocketed. The possible connection is noteworthy.) recreational activity of “girlfriend and boyfriend†at young ages, with no intent of marriage is one of the craziest experiments in human history, has had some of the most detrimental consequences, and YET, the majority of parents allow it–no encourage it, with hardly any thought to the aforementioned pitfalls.

We’re surrounded this season, by several new families being born, young men and women who have not “dated†until they were ready to pursue marriage, and watching the excitement, the newness of man and woman awakening love for the first time is one of the most fascinating things to me, especially because it’s so rare.

It’s common, when there is a discussion about “dating†vs. “courtship†or whatever you want to call it (because “courtship†means a thousand things to a thousand people, and I don’t even like the term anymore) that people get tangled up in the terms, conditions, and “how-to’sâ€. Of course those are good things to talk about, but first we need to establish the simple premise that the mainstream form of dating is insane in the first place.

It literally breaks my heart to see Christian parents encouraging an activity that not only has NO roots in Scripture (and actually violates it when you look at the warnings of temptation), but also is a terrible concept, even on a secular plane, for preparing young people for marriage and adulthood.

Recreational dating is:

a distraction. Just when a young person is in a prime position to broaden his gifts, study, invest time and energy into his family, hone interests and talents, grow spiritually and so many other things, a dating relationship can become all-consuming, robbing him of his best years, time and energy.

unfaithfulness to one’s spouse. An unmarried boy and girl, man or woman, are to treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. To do more is to defile a person that will be someone’s spouse one day. Jesus talks about “presenting a spotless bride†for a reason. Purity, body and mind, was, and should be for us, an expected gift that our children give to their spouses.

completely pointless. To be involved romantically with someone you don’t intend to marry is something only the most recent generations think is normal. If you really think about, the idea is absurd and we should be ashamed for going along with this notion born from a self-indulgent, sex-crazed society, made popular when the birth control pill became accessible. That, if nothing else, should give us great pause.

a callousness toward divorce. Recalling feelings as fast as you first felt them and being able to “break up†without consequence, repeatedly, is the worst possible habit to form before marriage.

I am praying for a revolution among believers. That we would think about our choices and hold them up in light of truth, not compare them to what everyone else is doing. If we want something different for our children (it is now more common to be divorced than stay married) why aren’t we willing to raise them differently?

Go and make a proper dinner love.

[nelliebelle1197]

These people just scare me.

[happy atheist]

This idea that you can be unfaithful to someone you haven't even met yet is so absurd. I guess we should be happy that at least she applies that weird standard to both genders and isn't just obsessed with keeping girls pure.

[VooDooChild]

generationcedar.com/main/

Well it's Kelly I feed my family 2 chicken breast mush and God saves me from tornados...twice. So do not expect it to be you know informative. She has a talent for sounding stupid on most days of the week and today she decided not to have a day off.

She manages to describe dating as:

Absurd.

Crazy.

The reason for divorce.

Detrimental.

A violation.

Terrible.

Energy sapping.

Unfaithful.

Pointless.

Shameful.

:lol: No strong feelings then Kelly.

Go and make a proper dinner love.

When will these geniuses get it through their thick skulls that correlation is not causation?

[Eliowy]

If we are to be 'spotless' couldn't we be tainted by broken courtships? Its the old dating is ebil since it makes you impure even if its only an emotional relationship not a physical one. :roll:

[Wolfie]

Only a few decades? Huh? Anybody who reads historical novels reads about dating much farther back than that. And um, divorce happened too. Just as common, just not talked about. And sometimes the divorce was never official, the two people just separated and never saw each other again. Really good for the kids involved, huh? :? Somehow I think that our modern legal system of divorce and attitude that it does happen is much better than in the past.

[Sola]

Dear Kelly,

Please stop posting. You are an idiot.

Sincerely

Sola

[slickcat79]

Hypocrisy, thy name is Kelly. Or did you forget about that child you had as an unmarried teenager? Clearly being raised with christian principles didn't stop you from being "unfaithful" to your future(!) spouse. And you seem to be living your life exactly as you want to despite not being a "spotless bride" :roll: Maybe if you didn't surround yourself with people obsessed with sex and purity you wouldn't be so angry about your own perceived shortcomings.

[Cora Persephona]

Hypocrisy, thy name is Kelly. Or did you forget about that child you had as an unmarried teenager? Clearly being raised with christian principles didn't stop you from being "unfaithful" to your future(!) spouse. And you seem to be living your life exactly as you want to despite not being a "spotless bride" :roll: Maybe if you didn't surround yourself with people obsessed with sex and purity you wouldn't be so angry about your own perceived shortcomings.

Well, God forgave her because she's special. No forgiveness for the rest of us sinners!

[miffy]

Dating was a huge thing in the fundies golden era (50s). From what I gather it was a much bigger thing than it is today.

My almost 93 yr old nana talks about the dates she used to go on, which would have been in the 30s.

Chicken fillet can shut up.

[Wolfie]

My almost 93 yr old nana talks about the dates she used to go on, which would have been in the 30s.

This comment made me smile. My grandma died two years ago, she would have been 95 today. But she used to tell me how she would bring her little sister along on dates if she didn't particularly like the guy but couldn't get out of the date.

[RosyDaisy]

Kelly, hun, if any society is sex-crazed, it's fundamentalist Christians. I don't know of any one group of people that think about and blog about sex as much as you do.

[GolightlyGrrl]

Kelly, hun, if any society is sex-crazed, it's fundamentalist Christians. I don't know of any one group of people that think about and blog about sex as much as you do.

I met a woman who works in porn and she probably doesn't think about sex as much as Kelly and the fundie brigade do.

[TrueRebel1]

I met a woman who works in porn and she probably doesn't think about sex as much as Kelly and the fundie brigade do.

You know, this is so true. Reminds me of when I miss lunch and all I think about for the rest of the afternoon is how hungry I am and food, food, food! Makes me wonder if since all fundies think about is (shhh!) s-e-x that maybe they aren't gettin' any. I'm pretty sure that if I was married to someone my parents set me up with, and there was no passion and true love in the relationship, and on top of that sex was only for making babies...I wouldn't be fulfilled in my sex life. Am I right?

[VooDooChild]

You know, this is so true. Reminds me of when I miss lunch and all I think about for the rest of the afternoon is how hungry I am and food, food, food! Makes me wonder if since all fundies think about is (shhh!) s-e-x that maybe they aren't gettin' any. I'm pretty sure that if I was married to someone my parents set me up with, and there was no passion and true love in the relationship, and on top of that sex was only for making babies...I wouldn't be fulfilled in my sex life. Am I right?

All of the above.

[Fargood]

My grandmother dated two different men for years in the 1930's. My grandfather had to beg her to marry him. My great uncles used to tell stories about being in cahoots with my grandfather to purposely chase the other guys away so that my grandmother would "pick" my grandfather. She managed to stay single until she was 30 and then she relented and finally married the poor guy.

My grandmother was a cool old bird.

[Wolfie]

My grandmother dated two different men for years in the 1930's. My grandfather had to beg her to marry him. My great uncles used to tell stories about being in cahoots with my grandfather to purposely chase the other guys away so that my grandmother would "pick" my grandfather. She managed to stay single until she was 30 and then she relented and finally married the poor guy.

My grandmother was a cool old bird.

Yeah, my above mentioned grandmother ended up marrying her roommate's date. Then when he died, she chose to stay single, even though she had an off and on boyfriend who asked her to marry her more than once. (then after he died, one of the guys she brought her sister on dates with showed up again!)

[samurai_sarah]

If only the occasional fundie blogger came up with something actually new to say about the subject! Instead they all make Kelly Bates' idea about "dating with a purpose" look outright revolutionary. :roll:

The whole purity-thing, and treat the other sex like brothers/sisters stuff, reminded me of the blog "Broken Daughters", which is written by a young woman who left the quiverfull movement after a failed courtship. She's written a post on the harm that prohibited sexual attraction does, and also had a guest-post recently from the male side. Both of them seemed quite interesting to me, and fitting in this context. And they both can be found here: brokendaughters.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/guest-post-a-mans-words-on-sexual-attraction-and-failed-courtship/

[Bloo]

A few years ago, I read an article in my local paper that pretty much stated that the current generation, their parents, and their grandparents all had at least one thing in common- they had sex outside of marriage, and at about the same rates.

It's only just now that we can talk about what we've been doing all along.

[miffy]

A few years ago, I read an article in my local paper that pretty much stated that the current generation, their parents, and their grandparents all had at least one thing in common- they had sex outside of marriage, and at about the same rates.

It's only just now that we can talk about what we've been doing all along.

I think the only difference is sometimes the so called 'good girls' didn't have premarital sex purely because of the lack of reliable birth control. My nana actually told me that she thought it was 'too much of a risk'. But her parents had the opposite of Dede & ExGay's baby. My great uncle was born 6 months after they got married & they didn't have micropremies in the 1910s. :lol:

[miffy]

This comment made me smile. My grandma died two years ago, she would have been 95 today. But she used to tell me how she would bring her little sister along on dates if she didn't particularly like the guy but couldn't get out of the date.

You should have a birthday party for her, even if its just a cupcake. :)

My grandpa's 100th is coming up in August, he won't be there to celebrate, but we will so there will be a dinner in his honor.

[Chibi Author]

Just going from that excerpt (courtship posts make me a sad panda), I do think she has two good points.

Yes, courtship does mean a thousand different things to a thousand different people. And yes, it's a really, really terrible word. (I grew up reading Janette Oke, and I loved how dating/courtship worked in those books, and in the Little House on the Prairie. I thought it sounded awesome, and now the fundies completely have ruined it.)

And yes, dating can end very, very badly. But so can any other relationship; friends, family, significant other, you name it. Limiting bad relationships to those involving romance isn't really the smartest thing to be spewing around.

[Cerdwin]

My grandmother passed away at 93 years old, just before Christmas. We found out multiple stories about boyfriends at her funeral. She had a very interesting love life, my Nan. And a very ugly divorce from my Grandy, so ugly that they still refused to speak to each other almost 40 years later.

She made me look quite boring.

[Effie]

Hihi, I made a quick parody of that the other day: http://generationdinosaur.blogspot.se/2 ... d.html?m=1

[alba]

Only a few decades? Huh? Anybody who reads historical novels reads about dating much farther back than that. And um, divorce happened too. Just as common, just not talked about. And sometimes the divorce was never official, the two people just separated and never saw each other again. Really good for the kids involved, huh? :? Somehow I think that our modern legal system of divorce and attitude that it does happen is much better than in the past.

No, no, no, no, no. That was courtship, dear, not dating :roll: (Now I'm thinking about the palaver Lydia Bennett causes and wondering how on earth that's supposed to be better than being able to say "She's sixteen, she screwed up, now she's coming home" and having it not affect her sisters' marriages)

On the topic of divorce having always been around, I'm pretty sure Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon weren't dating before they married. In fact, I'm not sure they even MET before they got married.

And you're right about the separation. I seem to recall reading somewhere that in Scotland there was often no divorce amongst the working class because there was no marriage to dissolve; this was, of course, the era of marriage as an economic and political union, which of course rendered it worthless to people who had no economic or political capital to negotiate. Of course, the church didn't approve, but the church didn't approve of most things people did.

Dating was a huge thing in the fundies golden era (50s). From what I gather it was a much bigger thing than it is today.

My almost 93 yr old nana talks about the dates she used to go on, which would have been in the 30s.

Chicken fillet can shut up.

Wasn't that the era in which people would go on dates with multiple people, and it was totally acceptable unless you were "going steady" with a particular person? The idea was to get to know potential partners without committing to any one of them, so it was OK to say "Sorry, Harry, I can't go out with you on Friday as I'm on a date with John."

A few years ago, I read an article in my local paper that pretty much stated that the current generation, their parents, and their grandparents all had at least one thing in common- they had sex outside of marriage, and at about the same rates.

It's only just now that we can talk about what we've been doing all along.

My great-(great)-grandmother was raised by her grandmother as her mother's sister. This was really common because the premarital sex was still happening but not well-accepted. Going back even further, Shakespeare had premarital sex, and quite probably extramarital, too.