Proof The Pearls Don't Love Children

[Full enough quiver]

Exactly! What's wrong with giving your kid a freakin hug if they need one?!?

[sugarloaf]

I think all their books should be titled "How to Scare the Crap Out of Your Kids so You Don't Actually Have to Parent Them, They'll Just be Cowering Quietly in the Corner."

What vile people.

There is actually such a book.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Traumatize-Yo ... +your+kids

Our best selling How to Traumatize Your Children has been revamped and reissued in paperback with all-new totally dysfunctional illustrations. This groundbreaking instructional volume teaches you how to give your children the lifelong gifts of mental and emotional damage. Whether you employ the same ruinous techniques your parents used or try out an entirely new approach, you re bound to succeed!

Learn the latest buzzwords and trends in traumatic parenting!

Choose a personal trauma style controlling, indulgent, and more!

7 Proven Methods

I've flicked through it. It's actually really funny if you've got a warped sense of humour. And it's even useful, apparently, in a "what not to do" sense. But at least no one's really at risk of taking this one seriously.

[TheLurkingFrumper]

I haven't been here too long, so I don't know if the this has been posted before. I was curious about the Pearl's children and found this blog about their daughter:

Debrasrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/03/rebekah-pearl-anast-part-three-life.html

It sounds like they really did break her. Reading this was just so so sad. How could anyone want that for their children? How can they feel like she is successful?

Edited to deactivate broken link - the googlebot doesn't like them. _lilith. And to replace DOT with . - device users don't like DOTs.

[sparkles]

I've got a short list of fundies I truly hate and wouldn't mind terribly if something bad happened to them (yes, that's not very nice and though I do try to be a nice person and not wish ill on others, some of them make it very difficult) and the Pearls top that list. They are loathsome, despicable, evil excuses for human beings and it absolutely astounds me that so many people find them admirable. Even if you take their "wisdom" out of the equation, they way they treat their followers is so incredibly demeaning and contemptuous. I can't imagine why anyone with an ounce of self-respect would want to be treated that way. And I certainly can't image why anyone would think the Swines brand of Christianity is what Jesus had in mind.

[August]

I haven't been here too long, so I don't know if the this has been posted before. I was curious about the Pearl's children and found this blog about their daughter:

Debrasrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/03/rebekah-pearl-anast-part-three-life.html

It sounds like they really did break her. Reading this was just so so sad. How could anyone want that for their children? How can they feel like she is successful?

Edited to deactivate broken link - the googlebot doesn't like them. _lilith. And to replace DOT with . - device users don't like DOTs.

oh my god. OHMYGOD. That broken shell of a woman. I agree that's the Pearl's aim, and it horrifying and tragic.

[apple1]

I've got a short list of fundies I truly hate and wouldn't mind terribly if something bad happened to them (yes, that's not very nice and though I do try to be a nice person and not wish ill on others, some of them make it very difficult) and the Pearls top that list. They are loathsome, despicable, evil excuses for human beings and it absolutely astounds me that so many people find them admirable. Even if you take their "wisdom" out of the equation, they way they treat their followers is so incredibly demeaning and contemptuous. I can't imagine why anyone with an ounce of self-respect would want to be treated that way. And I certainly can't image why anyone would think the Swines brand of Christianity is what Jesus had in mind.

They are uneducated idiots (no, that's not redundant; they are both), who have zero understanding of child development. Nor do they understand the Bible (and I say that, even in view of the fact that theologians have argued for centuries over the Bible). They are truly disgusting human beings, who have found a way to make themselves a living by spreading their idiocy.

I have no patience for those who harm children.

[2xx1xy1JD]

The beginning of the article is almost like reading a Rorschach test on Michael Pearl - he actually has no idea what either the mother or child are thinking from such a brief encounter, so he's projecting his own warped thoughts, right down to calling a small child "little brat" and "crybaby".

I'm sure the Pearl's would love my middle child. Last summer, she fell on her hand in an awkward way at dance camp, but didn't see any reason to have them call me. Eventually, when we took her to the hospital, we discovered a torn ligament and small broken bone. No amount of apple cider is going to fix that. Speaking of apple cider vinegar - I have a case now where a parent heard that it was supposed to be healthy and fed it to her son. Unfortunately, she didn't realize that it needs to be massively diluted first, so it burned his throat.

[apple1]

... Speaking of apple cider vinegar - I have a case now where a parent heard that it was supposed to be healthy and fed it to her son. Unfortunately, she didn't realize that it needs to be massively diluted first, so it burned his throat.

(shakes head) Is there no common sense at all? No wonder all the "here's your sign" labels exist.

[valsa]

THIS, THIS, THIS!!!!

What in the name of love is so horrible about a child feeling upset because he fell down, running crying to Mom for some reassurance, and getting a hug? I clearly remember my tippy little toddler girl, having fallen on her knees or nose something like 7 times in half an hour, flopping down crying in a sort of "Phooey on everything anyway" tone of voice. I picked her up and she stuck to me like a barnacle. No, she wasn't hurt. But her afternoon sucked and she needed somebody to lean on.

Exactly.

Let's face it, being a toddler does kinda suck.

When you're a toddler, your knowledge of the world around you is expanding at a rate that vastly outpaces your ability to move your body, communicate effectively, and regulate your feelings. You want to do all these awesome things to explore and experiment and learn, but you can't because your body doesn't always do what you want it to. You want to share all these exciting thoughts and ideas with people, but you can't because you don't possess the needed language skills. And you're feeling all these intense emotions that you neither understand, nor do you really have the ability to control yet. Yikes. No wonder they tantrum.

We're all had days where we just feel completely overwhelmed and need to be comforted (whether by a friend or family member, yummy food, a good book and nice hot bath, etc) I imagine toddlers probably feel that way, like, 60% of the time, so is it any wonder sometimes they just need a cuddle and some quiet time with the people who make them feel safest and most grounded?

[debrand]

I haven't been here too long, so I don't know if the this has been posted before. I was curious about the Pearl's children and found this blog about their daughter:

Debrasrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/03/rebekah-pearl-anast-part-three-life.html

It sounds like they really did break her. Reading this was just so so sad. How could anyone want that for their children? How can they feel like she is successful?

Edited to deactivate broken link - the googlebot doesn't like them. _lilith. And to replace DOT with . - device users don't like DOTs.

Its my old blog. I'm about to take it down but I'm torn if I should put just the article on the Pearls somewhere else. I really don't have time to blog much now

When I started that blog, I had just left fundamentalism and entered Catholicism in an attempt to retain my faith. I no longer agree with everything I put on that site but I was very desperate not to loose faith in god.

[hywelis]

So Mom can tell that baby isn't really hurt, baby really wants some attention from Mom. Okay.

Why is that so terrible? Why can't Mom realize this, and then HUG baby as she says "it's okay, you're not really hurt, but I see you want some reassurance, it's okay, Mom is here and looking out for you" with a smile????

Perhaps that way TOO the kid will learn not to feign injury or play up injury for sympathy, because the kid will not NEED to, the kid can be honest about just needing Mom for emotional reasons and THAT IS OKAY as it's own thing?

Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying this.

Wanting attention is not a bad thing, and it makes my blood boil when people say it is.

As for the Pearls, they belong in jail for life.

Hywelis

[salex]

THIS, THIS, THIS!!!!

What in the name of love is so horrible about a child feeling upset because he fell down, running crying to Mom for some reassurance, and getting a hug? I clearly remember my tippy little toddler girl, having fallen on her knees or nose something like 7 times in half an hour, flopping down crying in a sort of "Phooey on everything anyway" tone of voice. I picked her up and she stuck to me like a barnacle. No, she wasn't hurt. But her afternoon sucked and she needed somebody to lean on.

The Pearls hate children. They hate children. They love hurting small helpless creatures and they hate children. They think children's anguish is a fitting tribute to their power. They hate children!

You know how I got a thrift store worker to rip a copy of To Train Up a Child in half right in front of me and throw it in the trash? I opened it to that bit about Debi Pearl hurting a little boy she was looking after until he played exactly what she wanted and exactly how she wanted. The Pearls' own words damned the book.

I also wonder if, at that early age, when they feel bad emotionally, they don't have the understanding or maybe the vocabulary to say "i'm frustrated" or "i'm embarrassed" but they know the feeling is bad--and feeling bad hurts--so they are expressing their pain using their understanding and vocabulary. Dismissing their pain or mocking it or turning it against them is just cruel.

[turquoise]

The Pearls have reposted a article that I'm certain we've discussed on the old forum. Reposting it must mean that they still agree with its contents.

nogreaterjoy.org/articles/emotional-manipulators/

Yeah, that would have fixed everything right up when my 4-year-old broke his arm.

Sometimes kids really do get hurt and need medical attention. For their own good, you should want them to come tell you if they're really in pain.

I wish I could get every copy of their books and destroy them.

[Jana814]

Can someone answer this question for me. Why does anyone agree with what the Pearls say.

[Patsy]

I've got a short list of fundies I truly hate and wouldn't mind terribly if something bad happened to them (yes, that's not very nice and though I do try to be a nice person and not wish ill on others, some of them make it very difficult) and the Pearls top that list. They are loathsome, despicable, evil excuses for human beings and it absolutely astounds me that so many people find them admirable. Even if you take their "wisdom" out of the equation, they way they treat their followers is so incredibly demeaning and contemptuous. I can't imagine why anyone with an ounce of self-respect would want to be treated that way. And I certainly can't image why anyone would think the Swines brand of Christianity is what Jesus had in mind.

I get it. There are some fundies we talk about here who I don't just find ridiculous, but who genuinely piss me off and/or who I think are really hurting others. I can't think of one of them, though, who I wish ill upon... except the Pearls. I want them to hurt. I want them to suffer. I really do.

[debrand]

Can someone answer this question for me. Why does anyone agree with what the Pearls say.

Several years ago, they seemed more popular with a certain type of far right Christian. Now that they have such bad press, I don't find as many people willing to defend them. They promise instant obedience, happy children, perfect families etc and those promise appeal to people.

[Jana814]

Several years ago, they seemed more popular with a certain type of far right Christian. Now that they have such bad press, I don't find as many people willing to defend them. They promise instant obedience, happy children, perfect families etc and those promise appeal to people.

Thanks for the information! I know about the bad press I'm still shock that people still want to listen to them.

[2xx1xy1JD]

In addition to everything else that's fucked up about this advice - why do we want children to associate medical treatment with unpleasant feelings, and why is it ever a good idea to lie to kids about medical stuff?

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. John Rosemond does something similar in his (crazy) parenting book, where he tells parents to invoke "the doctor" as the word of authority for anything and everything.

It's wrong because:

1. Children are not complete idiots.

2. Children can understand medical concepts, if you take the time to explain them properly. A young child can understand that some foods have bad fats that clog up your blood tubes and make it hard for the blood to get through. They can understand that when they stay up too long, the brain makes a cranky chemical called cortisol, which causes bad moods. As they get older or speak to other adults or doctors, they realize that their parents weren't making stuff up, and that this is actually true. They get to feel smart, and feel like their parents treated them like intelligent beings.

3. Sometimes, children have actual medical needs. They need to be able to tell parents if something is wrong, without worrying about their parents' reaction, or about going through something unpleasant. No, being a hypochondriac is not good, but being overly stoic isn't either. My husband has seen overly stoic types who want to avoid making a fuss so much that they don't get diagnosed with cancer until it is too late.

4. If you child does end up having a real medical issue, you need your child to be able to trust you 100%. They have to KNOW, in the bottom of their hearts, that every needle prick is necessary, that they really do need to keep still for an MRI of their head even if it is scary, that bad-tasting medicine really is necessary to make them better. You don't want to ever destroy that trust by lying to them.

5. If you lie, your kids will figure it out unless you convince your child's doctor to keep lying to the child (unethical) and homeschool them so that they never hear an adult say, "no, that's not true."

[August]

Its my old blog. I'm about to take it down but I'm torn if I should put just the article on the Pearls somewhere else. I really don't have time to blog much now

When I started that blog, I had just left fundamentalism and entered Catholicism in an attempt to retain my faith. I no longer agree with everything I put on that site but I was very desperate not to loose faith in god.

Please leave it up, I'm about to link the everloving fuck out of that post.

[Full enough quiver]

I used to give my girl the words for what she was feeling, and an idea for what to do about it. Like "wow! You are mad! Do you want to talk about it?" "it's disappointing when you don't get what you want. Do you need a hug?" "you seem frustrated. Let me help" "are you feeling overwhelmed? Do you need some alone time?" Strangely enough, I never had to beat her or give her a nasty tasting potion, and now she uses her words quite nicely. She is beautifully behaved, and I never had to break her.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Several years ago, they seemed more popular with a certain type of far right Christian. Now that they have such bad press, I don't find as many people willing to defend them. They promise instant obedience, happy children, perfect families etc and those promise appeal to people.

I think it is also because a lot (most?) of the folks who get into breeding for god do it because it makes them feel like superior and closer to the truth. They don't really like kids or want to put in the energy that it takes to actually raise a large brood in a healthy way. And they definitely couldn't care less about who their kids are as individuals with unique needs. What they DO want is a brood of perfectly compliant, obedient drones to show off and demonstrate that they are perfect Christians. So they just want any method that will get them those results. Whatever damage they do to the kids' psyches is irrelevant.

[docmom]

There is nothing nicer in this world, in my opinion, than giving a hug to a toddler who needs one. I have a hard time not hugging other people's crying toddlers, let alone my own. I really wonder how Michael Pearl was brought up and if it is residual trauma from his own parents that have led him to be the way he is.

[lilith]

Its my old blog. I'm about to take it down but I'm torn if I should put just the article on the Pearls somewhere else. I really don't have time to blog much now

When I started that blog, I had just left fundamentalism and entered Catholicism in an attempt to retain my faith. I no longer agree with everything I put on that site but I was very desperate not to loose faith in god.

Please keep the Pearl articles. I'm sure they could be reposted here if you want to wipe the blog. They are a fascinating analysis.