Letting Herself Go: Biblical Womanhood

[dairyfreelife]

I found this random article on GGW and it turned out to be a back and forth debate over women who "let themselves go after marriage".

Girls Gone Wise did an attempt at a rebuttal of an article by Tim Challies that was done in response to an article by Rachel Held Evans's condemnation of Mark Driscoll and others during her year of learning and living out "Biblical Womanhood."

girlsgonewise.com/female-beauty-matters/

Incidentally, Driscoll took a whole lot of flak, a few years ago, when he offered to take one for the guys, by decrying pastor’s wives for “letting themselves go.â€

He got a lot of flak because it was in response to the Haggard scandal as if it was Haggard’s wife's fault he hooked up with another man. From the link she provided, I quote:

"A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband's sin," Driscoll said, "but she may not be helping him either."

ethicsdaily.com/preachers-wives-let-themselves-go-pastor-comments-on-haggard-fall-cms-8125

Back to GGW:

as Evans points out, “many are so burdened by the impossible standards imposed by our culture that they feel as though their efforts will never be enough.†Like Evans, I have never in my life met a woman who did not want to be beautiful for her husband.

So, she basically states that she’s never met a woman who didn’t want to be attractive to their spouse, so why is this even an issue at all?

The stalemate in the discussion often boils down to the fact that women resent the fact that men are so attracted to beauty, while men resent the fact that women don’t make the effort to properly attend to it.

So, no one she knows doesn’t want to be considered attractive, but men resent that women don’t make an effort when all women are in some way making an effort since they don't want to not be attractive?

Her opinion on why female beauty matters:

Men were created to reflect the strength, love and self-sacrifice of Christ. Women were created to reflect the grace and beauty of the Bride He redeemed.

I believe that men are “wired†to be attracted to beauty in women because our Heavenly Bridegroom desires the beauty of His Bride. And I believe that deep down, every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired. This is the way that God has created us as male and female

Her conclusion:

So girls, let’s give the guys a break. Let’s stop condemning them for feeling attracted to beauty and wanting us to make a reasonable and sustained effort in that department. And guys… give us a break. Please understand how very personal and painful this issue can be for women. It’s very difficult to stay engaged in fighting a battle we know we are destined to lose.

This brings me to Challies article:

challies.com/christian-living/letting-herself-go

This is about a woman who expresses her love and respect for her husband in her dress and in her appearance.

How a woman dresses=how she loves and respects her husband? There's a lot of bias here and he's coming from a priviledged culture as well where dress matters and women can dress "nice" at all.

It is about brushing the hair, about choosing an attractive sweater instead of the stained Mickey Mouse t-shirt. It is about those things that display beauty, availability, respect.

This is rather troubling, not to mention that there's definite culture bias here or that if her hair is a mess it's a display of unavailability and disrespect and she's not "beautiful" somehow. Even though he's acting like he's not saying that, he really is.

Perhaps she just doesn’t get it—she may not understand how to take care of herself. Perhaps she just doesn’t care—she does not care about her appearance and doesn’t care if anyone else cares about it. Perhaps she wants her clothes to repel—by dressing as she does she makes a statement to her husband about her regard for him and her unavailability to him.

All I have to say is that even suggesting that an adult woman doesn’t know to take care of herself is insulting. How many women want to repel their spouse in all honesty?

the way she dresses, the way she cares for herself, is a part of the way she relates to him.

Oh, he tries to add men in here, but fails:

a man can let himself go just as much and it would be just as much of a sin.

This is as far as he really goes with men and dress. It’s all on women always and Challies flat out ignores what women think here at all, who are constantly told they'll never be good enough and he does nothing to remedy that. And where’s the Bible verse for physically “letting yourself go†as sinful? I’ve not seen that one. It's not enough to have women (and men slightly) have to deal with the pressures of staying beautiful, it's now a sin to not be or to not make an effort to be? Don't comb your hair and have baby puke on your shirt and didn't bother to change? Now you're a sinner disrespecting your husband. WTF?

a woman ought to understand (and believe) that what a man finds (or ought to find) beautiful in his wife is more about care and respect and effort and availability than it is about figure and proportion. In too many cases a woman who lets herself go is simply symbolizing that she has let her marriage go. Conversely, care for herself shows her care for her husband, respect for him, love for him.

No words. He digs his own hole here.

In the last paragraph, he concludes:

Does a woman need to remain beautiful to her husband? Yes, she does!

He ends with:

Many a man will tell you that his wife is more beautiful on their 50th anniversary than on their 1st. And he is speaking the truth.

And why does Mr. Challies think that is, I wonder?

Tim Challies doesn't really address what Evans stated or her point. And he certainly doesn't make a case for her statement:

And frankly, the suggestion that men are too weak to handle these realities is as emasculating as it is unbiblical.

(She’s referring to age and beauty and the changing body when she’s talking about realities.)

rachelheldevans.com/thou-shalt-not-let-thyself-go-mark-driscoll-haggard

In response to Challies failed attempt at rebuking Evans, Rachel has some harsh words for Tim.

The Bible never demands that women be beautiful nor does it justify a man’s infidelity because his wife “let herself go.†If anything, it presents a fairly consistent picture of beauty as a passing pleasure. Challies and company are free to teach that women should stay beautiful for their husbands, but I wish they would stop referring to this teaching as “biblical†when it is not.

And she's right since most of what Tim says in response to Evans' article about there being nothing Biblical about women needing to be beautiful doesn't have any scripture to back it up.

rachelheldevans.com/biblical-womanhood-challies-better-conversation

On Biblical Womanhood she writes:

The story of the dismembered concubine in Judges 19 is as much a part of “biblical womanhood†as stories about Esther and Ruth. When Abigail is heralded as an example of godly submission, let’s not forget the fact that she was just one of David’s eight wives (and at least ten concubines). Passages about women submitting to male leadership are sandwiched between passages instructing slaves to obey their masters.

Quote of hers that I agree with:

As I’ve said before, I am suspicious of those who say the Bible never troubles them. I can only assume this means they haven’t read it.

Or they lack a conscience.

rachelheldevans.com/better-conversations-biblical-womanhood-part-2

My only response to Tim Challies and the GGW blogger (I don't think Evans needs told) is this is probably what most men think of their wives:

youtube.com/watch?v=qNPEbHoCxNg since I can't get anything to show up at all.

qNPEbHoCxNg

ETA: I'm now a homeskool hero. :D Having trouble with the video for some reason.

[RR88]

There's so much pressure on women to stay thin and pretty once they're married with children. Is there any pressure on men to do the same?

Look at Josh and Anna. Anna's put on some weight, but it suits her. Josh, on the other hand, looks like he's gained about 60 pounds and his face looks shinier with each new picture.