Pearls Parenting Advice

[debrand]

http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/six-wa ... out-trying

The Pearls know we discuss them so I don't think that I have to break the link. Not everything is bad but the Pearls have a habit of mixing extremely bad advice with good advice.

If you view old TV programs made 50 years ago of families relating to one another, they look like today’s ideal Christian homeschool family. Daddy is respected and honored and Mother is cherished. Family problems were always resolved with good cheer and forgiveness. Teenage morality was taken for granted. The future was bright and full of hope, and there was no state of rebellion in the kids.

Really? They are going to get their views on life from the media? My mother was a child in the fifties. Her father was an abusive, alcoholic who tried to prostitute my aunt for groceries. African Americans were treated like crap. Maybe the Pearls would like to read about Emmett Till, the fourteen year old who was beaten to death for flirting with a white woman.

Children raised right grow up right, no exceptions. It is God’s certain promise (Proverbs 22:6).

I wish that life was so simple. It isn't that parents don't have a big influence on their children but to claim that all children will grow up to be good if their parents do their job is incorrect. It is possible to be a bad person but have decent parents.

You must choose the social circle for your children and guard it. The quickest way to throw your children away is to enroll them in daycare or preschool or first grade. You lose all control over their friends, and they will become part of the social pool, eventually reduced to the lowest common denominator. If your child shares a pool with kids where just one of them has crapped in the water, your kid is swimming in crap. A few good kids don’t keep the water clean, but one bad kid pollutes it for everybody. I cannot remember the good kids in my third grade, but there were a couple bad ones I will never forget. I can remember their foul words and deeds to this day.

It all starts very young. You must choose your children’s social circle and guard it.

This is probably the hardest thing for a parent to do. It requires great effort and constant vigilance to sift your social circle. There are times your kids will not understand, and there are times that other parents are offended, but a mother hen should guard her chicks against the foxes and coyotes, regardless. It may require an adjustment to your lifestyle to protect your kids. A chicken that has roosted under a chicken hawk nest needs to move even if it is inconvenient. If your church is full of public school kids, you will need to keep your children at your side all the time and not allow them to get personal with a child going to public school.

Wow. I can't imagine the amount of fear these people exist under.

My five children were trained in the way they should go and I now see all twenty of my grandchildren (more on the way) being trained that way. I expect a continuance of 100% positive results just as God promised. I will not lower the standard, and you should not lower your expectations because of the poor results others are experiencing.

One word, Rebekah Pearl

[pixydust]

What's the story with Rebekah pearl? Is she the one married to the guy who won't work and they have no electricity?

[Mice]

If you view old TV programs made 50 years ago of families relating to one another, they look like today’s ideal Christian homeschool family.

I hate to break it to them, but those TV Programs were not real families. If I had a dollar for every fundie who told me that "Father Knows Best" was a true reflection of the 50s...we'd all be drinking in Key West this evening. Seriously no one cleans bathrooms wearing pearls and heels.

What is the up with fundie phenomenon of snagging some iconic representation of an era and telling the world "hey this is how everyone used to live and we should all still live that way"?

[ILoveJellybeans]

100% positive results? Isnt one of their kids in extreme poverty cause her husband wont get a job? Where exactly is the positive result there?

I dont know why theyre so scared of other children, its not as if the parent's beliefs are so weak that theyd suddenly decide to be an atheist if they met a kid that wasnt religious. If their beliefs were the truth, it would be obvious, wouldnt it? I think fundies secretly know the majority of their beliefs are a load of bullshit-they know theres evidence for evolution, and that theres nothing in the Bible that says that theyre not allowed to dance and have fun, which is why theyre so scared of atheists.

If the kid comes home from school with a new habit, and says "but my friend's parents let her do it!", its easy to just say that all parents are different, and that in this house, we dont do it because...

Other kids can be a teachable moment too. They see who in class is a troublemaker, and they see the teachers reaction to the kids who misbehave, and know that if they did that they would get in trouble.

Meeting kids of other religions is easy to get around-"Mommy, my friend says he doesnt go to church, he goes to mosque instead, why dont I?" "Your friend is a Muslim. There are many other religions in this world other than Christianity. You go to church because we are Christians"

I dont understand what exactly prepares children for the world by sheltering them from it. In the real world, unless you are in church or another place of worship, it will be unlikely that all of the people you are around will share the same religion. Learning how to get on with people who are different to yourself is an important part of life

[2xx1xy1JD]

Sure, watching your kids' social circle is important. That's why we choose schools. In the right setting, peer pressure can be a good thing.

Extreme isolation produces hot house flowers - delicate things that cannot survive when exposed to the elements. I want to raise children that have the inner strength to do the right thing regardless of what outside influences there may be.

[happy atheist]

I want to raise children that have the inner strength to do the right thing regardless of what outside influences there may be.

Now you're talking crazy! You need to buy one of those toddler leashes and never take it off, or at least not until your kid's wedding day. It's the only way to be safe!

[Sola]

100% positive results? Isnt one of their kids in extreme poverty cause her husband wont get a job? Where exactly is the positive result there?

It's positive because despite having no electricity and having to rely on the charity of others, Gabe and Beka have raised a family of automatons, just like Beka and her siblings were like when they were kids. Oh and Beka wont tell Gabe to get a fucking job because she has to submit to him.

I guess when you set standards that low, you will have 100% positive results.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Now you're talking crazy! You need to buy one of those toddler leashes and never take it off, or at least not until your kid's wedding day. It's the only way to be safe!

People who need to isolate their children so they aren't exposed to other beliefs can't be too confident in their own beliefs. If they think their children can so easily stray, they must know deep down that what they believe really isn't that great. The Pearl's have really only care about their children/grandchildren becoming perfectly obedient automatons even if they have to beat the personality out of them, so the isolation works for that. Normal people want their children to be happy productive members of society, which doesn't work so well with beating and isolation.

[ILoveJellybeans]

True, but isnt there a quote by one of the Pearls, saying that their children will have high paying jobs and be the bosses of our badly behaved non beaten kids?

[1CrazyMama]

Now you're talking crazy! You need to buy one of those toddler leashes and never take it off, or at least not until your kid's wedding day. It's the only way to be safe!

Unless the kid is a girl, then you just hand the leash over to her husband.

[debrand]

True, but isnt there a quote by one of the Pearls, saying that their children will have high paying jobs and be the bosses of our badly behaved non beaten kids?

It was after one of the deaths that have been attributed to parents following their crappy advice. Michael has often held his children up as proof that his methods work.

For anyone who doesn't know about Rebekah Pearl, she married a looser who has repeatedly gotten her pregnant after quitting his job so that he could stay home and study his bible. On 7xSunday, she complained about difficult pregnancies and not having electricity. Her husband, Gabe, begged for money from anyone who read 7xSunday's forum.

[Closed Womb]

This is why I can't get too super snarky with the second (or third) generations fundies that start a blog and spout nonsense. They have been robbed of critical thinking skills, social skills, etc. Hopefully, someday, they'll come around, but they quite literally do not have the ability to assess logical arguments, even when they are made in blog comments (or otherwise written) and they have time to consider the question/comment before answering.

[Ramona]

Not everything is bad

Oh yes it is... anything - everything - that comes from the Pearls is horrible.

[debrand]

Oh yes it is... anything - everything - that comes from the Pearls is horrible.

I've spent too much online time with right wing Christians who will pick one good thing out of all the crappy, abusive advice and claim that I'm misrepresenting the family's views. That is why I point out that a small portion of their advice(like spending time with your kids) isn't bad. However, their little bit of good advice is basically common sense. Of course, you spend time with your child.

I point out to people who defend the Pearls that you can get the same advice about setting limits and loving your child from any modern child expert without the guilt trips or references to beating your child with a stick.

[RosyDaisy]

The Pearls aren't fit to give advice on raising animals much less children. Hell, a stray mama cat is a better parent than Mike or Debi Pearl.

[Black Aliss]

Children raised to be right wing nut cases grow up to be right wing nut cases, with few exceptions. It is God’s certain promise (Proverbs 22:6).

Fixed it for you, Missus Pearl.

[Jana814]

The Pearls aren't fit to give advice on raising animals much less children. Hell, a stray mama cat is a better parent than Mike or Debi Pearl.

Agree!! From what I heard about them.

[lilith]

Were the Pearls quiverfullers? It seems that their children are, but five seems like a small quiver.

Does anyone know the story there?

[Witsec7]

What's the story with Rebekah pearl? Is she the one married to the guy who won't work and they have no electricity?

Her husbands forums are all closed. At the time that was taking place she was expecting IIRC. I guess checking the number of grandchildren on the Pearls page would give us a clue about the child. Frankly I'll never click on their website. ETA: There is a thread about a video made by Rebekah and Gabe about raising kids. The video came out shortly after Gabe's forums went dark.

[maybeizfundie]

Were the Pearls quiverfullers? It seems that their children are, but five seems like a small quiver.

They are not QF. They are "large family positive" but they have no problem with, and have advocated contraception that they consider "natural" and "non abortifacient." Two that I can remember are NFP and neem oil, which Rebekah promoted at on point. 20 grandkids is a lot but divided between 5 kids, it's not that many per kid.

[hoipolloi]

Re: Anasts' status in reproduction. There is at least one additional child beyond those listed in this blurb from NGJ:

Rebekah Anast is the firstborn child of Michael and Debi Pearl and author of the book Rebekah’s Diary. Her husband Gabriel is a web designer. Gabe and Beka are so much alike we get them confused sometimes. They enjoy biking and exploring the high desert of New Mexico with their six children, Joseph Courage, Ryshoni Joy, Hannah Sunshine, Elijah Music, Chaiyah Eve and newest addition Alitsia Rin.

Rebekah was pregnant with that child last year (2011) before Gabe shut down the cray cray fest that was 7XSunday.

They have since self-published a book by Rebekah (http://www.amazon.com/The-Vinci-Road-Ob ... B006U67N4Y) which also has a website (birthrightmedia.com/index.php?id=4) and they put up a number of videos of themselves on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/ruLISng/videos?view=0

[SisiL78]

Anytime the Pearls are being discussed I feel like I'm reading about some Orthodox family that has gone off the deep end. This family has some of the most Jewish, Yiddish, and Hebrew sounding names... they are missing Menachem and Shlomo though....

[Trynn]

I was thumbing through a Perl book, not knowing about the dark side of them. (I'd heard that there might be one, but only had vague details, and anyway I always want to check these claims for myself.) I happened upon two paragraphs that stunned me. The second one was when Debi was talking about IUDs being abortive. She said not to trust doctors, and then wrote, "Doctors are trained professionals; remember: trained professionals are trained to LIE!"

Yes, there are things wrong with me that doctors can't figure out, and I think they don't know what they're doing half the time, at least when they're treating me. However, for the most part, I'm leery of listening to anyone who says to ignore your doctors because 99% of the time ignoring a doctor is not a good idea, and that seemed like a dangerous idea to be spouting.

[debrand]

Were the Pearls quiverfullers? It seems that their children are, but five seems like a small quiver.

Does anyone know the story there?

There is a lot that they don't share with some of the fundies that we discuss. They are definitely not members of Vision Forum. The Pearls are more backwoodsy. Women are supposed to engage in activities that their husbands/fathers enjoy and aren't supposed to remain separated in a 'female' sphere. Most of their lives revolve around their husband's interests and making him happy. The Pearls also don't seem to have a problem with college or military service. Rebekah went to a Christian college and served overseas as a missionary.

[moodygirl86]

True, but isnt there a quote by one of the Pearls, saying that their children will have high paying jobs and be the bosses of our badly behaved non beaten kids?

Bloody hell, I hope not! Some of the secular bosses I've had have been bad enough, never mind a Pearl or their ilk!