I'm bitter, I admit it. - Infertility

[crazyforkate]

I have an aortic coarctation, and in the best of circumstances, my births are going to be high-risk. No way can I have a baby anywhere but in a hospital in a major city. C-section, vaginal, epidural, no epidural, who cares? Healthy mom and healthy baby are the desired result, period.

I have very little patience for anyone who is crushed over their birth not being the fabulous special snowflake experience it's supposed to be. Hope for something, sure. Be a bit disappointed if you don't get something, sure. Plan it for the next birth, great. But there comes a point when you have to just deal with it and be grateful for what you have. The millions (billions?) of women who have died in childbirth for lack of good medical care can attest to this.

[crazyforkate]

My cousin married when she was in her mid 30's and had a baby a little more than a year later. Her side of the family is small, not only in stature, but also in frame. My mother was adamant that cousin should not have a home birth, but since my cousin was born at home and her mother was so looking forward to it. I can understand that part, but it just should not have happened. As it ended up, they went to the hospital and the baby came via C-section. They were in the hospital for a long time after and the baby had to be on oxygen. My aunt, who is fundie, STILL goes on about how sad it was that they didn't have a homebirth. :angry-banghead: I STILL don't understand it! Their lives were on the line and it stressed the baby.

My sister is the kind of homebirther who makes Hellatrix look reasonable, and she still barely talks to her daughter-in-law because she had her babies in hospital. Every baby MUST be born at home, no matter what indications are around otherwise. She keeps trying to convince me to have babies at home because her friend's sister's coworker's aunt's stepdaughter totally had a heart defect and totally had her baby in a magical pool with dolphins and rainbows and OMG!!! God only knows what she's going to do when I actually have babies - probably the hippie equivalent of an exorcism.

Also, ultrasounds are bad because they make babies left-handed.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Also, ultrasounds are bad because they make babies left-handed.

How sinister.

[2xx1xy1JD]

My sister is the kind of homebirther who makes Hellatrix look reasonable, and she still barely talks to her daughter-in-law because she had her babies in hospital. Every baby MUST be born at home, no matter what indications are around otherwise. She keeps trying to convince me to have babies at home because her friend's sister's coworker's aunt's stepdaughter totally had a heart defect and totally had her baby in a magical pool with dolphins and rainbows and OMG!!! God only knows what she's going to do when I actually have babies - probably the hippie equivalent of an exorcism.

Also, ultrasounds are bad because they make babies left-handed.

Yes, I've had folks use the left-handed line on me.

As a leftie, I hardly consider it to be a defect.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Yes, I've had folks use the left-handed line on me.

As a leftie, I hardly consider it to be a defect.

The joke above completely aside - seriously this is a thing? What possible scientific explanation do they give, if any??

[2xx1xy1JD]

Here's another gem from Mothering.com

http://www.mothering.com/community/a/ho ... irth-rocks

It's a perfect example of turning what should be a practical issue into a religion.

Some excerpts:

"Sometimes I can prove this with studies, sometimes not. I can admit that. But even if there are studies out there that say that epidurals don't increase c-section rates or that hospital birth is tons safer than home birth (yes I have read those ones too), I can't say I am too concerned. Why? Because I believe something. I believe in natural birth."

Mentally replace "natural birth" with "Jesus", and it starts to sound like a religion.

"Now, we like to think that we believe stuff because we can prove it. This is often not the case. Actually, it seems like most of us just believe what we WANT to believe, evidence be darned. (Yes I just said darn. I am working on my swearing problem.) I am no different, and frankly, you probably aren't either."

Sounds rather fundie, doesn't it? Same line could be used to talk about dinosaurs.

"I can't always prove it, but I still believe it. Why? Because I have done it, and I know what it can be like. I try to communicate that to people. In fact I try so hard that I spend (waste?!) hours slamming away on these plastic letters in an effort to tell people how birth can be awesome."

Add in some evangelizing zeal.

"I guess I could say things like this,

"I support women in all their birth choices, a planned medically unnecessary c-section might be right for you. We are all on different paths."

Except, I don't really believe that. I DO believe we should all have choices. I do not want my choices taken from me or from you. I do think we are all on different paths. I just think a healthy natural birth is an freaking fantastic choice and I think it is safer and healthier. "

Is this different from a fundie saying that they believe in freedom of religion, but can't possibly believe that people who choose to be Jews or Muslims instead of embracing Jesus aren't going straight to hell?

[2xx1xy1JD]

The joke above completely aside - seriously this is a thing? What possible scientific explanation do they give, if any??

Yes, this is really a thing.

Here's what I found:

http://journals.lww.com/epidem/Fulltext ... nd.22.aspx

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... abies.html

I'm still a bit offended that left-handedness is seen as a sign of brain damage.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Yes, this is really a thing.

Here's what I found:

http://journals.lww.com/epidem/Fulltext ... nd.22.aspx

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... abies.html

I'm still a bit offended that left-handedness is seen as a sign of brain damage.

Wow. Honestly it's the first I ever heard of such a thing and I suppose I can only say "fascinating... I guess?"

They have correlation but still not any proposed explanation of what exactly would cause it, though I have to admit I didn't know left-handedness was genetic-influenced either (it was always just mysterious fate, to me).

And yeah... brain damage? What? I'll admit I'm a mainstream righty, and I definitely remember sympathizing with left-handed kids in my school classes (because writing in Japanese is a regimented thing we all do in the same exact ordered direction way - surely the Chinese speakers here know too) and that means they have to push the brush (or "pull to the far side" I guess) where we pull it and it's harder to get neat at first, but... they DO!! and so it turns into an "inconvenience" but really not even much of a handicap as far as I can tell. Things are designed where they have to use the non-dominant hand more often but... is it so terrible? Not to mention modern kids all type anyway!! Thumbs, baby!!

For whatever odd reasons I'm left footed though (prefer to kick with the left foot, ride a skateboard goofy footed and so on) and I've heard mixed-dominance is supposedly a sign of something bad but again I have to think, what, so? Who cares how I ride a skateboard?

[crazyforkate]

Yes, this is really a thing.

Here's what I found:

http://journals.lww.com/epidem/Fulltext ... nd.22.aspx

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... abies.html

I'm still a bit offended that left-handedness is seen as a sign of brain damage.

That's what I said to my sister. "You know I'm left-handed...so how is that a problem?"

She said, "Um...umm...well, it's proof that they do SOMETHING!"

Seriously, so many millions of things can go wrong in a pregnancy that future handedness should be the last consideration on anyone's mind. Remember, parents, don't let your babies be exposed to ultrasounds unless you want them to be like four of the last five Presidents of the United States (#5 is Dubya).

[AuntCloud]

UncleCloud and I are both lefties. Both pregnancies were rough, with ultrasounds in the double digits. Both cloudlets are right-handed.

Not sure what it proves, but I'd rather have a leftie kid due to numerous ultrasounds than an undetected problem.

[Evilbad]

I'm so sorry, OP. I can't imagine how hard it must be for your family.

Once you start down the road of the crazy natural childbirth at all costs crazies, or the ones who insist on birthing alone with no help, it's a scary place. I'm not sure what the reasoning behind it is, but the ones who are insistent on it and make it out to be some sort of badge of honor cannot be reasoned with. Most people I know who have homebirthed are pretty level-headed, normal people who just want to have their baby at home, not in a hospital.

Mothering.com has some people who have had babies die, rather than recieve medical help to deliver them. It's pretty horrific. And the majority of them are just chock full of the kool aid and enabling bad decisions at all costs.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I dont think birth is really that important, it lasts only a few hours, but youre a mother for a lifetime. Who cares whether you had a homebirth or a hospital birth, natural or c section...as long as the end result was a living baby.

[MamaJunebug]

"Mother for a lifetime"---yep! I had great pregnancies, was always a little surprised when there was a baby and a reasonably flat tummy after all the 9 months of anticipation.

I bet that made NO sense at all. LOL!

Growing up Lutheran in the 1950s, nearly every week in church the pastor prayed thanks for the birth of a congregation member's child, and the traditional prayer included thanks that God had "preserved this mother through her peril and pain." City kid of the baby boom generation that I was, I still understood early on that childbirth "was no picnic" (tm BigMJB) and that it was by no means a sure thing.

I guess the experiencers or whatever they're called see it differently. So be it. For me, I'll avoid Dom/Fundie/crunchy articles about it for a good long time.

[B5SnowDog]

How sinister.

:lol: :lol: :clap:

[Artemis]

How sinister.

Wow, I never knew ultrasounds were around in 1961! (She says, lefthandedly.) THAT must have been what my mum did wrong!

I must let her know. :roll:

[Want More Babies]

MamaJunebug,

Infertility is not a fun thing to deal with it. I, and some of my friends have experienced it and I am sorry your children are going through it.

That said, I find it funny that Stacy's essential oils didn't do their trick. :lol:

[wild little fox]

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handedne ... ted_States

Actually, W is not a leftie (I thought he was so I was wrong lol)

On the other hand, "As of 2012, five out of the last seven presidents have been left-handed." Regan was ambidextrous, and considering his age, an educated guess would say that he was born a lefty, although there does not seem to be any record of it.

These damn fundies are truly trying to pull us back to the dark ages. I am astounded at their lack of ... EVERYTHING concerning common sense!!! Gah!

[crazyforkate]

Actually, W is not a leftie (I thought he was so I was wrong lol)

On the other hand, "As of 2012, five out of the last seven presidents have been left-handed." Regan was ambidextrous, and considering his age, an educated guess would say that he was born a lefty, although there does not seem to be any record of it.

These damn fundies are truly trying to pull us back to the dark ages. I am astounded at their lack of ... EVERYTHING concerning common sense!!! Gah!

No, I was saying four out of five were leftie, with Dubya the fifth...sorry for the confusion!

[kb2]

Birth: you're almost definitely going to poop yourself. I don't know how anyone gets around to being disappointed about the rest of it.

[SoybeanQueen]

We struggled with secondary infertility for more than 5 years. My best advice if your heart or your child's heart is aching for babies that aren't coming is to avoid reading these sorts of blog posts. Just try to stay away from discussion of pregnancies and babies altogether, whenever possible. It's much easier than dealing with annoyed or angry feelings all the time. I get it, though, truly. I vowed to never complain about anything pregnancy- or parenting-related again, because I know what it's like to hear those complaints when you know how precious that chance at parenthood really is.

[veron1que]

How sinister.

:lol: Please tell me the reference to Latin was intentional.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

:lol: Please tell me the reference to Latin was intentional.

It was a purposeful rimshot yeah :D I'm happy to see laughs from you and B5SnowDog, always like to see some appreciation of the bad humor!

[DaffyDill]

There was a court case here not long ago, investigating the death of a baby, born at home to a wellknown advocate of "Free Birthing", as opposed to "Home Birthing".

With free birthing, the parents do not seek any medical intervention at all. No checks from even a midwife, no doctors checks, nothing. Definitely no ultrasounds etc. The baby is then born at home, maybe with a midwife if it's lucky, otherwise, it can just be the parents and whoever else they want to share the birth with.

With a home birth, on the other hand, the mother may have all the pre natal checks, an ultrasound etc., and any required medical tests, but elect to give birth at home with a qualified midwife/doula to ensure things progess smoothly, and who is prepared to take the mother to hospital if needed.

http://www.news.com.au/national-old/coroner-declares-free-birth-advocate-janet-frasers-decision-to-deliver-third-child-roisin-without-nurse-or-midwife-led-to-babys-death/story-e6frfkvr-1226411419724

This woman, and the women who frequent her website called "Joyous Birth" have a term "Birth Rape", which they use to describe unwanted medical attention during labour. They seem to dwell more on the past births of their children and whether they were victims of birth rape than they do on having a healthy baby.

Personally, I find the term "birth rape " dreadful, given that the medical staff were quite possibly just trying to save these idiotic, women's lives as well as that of their babies!!!

Mods: not sure if I should link like that, so please break it or whatever if you need to :)

[Chowder Head]

I also have pcos. Mr. Chowder head and I have done a few rounds of clomid and the shots. Its hard when everone seems to be pregant. I wish your family luck.

Side not im

[Chowder Head]

*side note i am ambidextrous but write with my right hand, my dad use to be a lefty but they beat his had to make him right hand.