Condoms means it's all the boy's responsibility

[dairyfreelife]

Who says it isn't "cool" to use a condom? I'm in my twenties, and I've never encountered that. This lady is out of touch with reality.

Same. Most guys I know don't like condoms much, but they still use them for obvious reasons. The "cool" factor isn't there. It's just what you do for protection.

[SunnyAndrsn]

" There a a whole generation of parents out there that gave their kids sex positive information while they were growing up and did not demonize the use of barriers like condoms and dental dams."

Amen. My daughter is almost 14, and still thinks sex and all that goes with it is kind of icky, but I have frequent talks with her about safer and smarter sex. She knows where she can get free condoms at our local University health clinic. And while I hope she'll wait, I want her to have medically-correct information and the knowledge to put that into practice. Far from having a single The Sex Talk, I frequently engage her in these types of conversations. I definitely want that line of communication open.

Our basic philosophy of parenting her is that she should never be afraid to come to us--early and often. Almost anything can be "fixed" if she lets us know soon enough.

This was our philosophy as well. I wanted our kids to wait, but I wanted them to have all the knowledge they needed to make smart decisions--where to get condoms, how the pill works, etc. It was stressed that they could ask us anything. As a result, many of their friends came to us as well. Having all boys, I was determined that they would understand how a woman's body worked, and made sure they understood the limitations of the pill (antibiotics reducing effectiveness, for example), when a woman was fertile, etc.

Despite all of this, I have a 7 month old grandson. DS is 21, and his version of the story was that "She told me it was safe--she was 2 weeks past her period so I didn't have to wear a condom. You don't know how good it feels without a condom".

Where's the Picard facepalm when I need it? Despite the fact that it was too late, we reviewed the basic biology. DS acknowledges that we drilled him over and over on the responsibility, but the fact that it felt better without a condom won out. Apparently Baby Mama can't use the pill.

[Minerva]

This was our philosophy as well. I wanted our kids to wait, but I wanted them to have all the knowledge they needed to make smart decisions--where to get condoms, how the pill works, etc. It was stressed that they could ask us anything. As a result, many of their friends came to us as well. Having all boys, I was determined that they would understand how a woman's body worked, and made sure they understood the limitations of the pill (antibiotics reducing effectiveness, for example), when a woman was fertile, etc.

Despite all of this, I have a 7 month old grandson. DS is 21, and his version of the story was that "She told me it was safe--she was 2 weeks past her period so I didn't have to wear a condom. You don't know how good it feels without a condom".

Where's the Picard facepalm when I need it? Despite the fact that it was too late, we reviewed the basic biology. DS acknowledges that we drilled him over and over on the responsibility, but the fact that it felt better without a condom won out. Apparently Baby Mama can't use the pill.

2 weeks past your period is typically when you're ovulating...

[Witsec7]

:clap: :clap: for Generation Condom.

A lot of young adults don't know what condomless sex feels like.

^This.

[nolongerIFBx]

Same. Most guys I know don't like condoms much, but they still use them for obvious reasons. The "cool" factor isn't there. It's just what you do for protection.

I am acquainted with a teen mom whose baby daddy allegedly felt so strongly about condomless sex that he told her he was infertile so they didn't need to worry about birth control. Sigh. Girl, use your brain. What 16 year-old boy has had fertility testing?!

[Witsec7]

I am acquainted with a teen mom whose baby daddy allegedly felt so strongly about condomless sex that he told her he was infertile so they didn't need to worry about birth control. Sigh. Girl, use your brain. What 16 year-old boy has had fertility testing?!

Ya gotta wonder what this girl was taught about reproductive biology and human behavior.

[wild little fox]

It pisses me off to NO END that people are not educated on how their bodies work and about how to keep themselves safe and healthy. I am a believer that education is EVERYTHING, including the power to make one's own decisions. GRRRRRRR!!!!! JUST GURRRRRRR!!!!

[SquirrelySquirrel]

:clap: :clap: for Generation Condom.

^This.

Also a member of Generation Condom (I'm 32). And my first condom-less experience was with my now-husband, after both of us had been tested, just in case. Neither of us had not used one before. I had several partners before him, and I never had an issue with a guy not wanting to wear one. I carried them in my purse, and if I had long-term partner we generally took turns buying them.

I've heard those warning stories about guys not wanting to wear one, but I've never had that experience or heard of one first-hand.

[Kaylee]

The scary thing is I should be a member of Generation Condom (I'm 30), but I never really heard anyone talk about how important it was to use them until after I was already a married adult. I guess part of this was due to an upbringing that was sheltered in certain ways and partly because the only public school sex-ed I had was abstinence only. My mom had me put on birth control as soon as I hit puberty, because my sister had gotten pregnant a couple times as a teenager, but I don't even remember the doctor talking about condoms or safe sex or anything (I was still a virgin, but I was also a teenager and not likely to stay that way). This was circa 1998-99.

[GiggleOfGirls]

I do know a man who had fertility testing when he was 17yo, but that was because he had cancer as a teen. So... it's not impossible, but highly improbable without an extreme circumstance like what my friend experienced. In his case though the testing was incorrect for an extended period of time and he DID get his gf pregnant when he was 20yo so even with the testing you never know! Apparently it just took a few years for his fertility to return.

[Olive Plant]

I am beyond confused as to how teaching girls to demand condoms puts all the responsibility on the boys. The way I am reading it, the girls are taking responsibility by demanding condom use, rather than leaving it up to the boys to make that decision and accepting whatever they decide.

Exactly. In my generation, you're irresponsible if you don't use a condom, and it doesn't really matter who suggests it first as long as you do it... at least most of the time. With my ex-husband and with my current longterm boyfriend, it's a bit of a different story. But in both cases they didn't have sex for years prior to me, and they got tested, and like I said it's longterm. Even still, it probably wouldn't have happened with my boyfriend except that he can't get aroused with a condom on. We tried for three hours at one point, and we tried really expensive thin ones... I'm not sure how common this is, but in his case it made him less likely to have sex with women, apparently.

[Bbfamteam]

I am allergic to latex which means I buy non-latex condoms and make sure that I have them so there are no excuses. Most of the guys I've encountered are perfectly happy to use a condom to help prevent stds as well as pregnancy. I'm a believer in always double covering with some other form of birth control since I am not ready to have a kid yet. I educate the teens (males and females) that come through the office about condoms and birth control even if they tell me they aren't planning to have sex. I'm consistently surprised how many of them have no idea that the pill doesn't protect them from std's.

[AVENues]

Condoms are available in stores, at the petrol station, at 7-11, at any convenience stores. That means, that if you are sexually active, you can also buy some and keep them in your purse, thank goodness. We are given a gift that allows us to enjoy sex with whomever we please and do it safely, and we should pass up on that?! I am not sexually active anymore but before (and also, during :oops: ) my marriage I had a rather colorful sex life. I had a condom in every bag of mine and in different spots of the house. No, my body did NOT want to "procreate" at all. How can anyone say that? Who's that stupid? I liked the guy, I found him attractive, so I asked him to come over. And heck no, I did not want to carry Mr Random Handsome's baby. Are these people insane? I used the condom not to get an STD and not to get pregnant. I had sex for F-U-N because I am a blasphemous unholy woman who wanted fun and got it, and heck no, I did not see the father of my child in any Mr Random.

Both that article and the comments quoted are so ridiculously stupid, that if they weren't actually scary, I'd die laughing.

[Kitty]

Who says it isn't "cool" to use a condom? I'm in my twenties, and I've never encountered that. This lady is out of touch with reality.

Come to an abstinence-only red state like North Carolina and find out how many guys whine about having to use condoms. They suck, they take away the feeling, why can't the woman just take the pill?! Never mind that a barrier like a condom is most effective at preventing STDs as well, and a lot quicker and easier to get than the pill or anything else. Imagine the outcry if fundies tried to restrict access to condoms...

Of course they don't realize that a woman undergoes a lot of hormonal change when on the pill, plus has to deal with its side effects for as long as she chooses to take it. These assholes can't take 15 seconds to roll a bit of latex on their dicks. They are why my favorite insult for entitled men is "dicks with dicks."

[moodygirl86]

I was 19 when I lost my virginity, and if I had left the responsibility of condoms to the (now thankfully ex) boyfriend, I dread to think what would have happened! He compared it to eating sweets with the wrapper on! I was on the Pill but did have to remind him it wasn't 100 per cent effective, and that I was sure he'd rather eat a sweet with the wrapper on than have the joint responsibility of another human being for at least the next 16 years. He never complained again! :lol:

[wtfrenchtoast]

I thought of this thread the other night. I guess I'm in the condom generation? Anyway, the current guy I'm fooling around with struck me as the type to resist a condom, but the other night as we were getting into it he actually asked me if I had one first. No coercion needed. It was nice, because the last guy was all reluctant about it.

[SunnyAndrsn]

2 weeks past your period is typically when you're ovulating...

^^I know, and we'd talked to him about all of that. Bottom line, dear son is a goon and didn't want to use a condom.

[YPestis]

Yeah, it sucks that condoms are cumbersome and don't feel as nice. That's why it's important for teachers/parents to impress upon teens what they lose if they have a baby. College plans, traveling, hanging out with friends. All of these things will be harder to accomplish with a baby.

I hate the reluctance we have with impressing on teens the importance of condoms and birth control. And it's especially toxic combination with fundies who avoid all talks of safe sex. Their teens are growing up in the same sex saturated society, feeling the same hormonal urges as their secular counterparts, but now they are also ill-equipped to deal with these sexual feelings, sometimes succumbing and having sex, only with no knowledge of how to protect themselves.