Miserable lives getting more miserable. . .

[Hisey]

When I look at the lives of the fundie families we follow, I am amazed at how unhappy they must be.

ZZ, for example. A ranting crazy husband who believes "women like to be told "No." Who is never home to help. Who can't possibly make enough to provide them with what they need. And seven young children in a tiny house, in a climate where it is too hot to go out till about 4, for much of the year (I have lived in Arizona). A life full of fear, where there's a pedophile on every corner. Full-time responsibility for seven kids! That's a lot when you don't like messes or noise, and when you have to give them an education, too.

How sad it must be to grow prematurely old from childbearing and overwork. How sad it must be not to be able to sit in starbucks with a friend, or work out regularly, or even go to the hairdresser (without respectfully asking your headship to babysit, and maybe getting told "no")

Kelly--her house got blown away, and her children were traumatized. How angry she must be at her god. As a mother, she must be really angry that her god traumatized her babies like that-- the very god who wanted her to have all these kids. I mean, what about all the children of feminists and athiests, who slept safely in their beds on the night of that tornado? How can she possibly explain that? Plus, they always seem on the edge of a financial crisis--Kelly's dad had been giving her husband work, but now he doesn't appear to anymore. Instead, Aaron has started his own construction business. But how can you do construction with only one person? Isn't he more of a handyman? How on earth do they feed all those kids?

Jeub family--It is so pathetic to watch him hawk his plastic products (A pen that says "training mind ministries!" An $11 value marked down to $2!) to his "markets." How on earth does he support his family? Why would he think it is OK to have 16 kids and not get a job?

These people have SUCH MISERABLE LIVES. And it seems like it is only going to get worse. ZZ will continue to have more babies, crammed into that tiny house. Kelly will, too. The Jeubs may have stopped, but they seem to have no visible means of support. And, in all these cases, what will they do in the event of a medical crisis or a disabled child? Their whole house of cards will collapse.

Although the adults have miserable lives (from my perspective), the lives of the kids don't seem so great, either. Imagine getting whacked with a stick because you forgot to close a ziplok bag (the Pearls talked about doing this to a five year old). Imagine being trapped all day with your brothers and sisters, and told you must be "best friends." Imagine being 18 and expected to be an entrepeneur (as Kelly expects her sons to do) with a bare-bones education. The lives of the kids must stink, too, though kids seem to find a way to be happy under terrible circumstances.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Their lives must be awful. Usually when I am annoyed about something, like having to watch my baby sister while mom has a bath, and shes screaming and wont stop, or when my siblings are being noisy and whiny.......I remember I am lucky to not be a fundie and be raising them.

So many of the fundies, especially the women and children, have such sad eyes.

[OkToBeTakei]

I might have an ounce of compassion if they were not such self righteous, sanctimonious twats. They would give me nothing but condemnation and judge my life, my choices. Granted that is what I am doing to them. But I feel ok with that. Because no matter how hard they looked at me they would not find any hatred. They spew it at every turn in the name of their God.

The children I have genuine compassion for.

[GolightlyGrrl]

I might have an ounce of compassion if they were not such self righteous, sanctimonious twats. They would give me nothing but condemnation and judge my life, my choices. Granted that is what I am doing to them. But I feel ok with that. Because no matter how hard they looked at me they would not find any hatred. They spew it at every turn in the name of their God.

The children I have genuine compassion for.

This!

[jenny_islander]

Whenever I see these parents busily cutting off their children's branches and shoots and binding up their roots in tinier and tinier pots, all in the name of perfecting them or at least driving out their sin, I think of C.S. Lewis's pithy descriptive phrase "the ones who have not joy." Of course, he was referring to diabolical forces. He also has one of his demonic characters say scornfully of humans, "Why should the little wretches be happy?"

Jesus Himself said that a child's mindset is required for entering the Kingdom of Heaven. Convincing neurotic adults to force children to be tiny perpetually anxious copies of themselves sounds like sabotage by the opposition to me!

[linnea27]

This is where their hatred comes from. They plaster their faces with "joy" but you can see the cracks when they start ranting about gays or abortion or health care or whatever else. I mean, who tries to prevent kids from getting health care? The only answer I can come up with is someone who is miserable to their core and needs a "God approved" release for their anger. No one who truly loves their fellow man, or who really wants a government based on Christian principles, would object to helping the sick and poor. They need to feel victimized by the government because they cant blame God unless they give up their hopes that he has something special planned for them here or in heaven that makes this all worth it.

[AVENues]

No one who truly loves their fellow man, or who really wants a government based on Christian principles, would object to helping the sick and poor.

I have never seen any of these folks practice what their Jesus has told and showed them. At least their Jesus wasn't talking out of his rear, he truly practiced what he preached. Now I don't see any of these folks follow his example. They esp. love to shame the people Jesus favored, the outcast, the sick, the poor.

I have only seen one relatively happy fundy family, the ones who's daughter had stuck up the middle fingers at one of the mini Steve-Os. Fundy or not, even by normal standards it's not okay to call off a wedding, people see it as a "failure". "Betrayal". :roll: Not a reasonable decision that spares a lot of tears, money, time and misery. I had a divorce and my something blue was a bottle of Xanax, so no, failure is giving in. I failed. That little chica, she had the guts to call off the wedding, and her parents haven't forced her or shamed her into ruining her life and they stood up to a Tyrannosaur like SteveO. Towards those parents, I do have some respect within reason.

[countressrascal]

Let's look at their lives from a math view-

They usually have children about 22-24 months apart, in Zsu case she has morning sickness the entire 9 months 7X9=63 months or 5.25 years then breast feeding 16-18 months 18X7= 126 months or 10.5 years ok there is a little overlap, so since she married PP she has been either breastfeeding or knocked up. How would you like to live your life in those conditions? Now let's look at how if will effect her children-she is either breastfeeding someone or throwup while waiting for another one. As the kids get older they will start realize that they are just a number in a book, they are not special. On top of everything else none of these families have any money to speak of-they live their life in Christian Poverty. It is hard for their children to climb the ladder out of hole of poverty because they have a piss poor education, little or no social skills and lack of motivation. So the cycle starts all over.

I do feel that women get sucked into this life style because on the suface it looks great-get to stay at home with your children bah bah-and you believe that you husband is going to be a great provider and God will provide for you if you follow him. When reality finally hits them they are too far not the road to turn back because they have too many kids, no marketable skill and have been emotionally abused for so many years that they have lost thier self worth. I see it every day at the clinic, that is one reason that women have a hard time leaving the FLDS. Secondly they have the emotional IQ of a six year old and are clueless on how to do things that we take for granted-handling money, finding a place to live, getting and holding a job, how to dress and how to interact with people that are different than them. It is tough because they have been raised that way. I see the same thing with all these fundies.

[RosyDaisy]

I have no sympathy for the adults. They CHOSE to live the way they do. Their kids on the other hand have no choice. I pray they all break away from fundamentalism.

[ThisOlGirl]

Even if they did have a change of heart about their lifestyle, I wonder how many of our Fundie bloggers would admit that to the world? Can you imagine Pazuzu swallowing her pride& saying she's changed her mind about all of her craziness? Ain't gonna happen! I think there are Fundie women out there who probably take a "I've made my bed, now I have to lie in it" stance & just spend the rest of their lives in misery ( and then take that misery out on their kids).

[Aisling]

I might have an ounce of compassion if they were not such self righteous, sanctimonious twats. They would give me nothing but condemnation and judge my life, my choices. Granted that is what I am doing to them. But I feel ok with that. Because no matter how hard they looked at me they would not find any hatred. They spew it at every turn in the name of their God.

The children I have genuine compassion for.

This, exactly.

I try to imagine what it must be like sometimes. Everybody has times in their lives where they are mmiserable, in a bad relationship or something. But most people know, at some level,that the time will come where things will change- the relationship ends, you can go back to uni after sickness, you'll get a job eventually, etc... Because most people to some extent are able to think and do things for themselves, for their own good.

But the fundies, it's like total lockdown. They have tied themselves up in knots with their own theology (if you can even call it that). They've conspired in their own lack of development and mental/emotional imprisonment and they've put a big self righteous sticker on it to try and give it validity.

I can't imagine what the inside of their heads look like. I can't imagine not having the freedom to think and make decisions for myself. I had a taste of it in a past relationship, and trust me it was enough. Bloody hell.

[sewingmom2]

I think it was Chesterton who defined sanity as being in the shape of a cross--upward to God and outward to neighbor. Insanity was defined as the ever-tightening spiral of "what is OK" until eventually nothing was OK, except for "me."

People like the Maxwells strive to love God, but lose out on loving neighbor, thereby missing the proverbial boat.

jmho

[ElphabaGalinda]

I will never have sympathy for the adults who chose this life. They see me as less than human and would love to strip me of my rights and make my life miserable. Yet I would never stop them from doing what they're doing. So if their life is miserable, that's all their faults. I do have sympathy for the children...but once they start trying to impose their views on others as adults, whether it be on their own children or the general public, that is where my sympathy ends. I can't have any sympathy for the people who consider me deviant, defective, or less than human in some way. I just can't. Though I do hope that some of them realize how miserable their lives are and decide that fundie-ism isn't the answer and become liberal feminists. But that doesn't happen much.

[Convicted Blossom]

When I look at the lives of the fundie families we follow, I am amazed at how unhappy they must be.

It's odd isn't it, it seems like it is such damned hard work to be a fundie. Most of them seem to have an attitude of gritting their teeth and smiling maniacally at the same time.

I'm reminded of my first years of teaching in Catholic schools in the late 70s, I had little experience of religion and none of Catholic clergy until then. In those days about a third of the staff were brothers and only one struck me as truly being a Christian and happy in his Christianity. The fundies are like that. I think Anna over at Pleasantview is pretty happy in her religion but people like the Maxwells and the Duggars and Zsu are carrying a banner but (figuratively) wearing sackcloth and ashes.

[linnea27]

Even if they did have a change of heart about their lifestyle, I wonder how many of our Fundie bloggers would admit that to the world? Can you imagine Pazuzu swallowing her pride& saying she's changed her mind about all of her craziness? Ain't gonna happen! I think there are Fundie women out there who probably take a "I've made my bed, now I have to lie in it" stance & just spend the rest of their lives in misery ( and then take that misery out on their kids).

Yeah, I kind of hoped Emily would come and play since she is apparently no longer fundie but I guess she is still mad at us.

[Jana814]

I have no sympathy for the adults. They CHOSE to live the way they do. Their kids on the other hand have no choice. I pray they all break away from fundamentalism.

Same here!! The ones I really hope this will happen to is the Maxwell either younger children (John on down) or better yet maybe a grandchild!!

[Vex]

I might have an ounce of compassion if they were not such self righteous, sanctimonious twats. They would give me nothing but condemnation and judge my life, my choices. Granted that is what I am doing to them. But I feel ok with that. Because no matter how hard they looked at me they would not find any hatred. They spew it at every turn in the name of their God.

The children I have genuine compassion for.

My feelings exactly.

[Closed Womb]

I might have an ounce of compassion if they were not such self righteous, sanctimonious twats. They would give me nothing but condemnation and judge my life, my choices. Granted that is what I am doing to them. But I feel ok with that. Because no matter how hard they looked at me they would not find any hatred. They spew it at every turn in the name of their God.

The children I have genuine compassion for.

Agreed. I'm actually not certain all of them are miserable. I think some really find joy in their suffering (reminds me of Mother Angelica from EWTN -- she really seemed to find satisfaction from physical suffering/pain.)

But, the kids. Oh. Even if (when?) they try to leave, they will most likely have the mental anguish of leaving a lifestyle they fully believed to be the only right path. I cannot see a future wherein all of these second generation fundies do not suffer.

[Arete]

What OKTBT said.

[YPestis]

It's always hard to raise a bundle of children on limited income. Fundies make it worse with their insistence that they must have as many children as humanly possible and then deny these blessings the tools to provide for such a lifestyle. I feel sorry for them mostly because their lives do not have to be so miserable. It is their own fault that they ended up this way, but misery is just misery. Fundie children have it worse because they also suffer but they will never be given tools to make their lives better----opportunities that many of their parents squandered when they decided to go fundie.

[Sola]

Cue Zsu Zsu and the Maxwells making posts on LOOK AT HOW HAPPY WE ARE!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!! in 3........2........1.....

[snarktastic]

I love those posts on how happy, happy, happy they are honest.

[moodygirl86]

The children have no choice, although at least they don't know any different. Whereas the adults are aware that there are alternatives, which must be worse in a way. Of course they are choosing to live the way they do, but imagine feeling like you MUST accept this fundie lifestyle because you'll go to hell if you don't. Zsu is a nasty piece of work but it's hard not to pity her. When I look at people like her, I don't hate her, I just feel glad that's not me.