Holly Biffle,child abuser and homophobe (Updated: Hoax)

[terranova]

Caito, as a mother of an 8 month old, I'd like to know when I should start hitting my child. I haven't to date, am I too late?

[itsnikki05]

*sigh* Ok, I don't agree with this Holly woman. Sounds like someone needs to spank HER butt. That is absolutely... uncalled for. Even if she dislikes gay folks, and whatever. Some people are ignorant like that. She should not have posted that crap on the internet. But whatever! I'm not going to defend her, but it is completely WRONG to be posting her address. Bash her all day long on the internet, call and report abuse... WHATEVER. Just don't post her personal info. THAT is wrong too, and two wrongs don't make a right!:P

[itsnikki05]

Caito, as a mother of an 8 month old, I'd like to know when I should start hitting my child. I haven't to date, am I too late?

Oh yes, you're far too late on that! You should've started about a month ago!

Just... kiddin. I don't agree with hitting kids for whatever reason. I've taught HER that it is wrong to hit people, why should it be right for me to hit HER? Right? (And honestly, there are more effective forms of punishment than abuse. Come on, people!! It doesn't teach the kid a blasted thing!)

[RachelB]

Oh yes, you're far too late on that! You should've started about a month ago!

Just... kiddin. I don't agree with hitting kids for whatever reason. I've taught HER that it is wrong to hit people, why should it be right for me to hit HER? Right? (And honestly, there are more effective forms of punishment than abuse. Come on, people!! It doesn't teach the kid a blasted thing!)

I think hitting teaches the kid plenty of things-- just not the things that a parent who hits thinks he or she is teaching. It teaches the kid that the parent is arbitrary. It teaches the kid that stronger people can hurt weaker people with impunity. Depending, it can teach the kid that the parent can't handle his or her own anger. Those are the lessons I learned, in the long run, and they made me respect my father less, not more.

[CanadianHippie]

*sigh* Ok, I don't agree with this Holly woman. Sounds like someone needs to spank HER butt. That is absolutely... uncalled for. Even if she dislikes gay folks, and whatever. Some people are ignorant like that. She should not have posted that crap on the internet. But whatever! I'm not going to defend her, but it is completely WRONG to be posting her address. Bash her all day long on the internet, call and report abuse... WHATEVER. Just don't post her personal info. THAT is wrong too, and two wrongs don't make a right!:P

I'll agree with you. Report the woman, bash her, call her out on her failure as a human being. But posting her personal information is wrong, and it helps no one either, certainly not her child.

[Gil]

I'll agree with you. Report the woman, bash her, call her out on her failure as a human being. But posting her personal information is wrong, and it helps no one either, certainly not her child.

I'd be interested to know where they found the information.

If you put the information online yourself, then that's something else entirely. In my personal opinion, redistributing someone's information that they themselves have made available is fine. If it was initially put online by someone else because of this event, then that's pretty not okay.

[CanadianHippie]

I'd be interested to know where they found the information.

If you put the information online yourself, then that's something else entirely. In my personal opinion, redistributing someone's information that they themselves have made available is fine. If it was initially put online by someone else because of this event, then that's pretty not okay.

Someone probably found it through one of those people search sites or someone who knows the person.

[formergothardite]

Question, why is this on regretsy? Isn't that a site for tacky etsy stuff?

[caito]

Look, I'm sorry for "disappearing" when you guys called me out. I didn't check this post to see if anyone responded. I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to get down on my knees and apologize for offending everyone? There's nothing I can say that will make anyone happy. So like...sorry and stuff. I'm always looking for advice and alternatives when it comes to discipline. I'm a first time mom. I don't want to spank her anymore and recently I've been actively trying to find other ways to discipline her.

...yeah...I didn't join here expecting people to hate me :(

[formergothardite]

People are not hating you. They are saying that hitting children is wrong. Don't hit your kid. Period.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Question, why is this on regretsy? Isn't that a site for tacky etsy stuff?

They have been posting a lot of charity and an occasional Craigslist gem.

I think this is on Etsy because on the forum, or somewhere in the comments, some people posted stuff like "Biffle needs to meet my fist," and Helen Killer thought that was just as bad as what Biffle said.

[smores]

We don't hate you, we hate your actions. I recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic." I'm about to read it myself.

I am a young first time mom as well, and I don't like you hiding behind that defense. There's always another way, and you need to push yourself to do it, because hitting sends the wrong message.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Look, I'm sorry for "disappearing" when you guys called me out. I didn't check this post to see if anyone responded. I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to get down on my knees and apologize for offending everyone? There's nothing I can say that will make anyone happy. So like...sorry and stuff. I'm always looking for advice and alternatives when it comes to discipline. I'm a first time mom. I don't want to spank her anymore and recently I've been actively trying to find other ways to discipline her.

...yeah...I didn't join here expecting people to hate me :(

I used to spank when the offspring were little, just because that's how I was raise,d but I quit because I didn't like resorting to physical violence, in a situation where I was often just barely holding onto my temper.

If you seriously want to quit, there are so many resources. A google search away and I'm sure you could find books in your library.

Spanking is the easiest possible means of 'discipline.'

[mkitten]

Look, I'm sorry for "disappearing" when you guys called me out. I didn't check this post to see if anyone responded. I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to get down on my knees and apologize for offending everyone? There's nothing I can say that will make anyone happy. So like...sorry and stuff. I'm always looking for advice and alternatives when it comes to discipline. I'm a first time mom. I don't want to spank her anymore and recently I've been actively trying to find other ways to discipline her.

...yeah...I didn't join here expecting people to hate me :(

I get that kids, especially "down on the ground, tantrum throwing, screaming fit-having" toddlers, can REALLY stomp on your last nerve. I was spanked occasionally as a kid, and didn't even consider it with mine (the whole Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engval bit got to me "Don't Hit!" {parent smacks kid} "Here's you're sign, mom." thing) Anyway, I've found that the most effective thing for me to do (my daughter is 2 and a half) is to give myself a time out when I feel the last nerve starting to go. I've done that with both my kids since they were babies, and as long as they are in a safe spot (like a crib as an infant, ect.) you can take a 5 minute breather and then address discipline without knee-jerking to want to spank. (Apologies if I'm reading you incorrectly, I know that whenever I was spanked as a kid it was immediately after I pissed someone off, and the few times I've been even tempted was when my kids have done something that I needed to go into "time-out" myself to calm down and think rationally about appropriate discipline.)

Edited to add: Not hating on you here, I'm happy that you're looking for alternatives and good luck.

[EmmieJ]

Look, I'm sorry for "disappearing" when you guys called me out. I didn't check this post to see if anyone responded. I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to get down on my knees and apologize for offending everyone? There's nothing I can say that will make anyone happy. So like...sorry and stuff. I'm always looking for advice and alternatives when it comes to discipline. I'm a first time mom. I don't want to spank her anymore and recently I've been actively trying to find other ways to discipline her.

...yeah...I didn't join here expecting people to hate me :(

Hi Caito,

I will offer you advice that I hope will be helpful. No judgment is included on my behalf at this point. I was raised with parents who believed in spanking -- but it was a different generation, and they also were very clear on the boundaries. Spankings were not arbitrary, and I believe administered "fairly" as possible. I do not hold any bitterness toward my parents for the occasional spankings I got when I was younger.

Fast forward to my becoming a parent in my 30's. Then forward a bit more, when my son was 2 and 3 years old, and going through "the terrible twos." He would have melt downs, temper tantrums, and otherwise do things that he should not do. When other tactics didn't get me the response I wanted, I did resort to a spank on his diapered behind. I will never forget the look on his face the first time I did that. He was devastated. In turn, I was devastated. Deep in my soul, I knew I had done wrong against the person I loved the most in the world, and also broken trust with him.

I spanked a few more times, but each time I felt absolutely horrific afterwards. At that point, I made a conscious decision that I would never spank my child again, and find other ways to encourage the behavior I wanted.

One thing I also realized was that there was a pattern. During the ages of 2, 3 and 4, my son went through tremendous growth spurts (physically, emotionally, mentally). The cycle would go something like this:

son behaving normally, mostly following boundaries, fussing a little here and there but nothing big -

then, behaviors would begin to escalate, son more easily upset and frustrated, harder to redirect his focus, ...

then, a week where I would question my parenting, what am I doing wrong, he would have killer melt downs, I would be absolutely exhausted too. This would often culminate in a battle royale over something - to the point where I'd have to let him literally cry and scream it out. When the storm passed, I'd take him in my arms, comfort him, soothe him and he'd conk out for a long nap/bedtime.

Then back to "normal" behavior, mostly happy little boy easy to redirect. Then the cycle would begin again.

Once I began to identify the pattern, I realized that whenever he was going through a growth spurt of one kind or another, it would begin to overwhelm him. That's where the tantrums and meltdowns occurred. Once I decided never to utilize spanking again, I just had to find other ways to deal with the rough patches. He was a child to whom routine was very important. So I stuck as best I could to routine. I carried bottled water and crackers in the car at all times, as many issues were brought on also by hunger/thirst. But there were times when he was simply not going to be able to behave. I would then allow the melt down to occur. All I did was make sure he didn't hurt himself or me in the process. I let him cry/scream it out. Afterward, I would soothe him and then we'd move on to something else and put it behind us. (going to next post cuz I'm long-winded)

[klf7412]

Look, I'm sorry for "disappearing" when you guys called me out. I didn't check this post to see if anyone responded. I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to get down on my knees and apologize for offending everyone? There's nothing I can say that will make anyone happy. So like...sorry and stuff. I'm always looking for advice and alternatives when it comes to discipline. I'm a first time mom. I don't want to spank her anymore and recently I've been actively trying to find other ways to discipline her.

...yeah...I didn't join here expecting people to hate me :(

I emailed you.. :)

Although it will be coming from a different address then the one I am signed up with on FJ

[EmmieJ]

Me again Caito :) and I'll try to keep it shorter this time. I don't know the age of your child, so use whatever part of my advice might be helpful and ignore the rest.

Other things I did instead of spanking:

Star charts - started this just before kindergarten age. Using input from my child, we made a chart of different things he could do to earn stars. Get to bed on time, minimal crying when I dropped him off at school, eat his vegetables, etc. After he earned a certain number of stars, he would get a small prize. This system worked great. After awhile, the behavior I was hoping for would become habit. The chart evolved over time, with different activities as he got older.

Redirection: I had hit or miss success with this tactic. My son is very stubborn. But it did work at times. Often, suggesting something fun to do outside did help get him to stop whatever he was doing that I didn't like. And it was good for me too. We'd go color with chalk, or play ball, etc.

Loss of privileges for serious infractions. Thankfully, this was and is still very rare. But one time, he walked with a neighbor friend to a little corner grocery store without my permission. Afterward, he confessed. We talked about why I needed to know where he was -for his safety - and I asked him what punishment he felt was appropriate. We agreed on one week's grounding and loss of that week's allowance.

There were many, many times when he tried my patience to no end. Sometimes, I had to give myself a time out - go lock myself in the bathroom so that I didn't raise my hand to him. Other times, I would call a fellow mom and say "help! can you come take my child for an hour or two?"

But you don't need to spank to raise a child who understands boundaries.

[B5SnowDog]

According to Regretsy, the status update was a hoax. There's more info here: http://www.regretsy.com/2012/09/19/update/

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I apologize for posting a hoax. :( But I do not retract any of the things I said about Regretsy's reaction,

[thoughtful]

Look, I'm sorry for "disappearing" when you guys called me out. I didn't check this post to see if anyone responded. I don't know what you want me to say. Do you want me to get down on my knees and apologize for offending everyone? There's nothing I can say that will make anyone happy. So like...sorry and stuff. I'm always looking for advice and alternatives when it comes to discipline. I'm a first time mom. I don't want to spank her anymore and recently I've been actively trying to find other ways to discipline her.

...yeah...I didn't join here expecting people to hate me :(

You seem very focused on how people here feel about you. Can you set that aside for now, and just focus on learning how to raise your child with no spanking?

Learning alternate techniques will be important, but first, can you promise yourself (not us) that you will never, ever spank (or otherwise cause physical pain in an attempt to teach your child) again?

When someone posts here and says something that offends or upsets many, then participates in other threads as if nothing had happened, they will often get answered with "______, do you still _______ (do or believe the offensive thing)?"

So you may still get that when you post.

If someone sees a post by you tomorrow, in a week, in a year, and asks "So, Caito, are you still spanking your child?" I hope you can honestly say, to yourself and to them, that no, you are not.

Not to gain favor with us, but for the sake of your child.

Raising children without spanking is not only possible, it is, in the long run, easier, since spanking can create so much pain and confusion.

Read and learn:

http://www.nospank.net/

http://whynottrainachild.com/

[Gil]

According to Regretsy, the status update was a hoax. There's more info here: http://www.regretsy.com/2012/09/19/update/

Wow. What an absolutely horrible thing to do. Hoping Ms. Biffle stays safe because it takes one scary person to do something like this.

[smores]

Oh, and I guarantee you if you call her out over the "don't call CPS" stuff she'll say she was right to say that since the whole thing was a hoax.... yeah, good until it's NOT a hoax. ugh. I don't like her tone over the whole damn thing.

[B5SnowDog]

I apologize for posting a hoax. :( But I do not retract any of the things I said about Regretsy's reaction,

Yeah, I was underwhelmed by the reaction.

[Sherlockiana]

If you called CPS and said that you heard about this lady on the internet who spanked her child because he was acting contrary to her beliefs... they would laugh you off the phone. They won't investigate anything unsubstantiated by eyewitness evidence or only shown through a screencap on the internet. Also, it is not illegal to spank your child. Seriously, that is a legal way to discipline your child. If it is a swift spanking, causing smarting or light pain on the child's butt, following an action that they should not do, then that is NOT child abuse. Child abuse is beating a child in order to harm them or hitting them in anger.

This was a hoax, people. Someone maliciously posted this in order to harm Holley Biffle and she got death threats. Even if this was real, this is never acceptable. Feel free to call CPS on your next door neighbor who you hear screaming at her kids or about your kid's friend who you saw with suspicious bruises. But get your facts straight. People on this thread, before it was revealed as a hoax, saying that Mrs. Biffle should be sterilized or that people should call CPS, are misled and ignorant.

[valsa]

If you called CPS and said that you heard about this lady on the internet who spanked her child because he was acting contrary to her beliefs... they would laugh you off the phone. They won't investigate anything unsubstantiated by eyewitness evidence or only shown through a screencap on the internet. Also, it is not illegal to spank your child. Seriously, that is a legal way to discipline your child. If it is a swift spanking, causing smarting or light pain on the child's butt, following an action that they should not do, then that is NOT child abuse. Child abuse is beating a child in order to harm them or hitting them in anger.

This was a hoax, people. Someone maliciously posted this in order to harm Holley Biffle and she got death threats. Even if this was real, this is never acceptable. Feel free to call CPS on your next door neighbor who you hear screaming at her kids or about your kid's friend who you saw with suspicious bruises. But get your facts straight. People on this thread, before it was revealed as a hoax, saying that Mrs. Biffle should be sterilized or that people should call CPS, are misled and ignorant.

Boring troll is boring.