Lori Alexander: Couples should never argue

[Hisey]

The wife just submits and that's the end of that. There should never be arguments, and certainly never compromise or negotiation!

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/

If there *is* arguing, it's because the wife couldn't keep her stupid trap shut, I guess. I also like the part about how, if a husband doesn't want to listen to his wife's counsel, the wife should "live with it" and (oh, please) "learn to accept it gladly."

[CanadianHippie]

I believe it was House who said something along the lines of "A couple that never fights is a couple that never talks."

[linnea27]

This cracks me up. My husband and I virtually never fight. And it's NOT because I'm submissive. It's because you literally cannot fight with him. Trust me, I've tried- I was a bit of a screamer when we started dating but no matter what we disagreed about, my husband always said something completely rational like "Wow. I didn't know you felt that way. I'd love to hear more about why you aren't happy about ______ and your ideas for fixing it. I'm sure we can compromise if we talk this through." That's right, Lori: we have a great marriage because I speak my mind and my husband is the one agreeing to my suggestions for compromise.

[Maggie Mae]

If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men.

Romans 12:18

..... unless they are homosexual.

Fixed it for you, Lori. I know you want to add that into the Bible.

Since God has called for the husband to be the head, he should have the last word. Most husbands will gladly listen to their wives counsel before making decisions. If they do not, live with it and learn to accept it gladly. This brings honor to the Lord.

If I ever just sat their passively, my boyfriend would find a new girlfriend. Some guys prefer an equal relationship. I'd wager to say that MOST people want to be on even footing. Not every relationship comes from a cookie cutter.

Growing up, my mom made most of the decisions. Because my dad was disabled and a little bit crazy from medication. He is not a person who should make the final decision on what kind of paper towels to buy, much less important decisions. If he did, we would have been taking trips to Disney World every month.

I hate that Fundies can't see that what works for them won't work for everyone.

[smores]

This cracks me up. My husband and I virtually never fight. And it's NOT because I'm submissive. It's because you literally cannot fight with him. Trust me, I've tried- I was a bit of a screamer when we started dating but no matter what we disagreed about, my husband always said something completely rational like "Wow. I didn't know you felt that way. I'd love to hear more about why you aren't happy about ______ and your ideas for fixing it. I'm sure we can compromise if we talk this through." That's right, Lori: we have a great marriage because I speak my mind and my husband is the one agreeing to my suggestions for compromise.

My husband/marriage is similar. If things were left to my husband... we would probably have milk crate furniture, terrible health insurance and live in a two bedroom, one bath garden level apartment somewhere super cheap. Also, nothing would ever get thrown away. (he's a slight hoarder)

[CanadianHippie]

This cracks me up. My husband and I virtually never fight. And it's NOT because I'm submissive. It's because you literally cannot fight with him. Trust me, I've tried- I was a bit of a screamer when we started dating but no matter what we disagreed about, my husband always said something completely rational like "Wow. I didn't know you felt that way. I'd love to hear more about why you aren't happy about ______ and your ideas for fixing it. I'm sure we can compromise if we talk this through." That's right, Lori: we have a great marriage because I speak my mind and my husband is the one agreeing to my suggestions for compromise.

Ah, she would claim your husband has lost his masculinity and you need to submit to help him grow it back or you, him and your kids will all go to hell!

[Terrie]

Ah, she would claim your husband has lost his masculinity and you need to submit to help him grow it back or you, him and your kids will all go to hell!

I suspect the main problem in hell is going to over crowding. Sort of like Manhattan. Lots of great people, lots to do, but you'll be living in a closet.

[freealljs]

I've tried posting comments that were not in agreement with her "logic" and those never got posted. Lori isn't as open to ideas as she thinks she is. She only posts replies that have the "love your post" sentiments.

There is nothing wrong with a woman having an opinion and having a backbone.

[Koala]

Yeah, Lori smiles sweetly at Ken and then unleashes all of her pent up anger and vile towards the rest of humanity.

[lilwriter85]

I've tried posting comments that were not in agreement with her "logic" and those never got posted. Lori isn't as open to ideas as she thinks she is. She only posts replies that have the "love your post" sentiments.

There is nothing wrong with a woman having an opinion and having a backbone.

Lori's blog title "Always Learning" is bullshit. Sometimes, Lori allows comments that disagree with her to be posted. If you look at the blog postings for the women and college posting lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/01/girls-going-to-college.html and this posting on stay at home dads, lorialexander.blogspot.com/2011/12/stay-at-home-dads.html, she allowed comments that disagreed with her. But I think she only allowed those comments to be posted, so she could put the "heathens" on display as way of trying to make it seem that she is completely right.

I get the strong feeling that Lori also doesn't allow certain comments from other fundie bloggers to be posted on her blog. Lori has posted about large families a few times and she has used the excuse of health problems being the reason she didn't have more than 4 kids. I bet some fundie posted a comment that said that Lori should have submitted to God's will and put her life on the line. Lori once in awhile will take about her lifestyle in which she discusses eating out and going on trips. I bet there are a few fundies who have tried to call her out on that stuff.

[chaotic life]

This fundie idea is EXACTLY what nearly cost me my marriage.

I am a very passionate person. When DH met me, that is precisely what he was attracted to. Yes, we fight but we also make up just as fiercely as we fight. When I let myself sip the koolaid, I began to feel guilty for my passion and my voice. I began trying to supress it.

This did NOT make a peaceful marriage. It made a miserable marriage where he checked out and nearly left me. He NEVER wanted that docile, passive partner. He wanted the passionate woman who knocked his socks off when he met me. I was miserable because I felt I had no freedom to be ME, and he was miserable because he found himself married to a simpleton where once his vibrant alive vixen used to reside.

This is actually not just bad advice and unrealistic. This is dangerous advice.

[heinz57]

I suspect the main problem in hell is going to over crowding. Sort of like Manhattan. Lots of great people, lots to do, but you'll be living in a closet.

I love this post!

Also, it will certainly have free health services and all the over ebil socialist inventions.

[Hisey]

I think Lori's problem is this: conflict in a marriage implies equality in the relationship. To have a conflict, both parties have to stand up for what they believe in. Nothing wrong with that, but the very fact there is conflict proves that the wife is not being the doormat she is supposed to be.

Thus, the idea of "Conflict Resolution" classes is repugnant to her. If her church promotes "conflict resolution" then it is (implicitly) saying that women have a right to have a voice. No, no, no! How wrong can you get? It's the wife's fault there is a conflict in the first place. First she is uppity enough to have a conflict with her headship, then she thinks she is entitled to "compromise" "negotiation" and "communication" from the guy. Quite as though she is his equal.

I think Lori is very, very extreme. I also wonder if she has normal intelligence, given her writing and her reasoning.

Edited to make something clearer.

[ElphabaGalinda]

This fundie idea is EXACTLY what nearly cost me my marriage.

I am a very passionate person. When DH met me, that is precisely what he was attracted to. Yes, we fight but we also make up just as fiercely as we fight. When I let myself sip the koolaid, I began to feel guilty for my passion and my voice. I began trying to supress it.

This did NOT make a peaceful marriage. It made a miserable marriage where he checked out and nearly left me. He NEVER wanted that docile, passive partner. He wanted the passionate woman who knocked his socks off when he met me. I was miserable because I felt I had no freedom to be ME, and he was miserable because he found himself married to a simpleton where once his vibrant alive vixen used to reside.

This is actually not just bad advice and unrealistic. This is dangerous advice.

Sadly, people like Lori probably don't care if women, or men are miserable in that matter. She wants women to supress who they really are and be submissive, meaning she wants them never to have an opinion about anything. Most men outside of fundie world don't want that. But she doesn't care if a marriage is happy. She cares that it's "Biblical" by her own definition of the term. I agree her advice is dangerous because it will both make a lot of people miserable, and teach them that theyre not allowed to be miserable, or that they're not allowed to do anything about it if they are.

[lilwriter85]

I think Lori's problem is this: conflict in a marriage implies equality in the relationship. To have a conflict, both parties have to stand up for what they believe in. Nothing wrong with that, but the very fact there is conflict proves that the wife is not being the doormat she is supposed to be.

Thus, the idea of "Conflict Resolution" classes is repugnant to her. If her church promotes "conflict resolution" then it is (implicitly) saying that women have a right to have a voice. No, no, no! How wrong can you get? It's the wife's fault there is a conflict in the first place. First she is uppity enough to have a conflict with her headship, then she thinks she is entitled to "compromise" "negotiation" and "communication" from the guy. Quite as though she is his equal.

I think Lori is very, very extreme. I also wonder if she has normal intelligence, given her writing and her reasoning.

Edited to make something clearer.

An FJ member was in contact with Lori sometime back, she told the FJer, that writing and English topics aren't her things. She said that mathematics are her thing and that is what she taught. To be fair to Lori, I've known other people who are math geniuses, but they have poor writing skills. I agree, Lori's reasoning on a lot of subjects is ridiculous. In the force feeding/picky eater posts she talks about how any person can train their taste buds to like anything. But in a previous post about one of her illness bouts, she bitched about her dad and daughter preparing/giving her food that she didn't want. There are other examples of her horrible reasoning skills from her blog.

[Guest Anonymous]

I suspect the main problem in hell is going to over crowding. Sort of like Manhattan. Lots of great people, lots to do, but you'll be living in a closet.

This is a good post and you should feel good!

[Anxious Girl]

Again; another fundie woman who can talk the walk but not actually walk it. If you want to be submissive; close down your blog completely; keep the house and kids; go out only with you're husband; speak only when spoken to by husband/given permission to him to do so.

God, DO. I. HAVE. TO. REPEAT. THIS. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

TO. YOU. FUNDIES!?!?

If you're supposedly submissive and want to teach others to be submissive because you can't make decisions because you decided with your husband to go with a Biblical marriage; that gives you no right to tell everybody else to do so; because everybody else isn't you. And Lori; if you want to teach people; dearest sweetheart; you might want to teach yourself how to indent paragraphs on the internet before you teach others how a "proper Biblical" marriage should be so you don't look uneducated and childish to the "worldly" folks you're trying to drag into your cult.

[Terrie]

This is a good post and you should feel good!

Thanks. :D It's the religious equivalent to my "Well-behaved women rarely make history" shirt. All the interesting people seem to be going to hell.

[lilwriter85]

Again; another fundie woman who can talk the walk but not actually walk it. If you want to be submissive; close down your blog completely; keep the house and kids; go out only with you're husband; speak only when spoken to by husband/given permission to him to do so.

God, DO. I. HAVE. TO. REPEAT. THIS. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

TO. YOU. FUNDIES!?!?

If you're supposedly submissive and want to teach others to be submissive because you can't make decisions because you decided with your husband to go with a Biblical marriage; that gives you no right to tell everybody else to do so; because everybody else isn't you. And Lori; if you want to teach people; dearest sweetheart; you might want to teach yourself how to indent paragraphs on the internet before you teach others how a "proper Biblical" marriage should be so you don't look uneducated and childish to the "worldly" folks you're trying to drag into your cult.

I have noticed that Lori seems to have a bit more freedom than some of the other bloggers we talk about. She has gone on and on about being submissive, but it seems that Ken(aka Unabomber look alike) is ok with her taking trips with friends and her sister. Based on some of her postings about her illnesses and chronic pain, it seems that in those situations she is the only controlling everything.

The only women that are listening and taking the advice of Lori are her fellow wack-a-doos.

[fundiefan]

For about the last year of my marriage, my ex and I never argued. Neither one of us cared enough to do so.

These idiot women give other women advice that leads directly to divorce, the very thing they claim they're preventing. At least in women with brains and self-esteem and without a fucked up view of the bible and its rules.