Perspective of the mother of a mentally ill teenager

[keeperrox]

A must read...

http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/ ... kable.html

[Wolfie]

With a couple of mentally ill members of my family that was hard to read- but I'm so thankful that they are not that mentally ill and both very well controlled on medication.

[BravaAmica]

That article infruiates me. She is doing the best she can and wants to get her son help. Her son also wants help. But is there any available?! NO. Not unless she makes a criminal out of him.

That said, I wonder two things:

- I have heard of people being placed under conservatorships. Britney Spears is the most famous example. I wonder if that is a viable option for the average family dealing with a severely mentally ill family member?

- Is it easier for a wealthy family to get mental health help? Like one who could afford to pay out of pocket for a private mental hospital, day nurses with psych training to come in every day, ect? Because if so, that only proves once again that access to adequate health care in the US is only for the wealthy. Grrr.

[Witsec5]

No it is damn near impossible to get a conservatorship. I have written here about my ex-husband. I have been desperate for years to get him help. He is more a victim than a victimizer but the potential is there for both. The police don't help and when I called the county, I have been told that he must be unable to care for himself--meaning that he must go homeless. I have heard of judges denying conservatorship to homeless people because they have the wherewithal to jump into a garbage bin for food (got this information from NAMI). Ex-spouses are looked on with suspicion because they must have ill motives. Brittney Spears' family got help because they are famous and rich and her meltdowns were very public.

The best way to make changes to our mental health system is to support NAMI. They were working on legislation that would make it easier for parents and friends get back some control. The pendulum needs to swing back.

[CrazySister]

That article infruiates me. She is doing the best she can and wants to get her son help. Her son also wants help. But is there any available?! NO. Not unless she makes a criminal out of him.

That said, I wonder two things:

- I have heard of people being placed under conservatorships. Britney Spears is the most famous example. I wonder if that is a viable option for the average family dealing with a severely mentally ill family member?

- Is it easier for a wealthy family to get mental health help? Like one who could afford to pay out of pocket for a private mental hospital, day nurses with psych training to come in every day, ect? Because if so, that only proves once again that access to adequate health care in the US is only for the wealthy. Grrr.

YES! And yes, the US's health care system in general and mental health system specifically IS as abysmal as it's coming across to you!

[BravaAmica]

The best way to make changes to our mental health system is to support NAMI. They were working on legislation that would make it easier for parents and friends get back some control. The pendulum needs to swing back.

I would like to read about the proposed changes before supporting them. I do agree the pendulum needs to swing back.

I have had my own share of mental issues. I recall one time in particular when I was incapable of making decisions for myself yet no one was empowered to do them for me because I was 18. I really wish someone could have legally stepped up and gotten me help. I would have gotten better that much sooner.

[ILoveJellybeans]

A friend posted this on facebook, and its so sad. Its a shame that a child like this cant get the help they need, and that it seems like going to jail is the only way for someone who is like this to get help...but that makes things worse than better, as being in jail has psychological effects.

Things should be done to help children like Michael before they grow up and become more dangerous. The healthcare system really needs sorting out if it is easier to buy a gun than get treatment for mental health issues.

[Arete]

Not quite the same, but we went through this with a beloved family member with an addiction. He committed suicide last year. There were both addiction and mental health issues, and he was on the treatment merry-go-round for years. It was hard enough when he was under 18. Once he became an adult, all was pretty much lost. The family went to the police, to lawyers, to psychiatrists. Nothing could be done against his will, and he decided he was going to screw the rehab programs, outside follow up, and any type of medical intervention. We could not gain guardianship, conservatorship.....anything. All because he was never violent, until the moment he decided to take his own life. :cry:

You can have parents BEGGING for help, even willing to go into debt to get their kids help, and the answer is "I'm sorry, he isn't violent or suicidal (yet), he has rights."

[Witsec5]

Laura's Law (in California) and Kendra's Law (in NY?) are supported by NAMI. The only problem is that the law gave individual counties discretion as to how to implement Laura's Law and so far only two have fully implemented it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura%27s_Law

The law is controversial because it can force people into treatment against their will if it is determined that they have no insight and have met other "tests." From what I have been able to gather most people and organizations (including NAMI) are in support of it. If you are, write your representatives whether you live in Cali or not and if you do live in Cali, ask your representative why it hasn't been implemented properly in your county. There are some great stats on the wiki page I linked.

Also the NAMI website also lists several pieces of legislation around MediCal. They are concerned about the "fiscal cliff" but this is not the place to make cuts. IMHO.

[fundiefun]

My mom's friend dealt with this to get her son into residential it took years of a paper trail and calling the police every time an altercation occurred. She had to surrender one daughter to the state to get her help. It was sad, but the two turned into fine young adults from what I know of them now, but its sad the state wouldn't help them without them having to go to such drastic measures.

[Arete]

My mom's friend dealt with this to get her son into residential it took years of a paper trail and calling the police every time an altercation occurred. She had to surrender one daughter to the state to get her help. It was sad, but the two turned into fine young adults from what I know of them now, but its sad the state wouldn't help them without them having to go to such drastic measures.

It is actually better if they are violent and you can call the police. Not saying that lightly or snarkily. When they are obviously messed up but not in a criminal situation, it is almost impossible to get them committed against their will. I am truly glad your mom's friend won the battle for her children. From my heart, I salute her. It is not for sissies.

[dawbs]

the system is very very broken.

I tried to help get a conservatorship given for a family member...we tried for years. We basically got her someone to help w/ her money management and...taht was it.

I'll echo what ArteJo said about it being better if you can call the police. When my grandma's dementia got to the point of scary, the ONLY reason we were able to force her to get help was because of the marks she left on my gramps when she attacked him (and even then, it was hard)

I've been damn lucky in that all of the people I've had to deal w/ who needed inpatient mental health treatment had good insurance--but when my husband was temporarily institutionalized (depression and some other issues), we were told point blank there was 1 bed in *nearby city* and, since we had insurance that would cover it, we had the 'in'. If we turned it down, there was no guarantee that there would be a bed in 'nearby city" tomorrow...there were 3 other locations in the state we could consider. 4 fucking hospitals in the state of Michigan that could have helped. FFS.

(in that particular instance, police were nominally involved and I told my husband he could sign himself in or I'd do it for him against his will and I had the ability to do it for at least 2 days. He didn't fight it...which is just as well, he my have called my bluff)

[snarkbillie]

http://thegirlwhowasthursday.wordpress. ... as-mother/ I feel like people should read both.

[keeperrox]

http://thegirlwhowasthursday.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/you-are-not-adam-lanzas-mother/ I feel like people should read both.

I think the above post is complete off base and missed the point of the original article entirely. YMMV.

[Witsec5]

I agree with keeperrox. We have an opportunity now to discuss the real issues around mental illness in this country. While it is true that the vast majority of mass murder is committed by sociopaths and not by people who are actively psychotic, that's not the point. This young man may have been psychotic or he may have been a sociopath. The truth will come out.

[GiGi_41]

My SO's daughter is mentally ill. Because of her mental illness she has lost custody of her daughter and we will be adopting her in February.

Because of the cost cuts to the county's mental health budget she was released from treatment and now gets her treatments through the state parolee office. She literally has served 2 years in jail or prison on a count that, if she were not mentally ill, would have been 2 years of county probation then expunged from her record. The last court date I went to the judge said "you need mental health treatment not prison but I don't have any where else to put you, I sentence you to 10 months in prison where hopefully you will get the treatment you need."

Because of the severity of the illness she needs inpatient care but the county can't afford it so they put her in an apartment with a GPS anklet and hope for the best. Since she got out in July she has been re-arrested 5 times. Because she has been dropped from the mental health program they can't supervise her medications so she doesn't take them. We cannot, nor does she want to, have her live with us. She's an adult so we can't force her to go, we can't get guardianship. Its horrible and we have to just sit back and watch like a bad movie.

[TheJewAmongUs]

After reading this:

http://sarahkendzior.com/2012/12/16/wan ... -her-blog/

I did think that the recent post was a bit of an attention grab. I agree with the above blogger's follow-up post, I don't think those older posts are hyperbole as much as they are a mother in a rough situation who isn't dealing with it very well.

[MrsKay]

After reading this:

http://sarahkendzior.com/2012/12/16/wan ... -her-blog/

I did think that the recent post was a bit of an attention grab. I agree with the above blogger's follow-up post, I don't think those older posts are hyperbole as much as they are a mother in a rough situation who isn't dealing with it very well.

What in the ever loving FUCK... I admit to not being done reading this yet - I don't know if it's period hormones, personal issues with my oldest, the horror of the school shooting, being the mother of a boy who has severe autism along with issues with anger, aggression etc. that we're starting to deal with. But I have to take a break from reading it, because I'm to bursting into tears. I was shaken by the original article ("I am Adam Lanza's Mother"), but what I've read of this so far is appalling. This woman sounds as though she is right up there with the best of the worst that we've ever discussed here. Her absolute disrespect and contempt for her children's emotions is unbelievable. This is so upsetting. I had things to say about the original post, but the need to comment on this has put all of that on hold for a bit. I just don't even know what to say about this situation. :(

[Mama Mia]

So blogs are apparently a way for people to record, for the entire world to see, every single bad/ inappropriate/sad/paranoid/angry thought that flits through your head ? And people do this in a way that identifies themselves and their children - ON PURPOSE ??? That seems very, very stupid.

It's very sad to me that when I read the comment asking if people in the U.S. receive better mental health care if they have money - my first thought was " well of course, money makes ALL the difference in care ! " ... it shouldn't be that way !

The tricky part about getting the police involved in order to obtain mental health care is that often there is no system for mental health available other than, possibly, some medication that might not even be effective, and that the person is not obligated to take once they are released, and then the person also has a criminal record on top of their mental health issues. This can be especially problematic for young people who might be drawn to criminal behavior and are impulsive as part of their mental health issues. A criminal record can also limit opportunities for obtaining jobs, housing etc...

It is a very sad and frustrating situation.

[JesusFightClub]

I have a family member with schizophrenia. It may be inherited (if this is possible) because his mum has it too. I know when he's about to be sectioned because of his Facebook. When it starts going mental I know the men in white coats are approaching. Usually I get a call from another family member saying "[name] has been sectioned again." And I go "I am strangely unsurprised."

He is actively violent at times. I'm not close. I just hear about it. He's not an Adam Lanza, he just will have an issue with a certain person. He does not like women.

Point being there are all kinds of mental illness. I'm bipolar myself but it manifests in different ways from him, and I think his causes him much more torment than mine does me (I annoy other people but I tend towards manic, which I enjoy :D ). I think he is a good bloke tortured by things.

[Feberin]

What in the ever loving FUCK... I admit to not being done reading this yet - I don't know if it's period hormones, personal issues with my oldest, the horror of the school shooting, being the mother of a boy who has severe autism along with issues with anger, aggression etc. that we're starting to deal with. But I have to take a break from reading it, because I'm to bursting into tears. I was shaken by the original article ("I am Adam Lanza's Mother"), but what I've read of this so far is appalling. This woman sounds as though she is right up there with the best of the worst that we've ever discussed here. Her absolute disrespect and contempt for her children's emotions is unbelievable. This is so upsetting. I had things to say about the original post, but the need to comment on this has put all of that on hold for a bit. I just don't even know what to say about this situation. :(

I went to the blog and found a very different woman than in the famous article. I hope the articla helps get more attention for those who need mental help despite the author appearing to be full of it.

[Peas n carrots]

I saw the "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" on the news yesterday. Am I the only one who feels it was incredibly inappropriate of her to talk about her son in such a way publicly? The kid has enough problems, but now having his mother tell THE ENTIRE WORLD she thinks he has it in him to be a mass murderer...there are just no words on how grossly insensitive she is to her own child.

I do understand that there needs to be more conversation without stigma regarding mental health, but Christ on a cracker she should of kept it as anonymous as possible for her own son's sake.

Riffles

[latraviata]

I saw the "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" on the news yesterday. Am I the only one who feels it was incredibly inappropriate of her to talk about her son in such a way publicly? The kid has enough problems, but now having his mother tell THE ENTIRE WORLD she thinks he has it in him to be a mass murderer...there are just no words on how grossly insensitive she is to her own child.

I do understand that there needs to be more conversation without stigma regarding mental health, but Christ on a cracker she of kept it as anonymous as possible for her own son's sake.

I saw that too and yes I agree with you.

[dawbs]

I saw the "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" on the news yesterday. Am I the only one who feels it was incredibly inappropriate of her to talk about her son in such a way publicly? The kid has enough problems, but now having his mother tell THE ENTIRE WORLD she thinks he has it in him to be a mass murderer...there are just no words on how grossly insensitive she is to her own child.

I do understand that there needs to be more conversation without stigma regarding mental health, but Christ on a cracker she should of kept it as anonymous as possible for her own son's sake.

Riffles

Yes.

I can't help but feel it's 'tragedy whoring'

And Like the other response someone posted (which was worth reading) I'm really afraid that this discussion is going to become "protect us from the mentally ill" (re-stigmatizing, and creating backlash--especially since the mentally ill are so often victims) instead of "how to fix a broken system"

[Jana814]

I saw the "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" on the news yesterday. Am I the only one who feels it was incredibly inappropriate of her to talk about her son in such a way publicly? The kid has enough problems, but now having his mother tell THE ENTIRE WORLD she thinks he has it in him to be a mass murderer...there are just no words on how grossly insensitive she is to her own child.

I do understand that there needs to be more conversation without stigma regarding mental health, but Christ on a cracker she should of kept it as anonymous as possible for her own son's sake.

Riffles

I didn't see her but I have to agree w/ u.