Miscarriage and "abortion" terminology

[Alecto]

After reading this, I think this is the important question - how can we balance the grief needs of women who have had miscarriages and still not shame or otherwise act like douchewaffles to women who have had abortions?

I personally find the whole "I didn't choose!" argument to be far too judgmental.

I think that perhaps there should be a "taking back" of the word abortion for women, like other groups have embraced negative slurs. Abortion simply means an ended pregnancy. There are qualifiers on abortion (medical, spontanious, surgical) but in the end, the word "abortion" in a medical sense should simply mean end of pregnancy.

[emmiedahl]

After reading this, I think this is the important question - how can we balance the grief needs of women who have had miscarriages and still not shame or otherwise act like douchewaffles to women who have had abortions?

I personally find the whole "I didn't choose!" argument to be far too judgmental.

I think that perhaps there should be a "taking back" of the word abortion for women, like other groups have embraced negative slurs. Abortion simply means an ended pregnancy. There are qualifiers on abortion (medical, spontanious, surgical) but in the end, the word "abortion" in a medical sense should simply mean end of pregnancy.

Choice is a key component of elective abortion, or at least it should be. I politely submit my failure to understand why that difference is shaming to women who had an abortion. I am baffled that it would make someone feel shamed--not to negate anyone's feelings, it just has never occurred to me. Is it shaming you to say you had a choice because it implies that your hand was not forced in part by circumstance? What is the key shaming/judging element here? I am perplexed because I don't mean it as a judgment, just as a key difference between two ways of a pregnancy ending. I don't think anyone on this thread has said or implied that women who have abortions are somehow different in character or emotion, just that the term stings a bit at a time when everything stings, and that we are concerned about pro-life whackjobs misunderstanding.

I agree that the term needs reclaimed, outside of a t-shirt that says habitual aborter or something else that is TMI I have no idea how to participate in the reclaiming.

[Alecto]

Choice is a key component of elective abortion, or at least it should be. I politely submit my failure to understand why that difference is shaming to women who had an abortion. I am baffled that it would make someone feel shamed--not to negate anyone's feelings, it just has never occurred to me. Is it shaming you to say you had a choice because it implies that your hand was not forced in part by circumstance? What is the key shaming/judging element here? I am perplexed because I don't mean it as a judgment, just as a key difference between two ways of a pregnancy ending. I don't think anyone on this thread has said or implied that women who have abortions are somehow different in character or emotion, just that the term stings a bit at a time when everything stings, and that we are concerned about pro-life whackjobs misunderstanding.

I think the point comes to not saying they had a choice, but the opposite side. "Well, I didn't CHOOSE!" seems to be followed by an implied "so I am not a bad person like you." That is, of course, based significantly on the fact that we live in a society where it's abnormal and shameful to not want to be a parent, and thanks to patriarchal thinking, women are punished for being sexual.

[emmiedahl]

I think the point comes to not saying they had a choice, but the opposite side. "Well, I didn't CHOOSE!" seems to be followed by an implied "so I am not a bad person like you." That is, of course, based significantly on the fact that we live in a society where it's abnormal and shameful to not want to be a parent, and thanks to patriarchal thinking, women are punished for being sexual.

That makes sense and I am sorry if the implied phrase was read into my statements. What I meant was that if I chose to end a pregnancy, I would have different feelings because of that choice. The loss of power was a key element of my grief.

I guess what I am taking away from this is that I need to be careful about my language when describing a miscarriage because some innocent phrases are just too loaded thanks to a culture that shames women for any sexual decision made outside the approval of the patriarchy. I am sorry if anyone felt shamed, I think there should be no shame in any reproductive choice, lesson learned.

[Alecto]

That makes sense and I am sorry if the implied phrase was read into my statements. What I meant was that if I chose to end a pregnancy, I would have different feelings because of that choice. The loss of power was a key element of my grief.

I guess what I am taking away from this is that I need to be careful about my language when describing a miscarriage because some innocent phrases are just too loaded thanks to a culture that shames women for any sexual decision made outside the approval of the patriarchy. I am sorry if anyone felt shamed, I think there should be no shame in any reproductive choice, lesson learned.

You are amazing. Just wanted to throw that in.

[VintageJen1984]

Choice is a key component of elective abortion, or at least it should be. I politely submit my failure to understand why that difference is shaming to women who had an abortion. I am baffled that it would make someone feel shamed--not to negate anyone's feelings, it just has never occurred to me. Is it shaming you to say you had a choice because it implies that your hand was not forced in part by circumstance? What is the key shaming/judging element here? I am perplexed because I don't mean it as a judgment, just as a key difference between two ways of a pregnancy ending. I don't think anyone on this thread has said or implied that women who have abortions are somehow different in character or emotion, just that the term stings a bit at a time when everything stings, and that we are concerned about pro-life whackjobs misunderstanding.

I agree that the term needs reclaimed, outside of a t-shirt that says habitual aborter or something else that is TMI I have no idea how to participate in the reclaiming.

Bingo. I don't think it matters which side of the pro-choice/pro-life fence you're sitting on, unless you DO know the term also refers to miscarriages, if someone said "Susie's pregnancy was aborted" you'd think Susie went to a clinic and ended it on purpose. Most people I know are not aware the term medically refers to both. If you don't know the term, even if you're the most pro-choice person alive, if you asked Susie how her body bounced back after the abortion, she'll probably not respond well.

[2xx1xy1JD]

After reading this, I think this is the important question - how can we balance the grief needs of women who have had miscarriages and still not shame or otherwise act like douchewaffles to women who have had abortions?

I personally find the whole "I didn't choose!" argument to be far too judgmental.

I think that perhaps there should be a "taking back" of the word abortion for women, like other groups have embraced negative slurs. Abortion simply means an ended pregnancy. There are qualifiers on abortion (medical, spontanious, surgical) but in the end, the word "abortion" in a medical sense should simply mean end of pregnancy.

We take a firm stand against government intrusion into women's reproductive lives, recognizing that women's bodies and privacy deserve respect, and recognizing that the ultimate consequence of valuing zygotes, embryos and fetuses without regard for the woman in which they live is to put women under suspicion when things don't go well, subject them to extreme coercion and loss of liberty while pregnant and allow them to lose their rights to make their own medical decisions during birth.

We recognize that each woman will have her own unique emotional response to pregnancy, and to pregnancy loss. The response may be extreme, or it may barely exist. Part of respecting women and their automony is respecting their right to their own feelings.

We recognize that the element of choice is important, and that it can have a profound impact on how women experience a situation. Choosing to have sex is profounding different than being sexually assaulted. Choosing to become pregnant is different than having an unwanted pregnancy. Choosing to terminate is different than being coerced into a termination, and both of those are different than having a spontaneous miscarriage. Choosing to make healthy choices during pregnancy is different than being locked up in a treatment facility or jail. Choosing to undergo and continue a high-risk pregnancy is different than being forced to put your life on the line. Choosing to continue a pregnancy despite a prenatal diagnosis is different than being forced to give birth to a child with a poor prognosis. Choosing to have a c-section is different from someone being forced into surgery.