Lori Alexander - Still Not Learning A Thing, Part 5

[Koala]

Reader:

Quote

Being gentle/submissive is the best way to prevent abuse.

 

[choralcrusader8613]

9 minutes ago, Koala said:

Being gentle/submissive is the best way to prevent abuse.

 

[Hisey]

This attitude breaks my heart. I remember my gentle mother. How it would have hurt her to read that the abuse she suffered was her fault. She half-believed that anyway. But I know the truth. I can remember my father walking in the door after work and starting to be abusive before she even said a word. Many times. And she tried so hard to please him. She'd have been happy, more than happy, to be "submissive" about where to go to dinner or how much to spend on furniture, or any of the other issues that Lori could not get past. But he never took her to dinner, and certianly did not allow her to buy furniture on her own.

She never tried to hit him. . . or anything like that. It would have been madness. He was a lot bigger than her, and violent and rageful to boot. I doubt it ever crossed her mind. Surviving without injury was her goal. Then she'd forgive him (without him apologizing) till the next time.

No, Lori, it's not bad, evil nonsubmissive women who get abused. It's terrified women, who are often nicer than most because they just can't believe their husbands are as evil as they really are.

[Koala]

@Hisey Exactly.  In my experience, abused women often try to make themselves non-existent, so as not to be noticed.  They walk on eggshells trying to please men who will NEVER be pleased.  The ones I've known have been beaten into meakness and silence- it would never occur to them to do anything that might "provoke" an outburst.  

But Lori knows fuck all about being abused.  She only knows how to abuse and encourage others to abuse.  She spends her Saturdays in the park- not playing with her grandchildren...no, she's asking strangers to tell her if they were spanked and if they spank their children.  She writes detailed posts about hitting her children with a strap, and gleefully telling her readers how much it hurt them.  She is mean and sick, and Ken is no better.  He admitted to bruising one of his sons and Lori recalled a time where he pushed one of them down.  At one point she even asked her adult kids about their memories of being spanked.  According to Lori, they remember Ken hitting harder.  No, Ken is no better.  He just has the sense to clean it up, and Lori's so deep into it all that she doesn't care who knows.  

All of the comments Lori edits and deletes and she allows a comment like that to stand.  Makes me sick.

[feministxtian]

I submit that a good right hook or a cast iron frying pan will stop abuse. 

[polecat]

3 hours ago, Koala said:

Reader:

Being gentle/submissive is the best way to prevent abuse.

 

I am not and never have been an abused wife. But I was an abused child.

Submissiveness doesn't prevent or stop abuse, and if a man cannot help but beat his wife because she dares to have an opinion of her own, then he is not much of a man.

[Koala]

Ken Alexander:

Quote

Bu yes, its not just with being physical that many wives can't understand that if you start something, a man is generally going to want to respond in kind, and often worse. So behaving correctly to begin with is the preventative measure in many cases. 
 

No Ken, "behaving correctly" doesn't prevent abuse, and I'd love for you to cite a single credible source that says otherwise.  Abusers are going to abuse- they do not discriminate.

[ViolaSebastian]

The thing about abusers is that the definition of "behaving correctly" is constant morphing.  You may be doing the exact thing that the abuser said to do, but it won't be the "correct" thing. If you're making dinner correctly, you're doing it with the wrong attitude. Or breathing funny. Or forgetting to bring the abuser a beer. Or the kids aren't being quiet. Or the rug isn't vacuumed. Because it has nothing to do with your behavior and everything to do with how he or she reacts to it. 

[Hisey]

2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I submit that a good right hook or a cast iron frying pan will stop abuse. 

Or cause it to escalate in a deadly fashion.

[Koala]

The Godly Monster is posting about spanking....again.   

You should probably look into getting her help Ken.  She's a sick woman.

She quotes the Pearl's

Quote

"The rod should never be a vent for parents' anger...

She goes on to say:

Quote

 If you can't spank your children without anger controlling you, don't spank. 

Of course the Internet never forgets...

Lori Alexander:

Quote

I spanked my children when I was angry because rebellion is so ugly and I didn't want them to act ugly.

.

Quote

I spanked in anger sometimes, because I was usually pretty upset with my children when they needed a spanking

 

[OnceUponATime]

6 minutes ago, Koala said:

The Godly Monster is posting about spanking....again.   

Does she ever talk about any of her other 'methods' in her child-raising toolbox? Every now and then in the comments usually Ken makes reference to them (and ken seems to discourage spanking for older children), but I'm at a loss as to what these other methods are. I don't really want to go through 200+ posts of hers on childraising to try and find them.

Quote

The farther away the people of a nation stray from God's Word, the bigger and more powerful a government becomes and begins taking away freedoms from its people.

I wonder how she reconciles this view with Romans 13.

Quote

they never give me quotes directly from the book to state their case.

Actually they do, but everyone is either "making them up" or "taking the quotes out of context".

 

I always laugh a bit when she says "we gave them a few swats on their fanny". The meaning she attaches to fanny is not the meaning I do (I had to look it up because it was a wtf moment).

[Koala]

2 minutes ago, OnceUponATime said:

Does she ever talk about any of her other 'methods' in her child-raising toolbox?

Yes, Lori and Ken differ on which tools though.  

Ken says:

Quote

Our greatest tool was the fireplace where the kids would run and sit for time out.

So according to Ken, their greatest tool was time out.

Not so, according to Lori:

Quote

We didn't have to resort to charts, bedtime routines, stickers, or time outs. We spanked them if they didn't obey us!

Ken: Timeouts= greatest tool

Lori: We didn't use timeouts!

 

And I agree with you @OnceUponATime, people quote the Pearl's book to her all.the.time. 

[OnceUponATime]

@Koala I have also noticed Lori's speaking of spanking differs as to how well it works. She claims it was a 4 hours marathon the first time and then no real problems, then elsewhere you read that they spanked them for disobedience until they were 4, or is it 5 or 7 or older? And then she implies that they never had to use any other form of discipline and that their children were pure angelic obeying robots for the rest of their lives, whilst ken implies having other tools that they used at certain times.

If there weren't so many posts by them about spanking I would compile all the stuff to try and make sense of it.

[Koala]

6 minutes ago, OnceUponATime said:

@Koala I have also noticed Lori's speaking of spanking differs as to how well it works. She claims it was a 4 hours marathon the first time and then no real problems, then elsewhere you read that they spanked them for disobedience until they were 4, or is it 5 or 7 or older? And then she implies that they never had to use any other form of discipline and that their children were pure angelic obeying robots for the rest of their lives, whilst ken implies having other tools that they used at certain times.

Lori sometimes has a problem with the truth.  If it doesn't fit what she's saying at the time, it's subject to change.

She has said in the past that her oldest daughter was her "strong willed" child:

Quote

 (Name edited by me) was definitely the one born with the strongest will in our family

She goes on:

Quote

(Name edited by me) received more spankings than the others.

In a later post, she says:

Quote

I argued with one of my teenagers. We didn't have that good of a relationship during the teenage years. 

I think she likes to make spanking seem like the answer to All The Problems, because in her mind more people will try it if it seems like a quick, long term fix.

*Funny note*

Always Learning Facebook:

Quote

I just read about people being upset about the Super Bowl halftime performance. Duh! Of course it's going to be indecent. It has been for years. Ken and I went on a walk during halftime or we would have turned it off. We can't cry "foul" when this is the way of the world. This is NOT our home and the sooner we understand this, the sooner we will realize this world will never pursue decency and modesty.

It's almost like she has forgotten that she also made a post "crying foul" about the Super Bowl:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/search?q=super+bowl

She loves scolding her readers....too bad she almost always contradicts herself.

 

 

[usmcmom]

Aside from the spanking issue this sums up Lori's "sacrifice" as a mother quite well:

Quote

 I was home full-time with them. I taught them all about Jesus and His Word. I made sure they were warm and well-fed.

This is how she often describes her years of child rearing. This time, for some reason, she didn't mention that she drove them to AWANA each week. She's never mentioned snuggling them on her lap while she read their favorite book over and over. She doesn't talk about lying beside them while they were sick or scared in the night, or sitting on the floor playing games and doing puzzles.  No mention of craft time, days out exploring at the zoo or museum, making cookies for holidays.  There is no warmth in her memories of raising her children and she clearly did not enjoy her children. 

We know these things about Lori as a parent:

She loved to spank and started when the children were VERY young.

She had a nanny to comfort them when they cried.

She let them cry it out at three weeks old because LORI needed sleep. They likely fell asleep after being "flicked" on the cheek for biting her as they nursed.  Because when an infant bites, he is willfully sinning. 

She made them stay in their rooms for two hours a day because LORI needed some down time.

She watched her daughters' weight closely so she and Ken could fat shame them over 5 pounds.

***************

I'm sure many comments will come in today, in which many quotes from the book will be included.  Lori will delete every one of them.  She was careful to quote the least offensive parts of the book, once again assuming her readers are too stupid to know exactly what she's done. 

 

 

[refugee]

14 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I submit that a good right hook or a cast iron frying pan will stop abuse. 

Now you've made me think of a movie scene where a character picks up a cast iron skillet in a fight scene and clobbers somebody with it -- part of an onslaught of a horde of creatures? Maybe one of the hobbit movies? Anyhow, the character says in a tone of wonder, "I've got to get me one of these!" and wades further into the battle.

However, the whole scene is terribly out of focus in my mind and I can't make out any of the details, or remember what movie it's from.

[refugee]

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

Aside from the spanking issue this sums up Lori's "sacrifice" as a mother quite well:

This is how she often describes her years of child rearing. This time, for some reason, she didn't mention that she drove them to AWANA each week. She's never mentioned snuggling them on her lap while she read their favorite book over and over. She doesn't talk about lying beside them while they were sick or scared in the night, or sitting on the floor playing games and doing puzzles.  No mention of craft time, days out exploring at the zoo or museum, making cookies for holidays.  There is no warmth in her memories of raising her children and she clearly did not enjoy her children. 

 

Thank you for this. I've got my own struggles, coming out of the lifestyle. It's so easy to call myself a failure and take on blame. My summary might look like hers, because I overlooked the teddy bear tea parties, trips to the zoo and park, the summer we bought a family swim pass at the neighborhood pool instead of buying a two-week session of swim lessons for each kid (worked out to be about the same total amount) and spent every day at the community pool, the plastic wading pools we bought (a new one every summer, and the summer of the German Shepherd puppy we bought two or three because she shredded the bottoms digging in them for some reason known only to herself), the make-believe stories about the fairies living in the flowers in the gardens we passed on walks.

I forget how I invested hours and hours of love in our kids, but we have a good relationship (with their dad, not so much) and even though we're all scarred and screwed up, maybe it counts for something.

Thanks again for reminding me to cherish the sweet along with trying to learn from the bitter.

[Pupalup]

Lori having that attitude does not suprise me at all, especially because that's the attitude fundies almost always seem to have about child abuse and sexual abuse. It only makes sense that they would also think that way about domestic violence. Something about that culture always finds a way to blame the victim.

[Koala]

I am on my phone, but someone might want to grab the comment Lori just left about hitting babies under 1.  Soon Ken will probably ride in on his Horse of Truth and delete it.    

She also talks about switching Ken, so there's that.

Got it.

Lori Alexander:

Michelle, 

Even children under 1 year old are disobedient and chose to disobey their parents. The longer a parent waits to discipline their child, the harder it will be. As soon as their child begins disobeying them, this is when the child needs to be disciplined. 

However, for children under one year old, the Pearls recommend a "small, 10 to 12 inch long, willowy branch {stripped of any knots that might break the skin}, about 1/8" in diameter is sufficient." I made one of these to see what it felt like. {You should try it to in order to see how harmless it is before criticizing the Pearls.} I used it on Ken and he could barely feel it. It stung a tiny bit but it is simply a tool used to train a child to obey when told to do something for even at this age, they can do harm to themselves if they disobey a parent when they are told "no." 

The Bible doesn't make stipulations on when to use the rod and neither should we since we aren't God. "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" {Prov. 22:15}.

Report

 

[quiversR4hunting]

34 minutes ago, Koala said:

I am on my phone, but someone might want to grab the comment Lori just left about hitting babies under 1.  Soon Ken will probably ride in on his Horse of Truth and delete it.    

 

I know you copied and pasted it in your post but here is a screen grab for all prosperity. I also grabbed some of the responses about vaccinations. Why does she put doctors in quotes? ugh.

Put the screen grab in a spoiler because it is big.

Spoiler

 

 

[OnceUponATime]

On 7/02/2016 at 6:26 AM, Firiel said:

It's cute that you can still feel sorry sad for Lori.  Give it a few more months of following her.

(Please note the patronizing tone is totally a joke, and I hope it wasn't offensive!)

TBI i kinda of don't want to ever loose the ability of feeling sad for someone even if what I think they do is heinous. maybe compassion is a better word though, or pity.

and no offense taken, I was prepared for worse

[Sera's Arrow]

Lori's white knight on his noble steed of truthiness can't defeat the wicked and infernal power of Prt Scr. I imagine it being akin to a dragon.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

1 hour ago, refugee said:

Now you've made me think of a movie scene where a character picks up a cast iron skillet in a fight scene and clobbers somebody with it -- part of an onslaught of a horde of creatures? Maybe one of the hobbit movies? Anyhow, the character says in a tone of wonder, "I've got to get me one of these!" and wades further into the battle.

However, the whole scene is terribly out of focus in my mind and I can't make out any of the details, or remember what movie it's from.

Rapunzel

[quiversR4hunting]

7 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

1 hour ago, refugee said:

Now you've made me think of a movie scene where a character picks up a cast iron skillet in a fight scene and clobbers somebody with it -- part of an onslaught of a horde of creatures? Maybe one of the hobbit movies? Anyhow, the character says in a tone of wonder, "I've got to get me one of these!" and wades further into the battle.

However, the whole scene is terribly out of focus in my mind and I can't make out any of the details, or remember what movie it's from.

Rapunzel

I remember it in "Tangled" (which is the story of Rapunzel )

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lori:

Quote

Concerning the Pearls, agreed! Why would we think the "doctors" of our age would be wiser than the Word of God? Never!

What about orthodontists? LOL, they aren't wiser than God either, so maybe we should just ignore them! Be content with the crooked teeth that God gave you!