Squicky Topic at 7 X Sunday

[valsa]

I think it would be one thing for a father to talk to his daughter because he didn't want her to feel weird or ashamed of having her period (on that note, I don't consider periods or talking about periods to be "gross" or anything like that) but I have a feeling that isn't what his guy is going for. Maybe it's the "demanding" part. Frankly, kids aren't little extensions of their parents and the only things a kid should be forced to talk to their parents about are ones that put them in danger (sex, drugs, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc)

[SinInTheCamp]

I wish this girl could have my dad for a father. When I lived at home he had no problem buying me tampons (and sometimes a chocolate bar too, lol) and he never gave me grief for being snappy due to pms or period pains. He also had no problem minding his own business on the subject.

A good father should let it be known that he is there to talk at any time but otherwise stay out of it. If his daughter is comfortable talking to him about her period, she will.

[tinuviel]

Yeech...even my mother wouldn't demand to know about my period. She'd ask if everything was okay and if I needed supplies and such, but that was about it. Just checking in--no details required. My dad would NEVER ask, although I'm sure it wouldn't be a big deal if he had to pick up some tampons for me or something. He'd just be business-like about it and stick the box in my room.

I started at Bible camp. I knew what it was about, so while it freaked me out a little bit initially, it wasn't a huge deal. I got some pads from my youth pastor's wife who asked if I wanted to call my mom. "Nah, she'll find out when she does the laundry". At the time I didn't see why she thought that was funny. I wasn't in for a big talk or celebration really. For some reason it didn't feel like such a huge change or rite of passage to me. First bra was a bigger deal to me because it took so damn long for my boobs to finally appear, lol.

[starfish]

My creep-o-meter is going off the charts! I can't wait to see the advice provided.

[Eclipse]

Eww. Why do you want to know that about your daughter? Talk about control issues. That is personal information and many young girls are embarrassed by it and all need time to deal with their changing bodies. You don't need a controlling parent obsessing about it or have it be a family issue. Those poor girls' psyches.

I have been treated for hypothyroidism since I was a young child and diagnosed with PCOS when I was 15. I had irregular periods for years and I didn't have a period for an entire year when I was about 15 because of my health conditions. I can't imagine living with that in a fundie household where the first reaction would be I had sinned horribly and was pregnant and not something was medically wrong.

[Oddeverything]

Demand?

I too recall Razing Ruth's father's demented reaction when he found blood on her sheets. Not that his pubescent daughter had begun to menstruate. No, his 12-year-old daughter had to have smuggled a boy into her room, had sex in front of her sister, smuggled him back out and then failed to clean up the mess.

I am beginning to see a certain mindset in these men, a prurient interest in sex and sexual "sin" that far outstrips the reality of most sexual situations. If my husband DEMANDED to know about my daughter's menstrual cycle and DEMANDED she tell him all the details, I would be, at the very least, alarmed, as the woman who posted about this seems to be. She knows this is squicky or she wouldn't even have brought it up.

That's what's worse to me, in a way. These women seem to instinctively know when their menfolk are being disgusting, horrible, perverse and intrusive, even though they are not worldly themselves. They know. Some things just universally ring a bell. And yet they more often than not let these repellent men twist up everything natural and normal into the idea of sin. Ugh!

[emmiedahl]

What kind of details do you think he wants to know? Like, color, duration?

[Thatscrazy]

He's overly interested because then he'll know what days of the month are "safer" to keep molesting her. Gross!!!!

[ladypuglover]

The most my father ever knew was me telling him that he had to take me to the store and he would have to give me some money and be forced to wait in the car while I bought what I needed. From that my dad was able to figure out that I needed some pads and would just comply. Neither one of us wanted to talk about it and we didn't. Thankfully that only would happen if my mom and older sisters were gone and I ran out of suplies which almost never happened. Just twice was 2 times to many for me.

If my dad had even tried to force me to talk about it I would have shut off quicker than you can say period. I would be less vocal than a greek statue and just as pale. Some fathers and daughters could talk about stuff like that but my father and I never had that kind of relationship and trying to forge one so close so late in the game after years of abuse..... it wouldn't have worked well for either of us.

[Piper]

He's overly interested because then he'll know what days of the month are "safer" to keep molesting her. Gross!!!!

THIS. When I was younger, it turns out my best friend at the time, was being molested by her father. He wanted to know all about her periods too. It turns out he wanted to be extra careful so he wouldn't get her pregnant. :(

[Black Aliss]

The only reason I can think of for a father demanding to track his teen daughter's cycle is too awful to mention here. I really wish I hadn't clicked on this thread because it's going to take a lot of chocolate to erase it from my mind. shudder.

[ricky_ticky]

Maybe one of us should recommend that the 7 X Sunday posters read Lady Lydia's post about dignified speech. No "lady-talk" in front of the men!

**Sheesh now the FJers have to tell the fundies how to be more biblical, godly women**

[JesusFightClub]

I totally agree, but even after discussing I feel there would be answers one of the dads probably couldn't give. I mean, talking about it sure, but I think there are some things you need someone to talk to who has gone through it. I can sympathize, I can talk about it, I can answer questions after googling the answers. Maybe things will happen differently, but I wouldn't want to talk to my mom about my engorged sex drive during my puberty.. not because she wouldn't have understood... but because it's embarrassing and my mom didn't go through it the same way I went through it. I had all sorts of questions and thank goodness I had older brothers because talking to my dad was useless.

You guys are going to be two dads, aren't you? That's cool and I agree with you mostly. Your daughter, if you have one, could google some of the questions herself, it's really discussing the experience. Like for example "OMG it's so coming on, I totally had a huge argument at school with my friend". Granted, she may not come to you with that :lol:

However young girls often have very irregular periods as well and it can be disturbing. I hope this doesn't sound patronising, it's just you are a guy and I don't know how much you know. Before things settled down (as I grew older) I used to bleed for ten days (periods I am told sound horrible for a guy, frightening like as if you'd cut yourself, but it's not. One gets used to it very quickly). However, that's too long, and I eventually had to say "Look, Mum, can you drive me to the doctor? And this is why." You'll be her Dads and she'll naturally come to you as her closest bond.

So even with a godmother, if you get a daughter, this may well happen and it's good to know and be sort of chilled about it in a way, even if you can't imagine the experience yourself. I hope this doesn't sound rude.

[nutella addict]

Ugh ugh ugh that is so gross! Demanded??? I know my parents never keep secrets from each other and that my mother is one of the most talkative women on the planet, so I'm sure she told my dad, but he never brought it up and neither did we. I think he went with my mom to buy me some pads for my second period on a family vacation. Demanding to talk to the daughter just sounds wrong. It's like Razing Ruth's dad almost, and yeah she was forced to mark her days in pink dots on the calendar in front of her whole family, including similarly aged brothers. She says her mom's dots were red. My mom gave me a small pocket calendar to keep in my desk drawer and mark it on in private. And mine were crazy irregular to, up until I went on the pill at 21 to regulate it, so for 9 or 10 years they were irregular as I was nearly 12 when I got it. I once missed six months in a row, my sister once missed 9, and usually we missed 2 or 3 months in a row. The women in our family just happen to be extremely irregular. Thank God we weren't fundie and our Dad didn't want to know anything about it. I can't think of any good reasons for a father to be *that* interested in his daughter's uterus, I hope that mother stands her ground, or talks to her daughter about the father, or something, because this just screams warnings at me.

[GoJiRa]

I do not want to know anything about this part of my daughters life. She is 13 BTW.

[masagoroll]

My mom would mark her period and my and my sister's periods on the family calendar, but I always assumed it was just so we wouldn't forget it was coming and be unprepared and so we could tell why we were feeling bad if we were PMSing or something. (I have always had super regular periods, to the point that I usually cry because I'm emotional from PMS exactly two days before I start, haha.)

She would put like "E" and then an X to show when my period was expected "S" and then an X for my sister's period, etc.

Now that I think about it, it is kind of weird, but now I do the same thing on my own calendar, haha (just with an X). My house has just my husband and I in it and I track my fertility to help avoid pregnancy, so it helps me!

[bananacat]

The great thing about BC pills is that I don't have to bother tracking my period. The week of the green pills, I know it will start sometime between 8 p.m. on Tuesday and 4 a.m. Wednesday. Yes, BC pills make my period predictable to within a few hours.

[emmiedahl]

A friend of mine put her daughter on BC pills relatively young (like 14 I think) to regulate her periods and help with PMS/acne issues. She was saying that the contraception thing is also a huge plus of course, because it will be needed eventually. Are there drawbacks that anyone knows of for doing this? It doesn't sound like a bad plan from my pov.

[Lainey]

I wonder why there are no replies to that thread?

[Wolfie]

Probably because if they reply that it is icky and even worrysome and not needed they aren't following their headships, but if they say it's fine, they aren't telling the truth.

[Lainey]

My headship thinks it's sick...

[Lillybee]

I hope that the Duggar girls don't have to chart their menses on the family calendar.

[Jencendiary]

I don't understand this at all.

TMI: I got my period at 11, and have basically been in and out of the stirrups for years trying to figure out what was wrong with my ladyparts. I started out having 2 week long periods, the worst cramps in the history of ever (try being in 5th grade, with a flooded pad and then vomiting due to cramps. My life then, not so good.), and the rollercoaster emotions to go along with it. Subsequently, between the runs to the store for supplies and taking me to doctor's appointments, my mom & dad knew more about my uterus than they ever really wanted to. (I went on the pill when I was 14, and have been mostly a functional human being ever since.)

If Dad could have gone his whole life without hearing about my cycle in gross detail, he would have. Gladly.

This man should consider himself lucky that his life with his child isn't full of awkward moments like ours was when this whole thing started.

[maybeizfundie]

A friend of mine put her daughter on BC pills relatively young (like 14 I think) to regulate her periods and help with PMS/acne issues. She was saying that the contraception thing is also a huge plus of course, because it will be needed eventually. Are there drawbacks that anyone knows of for doing this? It doesn't sound like a bad plan from my pov.

I know enough women who have ditched the pill because of side effects (and who have no moral problem with contraception) that it wouldn't be my first line of thinking for a daughter with issues. Low libido might be viewed as a positive for teens, lol, but hormonal rage and severe mood swings not so much. Every medication has side effects and possible problematic effects. I'm a little uncomfortable with the Pill being seen as a panacea. Got a female problem? Any female problem? You need the Pill! :?

The pediatrician we saw wanted each of us gals on birth control in our early teens. Parents left it up to us, and two of us said no. The youngest eventually did go on it, and hated it with a passion. She didn't find the benefits to outweigh the negatives.

I have been through hemorrhagic periods and all kinds of reproductive garbage. Definitely wouldn't leave a daughter to suffer, and would be extremely pro-active in finding ways to help her. The Pill-as-medication might figure into that, but it wouldn't be the first thing I'd jump to.

[Antigone]

sqicky, to know everything- but I can see why a dad would need to know that their daughter got her period for health purposes but nothing in depth further than "oh, S has her period now" and moving on with life. I know Hubby would want to at least be aware of that so he knows when to go hide in the garage, lol.

I can't understand why anyone would need to know everything in depth about their child's period, other than for health reasons- and even for that, I wouldn't want to know 100 percent, just what I need to know to make sure my kid is OK. I wouldn't want to find out anything the hard way, thank you.