Dating should never be recreational

[jaynie]

But listening to stories of (American) women relatives who did their dating in the 50's, it seems that back then it was completely normal to date many boys at one time, you could say "Yes, I'll go on a date with you Friday" and have a date with another boy (who also knows this is happening) Saturday. Or "I'm sorry, I can't go out with you Friday, because I already have a date with Steve." Then it was some big deal to move to the next step and go out exclusively with ONE boy, to "go steady.

Indeed, it was thought that "going steady" would put you at risk for the much-to-be-feared Parking In Cars With Boys, as this slightly hilarious video from 1951 shows:

. (I tried to embed this and failed badly...several times).

I actually think that it's a much healthier attitude, especially for younger people, than serial monogamy, since you get to interact with more different types of people and see what works for you. Though the reasons this video gives are silly.

[Maul the Koala]

Saving Your First Kiss for Marriage Should courtship be done for recreational purposes? Absolutely not. If I want recreation I can go read a book or play frisbee with my brother. :P

I do not think that I would even consider courting a man if I did not think he was fit to marry (or did not know). That is why it will be important for him and my father to sit down together and talk, so my father (and my family) will be able to get a good idea of the kind of beliefs that man has, so we can decide if he is "fit to marry." If he isn't, then it's a no go!

It's true, we have to be careful how many romantic feelings we cultivate towards someone. I think abstaining from physical intimacy would help with this quite a bit. We should still be guarding our hearts in a courtship, though not quite as much as we did when single. I think the most "romantic love" should come after engagement.

I have a dear friend who is about to enter into a courtship. He is doing so because 1. He has prayed about this for quite some time and believes this is where God is leading him and 2. He thinks the girl could potentially be his wife someday.

They will be using the courtship time to get to know one another a little better, but also so they can get to know each others' families, and so the two families can become acquainted.

Just my two cents worth here. :)

~Brooke

I don't even now where to begin. The father thing is so creepy.

[fundiefan]

The random, casual interaction - recreation - of my ex and I led to the dating thing which led to the marriage thing. It worked for us (as far as ending in marriage).

My opinion has always been that 'courting' leads to more heartbreak and pain than recreational dating. Look at the failed courtships of the fundies online - when it doesn't end in marriage, they erase all evidence of it and pretend it never happened. They don't live and learn. They hide and pretend. Christopher Maxwell so should have had a different wife, but that courtship failed. Meredith's brother and the Quiverfull farm daughter - big deal courtship, then a few months later, no trace of it whatsoever. You can't pretend it away but damn, they try.

When you 'court' with intent to marry, your heart and soul are in every interaction and every aspect. When you date, just to date, you have no expectations so while an end to the relationship may hurt, it isn't the end of your entire life's plan or goals.

If I had a daughter I'd rather she had 100 ex boyfriends than be married to the first person who came along who said and did all the 'right' things.

[SpeakNow]

Before she died m great-great aunt told me (at age 11) that her best advice was to date as many different types of men as a I could to make sure I picked the right one. Such sage advice.

[SisiL78]

Wait, how are you supposed to have a deep friendship with a guy if you're not supposed to spend time with members of the opposite sex? How deep can any friendship be when you have a herd of siblings following your around everywhere you go?

[VintageJen1984]

The random, casual interaction - recreation - of my ex and I led to the dating thing which led to the marriage thing. It worked for us (as far as ending in marriage).

My opinion has always been that 'courting' leads to more heartbreak and pain than recreational dating. Look at the failed courtships of the fundies online - when it doesn't end in marriage, they erase all evidence of it and pretend it never happened. They don't live and learn. They hide and pretend. Christopher Maxwell so should have had a different wife, but that courtship failed. Meredith's brother and the Quiverfull farm daughter - big deal courtship, then a few months later, no trace of it whatsoever. You can't pretend it away but damn, they try.

When you 'court' with intent to marry, your heart and soul are in every interaction and every aspect. When you date, just to date, you have no expectations so while an end to the relationship may hurt, it isn't the end of your entire life's plan or goals.

If I had a daughter I'd rather she had 100 ex boyfriends than be married to the first person who came along who said and did all the 'right' things.

WHAT? A Maxwell had a failed courtship??? I'm surprised Steve-O didn't bully them into continuing it! Tell me about it!

[Elle]

For their idea of courting to work, for it to be with someone your family already knows, the world would have to be pretty damned small. Who can be expected to know every person one's adult child might be interested in before interest can be shown? That seems to pretty much limit it to the kids of your own friends, or the popular people in the church. It's just not realistic to expect parents to really know someone before their kid and that person start "courting."

When dating, it's easier to break it off if it's not working. When courting, since so much is riding on it, it's got to hurt worse, and maybe even be embarrassing and feel like a failure. When a courtship is broken, doesn't that make them both damaged goods?