The Truth About Courtship

[sparkplug]

Could you please post some of her posts from when she was courting? I couldn't seem to go back that far on her blog.

[dawbs]

She needs a webdesigner friend!

Actually, part of me wants to send her to go talk to Bethany Patchin

[Dev83]

Working on digging them up. They were all on her old blog, When God Writes Your Love Story, which was transfered over to http://www.shepherd-photography.com.

[Dev83]

Ok, so I was able to find them. I wish they were linkable, but I guess since they are so old the links don't work. Luckily I have subscribed for a long time so I still have them in my feed. So just a warning - wall o' text ahead. These are just a few of the posts, and honestly they could have been written by any fundie.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Happy 1 Month Anniversary to us!!!

I love you Sam! I can not believe that I have been engaged to Samuel Wesley Shepherd for a whole month! The most amazing, godly, very handsome, thoughtful.....the #1 man in all the world! Never will there be another one like him! He really surprised me today when he called during lunch hour! I never hear from him during the day! He made me whole rest of the day I do know that! I needed the cheering up right then too while still crunching finances in my brain, as he says, at church!

Already one month! Man, time goes fast! It seems like yesterday! I think some of that may have to do with the fact that I have only seen him three times the whole month! I love my fiance! Thank you for being the man you are! God has blessed me far more than I ever would have imagined in all my wildest dreams and fantasies! :) "For this God is our God FOREVER and EVER, He will be our guide even unto death!!!" Psalm 48:14 "Lord I realize you as Sam's guide; as our guide. We really need Your direction in our relationship and we need You to be the true leader and go before us both, but especially Sam! There are so many things that we do not understand, so many things we are learning. We need Your Holy Spirit to prompt and to direct. May we have an open heart to hear, to listen, to obey, to be open and honest and truthful with each other. We do not want to rush into anything without it being your perfect timing! You have directed us before over and over in EVERYTHING and you will always do so and I look to You, Father, to be that guide!

I thank you Lord for everything! For all you've done and all you do and all you are going to do in the future! Praise and glory and honor are due You, for You are the Most high God! You are our fortress and our very source of protection and our Keeper! You're the calm in the midst of the storms and You are Peace! Protect Sam and I from any snares of the evil one. Bind Satan from our lives and from any lies Satan may shoot our way. Light a fiery wall of your Holy Spirit around our lives and around all that we do! May we always yield our will to Your perfect will, die to ourselves and live for You every moment of the day and not live in the flesh. Let Your glory be manifested in our daily walk, in our life, that the world may see and know Your majesty!

Thank you again Father for bring Sam, my best friend, into my life! For what he as done for me and how He has drawn me closer to You! Lord, please keep him safely in the palm of Your hand! Pour your love on Him! Uplift and encourage him to endure through, to stay strong to the end! May he be a man that people look at with respect and with admiration! May he filled with Your wisdom as he makes each decision in life! Give him clear guidance and clear direction and he will have confidence in what he does!!! Lord continue to mold him to be a man after your own heart. I will never understand your blessings and for blessing me with Sam! May I love him with love that comes from You!!"

Lord bless him and keep Him and make Your face to shine upon Him and give Him peace!

I pray this Your precious holy name!"

I love you Samuel Wesley Shepherd, my Superman!!! You're in my prayers and my thoughts! May we never stop being best friends! You're are such a blessing to me in my life! Thank you for all you do! Have a blessed week! You ARE the #1 man and I will never stop loveing you no matter what happens in life!!! :)

____________________________________________________________________________________

Sam is coming up this weekend! Yea! It seems life forever since I have seen Him! It is really weird how the weeks go really fast but yet even with time flying it seems like I still haven't seen him in forever! If that makes any sense at all! I do have to admit it is hard not to see him but every two weeks! It does make the weekends extra special though when you haven't seen each other in a while!

Life has been going blessed and wonderful! Last night I had my college and career single young ladies Bible study at Cyndi Myers house. We have that every other Tuesday and we are going through a book by Beth Moore called Believing God! It is the most powerful Bible study I have ever been through! I love getting together with all the girls and having a blast praying, singing, laughing and crying with each other! Sharing things from the bottom of our hearts and letting God speak to us and YES He certainly does just that! I say we have the best group ever! :) I ended up staying late after it was over talking to Kristen Blumhardt. I love that girl! She is such a woman after God's own heart and she always encourages and uplifts! She knows how to show she cares and loves you!!

"I will mediate also of all thy works and talk of thy doings. Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is great a God as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people." Psalm 77:12-14

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." Eph. 3:20

____________________________________________________________________________________

Hurray!!! A post from Sam! Yep it is me and I get to write all about my wonderful and beautiful fiance Leslie LaRae!

God has the bigger picture for sure! I never imagined I would be at this point in my life and that I would be engaged to a woman like Leslie. God is truly amazing... I am humbled. He has done some wonderful things in our lives and has orchestrated so many special things! It is so easy to take that wonderful gift, my relationship with Leslie, and take it for myself and leave God out of it! I can't do that! He is the one who put Leslie in my life and He is the one that is going to continue to be faithful to me and to us! He has and never will fail me!

This last weekend was a a little different then what we had planned. Friday... I was having trouble having a good attitude about it. I was feeling very selfish... I hadn't seen Leslie in two weeks and two weeks before that!! It was almost funny! I was like Lord... "you know how little time we have had to spend together and you threw this in our schedule when we were trying to keep our Saturday open to spend with each other!!"

Another funny thing was just the night before, Thursday. We had spent a long time talking about how God seeks a vibrant, alive and deep emotional love relationship with us. How when we surrender totally to Him where we are nothing and have nothing. NOTHING! That is when God has the freedom to pour out Himself upon us and He gives us the greatest joy, excitement, love, joy and fulfillment we could ever have! We were also talking about how everything happens for a reason... how He is trust worthy. We were both really passionate about what we were talking about! We knew it... we had seen it... and we had felt it in our own lives.

It was like the Lord wanted to test us the very next day to see if we really did believe and live what we talked about it!

That evening while I was trying to get up to Guthrie... I had left work late and wasn't going to get in very early. But then I get stuck on the highway for a while because of an accident! It was getting pretty funny! "Lord! What is next!" I chuckle about it now... but I don't know if it was very funny at the time. :)

The good news is! God is so wonderful, loving and faithful! He has never failed me and he will never ever fail me!

Leslie is so amazing!! This last weekend she showed her love for me in such a way that meant the world! She came with me to the shop and did some things while we worked! She also spent a lot of time watching me work!!! Can you imagine watching me work on my truck all day!!?? That is incredible! She is incredible! She is amazing! She is wonderful! I love her so much!

For me as a man... it just means the world when your woman is right there and she is watching you work. I don't know how to explain it. It is just a satisfying feeling!!! A man needs to feel that support from his woman!

I kept finding myself looking up and around to see if she was still there watching me!! I love it! I love her! I just want you all to realize what she did that Saturday and how she laid down her own desires and spent the Saturday just watching me work. Don't you think she is wonderful and amazing? Don't you think that displays her love for me in an amazing way? I DO!!!

I am telling you! God is amazing! I feel so undeserving so many times with what He has allowed me to experience in my life. I don't deserve Leslie... and I can never take her and her love for granted.

Just like Les said, God worked out every detail last weekend and turned it into a wonderful time. He is going to do it again this weekend and the next and every single day of our lives! We just have to keep our focus on Him and Him alone!

From the bottom of my heart... I love you Leslie LaRae!

Samuel Wesley

________________________________________________________________________________________

1 He is a godly Christian man.

2 He is humble, never prideful or quick to anger

3 He is pure

4 He is a leader but gentle and sensitive

5 He is a gentleman

6 He has strong convictions

7 He is the kind of man that will be easy to submit to

8 He loves God with all his heart, soul mind and strength

9 He has a close relationship with my Daddy! :)

10 He is always eager to learn what God has to teach him

11 He is a good steward of all that God has given to him

12 I know he will always be loyal to me

13 He is compassionate for everyone around him

14 He is selfless

15 He is strong! :)

16 He is always 100% honest with me even when it is hard

17 His kindness

18 The way he always tries to help others (I think of his Young Men’s Bible Study

and his servants heart to others!)

19 His generosity

20The way that he always looks for and finds the positive in everything

his courage even in the face of confusions

21 How he can always make me laugh or smile even at times when I don’t want to

22 His electronic and technology savvy :) lol :) (Yea, I love it!)

23 His incredible soft rich brown eyes

24 His belief in God

25 The way he talks

26 His craziness

27 The fact that there is nobody else in the world like him and nobody will ever

come close

28 The way he always encourages and believes in me

29 His faithfulness

30 The fact that he know how to be a real man

31 The sweet gifts he has given to me

32 The heart-touching things he has written for me

33 The way he has opened up his heart and life to me

34 The fact that I learn new amazing things about him everyday

35 The way he looks at me that makes me melt inside

36 The way he always says awesome things about me to other people

37 How much excitement he brings into my life everyday

38 How he always brings out the best in me

39 The fact that I am the first woman that he has ever loved like he does me!

40 His incredible big heart

41 His extreme patience

42 He is so wise

43How I know he'll always be here for me through good times and bad no matter what

44 How cute and adorable he is :)

45 How much he knows about me now and that he has seen both my good sides

and bad and that you still love me more than ever

46 He loves the Lord with all his mind, soul, strength.

47 He is my best friend.

48 He is the one I dreamed of every night of my life and the one I think about each day.

49 He is truly a gift from God.

50 He has shown me my true self.

51 He is so CUTE!!

52 He has a insurmountable amount of faith!

53 He is a good listener.

54 He loves me without make-up!!!! Big one!!!!! :)

55 He has a very forgiving heart.

56 I can be myself when I am with him.

57 He never gives up on me.

58 He is simply irresistible

59 He can ALWAYS makes me laugh

60 Every time he looks at me my heart skips a beat.

61 He holds the key to my heart.

62 I feel safe in his arms.

63 He is the most intelligent man I have ever met.

64 I love that he isn’t perfect yet I see him as perfect

65 His smile.

66 I love the way he says my name.

67 I love the look in his eyes when he says “I Love Youâ€.

68 I love how he sings me songs! (Yes I do, Sam!)

69 He is not embarrassed to call me pet names in front of others! :)

70 That he calls me all the time just to say ILY or How are you.

71 How he always puts me before himself.

72 He isn’t afraid to tell me his feelings.

73 How he makes me feel when I think I am nothing.

74 He inspires me! How could he not!

75 He is extremely smart!

76 He is a computer genius.

77 We can glance at each other from across the room and know what each other is thinking.

78 I love how much he protects me.

79 He takes time and goes the extra mile to show me that he loves me.

80 When I am grumpy, he still loves me.

81 He will sacrifice what he wants for me.

82 He loves his Mom!

83 He works on a job until it is done right even if it takes a LONG time.

84 He loves my family! :)

85 He loves adventure (Thank goodness!)

86 He loves hot food! A+! :)

87 He will let himself be crazy when he is with me.

88 He is thrifty, a saver.

89 He will freeze to death in the vehicle so long as I am "just right" :)

90 Wherever he goes he is a "light-shiner" for God.

91 He tries to understand me even when he doesn't.

92 He has a servants heart.

93 He loves me for who I am as a unique person and doesn't want me to change!

94 He is mature!

95 I know he will always put God as number 1 and his wife number 2! :)

96 He always leaves notes for me when he is home on the weekend and sneaks

them in my work desk without me knowing!!

97 He loves taking walks at the lake.

98 He doesn't worry about life. He lives it has God brings it along.

99 I know that no matter what happens in life we will always be together

100 I love knowing that if I died today….I will see him again in Heaven, my Superman! my one and only Samuel Wesley!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

So, here I am in a darkish, quiet and remotish secretary office, at Western Hills Baptist Church on 44th and Walker at 9:49 am on Tuesday morning, drinking my hot chocolate, freezing my toes off, and missing Samuel! :) Sounds fun, right? Yea I know.......... Well, for some reason today I have been struggling with Satan. Right now I feel like I am shooting every Holy Spirit dart I can and yet he always seems to have a bigger meaner dart to shoot right back in pain every time! Cruel, sick, nasty, little poisonous spider!

In my Bible study with the college and career girls every other Tuesday, we are going through a study called Intimacy with God and I seriously think that is the main reason Satan is on me like a fly on butter right now. This morning I had a wonderful time with the Lord. The thing I LOVE about this study is all about studying Scripture. You are literally soaking yourself in God's Word and Satan doesn't like it one little bit! We're learning right now about the ways, the traps and the sickness of Satan. How our flesh is the offspring of the Devil and I'm telling you the more I learn about Satan the more I grow to hate him, the more I wanna fight him, and the more I want to become more closer to my Heavenly Father! When I see how he traps me, he ruins me and about his secretive little nets he lays in wait for you I grow more angrier with every second!

So, this morning you all can pray for me okay! I need it! Right now it would be really easy for me to become a grumpy and self focused whine bag for the rest of the day and I REALLY do no want to! I know that I could have a totally rotten rest of the day if I don't take hold of Satan and give him a good hard swift kick out the door! It is not the easiest thing in the world to do either and I CAN NOT do it without the Lord! I can not do it in my own strength because my own strength is flesh and that is Satan's nature anyway so I am totally stupidly defeating my purpose!

Sam, I know that you are praying for me and I know you understand because you have days like this too. I'm praying for you Samuel to keep my mind on good and not grumpy because you aren't here and because we've been engaged 8 months and have 5 more to go and I feel kind of like a loner right now because no one else seems to ever wait that long and we're weird because we're saving ourselves for March 8th and though I'm glad and know the Lord is going to reward us beyond our imaginations it is a killer of a hard time not to feel completely lonely and ahhhhh...........(that was a big run-on sentence *laughing*).......but Satan is such a deceiver and right now my heart is kind of hurting to the point of completely distracting me from ever being able to get anything done right now! In fact the min. are ticking by like forever slow right now and that is really hard.

So, Lord I need your strength! I'm trusting you Father!!!!

Miss you Superman Sam and I can not wait to see you Saturday! I pray that you have the blessing of Lord on your day today! You are my hero! I respect you and admire you more than any other man in the world and I'm proud of who you are!!

________________________________________________________________________________________

Today we are counting down from 100 days until we say "I Do"! Incredibly unreal to me!

The Lord has taught me so much in these nine month of engagement to Samuel! So very much! Things about my personal walk with Him, things about men I never knew and I'm so glad I do now, things about relationships, life, marriage, trust......to much to even write down! God's faithfulness is ever new and ever present is all I have to say!

Lately I have been thinking a lot about walking with God on a personal and deep level of intimacy. Pastor Jerry sent out an e-mail telling about their Thanksgiving without Debbie and I cannot for the life of me get her out of my mind! Her impact she had on her family because of her love for God! Thinking about how much your relationship with God changes everything and everyone else around you and especially those who are close to you all the time! I've been thinking about my daily walk with the Lord. Been thinking about how I can be a godly wife to Sam like no other and she was the only woman that was haunting my thoughts! Oh the example she left behind. Thinking about her beautiful countenance makes me want to know the Lord better than any other person on earth and seeing how that is what is going to make me the wife that Sam deserves! I feel like I have so much still to learn and yes, I know I always will! My learning is never going to stop!

The Lord has given me such a deep love for Sam! I only pray that this unconditional love will never be broken and folks.....I plan for it never to and I know that is what the Lord is planning too! I can not wait to say "Until Death Do Us Part," to Sam because I know that it will be just that! I cannot wait to be married to him, to live life together as one, to struggle together, rejoice together, even cry together! I am so excited to see what the Lord is going to do through our lives after we are married! Thank you, Lord, oh THANK YOU for Samuel and for the man he is and please help me to be the virtuous wife he is going to need!!!!

______________________________________________________________________________________

Well, folks only 37 days left to go in this slow onward race of engagement life.....and yes we are very weary of it but we ARE going to finish well!!!! We are determined there! ONLY God can give anyone the capability, the relationship skills, the patience and the ability to handle all the baggage that comes with waiting over 380 days especially long distance! But alas...He has certainly given it to Sam and I! We have been through more than we though possible to go through being engaged! More problems and complications than imaginable and yea we do wish that we could have just gotten married back in the Fall and not had to worry about all that is going on now BUT.....we have learned so much and come so VERY far in our relationship becasue of it! Much farther than most engaged couples have come and we see how that is going to bless our first months of marriage! The time when most couples go through the worst I think! The first 90 days....the most important days of your marriage! God will and IS working everything out to his perfect will and He does know what is best! :D

We would appreciate prayers that is for sure! I do not want my joy to be taken away from circumstances that happen and arise! I want to enjoy this time, have fun, not stress out and panic. Let things fall into place! I have my ups and downs in this whole "bride stress" EVERYONE seems to talk about and "curse" on me so to speak! *laugh* :D But, having so long to plan a wedding has helped tremendously! I want to look back on my wedding and remember it fondly not remember all the bad that surrounded it! :)

So, the time is going quickly and with each day that passes my heart pounds a little harder and my love for Sam grows a little stronger! That unconditional love. That love that only God can put in your heart for another person!

______________________________________________________________________________________

Why are people so judging and why oh why does it hurt so deep when they are?

I hope to goodness I am NOT a judging person! Lord, PLEASE help me!

I know that is a rather strange way to start out a post but that is what is pushing me in the gut. Or I should say Satan is pushing in my gut trying to get me to let him take every breath in my body away from me!

Last night was the first night of the ladies Bible study and I am so excited even more so about it! We're going through a book by Beth Moore called "Get Out Of The Pit". Christians automatically think of someone being in a pit as the pit of sin. If you are in a pit than you must have some terrible sin in your life you need to deal with! BUT, it isn't so. You can be in a pit by your circumstances in life. You can be in a pit because of the death of a loved one, or a move, or if you feel bored Spiritually.....Satan has you in one of his pits!

When I grasped this consespt I began to see the pit Satan had me in. We were talking about how we can be blinded by pits in our life because we think everything is pretty okay in ours lives. I KNOW that has been me! I've been in a pit since before our wedding and I think I need to let go of some of the people I know in OK and some hurts that have happened and move on. The longer I am here in Texas the more I thank God every day that I AM here! Besides loving my family to death and missing them, I don't want back ANYTHING else back in OK. Not one thing! Why? Because Satan has used some specific things there to get me in a pit and get me stuck in the mud JUST enough so that I can't stand up straight in life! Letting go is going to set me free!

Since Sam and I have moved to Texas I have not felt so free before. Free to simply be myself around more people than JUST my family! I don't have to play two-faced, which I realize I was playing QUITE a bit to try to make EVERYONE happy "please" THEIR different standards by mayeb pretending I agree and I feel the same way in the Lord. I can be perfectly free in the Lord and who I feel like He has made me to be and where I am with Him in my life!!! No people buzzing around pointing fingers down here (even though I know they probably still are in OK) *grin*. :D I look back on the year before our wedding and then up around our wedding and I want to cry at how I let people push me around in so many things. How I let them push around decisions and choices JUST because I didn't want to hurt anyone and I wanted everyone to be happy...etc. Oh if I could go back and do some things over how I most certainly would when it comes to that! But I can't. I need to learn and move on but that is easily said than done sometimes when you've been hurt! One thing for sure I am so glad that the Lord is willing to be our closest friend and companion! That he wants to live with us in a deep RELATIONSHIP! I truthfully do not know what I would do without my heavenly Dad sometimes! I KNOW I would shrivel up for sure! I am realizing how wonderful it is that He brought Sam and I here. We have a FRESH start, fresh friends, a new church, a new fellowship, and a new start as a family, as a couple living free in Jesus!!! The more I think about it the more alive I feel like I become!

Judging hurts, that is all I have to say and I wish I was this perfectly lady who wasn't bothered by it and took it to the Lord and only worried about HIS judgement. Sadly when people shove their opinions and standards into our faces, trying to point out the we are SO wrong in this or that, it cuts deep. It brings tears. The Lord has been working through those cuts a lot with me lately but it still makes it hard to love those people! Those people who I loved and who I thought excepted me as I thought I excepted them.

I guess this is so fresh right now on me too because my family was just here and we were talking about this whole topic. My Dad and Mom are the two most WONDERFUL people in the whole world! I made sure and told them that too and I need to tell them that more often! If I had parents like some, I honestly just KNOW I would die! :D They are so encouraging, comforting, understanding and excepting! I know they don't go around talking bad about us! I know they admire us and are proud of us! I have to admire them more and more because of that! They really do love us and know that the LORD is the one who directs our ways!

So, on I go fighting Satan and trying to let the Lord heal me slowly and painfully from the past year to year and a half. I had no idea I had so much bitter hurt towards people that I was trying so hard to keep buried! It doesn't work that way I am finally seeing! LOL It has to come out of me completely and be buried ONLY at the foot of the cross of Jesus!

Well, Dad and Mom I love you and you guys ARE the best Dad and Mom in the whole world! Mom be sure and get Dad on here so he can read this too! :D (My Dad doesn't do computer at all. A pure construction man! lol I found out he hadn't read any post or seen any pictures since right after the wedding!) :D To all the kids big hugs and I hope you had fun at the lake without me! :(

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Well, yes we are back in the USA! Ft. Worth, Texas, my new home now! We got back last Saturday night late from Jamaica! Of course we had the time of our lives! How could you even ask if we did!!! :D I admit it was hard to leave but we are still having the time of our lives so I guess it is okay! I will be putting up pictures no worries! We got some amazing photos!

Yes, I am EXTREMELY blessed to be married to Sam! I am loving every second of living with him as my husband and I can't believe we get to spend the rest of our living days together! The long wait was SOOOOO worth it that is ALL I have got to say!

The wedding was incredible. Not to be bragging but I have to say it was certainly the wedding of my dreams! Thank you all so much for coming! There was so many people there to congratulate us and bless us and encourage us and take part in this very special time in Sam and I's life! We love you all more than words can say!

Right now you all can be praying though! Yesterday Sam we noticed that Sam was breaking out with red pussy white bumps on the trunk of his body. Last night he was feeling very achy and not so good. This morning he had many more of them and was feverish with a headache. Needless to say.....we discovered that he had the dreadful chickenpox, which he never has had! So I get to have the time of my life being his nurse and watching over him and his every need while he miserably tries to overcome them! He needs to get over them super fast so he can go back to work a week from Monday! Pray that he does

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Well I am sure that actually there will be very few people that don’t know about this news already! LOL But yes there is going to be a new addition to the Sam Shepherd in February! Yes, we are ecstatic with excitement!! You have no idea how hard it was to wait this long to tell the news! We held off telling family for three whole weeks after we found out which in my opinion was a SUPER DUPER long time! :D The responses we got from our families made it all worth it though! LOL It was wonderful! I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Dad and Mom be so grinny and my younger siblings (especially Katie, the one right under me) were going through the roof wanting to know when they could tell everyone in the whole world! :D

I am 10 weeks along this week and just humping over the hill of the sickness stage I feel like. I am praying it is soon behind me! My first trimester will already be over in a couple weeks though and my Mom thinks it will be over after that for sure. I do so hope she is right! :D I’m just tired all the time. Exhausted to say the least! I don’t mind that part it just seems like I never get anything done!

So, with much excitement, anticipation and some fear of course, off we go on the road of adventure to parenthood! The Daddy and Mommy road! LOL Crazy and exciting indeed! Of course me well I am just already ready for February to get and the baby to just be here!

Pray for me…pray for us both!! We certainly need it!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

My wife has been doing an awesome job at updating our Blog and posting pictures! I know you all read this because of her anyway! :) But I have been wanting to post something for a while… I do enjoy reading what she puts up here. She does it perfectly! Anyway, here it goes… a post from a possibly boring programmer!

Hi… my name is Sam… I am Leslie's husband. :) As you all know she is a very special person and is DEFINITELY the best thing that has ever happened to me. She makes married life wonderful! The more time goes by the more and more I am so glad God put us together and that had the guts to ask her to marry me and that she said yes!

As you know this last week she spent in OK which I am very glad she got to do that. Well… I found out just how important she is to me and how much I needed her! By the end of the week I was so warn out and exhausted! My spirits over all were down… you feel yourself getting grumpy because you're just worn out! There is just something about coming home everyday to a woman… she just has a beauty about her… she is refreshing… kind of like taking a walk on the beach during a sunset… you know beautiful and relaxing... and I went without her for a whole week! God new what he was doing when he said us men needed a companion. But again I am glad she got to go up. She deserved it for sure! I also got some needed work done and I ended up reviving the old Age of Empires hobby! Needless to say by the end of the week I was pooped and was missing her.

Speaking of my wife… I think she is the only reason I am getting through life with the way things are at work. We just recently lost a couple of guys so the pressure, responsibility and the work load as increased for everybody and some of us have had to take on more roles. Things are a little overwhelming right now and we're are not sure what the Lord is doing right now with Blepo. Fortunately I have been able to come home pretty close to five every evening. Jeremy is working his tail off making everything come together and trying to lead the company. He has definitely been sacrificing.

Can you all imagine us being a Daddy and Mommy! :) Exciting stuff! I am ready to find out what it is going to be! We’ve been talking about names lately and I think it would be fun to be able to call it by name! I have already been talking to it a little bit and I hate having to refer to "it"!!

Rock on everybody! We all are leaning about life together!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

You all can really be in prayer for Sam. Work at Blepo seems to be getting more stressful and draining by the day for him. Some days worse than others. It is just that there is so much going on with just three employees here at the Ft. Worth office and he is getting really pulled in all which-a-ways. Even harder is I think half of what he does he doesn't enjoy doing but really doesn't have a choice and that can wear on you too. He had a couple mornings this week where getting up and going to work was like torture for him and I hate to see that. That isn't good at all.

Last night he was having a really hard night. He was really tired, he had a hundred things going on inside his head and it was obvious by the way he was acting. There are a lot of decisions that we are thinking through right now as far as the future and he is torn with work and well truthfully I think life is just wearing him out. Decisions like how long do we plan on being in this rent house. When the moving time comes are we to start payments on a house in Texas or is Sam to look for work in OK and we look for a house there. We want to be in OK before we have another kid for sure. When will that be and how will that happen?

So many questions. All unanswered.

I keep reminding myself of all that the Lord has brought us through and all that He worked out for us to be here in Texas. All the way from the beginning with the work for Sam over two years ago to the rent house we are in opening up at the prefect time just back in January. I think it is just hard for us to deal with the fact sometimes that this IS where the Lord has us and wants us right now when WE want to be in Oklahoma with OUR family and friends and WE have other ideas and plans in our heads for right now.

Dying to rights. Trusting the Lord completely.

We both just need strength right now. The enemy is coming at us both and we need to power to stay standing. I want to be there for Sam when he needs me at the end of a hard day. I want to be able to fight those deadly darts that come at me all day and have a strong loving resting place for him at the end of the day. We need wisdom and we need faith and endurance to keep on keeping on. To continue trying to make friends and trying to settle more here because we do not know how long we will be here! It's hard to do when sometimes all you want to do is be alone if you can't be with who you want to be with. You want to crawl in a corner by yourself, stay inside your little bubble, until things change for the way you want them to. But I know God can not use people who are like that and I intend to be used where I am placed!

Ready out of Psalms this morning I kinda laughed because it is funny how often I am just like David. Crying to the Lord. Begging. Pleading. Bawling.

Yet it is so comforting to know that He is the One I can do that to whenever and wherever and He doesn't mind! He will be there and He will listen! I don't have to be ashamed of it in the least!

"I cry to the Lord with my voice; with my voice to the Lord do I make supplication.

I pour out my complaint before Him; I tell Him my trouble.

When my spirit is overwhelmed and fainted throwing all its weight upon me, then You knew my path.

Attend unto my cry, for I am brought very low; deliver me from my persecutors for they are stronger than I.

Bring me out of prison that I may confess, praise and give thanks to Your name; for You will deal bountifully with me."

______________________________________________________________________________________

1/2 a Year ago...

by Leslie Shepherd on Sep 8, 2008 11:44 AM

...at this time exactly. 2:00 PM

The doors opened and down the isle I went trying to breath, heart pounding with excitement and joy taking over every nerve in my body! Sam stood grinning at the end of the isle eyes locked on me! :D

Seems like forever ago since that day! Today is our 6 Mon. wedding anniversary and no it doesn't seem possible at all! This past half year as been the most life changing, exciting, happy, and scary time in both of our lives and oh how I look forward to dozens and dozens of more half years like this past one!!!

Samuel I am so honored to be your wife and the soon to be mommy of your baby in just five months! I love you so very much and thank God every day for you!!!

________________________________________________________________________________________

Twins!?! Boys!?!

by Leslie Shepherd on Sep 22, 2008 2:19 PM

Yea that is exactly my reaction to the surprising news we heard! !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! :D

"Well, no wonder you are big," she says. "There are two!"

Zoom in

(They were extrememly roaled up and we watched them kciking at each other's heads as a matter of fact! I could feel them wallaping all over too! As a matter of fact they still are! I certainly am feeling the babies! Something else really cool is Sam got to feel one of them last Sat.!!! I was surprised but we were both excited over that! Even though at the time we didn't realize there were TWO!)

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

I was crying like a baby, Sam was standing and staring I believe unmoving! It took her MAYBE 30 sec. to tell us they were both boys only to make me cry harder and gasp a little.

Okay so Judith had said it was a maybe but we REALLY HONESTLY didn't think it was true. It was just something fun to be able to say and think about I think in our minds. Yes, twins are fun and cute and such a blessing but I didn't really think about it as ever happening or it ever could happen to us!!!

So, that was 5 and 1/2 hours ago and I have moved from the thoughts of, "This IS NOT exactly what I had in mind.....oh help," to "Okay Lord, you obviously wanted us to have twins because there is no logical way we could since they do not run in either side of our family. You OBVIOUSLY purposely and clearly placed them in MY womb of all wombs to pick *grin* but......oh man, you're gonna have to give me some grace here. I know you will but.....Two boys! Wowzers!"

ONE thing for sure the Shepherd generation is NEVER going to die on this earth! :) With Mom Shepherd having 5 sons then Andy having 5 sons and then Jeremy just having his first baby a son and then us having twin sons........and that doesn't even count all the Shepherd relatives that are boys! The Shepherd army! :)

It is going to be fun! Wonderfully fun and OH SO CUTE and I will get small babies!!!! I have ALWAYS wanted a 6-7 lb baby and now I am gonna get two maybe 4-6 lb babies, eh? :D Course there is going to be a lot of challenges too. Especially with me being down here with no help and after Sam goes back to work especially I think about a lot of things. Hauling around two car seats everywhere one goes sounds interesting and tiring too.

So, be praying for us! We are both VERY excited but there are so many other emotions whirling around too right now! I know it is going to be such an up and down hill road! Right now everything is in perfect order. Both babies and myself are tip-top shape I guess you could say! :) So, just pray that it continues to the end that way! Be praying too that we will be able to sell my mustang and get a car. That is a BIG thing financially and physically! There is no way we can get two infant car seats in the back seat! :D So family car searching is about to begin I suppose!

Samuel and Leslie Shepherd with two boys! Wow...... :D Yes it is a little crazy but I know it will be more exciting as I let it sink in more!

I'm not sure what I am thinking or feeling right now...okay!

But I DO know that I AM happy! That is one identified certainty!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Oh Lord do I ever need you.

Well I know I have already posted once today but I am lonely, tired and bored and am having yet another one of those awful days where it feels like everything and everyone is against me! LOL Okay well it isn't that extreme but you know...

I think today I am just worn out emotionally is all and when a woman is like that she has days like this! :) Today is going oh so very slow. Each min. ticking by like a day. I had a great desire to go to the library today but they are closed due to water damage! We had really heavy rain this last Sunday/Monday. I would be doing creative memories but I completely have NO creativity today which is rare for me I would say.

I would call today a pity party day and I HATE pity party days! They make you feel so rotten!

I am stressing out over my stupid vit. and eating diet again as usual but today is especially bad. I do the best I can, I try so very hard yet it feels like inside I am thinking I am not doing good enough because I know I am not meeting all the criteria of what I should be doing. I guess I beat myself up over if I don't eat right or have a PERFECT prenatal vit. intake then something will go wrong, or the boys won't be as healthy when they're born, or I will have a harder labor etc... So basically I would be blaming myself. I know it isn't right but it has been made out to sound like I HAVE to do exactly everything right. Seems like no matter what I do there is always something I am not eating enough of!!! sigh Problem is it is wearing me out to the point where I don't even want to try anymore not even for my babies sake and that is B-A-D. So, I think I need to lighten up on myself, regardless, and do the best I can and leave it at that! Best isn't perfect but that is okay, Leslie! I think if I would have a better outlook and more energy if I looked at it that way instead of always, "You didn't do enough!"

So much rambling on about that!

I am thinking about being in OK too. Thinking about my sister now moved back close to my family again and having so much fun with that. Wishing I could be with her today instead of in this lonely neighborhood. Thinking about the holidays and how I can't travel after Thanksgiving because of the distance and how so very different Christmas is going to be with all the Shepherd family going to OK and all my family in OK! Us all by ourselves to celebrate! Fun...just SO different. Thinking about my shower here next week and so sad because my family and friends that were planning on coming can't come now. Thinking about Thanksgiving and wishing oh so badly it was here. Thinking about our doctor visit next week and worrying that all will be okay and praying oh so hard we get a good report and we aren't charged an arm and a leg for the visit again....

Yes, I do have a lot going on in my head I need to release to the Lord! It is so funny how I think I have given all this up to Him and I am all good and then once in a rare moon I have a day like this where all these thoughts and fears and sadnesses all flare back up again! Stupid little devil needs to be squished under my feet!!! Oh so hard to do though when you are all alone and your fighting him by yourself in a lonely place you don't even what to exist in! Seems like that gives him more power and boy is it hard to fight him! Arg!

Looking at the clock my heart sinks that it is only 1:15! What do I do all afternoon? Good question. I have got to find something to do so I can have some power to fight off these feelings though. Doing nothing gives way to thinking and today thinking is a bad thing for me to do seeing how it all seems to be bad! :) lol

Sigh...I wish I felt super motivated and energetic to do something! :) Maybe I'll give creative memories another shot...

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday, January 7th, 36 1/2 weeks into this pregnancy, we headed out to our doctors appointment at Denton Presbyterian Hospital prepared to stay in case the doctor said I was at too high a risk to have the twins at home. I was seriously kind of thinking things weren't that bad and we would be coming back home later that day.

We did not. By 5:00 that evening I was in a hospital gown strapped down in a bed with monitors thinking what am I in for!

Our doctor was so busy with births that night that he decided to let my contractions take their toll over night, see what happened and then induce the next morning. That night was one of THE longest nights of my life! :)

I think I got about 3 hours of sleep when all of the sudden the lights come on at 6:00 Thursday morning and the nurse is getting an IV stabbed in me. (Me NOT a needle fan at all.) Things were happening so fast my whole body was shaking with spasms which probably made me look quite funny actually! :) The didn't actually start pumping the Pitosson in me until about noon and then the contractions started hitting me hard. I had no time to work up to things they just hit. By about 5:00 or so I had dilated to a 5 and the doctor decided to break my water. For me that did it. My cushion was gone and I found out what real pain was! lol By 7:00 I think we all knew I wouldn't make it without an epidural. I had dilated to a 7 and I was exhausted and because of having both back and front contractions there seemed no break. When the front was over the back would start. After they stuck me for that I was able to get some sleep though the pressure to push was very present. (I have a TOTAL knew outlook on Epidurals now. Not at ALL against them! lol) 9:00 pm I was in the OR room ready for these boys to be here. I only had to push with Caiden for about 25 min. and out he came at 9:25 and soon after Conner at 9:41.

The next few hours I don't care to remember anything except that they were here in my arms and this was finally over! :D

By last Sunday I was certainly ready to get home and out f that bed! 4 days in a hospital is quite long enough for me!

All I have to say is the Lord was SO very good to me! I seriously can not believe that it is really over and that they are really finally here and very well! :) Sam and I are enjoying every min. of them being here. Even the dirty diapers Sam says and even the LONG nights! :)

I know that so many people were praying for us and we can not thank you enough! I know those prayers is what got us through and is getting us through!

[Savoring Samsara]

Wow. Those first few posts are something else. EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!eleventy!!!! Her tone really drives home the immaturity of their relationship - and his post isn't much better. The fact that they seem to have thought that a year of long-distance engagement was some sort of epically huge insurmountable trial the likes of which few couples can survive certainly demonstrates that they had no idea what they were getting into. (Then again, that's true for plenty of people who get married...) For the sake of their kids I hope they can find their way.