Those People at the Bottom

[Burris]

I've noticed lately that top-dog fundie bloggers are polishing their images even as they crank out more and more material – books, DVDs, etc. - for sale, perhaps in an attempt to tap the mainstream market with their utopian promises.

Casual readers, enchanted by promises of a happier home life, likely do not realize that many hardcore consumers are impoverished or dysfunctional precisely because they followed the fundie formulas. These consumers can sometimes be found aping their heroines by developing blogs of their own – except these blogs tend to be more honest.

The Unliberated Woman and Helpmeet in Training are just two examples that show the heartbreaking dark side of this subculture: Guilt-ridden women (and men as well) trying disparately, and unsuccessfully, to cram themselves into a simple box at the expense of their marriages and the mental well-being of their (sometimes numerous) children.

Most recently, we have been discussing a woman currently in the honeymoon phase of an abuse cycle – someone who desperately wants to believe the worst is behind her, and is being encouraged in that delusion by the fundies with whom she associates.

I've just found another blog – myhubbyshelper – where the author has recently experienced marital trouble significant enough to cause a separation. Now that she and her husband have gotten over that hump, however, this individual considers forcing her husband into a role he does not want:

But trusting hubby to allow God to work through him, that’s the hard part. I have always been in control of paying bills and what-not. When me and hubby seperated things went down hill financially. He just didn’t care anymore. Well I have been trying to get things back on track but have hit a HUGE bump in the road. I made the appropriate calls to see what needs done and how much We have to have. It seems almost impossible to come up with what I need to and still pay other bills. So here I am on my knees, “Lord, what do I do. I need you to work this out. Tell me what to do.†Suddenly I hear a voice. It tells me “Give it to hung. Let him do the finances. Tell him it is a step of faith.†Now I keep reading in books and other help-meet blogs to let hubby control the money. Hubby has said before he doesn’t want to be responsible for the bills. I have more time to do it then he does. So I am waiting for a second wittness on it. Plus for past few days hubby has come home cranky so I haven’t talked to him. Lord just please be with me and allow hubby to understand this is apart of my transformation.That I am not just throwing in the towel when things get tough I am listening to what you have commanded from me. Amen.

(Bolding added)

So there you have it. This woman wants so badly to submit that she ignores her husband outright when he tells her to continue with the finances (presumably since he already has enough on his plate).

Since the woman described in Proverbs 31 handled the family finances, it seems unlikely hubbyshelper got this idea – i.e., that she has to turn book-keeping over to her husband even when he expressly does not want it – from the Bible.

The idea came from somewhere else, and this woman even identifies the sources:

The big bloggers with their fancy digs are not typical of the fundie lifestyle. The casualties of their unworkable, cookie-cutter advice are often swept under the rug, ignored, denigrated, and dismissed as rare failures.

The truth is they're not rare and they're not failures. They are trying to fit themselves into a system that doesn't work for them at the behest of people who make a lot of money off selling these ideas and who have a vested interest in silencing the people they hurt most.

[Snickerdoodle]

The truth is they're not rare and they're not failures. They are trying to fit themselves into a system that doesn't work for them at the behest of people who make a lot of money off selling these ideas and who have a vested interest in silencing the people they hurt most.

I couldn't agree more. As I see it, the fundamentalist mindset promotes many behaviors as Absolute Truth, when in fact there is great freedom & liberty in the Christian faith.

[meda]

I also think this theology attracts people who enjoy the victim/martyr mindset. Choosing to leave or trying to change bad or abusive situations takes self awareness and honesty. I think many of these folks find magical thinking that allows them to be martyrs for Jebus to be a lot less effort.

[Austin]

Sounds like a recipe for bankruptcy to me. I know numerous men who would tell you directly that they can't manage money. I know women who feel the same. The ability to manage finances well is not gender-specific, obviously. That whole premise is incredibly stupid.

[Burris]

I also think this theology attracts people who enjoy the victim/martyr mindset. Choosing to leave or trying to change bad or abusive situations takes self awareness and honesty. I think many of these folks find magical thinking that allows them to be martyrs for Jebus to be a lot less effort.

That's a factor for some of them, certainly; we've seen the martyr complex even – and perhaps sometimes especially – among the big-brand bloggers (such as Kelly the “Prophet,†whose suffering is real but whose reaction to it makes the situation so sadly pathetic that people send her money [and then regret it later, when they see what she does with it]).

For some of the small bloggers than I mention, however, that doesn't seem to be the factor. Most of them mention a chaotic childhood. They saw the alleged order and beauty of a predetermined lifestyle with definite roles and definite rules as a major step up from what they've always known. And hay, they note, those big bloggers seem to be pulling it off consistently so the problem must obviously lie with those who fail rather than with the system itself. (It's a whole lot like the courtship boondoggle in that way: Oh, it's still a great system despite serial failures that look an awful lot like broken dating – except, of course, for how parents chaperone their adult children during courtships. The system is great though, and so purity balls that encourage courtship and other nonsense are actually hot sellers.)

[Visionoyahweh]

Does this market even have a bottom? It seems like plenty of people ruin their lives trying to be the perfect fundies, get sick of it, and move on. Then, a whole new set of sad sacks join up, buy the books, DVDs, etc and keep it economically viable. Someone needs to track the funide turnover rate. How many people only go to the convetions once or twice vs those who become lifers?

[YPestis]

The fundie life also attract those that purpose a "simple" life. Anna T, a Jew in the Christian fundie style, advocates a traditional lifestyle that includes avoiding the materialism of the world and living closer to the land. Now, living in some rural, out of nowhere place also saves money. It's hard to say if those that are attracted to rural, more traditional way of life then become attracted to fundamentalism, or if fundies take to rural living to save money on their abundant children.

Whatever the reason, I've noticed a higher rate of fundies who seem attracted to living outside the mainstream. I think many are disillusioned by the "mainstream" life of going to school, finding a city job, having two kids and working in some company for 30 years. I often wonder if people who decide to quit the 'rat race' then find attraction to fundamentalism because it advocates a life outside the mainstream and that is totally different from what their expected life path is. Wasn't Gil Bates once a sales person for a software company who was making very good money? He quit that to be a tree cutter, to live out in the boonies and to have a dozen more children. I don't think it's just being a more devout person that made him quit his job, I think it's the attraction of being not "of the world" that attracted him to crazy fundie level. It's this distrust/disavowal of mainstream society, of mainstream establishments that probably attracts people to fundiedom. Some get out after living in it for a while, others stay for life.

[Arete]

I've noticed lately that top-dog fundie bloggers are polishing their images even as they crank out more and more material – books, DVDs, etc. - for sale, perhaps in an attempt to tap the mainstream market with their utopian promises.

Casual readers, enchanted by promises of a happier home life, likely do not realize that many hardcore consumers are impoverished or dysfunctional precisely because they followed the fundie formulas. These consumers can sometimes be found aping their heroines by developing blogs of their own – except these blogs tend to be more honest.

The Unliberated Woman and Helpmeet in Training are just two examples that show the heartbreaking dark side of this subculture: Guilt-ridden women (and men as well) trying disparately, and unsuccessfully, to cram themselves into a simple box at the expense of their marriages and the mental well-being of their (sometimes numerous) children.

Most recently, we have been discussing a woman currently in the honeymoon phase of an abuse cycle – someone who desperately wants to believe the worst is behind her, and is being encouraged in that delusion by the fundies with whom she associates.

I've just found another blog – myhubbyshelper – where the author has recently experienced marital trouble significant enough to cause a separation. Now that she and her husband have gotten over that hump, however, this individual considers forcing her husband into a role he does not want:

(Bolding added)

So there you have it. This woman wants so badly to submit that she ignores her husband outright when he tells her to continue with the finances (presumably since he already has enough on his plate).

Since the woman described in Proverbs 31 handled the family finances, it seems unlikely hubbyshelper got this idea – i.e., that she has to turn book-keeping over to her husband even when he expressly does not want it – from the Bible.

The idea came from somewhere else, and this woman even identifies the sources:

The big bloggers with their fancy digs are not typical of the fundie lifestyle. The casualties of their unworkable, cookie-cutter advice are often swept under the rug, ignored, denigrated, and dismissed as rare failures.

The truth is they're not rare and they're not failures. They are trying to fit themselves into a system that doesn't work for them at the behest of people who make a lot of money off selling these ideas and who have a vested interest in silencing the people they hurt most.

Burris, I salute you.

[Irishy]

This is so interesting. The famous fundies probably make up less than 1%. Thank you for posting this topic.

[Maggie Mae]

This is so interesting. The famous fundies probably make up less than 1%. Thank you for posting this topic.

That's so scary.

The OT reminded me of some people that I remember from MOMYS. Which I am no longer a part of, as a few years ago they made everyone reapply for registration. Anyway, there was a mom who had 4 kids and one on the way. One of her existing daughters was blind, and they did home schooling. It made me so sad to read about her struggles with her blind daughter, who would have so many more options if they wouldn't put their pride before her life and send her to school.

The same lady also talked about how they invited a "like-minded" family over for dinner one sunday and was planning on serving them just Mozzarella Cheese and cut up fruit and veggies and popcorn. When the other family found out about the menu, they brought tacos for themselves. She was terribly offended and needed advice or something. It was weird. I miss MOMYS.

[chaotic life]

HA, I got banned from M-O-M-Y-S!

The numbers of destitute, overwhelmed, struggling women who used to post on there was SOO depressing!