Condoms means it's all the boy's responsibility

[AtroposHeart]

http://unmaskingfeminism.wordpress.com/ ... -training/

Everywhere I turn, it just get worse and worse. The latest – teaching young girls the fine art of condom negotiations.

According to Danielle Parish, the assistant professor at the school’s Graduate College of Social Work who is conducting the NIH-funded effort, one of the big problems young girls need to learn is how to talk their boyfriends into using condoms.

Of course the biggest problem isn’t teaching young girls to abstain, but rather lay it on their boyfriends to do the semi-responsible thing. I am not giving boys a pass in this, but seriously can we just teach our young girls to keep it shut or is that oppressive and too much responsibility?

And since negotiating is a two-way street, perhaps the boys should learn how to negotiate back? But, nah, what this really is, is condom command training. It goes like this: “we are sexually empowered young girls who are going to have sex no matter what, so you [to boyfiend] better be the responsible one.†The truth of this whole operation is really revealed in the quote above–â€â€¦girls need to learn how to talk their boyfriends into…â€. There is no negotiating here, its about how to talk boys into something.

According to the school’s release, “Parrish notes one of the big issues for this population of adolescent girls is condom negotiation. They may have a boyfriend who says it isn’t ‘cool’ to use a condom. To prepare the girls for these types of situations, the counselors and pediatricians will teach them how to negotiate condom use with their partner. The intervention also helps empower and motivate girls to make healthier choices regarding their alcohol use, smoking and prevention of unplanned pregnancy.â€

Since it is always about empowering, choosing to abstain all together is pretty darn empowering. It takes a brave and very strong girl to do that in this culture.

This program says it is about fostering “better life decisionsâ€. Naturally, the better life decision is one where all responsibility is in the hands of boys.

Comments

Girls never use condoms when the time comes. Nature kicks in and that means the body is attempting to procreate. Social constructs like condoms are no match for biology. That is why they throw it in the guy’s lap to be semi-responsible.

“They may have a boyfriend who says it isn’t ‘cool’ to use a condomâ€

Just the kind of guy she should be sleeping with!

Though anything society can do to prevent fools from having children is, in my view, a good thing.

[ILoveJellybeans]

And the pill means its the girls responsibility as well.

Both people involved should have control of their own fertility, and not leave it up to the other person to be responsible.

[Claddagh]

Both people involved should have control of their own fertility, and not leave it up to the other person to be responsible.

Exactly!

Mom once told me "Once you turn 18 I can't stop you but I hope you will take precautions and be smart about what you do. You can't always trust or expect the other person to be solely responsible."

[Witsec7]

Bullshit. My DD is of the condom generation (27) and likes Costco's pricing on bulk buys of condoms :lol: She will reject anyone male who won't wrap it. She also uses other contraception, but is a firm believer in reducing the risk of STDs via barriers. There a a whole generation of parents out there that gave their kids sex positive information while they were growing up and did not demonize the use of barriers like condoms and dental dams.

[debrand]

Her reasoning confuses me

And since negotiating is a two-way street, perhaps the boys should learn how to negotiate back? But, nah, what this really is, is condom command training. It goes like this: “we are sexually empowered young girls who are going to have sex no matter what, so you [to boyfiend] better be the responsible one.†The truth of this whole operation is really revealed in the quote above–â€â€¦girls need to learn how to talk their boyfriends into…â€. There is no negotiating here, its about how to talk boys into something.

There are young men who will not have sex without using condoms.

She said that we should teach young girls not to open their legs. However, that has not worked in the past. There was a study that stated that most people have engaged in premarital sex.

Wikipedia is a crappy source but I've read these same types of statistics before. Wikipedia was just the quickest source that I brought up

If a pregnancy resulted from premarital sex, the young couple were expected to marry. Marriage and birth records from the late 1700s reveal that between 30 to 40 percent of New England brides were pregnant before marriage.[9]

and

n a study conducted in the United States, 61 percent of men and 12 percent of women born prior to 1910 admitted to having premarital sex; the gender disparity may have been caused by cultural double standards regarding the admission of sexual activity or by men frequenting prostitutes.[1]

Not only is it ignorant to deny that humans are more likely to have sex than to wait, it is dangerous.

It sounds as if the writer is not only offended that young women might have premarital sex but that women might have the power to they are protected from disease and pregnancies. Her problem isn't just with the act of premarital sex but with the fact that women might have any say over their bodies.

[Arete]

Seriously, the writer is offended that a woman would "negotiate" condom use before sex? There is no negotiation about it. It comes down to "no glove, no love". Most guys who are presented with 1. no sex until we're married and 2. no sex without a condom are going to take what's behind door #2 every time.

[Gil]

And since negotiating is a two-way street, perhaps the boys should learn how to negotiate back?

:?

Is this suggesting that boys should negotiate not wearing condoms? I can't figure out any other way to read it and I just...no.

[Arete]

:?

Is this suggesting that boys should negotiate not wearing condoms? I can't figure out any other way to read it and I just...no.

I would walk, no run, away from any relationship where the guy refused to wear a condom. However, in my fairly limited experience, it has never been a problem.

[RosyDaisy]

Birth control is the responsibility of both consenting parties...PERIOD. Never assume your partner will "take care of it". I have never had sex with a man without a condom and me on the pill.

[samurai_sarah]

Bullshit. My DD is of the condom generation (27) and likes Costco's pricing on bulk buys of condoms :lol: She will reject anyone male who won't wrap it. She also uses other contraception, but is a firm believer in reducing the risk of STDs via barriers. There a a whole generation of parents out there that gave their kids sex positive information while they were growing up and did not demonize the use of barriers like condoms and dental dams.

Same here. I was also taught that contraception and STD prevention is a team-effort, and keeping your legs closed till marriage, as a woman, doesn't work if your partner is infected, because...duh! So, really, this is yet again about controlling women's sexuality, reinforcing the patriarchy, because goodness forbid that women should take control of their health and sexuality, and men should assume responsibility.

[EyeQueue]

" There a a whole generation of parents out there that gave their kids sex positive information while they were growing up and did not demonize the use of barriers like condoms and dental dams."

Amen. My daughter is almost 14, and still thinks sex and all that goes with it is kind of icky, but I have frequent talks with her about safer and smarter sex. She knows where she can get free condoms at our local University health clinic. And while I hope she'll wait, I want her to have medically-correct information and the knowledge to put that into practice. Far from having a single The Sex Talk, I frequently engage her in these types of conversations. I definitely want that line of communication open.

Our basic philosophy of parenting her is that she should never be afraid to come to us--early and often. Almost anything can be "fixed" if she lets us know soon enough.

[guidedbybobafett]

Quote:

And since negotiating is a two-way street, perhaps the boys should learn how to negotiate back?

Is this suggesting that boys should negotiate not wearing condoms? I can't figure out any other way to read it and I just...no.

That's how I read this as well, and just... What?! Is she so out of touch that this is something she feels she should be advocating? Gotta love it when safe sex is boiled down to women forcing men to wear condoms, and figuring there should be a point where they try to get out of it :(

[linnea27]

I am beyond confused as to how teaching girls to demand condoms puts all the responsibility on the boys. The way I am reading it, the girls are taking responsibility by demanding condom use, rather than leaving it up to the boys to make that decision and accepting whatever they decide.

[luckystone]

I would walk, no run, away from any relationship where the guy refused to wear a condom. However, in my fairly limited experience, it has never been a problem.

Same here. Wouldn't have sex with a guy where it was an issue, but guys have always been willing/voluntary, as they would. But I don't sleep with losers.

I'm sure people will sleep with losers regardless, which is why it's important to teach this negotiation or whatever you want to call it - just to minimise the risk even further. Kind of like you'll have a lock on your door AND an alarm, or whatever.

[lilah]

Abstinence only education is one of my bezerk buttons because I was subjected to it and it was a bunch of scare tactics and lies and I wish had had the ovaries to speak out against it.

Abstinence only education in a secular setting just about operates in a second reality that ignores that fact

- Most young adults have sex before marriage

- Almost every study of abstinence only education shows that students who are subjected to it are more likely to have unsafe sex because they don't know what they are doing

- there's a sizable gap between when the average person loses their virginity and when/if they get married

- married people use protection too.

[RosyDaisy]

I am beyond confused as to how teaching girls to demand condoms puts all the responsibility on the boys. The way I am reading it, the girls are taking responsibility by demanding condom use, rather than leaving it up to the boys to make that decision and accepting whatever they decide.

There's always the phrase "no glove, no love".

[YPestis]

My problem with much of this 'abstinence-only' education is how they downplay condoms and birth control. Telling teens that the only way to protect yourself is to abstain from marriage is like telling an obese person they should abstain from food until they reach weight goal. Neither is healthy and both are rarely effective.

I think it's fine to stress abstinence but it's equally important to give teens the correct medical information about contraception and how to protect themselves from STDs. Otherwise, you are most certainly NOT preparing teens for adulthood. The fact is most adults will have per-martial sex. Most married adults will engage in sex and not want a child. And many adults will end up contracting STDs. I want to equip my child for those things. It's interesting that people who advocate for abstinence-only education never seem to provide clear cut methods for adults to learn about birth control and safe sex. It's like they assume that people will automatically learn them when they need to.

[ElphabaGalinda]

If the girls are demanding condom use they are taking responsibility. Why would anyone want their son to use condoms? And when kids are told just don't do it some will do it anyways. It infuriates me that these people tell girls to stop being sluts while boys get to do whatever they want.

[itsnikki05]

And the pill means its the girls responsibility as well.

Both people involved should have control of their own fertility, and not leave it up to the other person to be responsible.

Yup! The only FOOLPROOF way of not having a baby is abstaining. Otherwise, you better have a backup for your backup 'cause sometimes it still happens!

[Minerva]

Ugh. Whoever's idea it was to use a condom - that person is taking responsibility. And whoever agrees to have sex with a condom - that person's also taking responsibility. Having sex and using a condom are things that happen because two people decided to do them together. Can we stop pretending that teen sex happens with only one partner making any decisions and the other one being like "oh hey, you're having sex with me."

[Turtle]

Who says it isn't "cool" to use a condom? I'm in my twenties, and I've never encountered that. This lady is out of touch with reality.

[Witsec7]

Who says it isn't "cool" to use a condom? I'm in my twenties, and I've never encountered that. This lady is out of touch with reality.

:clap: Thanks Turtle, I've been waiting to hear from an FJian who is of the condom generation.

I will add that as an (ahem) active elder who fought on the foreskin of the sexual revolution, men of my generation sometimes whine about condom usage. No one gets to the jewel in the crown of the lotus without one 8-)

[mkitten]

:clap: Thanks Turtle, I've been waiting to hear from an FJian who is of the condom generation.

I will add that as an (ahem) active elder who fought on the foreskin of the sexual revolution, men of my generation sometimes whine about condom usage. No one gets to the jewel in the crown of the lotus without one 8-)

I've often wondered how males of the elder generation reacted to the widespread introduction of condoms.

[Witsec7]

I've often wondered how males of the elder generation reacted to the widespread introduction of condoms.

When sexyX and I were negotiating our 'new' relationship this was one of the first topics of convo last year. He was a bit resistant and I gently explained to him that we had taught our DD to use wrappers at all times and it would also be hypocritical for us not to walk the walk. Older men harbor memories of thick uncomfortable condoms, technology in condoms has really advanced, it they want it bad enough they will use it, if not they can take a hike.

[Minerva]

I'm also of the condom generation. It's considered perfectly standard to keep a box of condoms in your nightstand at all times. Condoms are a good Christmas gift when you don't know what to get your Secret Santa recipient. Condoms were advertised to us with flashy commercials on Much Music. Young men are considered cool if they are found to be carrying one on their person. There's a huge condom display in my campus pharmacy complete with fancy condom cases for your backpack.

A lot of young adults don't know what condomless sex feels like. Many of my friends have chosen condoms as their first line of birth control because it appeals to them a lot more than taking hormones. I've met plenty of people who refuse to have sex without a condom (or refuse to have a one night stand without a condom), whereas I've never met someone who actively avoids condoms, or even has much bad to say about them. Sure it can feel different, but if you have to choose between that and no sex because having sex without a condom would be stupid in your circumstances, of course you're going to pick that.